Sunny Days
by littlee0618
Summary: They didn't work. It wasn't because they didn't love each other, it wasn't because they didn't try. They just fell apart. But when they need each other the most, all that matters is that they have each other.
1. Chapter 1

**We**ll hello! I bet you thought you'd never see the likes of me again, would you? Well if you thought that, you thought wrong. I know I've been gone for awhile but a lot of exciting things have happened around here in the mean time. For starters, I took an amazing trip to the Dominican with my family (yay!) and yesterday I started a sort of new job. It's new because it's at a different store, in a higher position. But the same company. But while that has been happening, I've also been plotting out this story and coming up with a million other ideas that I hope I'll be able to get to. I'm going to try to write Finchel as long as I can and as long as you want me to (meaning as long as I get reviews ;)).

Fun fact: A year and a day ago (haha) I published Just Give Me A Reason. Who knew, right?

I also have to warn you. This story involves character death. I'm not going to say who because that would give it away entirely. This story takes its name, and partial inspiration from Kenny Chesney's "Who You'd Be Today,"

Special thanks to Sara and lauren for all of their help. I don't think I would've finished the outline without them.

I don't own Finn, Rachel or anyone from glee. I do, however own any original characters and most of the plot. There is a news article that I can't link here at the moment, that subtly influenced the plot. If I linked it, it would give EVERYTHING away.

On that note, ON WITH THE SHOW!

* * *

**Chapter One**

Finn Hudson often wondered how his life had come to this. As he sat on the park bench, the spring Ohio sun beating down on the top of his head, he contemplated the very thought. Sure, he knew exactly when and where things had changed in his life - most of them circled back to the fateful day in the 7th grade when he met one Rachel Berry. She had been the new kid, moving to his side of town when her parents brought her in from Cleveland. He could also pinpoint the day he fell in love with her - the day she grabbed him the last chocolate pudding cup in the cafeteria line - the same day Ms. Peters held him back for making fart noises in class with Puck. One date that didn't come to mind, mainly because it didn't exist, was the day he fell out of love with her.

Because he never had. He still loved her and he was confident that he always would. His mom used to always tell him when he was growing up that everyone had one true love, one perfect match. He was sure, no he knew, that Rachel was his one true love. He'd known that ever since she'd offered up that small cup of pudding with a grin on her face.

But they didn't work. It wasn't because they didn't love each other. It wasn't because they didn't try. They had tried, valiantly so, to keep it together. The last thing they had wanted was to check another box in the statistic column. It was hard enough fighting against the stigma of being teen parents. Neither of them had wanted to admit defeat. But they were better parents to their precious Savannah, if they parted before things got worse.

There had never been a question whether they loved each other, whether they loved Savannah. At the end of the day the pressures mounted. He didn't spend a lot of time at home, she spent too much time at home, neither of them tried hard enough at their relationship because at the end of the day there was nothing left to try with. Being young parents trying to navigate lives with a toddler with mounting school pressures eventually got the best of them both. So they got out. Broke up and called it off before they could hate each other. They were better people for it. Savannah had better parents because of it. Neither of them blamed the other, it just is what it is. It didn't mean he had to like it in the end.

"Daddy!"

His thoughts were broken the moment he heard her voice, a slow grin coming across his tired features as her voice hit his ears. He stood up from the park bench just in time to bend down as Savannah came racing towards him with her french braid racing behind her.

"Hey there jellybean!" he smiled as he scooped her up in his arms. He placed a kiss on her cheek as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

She giggled madly as he tickled her side, causing her to squeal in his ear.

"She's getting faster every day," Rachel laughed as she caught up to them. "Hi Finn."

"Hey Rach," he smiled. "She get away from you again, short stuff?" He laughed as he stared at his ex-girlfriend. She huffed playfully as Savannah laughed again. It was the same thing every second weekend. When they got close enough, Rachel would let the four year old run to him when they got within a reasonable distance. Savannah loved the element of "surprise". It allowed Finn to enjoy a comfortable, playful banner with Rachel. Everyone won.

They met at the park every other Saturday for what Finn had dubbed 'the hand off'. It was just something that had stuck from the beginning. It had been hard, at first, to pick up Savannah at the apartment where they had lived as a family for just over a year. But over time the pain had dulled but the routine had stuck. Savannah was a child of habit, and neither Finn or Rachel wanted to change that.

"Daddy, I got a sticker today!"

"You did?" he smiled as he bounced her on his hip. "What for?"

"I didn't pick my nose in ballerina class," she giggled.

"Well now, that's cause for a celebration!" he declared.

Savannah giggled as she clapped her hands. "Can we have ice cream?"

"Oh but of course, but first we need to give Mommy a kiss bye. Can we do that?"

Savannah nodded her head excitedly before turning in Rachel's direction, where she had been watching them intently.

"Kiss Mommy!" Savannah exclaimed as she uncurled her arm from around Finn's neck and outstretched them to Rachel. "Mwah!"

Rachel laughed as she placed a kiss on Savannah's nose. "You be a good girl for Daddy, alright?"

"'Course!" she grinned. "Bye Mommy!"

"Bye Princess," she chuckled. "Don't let her eat too much junk, Finn..."

"Yeah, yeah. So, two scoops, right jellybean?" He tickled Savannah's belly once more as she squealed. He smiled at Rachel, giving her a small wave behind Savannah's back.

Once Rachel left, Finn plopped a kiss on Savannah's cheek before putting her feet back on the ground. She blinked up at him as she pushed her hair from her forehead and grinned up at him.

"Can we go swing Daddy?"

He smiled as she grinned up at him, and he pretended to think about it for a second. "Okay. But only for a little. We're going to Nana's for dinner!"

"Yay!" she squealed as she dashed towards the playground. Finn laughed as he jogged to catch up to her as she screamed in happiness.

* * *

Finn smiled as he stood behind the swing, gently pushing her forward every time she came swinging back to him. She giggled as she pumped her legs, going higher and higher into the air. His weekends with Savannah were the highlight of his week. He dropped everything imaginable and had somehow managed to work his schedule enough so that for the most part he had the weekends he had her, free. He worked double time the weekends he didn't have her, so he could spend all of his free time with her. She was his world, and he wanted to make sure she knew it. He went without so she could have dance classes and pretty shoes. He funneled everything extra he could to Rachel, going sometimes above and beyond the child support they had agreed on. Their separation had been mutual, almost too easy by others standards. He often thought it was the mutual love and respect they had for each other that made it so easy. It was never messy, they hadn't needed to involve court orders and visitation agreements. They just sat down once they had called it quits and drew up a schedule. It worked best this way for everyone and he was most grateful that it had worked out for the best.

"I'm done Daddy," she announced after a few minutes. He grabbed the chains of the swing and brought it to a stop. When it was finished, she hopped off the swing and took off for the structure. He stuck his hands in his pocket as he watched her scamper up the stairs. He allowed her to play on the structure for a few minutes before pulling her off. She pouted for a moment before he reminded her about the ice cream he had promised her. She perked up immediately, and as he swung her onto his back before jogging towards the truck he couldn't help but think that life didn't get much better than this.

* * *

Rachel walked back to the nurse's station and blew out a breath as she rounded the corner.

"Rough morning?" her shift mate Emily raised an eyebrow as she filled in a chart. Rachel plopped down in the chair beside her, the clipboard she had been holding clamouring to the surface in front of her.

"Rough week. But, we can finally admit Mrs. Wilson. I've only seen her all week," she chuckled. "Thank God."

"The screamer?"

Rachel nodded. "The screamer. Finally in active labour. Mr. Wilson looks like he's going to pass out. So I might need your help later on."

"You got it babe," she winked.

Rachel reached for the clipboard to fill in some information about her patient.

She'd only been here for three hours and she was exhausted. She rubbed her face as she filled in the information about her patient before placing it in front of her.

"You okay?"

Rachel placed a smile on her face and turned towards Emily, swinging around on her chair. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"You're quiet."

Rachel raised her eyebrows as she looked at her friend. "Didn't know I had to be singing at the top of my lungs."

Emily chuckled. "You're always singing. Or talking. Savannah do nothing cute this morning?"

Rachel was always telling stories about Savannah. It was hard not to. She was her world. Ever since she had come screaming into the world four years ago, everything had changed for Rachel. Everything had become about Savannah. Every dream she had had all but disappeared. At 16 years old, she knew then that she would never experience a love like the one she had seen blinking back at her in those slate blue eyes. Both her and Finn collectively had faced a lot of flack, mostly from peers and other town people when they had chosen to keep the little girl neither of them had known they wanted. But such was life. It had shown them who was really important to them and worthy of being in Savannah's life. She couldn't imagine her life without the little girl. Even if everything else wasn't turning out the way she wanted it to.

"Rachel?"

She shook her head at the sound of her friends voice. "Sorry, what?"

Emily laughed. "Hot date last night?"

Rachel merely gave her a look. "Not even close. Savannah and I had girls night in since she was going to Finn's this morning. You know, Frozen and cupcakes. Our usual Friday night date,"

"I get it now."

"Get what now?"

"Your mood."

Rachel blew out a breath. "My mood?"

"You always get, like, sad when you drop Savannah off to the hunky firefighter."

"I don't get sad. I just miss her when she's gone. And don't call my ex-boyfriend hunky," she laughed.

"What? A girl can appreciate a good looking guy," Emily laughed. "How long has it been since you guys broke up?"

Rachel sighed. Here it came.

People had many opinions about the end of their relationship. Just after Savannah's third birthday, her relationship with Finn had collapsed. They had both been struggling, learning the ropes of a new career for him, classes and practicums for her The one thing they had done right through that time had been raising Savannah. She had been their number one priority, and their relationship had been the one thing to collapse under the weight of all other external pressure. And that was really something she had never gotten over. She had lost her relationship with Finn on a romantic level because they just couldn't balance it all. They had tried, but there just wasn't enough energy or time to go around to give it the care it deserved. And that's what hurt the most. Because at the root of all of it, she still loved Finn. She would always love him. Aside from being the father of her bright, precocious preschooler, he was the love of her life. He just got her on levels that others didn't. He still did. He'd helped her immensely in the final days of her schooling, taking over a lot of the main care of Savannah while she crammed for finals and her nursing exams. They had made it and overcome the odds because they had each other.  
She tried to forget that she missed that.

"It's been a year," she whispered.

"We need to get you back out on the dating scene then girl. Drinks tonight? Since the little pipsqueak is with Captain America..."

Rachel laughed. "I don't know Em, I have so much laundry and..."

Emily gave her a bored look. "Rachel Berry. We are having drinks tonight, whether you like it or not. Maybe I'll even let Santana join us."

Rachel smirked at the mention of her best friend from high school's name. Santana also doubled as Emily's live in girlfriend. Funny how world's collided.

"You need to get back in the game Rachel. You said it yourself, tt's been a year. I'm sure he's..."

"He's not," she cut her off. "He would tell me if he was seeing someone..."

"Right. Because you guys have that whole functional dysfunction down pat"

"It's called respectful co-parenting."

"Whatever, you sound like your 80,"

"And you sound like Santana," she laughed as the station call button rang. "I'll go tonight. But no pressuring me to do anything I don't want to..."

"Deal," Emily laughed. "Now get to work,"

Rachel tossed her pen at her friend as she walked away.

* * *

Finn laughed as he watched Savannah show her Papa the twirl she had learned in dance class this morning. He leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed as Savannah forced Burt into the same position, giggling as Burt intentionally messed up the simple move. She stomped her foot as she climbed on top of the coffee table, using her tiptoes and height she had inherited from him to attempt to put his arms right.

"There Papa!" she squealed.

"You'd make a pretty ballerina Papa," Finn laughed as he made his presence known.

"Daddy's turn!" she squealed as she jumped off the table, much to the chagrin of Finn and Burt. He eyed Burt who chuckled. Savannah had a way of making people let her break the rules. "Watch me firsts!" When he nodded, she went into a spin, holding her arms above her head in perfect position.

"Now you!" she squealed. Burt chuckled as he watched Finn let Savannah put his hands in position. She clapped when Finn successfully followed her directions. "Yay Daddy!"

He couldn't help but laugh at himself as they twirled together while Burt escaped to go and help Carole with dinner.

* * *

When they arrived back at his apartment after dinner, Finn was surprised Savannah still had energy. She had danced and sang with Burt and his mom the entire time, bouncing off the walls from the double chocolate chip cookies his mother had made. She ran into the living room like a shot of lightening and he smiled as she ran immediately for the toy box he kept in there. She was rooting around in the small box as he plopped down on the couch. He closed his eyes for a moment, the energy of the day catching up with him for a second when something plastic hit him in the stomach. He found Savannah staring up at him with her wide eyes and a Barbie in her hand, another in his lap.

"Dolls, Daddy?" she asked innocently.

"Of course jellybean," he grabbed the Barbie she had thrown in his lap. "Hey, shouldn't Daddy be Ken?"

Savannah shook her head confidently. "No Daddy! Boys can play with girls toys. Just like I..." she twirled before she plopped down on the floor. "Can play with boy toys!"

He grinned as he slipped off his second hand couch and sat beside her on the black carpet. His girl was anything but ordinary.

But she was nothing short of exhausting. After dolls, they had moved on to playing with the few fire trucks he kept stashed in her toy box. They had actually been his as a child, and the moment Rachel had told him she was pregnant he had dug them out in hopes of passing them on to their child. Rachel had been touched, and Savannah being well, Savannah hadn't stopped them from including the small trucks in her toys. After trucks he had convinced her to change into some cute footie pajamas he had found at Target and curl up with a book. This was what he loved most. She curled into his side, resting her cheek on her hand much like Rachel used to, as he read her the timeless story of Sleeping Beauty. They were deep into the princess faze now. He enjoyed this time the most, the uninterrupted quality time he got to spend with her.

He put her to bed when the story was finished and smiled as she sunk into the blankets. He kissed her forehead before leaving the room. He grabbed a beer from the fridge and sunk into the couch in search of something to occupy his time. The quiet of the apartment enveloped him as he caught up on scores and highlights from the weeks games. He took a pull of his beer and got comfortable on the couch. Nights, even when he had Savannah, were the worst. A constant reminder of everything that had gone wrong in his life. Something he would probably never get used to.

* * *

Rachel took a sip of her drink, making a face when she realized just how strong it was.

"I saw that Berry. Drink up," Santana chuckled from across the table. As soon as her powerful best friend had gotten word of the drinks situation she had put plans in motion to meet up at a pub around the corner from Rachel's apartment. She supposed that it was better than sitting at home by herself. Even if she had tons of laundry to do (she had a really bad habit of letting it all pile up, even if Savannah did have enough clothes to last her all season), the last thing she had wanted to do was go home to an empty apartment. The nights when Savannah was with Finn were the worst. It was too quiet, and she often found herself travelling down the nostalgia highway. Even a year later it still burned, thinking of what they could have been.

So this night was perfect. She should've taken Santana up on it a lot earlier.

"It's just strong..." she grimaced as she put it down on the table. "Sorry."

"When is the last time you really got out, Berry?" Santana questioned. "You and Captain Squarepants have been over for a year. We need to get you out of this funk..."

"I'm not in a funk."

"You've spent the last ten minutes staring at your phone, looking at every single picture you have of Savannah on there which oddly enough, half of them include your ex-boyfriend. You cannot tell me you are not in a funk. We're getting you out of this. Enough moping. We're too young for this shit. Drink up. Bartender, another round!"

She knew Santana was right. A year was a long time to be hung up on a person. But was it really impossible to comprehend? He had been her world since they were 12 years old and he was the father of her child. She took a swig of her drink again, frowning at the taste. Maybe Santana was right. She just needed to get out of her head for awhile. Even though she wasn't sure she wanted to.

* * *

Finn hated Sunday afternoons. He kept Savannah until after lunch, enough time for Rachel to participate in a early morning yoga class she wouldn't otherwise be able to without childcare. So after feeding her macaroni and cheese (another part of the routine), he bundled her up and packed her in the truck to take her back to Rachel. He hated Sundays. Mainly because it meant that he would spend another two weeks missing his girl. Rachel was good about updating him when things came up, with texts and pictures but it wasn't the same. And as she warbled in the backseat to her own version of Shake It Off he smiled. The weekends always flew by. But Sunday afternoons when she went back to Rachel were the worst.

He chuckled as he watched her run towards Rachel much in the same fashion that she had run to him yesterday. Rachel crouched to catch the flying little girl, a grin covering her face. The bond they had was amazing to him and seeing them both light up when they were reunited made the fact that they couldn't be a family together sting a little more. He caught up with them in time to hear her chattering about how they had chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast and how they watched Toopy and Binoo before having a bath. He stuck his hands in his pockets as Rachel lifted the little girl onto her hip as her chattering slowed down.

"Sounds like you guys had a good time," Rachel smiled.

He smiled at her, looking at his feet. "We always have a good time. Burt and my mom say hello, by the way."

She nodded. "You can tell them I say hi too."

"I will," she nodded. "Well, see you in two weeks?"

It was his turn to nod. "Sounds great. Just text me if..."

"We need you. I always do," she whispered. "Have a good week Finn. Say bye to Daddy?"

Savannah grinned and extended her arm to grab his bicep. "Bye Daddy!"

"Bye sweetheart. See you later alligator,"

"In awhile crocodile!" she giggled as he pressed a kiss to her cheek.

He watched as Rachel carried her off after they said goodbye. Savannah smiled at him from where she laid her head on Rachel's shoulder and he smiled back, trying not to think about the fact that his entire world was once again walking away from him. Even a year later this wasn't getting any easier.

* * *

And we're off!


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm so glad you guys are liking this so far. I have an inkling you've figured out what the character death is, but I'm not going to confirm or deny that any of you are right or wrong. Just keep reading. And I'm very, very sorry about what's to come. But it's all in the story, right? Right. **

**Anyway, here's chapter 2! I still don't own Finn or Rachel or anyone from glee. I do own Savannah and most of the plot though it is inspired by a news article that I cannot link right now because it'll give everything away. :) **

**So...enjoy and please review! **

* * *

**Chapter Two**

They say mother's are hardwired to just _know_ when there's something wrong with their children. Rachel sat up in bed moments before she heard Savannah's panicked cry. Her feet hit the ground before the last vowel of her name was uttered from her lips. And then the distinct sound of her little girl throwing up met her ears. She flew from her bedroom and down the small hallway which always seemed impossibly long when Savannah was sick. The distinct smell of vomit hit her nose when she entered the small bedroom and her heart immediately sank. She hated it when Savannah was sick, always had. Her first cold had thrown her for a loop. And the first time she got the flu? Rachel had been in tears almost as much as Savannah had been.

"Mommmmmmmy..." Savannah cried the moment she entered the room.

"I'm here princess, I'm here." She was at the side of the bed in an instant, not blinking for a moment when she collected her in her arms. Savannah sobbed into her chest as a burp came up, bringing with it more vomit and more tears.

"Oh baby, it's okay. It's okay," she soothed as she picked her up and took her directly to the bathroom across the hall. Savannah cried as Rachel placed her on the toilet, only for a minute so she could turn on the bathtub.

"I don't feel good Mommmmmmy..." she whimpered as Rachel got the bath running. She turned around and picked her up again, peeling off her dirty pajamas and kissing her messy brunette hair. She pressed a kiss to her forehead as she placed her in the warm water of the tub and sighed when she felt the familiar heat of an oncoming fever.

"It's okay princess, it's okay," she tried to soothe. It always made her nervous when Savannah was sick. Her nurse instincts took a backseat to her mothering ones. She just wanted to make her little girl feel better. And quick.

She washed her up quickly, Savannah sobbing the entire time. It made her sad to listen to her. When she got her out of the tub she wrapped her in her robe that was hanging in the bathroom before carrying her back to her room to get dressed. The smell in the room was enough to almost cause Rachel to throw up herself. She quickly got Savannah dressed and carried her out to the kitchen to get a drink.

"Don't want it Momma," Savannah whimpered as she held the Frozen sippy cup up to her. "No Momma..."

"Savannah," Rachel sighed. "It'll make you feel better sweetheart,"

Savannah shook her head, rubbing her nose aggressively against the shoulder of Rachel's sleep shirt. "My tummy..."

"I know baby," she pressed kiss to her head again. She heard Savannah inhale quick and moved her away just as fast, in time for her to throw up onto the floor of the kitchen. She immediately began to cry once more.

"Okay, it's okay."

She quickly wiped her mouth with a paper towel and finally coaxed her into taking a sip of her water as she brought her back to her own bedroom. Savannah got comfortable on the side of Rachel's bed after she laid out a beach towel underneath her. She kissed her head once more before standing up as she hiccupped.

"Momma..."

"I'm just going to clean your bed, it's stinky in there..."

Savannah nodded slowly as she sucked on the top of the bottle before getting comfortable again on the pillow. Rachel offered her a small smile before turning to go back to her bedroom. She made quick work of cleaning up the sheets. She grimaced as she carried them out to the bathroom to soak them so she could put them in the wash tomorrow at some point. She just hoped Savannah didn't get sick again.

She was wrong.

They had spent most of the night up together, Savannah vomiting and crying well into the very early morning hours. Rachel spent most of the night wanting to do the latter. She fed her some medicine after her second round of getting sick, which didn't hang around for long.

It was moments like this, when she was exhausted both emotionally and physically that she wished things were different. She wished she hadn't thrown in the towel so quickly, hadn't let her relationship fall apart under the weight of everything else. She missed the support he provided on nights like these, and while she knew he was a phone call or text away it just wasn't the same. It wasn't the same as having him rinse the dirty sheets, or having him dispense the medicine while she cuddled Savannah - much like they had done the first time she had the flu. Being a single parent sucked most days, and it was even more evident on days like today.

She clutched her cell phone in one hand and her biggest mug of coffee in the other. She stared at the screen, whispering softly to herself as she tried to figure out her predicament. She had to be at the hospital for a 9am-9pm and she wasn't sure what to do. She had already arranged for Savannah to be picked up from her after school program by Shelby, like she normally did when she was on this shift but that arrangement wouldn't work for the very reason she couldn't just stay home either. Shelby had a full-time job teaching and as much as her mother and her had reconnected since she had Savannah, she couldn't ask her to skip work. Her fathers were more hands-off grandparents and both Burt and Carole had full time jobs as well. That left her with one option. She just hoped he wasn't working today.

* * *

Finn rolled over and blinked a few times against the bright light that was emitted off his ringing cell phone. He felt like he had just fallen asleep. He'd just come off a 48 hour shift and honestly, all he could think about was his bed. But when the phone _didn't_ stop ringing, his eyes shot open because to him there was only one person who would be so desperate to get a hold of him at 8AM. He reached out to the small night table and grabbed for the ringing device.

"Hello?"

"Finn?"

"Rachel?" he sat up instantly and rubbed his face with his free hand. He was suddenly more awake than he was a few minutes before.

"I didn't wake you, did I?" He could almost see her biting her lip as she uttered those words.

"Uh, no. What's wrong?"

"Savannah's sick."

His back instantly went straighter and he was fully awake now. "Is she...is she okay?"

"She's sleeping now," her voice went quiet, almost as if she was in the same room as their little girl. "but we were up all night and she was throwing up and..."

"Oh man," he pushed his fingers through his hair as he thought about how miserable she had to be. He didn't even realize Rachel had continued talking.

"...and I know you probably just got in from work or something but I can't send her to school Finn and my mom has to work and you know my Dads and..."

"When do you have to be at work Rach?" he asked as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and blindly reached for any pair of pants that were on the floor.

Again, it sounded like she was chewing her lip."I start at 9."

He mentally congratulated himself when his hand landed on a pair of sweatpants. He pulled the phone away from his ear. 8:05AM. The hospital Rachel worked at was on the other side of town, at least a 15 minute drive. "I'm leaving in a few minutes. I'll stop at Walgreens on the way over. What do we need?"

"I've been giving her gravol for the nausea and Tylenol for her fever but I'm almost out of bo-..."

"I'll pick up some. And some ginger ale. She liked that last time she had a bug, right?"

"Yeah. Thanks..."

"And what about you?" he asked as she was about to hang up.

"I'm okay."

"Sure Rach," he chuckled sleepily."I'll see you and jellybean soon,"

"Thanks Finn," she whispered as the line went dead.

Finn ran his hand through his hair once more as he grabbed a hoodie from the closet and slipped it on after he found a t-shirt. His heart broke as he thought about his little jellybean at home, sick in bed. He had no doubt that Rachel was taking good care of her, she was Super Mom. But it killed him that he wasn't there and hadn't been there when she first got sick. Of course there was the chance he wouldn't have been there even if he and Rachel were still together but the thought still hurt. This was the one downside of taking the high road. He was just glad he was coming off shift when the phone call came instead of going on shift. He pulled into Walgreens and threw his truck into park quickly before getting out and jogging for the door. He grabbed the things that Rachel had told him to get in terms of medication, along with some ginger ale. He found a few other essentials, grabbing Savannah's favourite frozen yogurt from the freezer and Rachel's favorite pre-made smoothie from the fridge before heading to check out.

* * *

Rachel checked on Savannah one more time before heading to the kitchen to put together her lunch. She bit her lip as she looked in the fridge, trying to decide between making a sandwich or throwing together a salad for lunch. She covered her hand with her mouth as she finally decided, grabbing the lettuce and tomato from the crisper just as a soft tap on the door came. She tossed the lettuce down on the counter and straightened her scrubs before going to answer the door.

She found Finn standing on the other side, a tray of Starbucks coffee in one hand, a Walgreens bag in the other.

"Hey," she whispered as she opened the door wider to let him in. "Thanks so much for coming."

"Where else would I be?" he smiled as he stepped into the small apartment. She gave him a soft smile as he offered her the tray of coffee. "I figured you'd need this as much as I do,"

"You didn't have to do that," she smiled, taking the cup from him."But thank you, it's appreciated."

He nodded as he followed her more into the apartment.

"How is she doing?" he asked quietly as he followed her into the kitchen. He set the Walgreens bag down on the table as he noticed the lettuce and tomato scattered on the counter. "Wait, here...before I forget..." he reached into the bag and pulled out the smoothie he had picked up for her. "These are still your favourite right?"

She smiled softly as she looked at him, gently taking the smoothie from his hand. "Finn,"

He shrugged as he pulled the container of frozen yogurt out of the bag before he gestured to the freezer. She nodded.

"Thank you," she whispered before moving to put the tomato and lettuce away. "And to answer your question, she's okay. She's finally sleeping and able to keep down the Tylenol. So far, at least."

He closed the freezer and nodded. He watched her as she moved from the kitchen to the living room, following her to lean on the small wall that looked out into the space.

"So I have to work until 9, I should be home around 9:30 by the time I clock out and everything. I really appreciate this, again," she sighed as she ran her fingers through her hair as she picked up her cell phone and stuffed it in her bag. "She's been sleeping since about 4 so hopefully she'll stay asleep longer and..."

He chuckled as he stood up from his position and walked over to her. He touched her shoulder briefly and frowned a little when he saw her flinch slightly. "Again, Rach, you don't have to thank me...she's my daughter too..."

She gave him a soft smile before slinging her bag over her shoulder. "I know. Okay. I guess I'll see you later then? You can call if..."

"I think we'll be okay. But you can call if you need to," he winked as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Now go save the world Nurse Rachel,"

She laughed. "I'm just going to go say goodbye first..."

He nodded and watched her hurry down the hallway. He turned to take in the small living room before collapsing onto the familiar couch. It had been his parents couch at one point. And it was just as comfortable as he remembered. His eyes fell closed for a moment, only to open them a moment later when he heard her coming back into the room.

"Okay. I'm leaving. I...thanks Finn,"

He laughed as his eyes fell closed again. "Go to work Rachel,"

The next sound he heard as his eyes fell closed again was the soft click of the door behind him.

But it was short lived. Because no sooner was Rachel gone, he heard Savannah call out from her bedroom. He smiled to himself as he pushed himself off the couch, knowing that even though she was sick, Savannah would be surprised to see him. He had spent minimal time at the apartment since Rachel and him called it quits, so he was sure it was going to throw her for a loop. He padded down the familiar hallway, swallowing down the memories he had of making this particular trip in the short time he had lived here. He opened her door slowly and found Savannah sitting up in bed, her hair mused from a fitful night and his heart sank when he saw how miserable she looked.

"Daddy?" she whimpered as she pushed her hair from her face. He was at her side in a minute, sitting on the edge of her bed. She leaned into him immediately as he pulled her into his arms. "Daddy?"

"Hey jellybean, Mommy said you're not feeling well..."

"My tummy daddy," she sighed. Finn gave her a soft smile and pressed a kiss to her head. She snuggled into him and closed her eyes. She was quiet for a minute before she sat up quickly again. She coughed suddenly and Finn grabbed for the bucket Rachel had left beside her bed. He tried not to scrunch his nose when she threw up. She broke into tears when she was finished, leaning into Finn for support. Finn's heart sank as he kissed her head, before moving to take the now vomit filled bucket out of the room. Savannah whimpered when he went to stand up.

"I'll be right back, okay?" he sighed as he moved her so she was laying back down on her pillow.

"Don't go Daddy," she whimpered.

"I'm just going to throw this in the garbage and get you something for your tummy, I'll be right back."

She just stared at him with her big brown eyes as he walked out.

He returned to her bedroom after cleaning out the bucket to find that she had fallen back to sleep. He was glad she had fallen back to sleep so easily. He placed the bucket on the floor before giving her a soft kiss on her forehead and going back out to the couch. If she was resting, he was going to rest too.

* * *

Savannah was in and out of sleep for a good portion of the day. The Tylenol was doing its best to keep her fever to a minimum while the gravol hadn't had a chance to work effectively in her system before she threw it up again. But it broke his heart every time he left her room to get her something, and she didn't want to be alone either. So Finn set up camp for them in the living room. He had found Rachel's spare blankets with ease, she hadn't moved much around in the apartment since he had left. They parked themselves on the floor, surrounded by blankets, buckets and tissue boxes.

Even though she was sick, Finn couldn't help but feel grateful that he got to spend some extra time with her. They were heading into a weekend that wasn't "his", and although he was back on shift all weekend, he lived for the weekends he got to spend with Savannah. He cuddled her to him, feeling the heat of her fever through his long sleeved shirt. Her drowsy eyes were focused on the screen in front of them; they had moved from Cinderella to 101 Dalmatians, so he moved out from under her to go and refill her sippy cup and grab her more Tylenol. The photos on the fridge caught his eye as he filled her sippy cup with watered down ginger ale. Photos that spanned all of Savannah's life covered the surface, and he felt a sense of longing in his heart when he noticed that he was in some of them. Not that he had expected her to change them or cut him out, it still made him think. Those had been the good old days. He smiled at the picture from her first birthday, laughing at the fact that she was covered in pink icing and had little to no hair.

"Daddddddddddy," he heard her whimper from her spot on the floor.

"Coming jellybean," he called as he moved away from the fridge and walked back to the living room.

* * *

He walked out of Savannah's room, making sure to only close her bedroom door half way before he walked out into the hallway. He rubbed his face as he moved back to the living room, gathering the blankets and used tissues up off the floor. The TV screen blinked a bright blue, waiting for him to put in another disk. After 101 Dalmatians had come Snow White and it had been that one that had lulled her to sleep. He folded up the blankets and sheets and put them back in the hallway before heading into the kitchen to clean the few dishes him and Savannah had made throughout the day. In doing so, he noticed that the faucet was loose and making a horrible noise now that it was on for a longer period. He knew Rachel had a few tools, he had left a few behind under the sink when he had moved out. He found them quickly and fixed it up, smiling in satisfaction that he was able to help out without being asked. Finn checked the time once he was finished, taking note that it was already just after 9pm. The day had flown by in a blur of vomit and tears, but he didn't regret one moment of it. He was just about to leave the kitchen when he noticed Rachel's electric kettle on the stove. He knew she would be exhausted after her long shift, and it only took him a second to locate the sleepy time tea he knew she liked. While he waited for it to boil he checked on Savannah and fixed her blanket before going to the washroom. When he made it back out to the kitchen the kettle was ready and he could hear Rachel's keys turning in the lock.

"Hey," he heard her voice before he saw her. He turned around to face her and gave her his own tired smile. He didn't miss the exhaustion in her eyes.

"Hey Rach," he said softly. "How was your shift?"

She groaned as she took a hesitant step towards him. "It was okay. Slow actually if you can imagine. Which made time go by so slow,"

"I get it," he nodded. "I made you some tea."

He didn't miss the touched look that crossed her features.

"Thank you," she whispered. He handed the mug to her and watched as she took a tentative sip before moving to sit at the table that separated them. "How was Savannah?"

He poured himself the remaining bit of hot water and put a tea bag in before sitting across from her."She was okay. Kept her hydrated with ginger ale and water. She didn't really eat anything because she still wasn't keeping anything down. She did complain about a headache before lunch but I think the Tylenol helped because she didn't say anything more..."

Rachel chewed her lip and nodded.

"She's sleeping now though, and has been for about half an hour solidly. I put her to bed at 8:30."

Again, Rachel nodded. "Poor girl,"

"She's tough," Finn smiled. "Just like her Mama."

Rachel offered him a small smile.

They chatted quietly for a few minutes and Finn didn't miss the yawns that escaped her lips a few times.

"I'll let you get some sleep," he smiled gently as he stood up. He washed his mug quickly in the sink before turning towards Rachel once more.

"You fixed the faucet," she murmured. "It's not making that awful noise anymore."

He shrugged. "I did."

"Thank you," she whispered as her eyes fell to her mug. She stood up and followed him out of the kitchen. She crossed her arms over her chest as he got his shoes on. "for the faucet. And for staying with her I..."

"It's not a problem Rachel." He stood up from tying his shoe and reached out to touch her shoulder gently. "Thanks for letting me spend more time with her."

She nodded, chewing her lip. "It did make me feel better knowing you were here with her..."

He smiled before reaching for the apartment door. "Have a good night Rachel,"

"You too Finn. Thanks again."

He smiled softly before leaving the apartment, shoving his hands in his pockets as he went.

Rachel closed the door behind him, engaging the lock before she leaned against the wood. She just hoped she would get some sleep tonight.

* * *

Thoughts?


	3. Chapter 3

**No clever authors note. Just a reminder that I don't own Finn or Rachel, but I do own Savannah. I also don't pretend to be a medical professional so any and all mistakes are mine. Though my nurse-friend lauren assures me I've gotten it as correct as possible. Special thanks to her and Sara for reading this over and over. I'm finally posting cause I've finally finished chapter four. Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Three**

Rachel clutched her phone to her ear as she stirred the pot of chicken noodle soup in front of her.

"So she's still not keeping anything down?" Shelby asked on the other end of the phone. Rachel bit her lip as she placed the wooden spoon down on the stove top.

"Barely. I made an appointment to take her in to the Dr. after lunch. She was keeping water and ginger ale down for a bit but we're back to square one again," she sighed into the phone. "She's really sick, I thought with some rest she would've gotten over it but it's been almost 36 hours."

"Our poor princess," Shelby offered.

"It's just hard seeing her so sick. She asked me this morning if she could go see her friends. Right before she threw up all over the bathroom floor,"

"You're doing the best you can Rachel, I know you are."

"I know," she sighed.

"Do you want some company? There's an early dismissal today and..."

Rachel smiled slightly into the phone. She ran her free hand through her hair as she contemplated it. It was the same way every time she mentioned taking Savannah to the doctor. Her mother always asked if she needed her to come. While they were close now, that had not always been the case. Rachel had only really reconnected with her mother when her fathers had moved them back to Lima from Cleveland. Their relationship had only really taken off when Rachel got pregnant with Savannah. It had come at the best time. And they'd been close ever since.

"I think we'll be okay. I'm sure he'll just tell me what I already know, or give her antibiotics. Thanks though," she smiled into the phone.

Shelby sighed. "Well let me know how it goes, alright? If you need anything I can stop by..."

"Sounds good. And I will. Thanks Mom."

After she hung up the phone, she attempted to finish the homemade soup she had been trying to make all morning. But her concentration was broken by the quiet whimpering coming from Savannah's bedroom once more. She lowered the heat on the pot so it didn't boil over before rushing down the hallway to get to Savannah. Her heart sank when she saw Savannah sitting up in bed, her hair mused and her eyes red with sadness.

"Mommy," she whimpered, weakly raising her arms to her.

"How are you feeling princess?" She walked quickly across the room and sat on the edge of her bed. Savannah curled into her embrace immediately, laying her head on Rachel's chest. She ran her fingers through her wild dark hair before pressing a kiss to her temple.

"My tummy Mommy," she whimpered. Rachel sighed, still feeling the traces of a fever on her forehead as she looked up at her. Her eyes were glassy and unfocused, true signs of a sick little girl.

"Well we're going to go see Dr. Holmes this afternoon, hopefully he can make your tummy feel better..."

"And my head?" she added quietly.

Rachel nodded as she bit her lip. The Tylenol should've taken care of that headache. "And your head sweetheart."

* * *

Savannah was a different child. Unlike most, she really liked going to the doctor. Neither Rachel or Finn could really explain it because neither of them were too particularly fond of going themselves. But nonetheless, Savannah didn't get scared usually like most other kids. Until today. As Rachel walked into the building that housed Savannah's pediatrician, she felt Savannah tighten her hold around her neck and waist. Rachel struggled to keep a grip on her as she was forced to use a hand to open the door to the waiting room, the grip Savannah had on her causing her to become a little unbalanced. She whimpered against Rachel's neck as she carried her up to the desk to check in.

"Savannah Hudson, to see Dr. Holmes," Rachel sighed. The receptionist nodded before pointing her in the direction of the seats.

"Okay Savannah, okay," she sighed as she dropped down in the chair as much as she could. It was uncomfortable, her bag was wedged between her back and the hard plastic chair and Savannah was putting pressure on her, pushing her into the chair more. But nothing Rachel said or did comforted the little girl.

"Mommy," she whimpered as she clung to her.

"It'll be our turn soon sweetheart," she kissed her head.

"Nooooo. Go home..." she mumbled into her shoulder.

"But Dr. Holmes is going to make you feel better,"

"Home to Daddy...I want Daddy..."

"Daddy's at work sweetheart. We'll call him when we get done here, okay? And you can talk to him then and tell him all about how you're a big girl?" she murmured against her head. Savannah mumbled something against her chest that she didn't quite catch.

"Savannah Hudson?" Rachel straightened her back when Savannah's name was called. Savannah's grip on her tightened and Rachel sighed as she struggled to stand up. They followed the nurse out of the waiting room and towards and examination room that was brightly coloured and decorated.

* * *

Finn pressed the home button his phone once more to make sure he hadn't missed anything. He had turned the ringer up, put the vibration on high and nothing had come through the phone yet. When Rachel had texted him to tell him she was taking Savannah to the doctor to get checked out, his heart sank. He had hoped she would've been feeling better by now, but it seemed like his hopes were wrong. His first instinct had been to cut out on his shift to go to the Doctor with them, but Rachel had assured him they would make it on their own. She also promised to text him when the appointment was over. He flipped the phone in his hand as a sigh escaped his lips. The appointment was at 1, and it was already ten after. Surely it couldn't take that long to get looked at and maybe write a prescription?

"Hudson, you waiting for your new hot date to call?" His shift mate Eddie plopped down on the couch beside him. "You haven't taken your eyes off that phone all day."

"I bet he's waiting for his booty call to give him the okay," another shift-mate, Alex, smirked as he came into the living room of sorts with a bowl of popcorn. He stuffed some in his mouth.

Finn picked up the pillow that was sitting beside him and threw it at Alex before turning to Eddie. "If you must know, I'm waiting for Rachel to text me..."

"Ah, booty call has a name," Alex chuckled.

"Rachel is his baby mama, idiot," Eddie grunted before reaching forward to grab a handful of popcorn from Alex's bowl. He stuffed the handful in his mouth. "What she want anyway?"

Finn pressed the home button once more before dropping his head back on the back of the couch. "Savannah's sick. She's supposed to text me when they get out of the Doctors appointment to tell me how it went..."

The phone buzzing in his hand, lighting up with a cute picture of Savannah and Rachel stopped his train of thought immediately.

"Sorry guys, I have to take this," he spit out before he jumped from the couch and out to the quiet hallway.

* * *

Rachel bit her lip as she watched Dr. Holmes look over Savannah.

"So you said she hasn't kept anything down for..."

"A day and a half. She threw up right before we left the apartment..." She chewed her lip as he moved the stethoscope from his ears.

"My head hurts Mommy," Savannah whispered.

Dr. Holmes pursed his lips in a thin line. Savannah whimpered from the table and Rachel immediately went to pull her into her arms. Dr. Holmes nodded and Rachel picked her up immediately.

"I don't like the sounds of the headache and the constant nausea and vomiting..." Before he could finish his sentence Savannah leaned over and wretched onto the floor, any of the left over soup she had managed to keep down coming up. Dr. Holmes jumped out of the way as Savannah started to cry. He moved to page a nurse to come and clean up while grabbing a paper towel for Savannah's mouth.

He snapped off his gloves. "A day and a half with a reoccurring headache is a lot for a little girl her age. I'm going to send you down to Lima General and order a CT scan. I'm also going to write a prescription for a stronger anti-nauseant to get the vomiting under control..."  
Rachel's breath hitched. "Do...do I..."

"Take her now. From here. I'll call down to them so they know you're coming and you'll be seen faster." Rachel nodded as her hands shook. He nodded at her and passed her the prescription he had written out before nodding.

* * *

It took all her strength to get back to the car. Savannah whimpered against her shoulder, a bottle of water that was given to them by the nurse clutched in her hand.

"Mommy?"

"It's okay sweetie. It's okay," she whispered as she got to the car. She cursed the fact that her car didn't come with a key fob to open the doors automatically, forcing her to put Savannah down for a moment and she immediately whined. "Savvy, I'm trying, I swear."

"Mommy I want Daddy..." she cried as Rachel finally got the door open. She lifted her up and got her into the car, buckled into her booster seat.

"I know Savvy, I'm going to call him, okay?" Savannah nodded as she leaned back in her seat. She nodded and Rachel allowed herself to let out a breath as she closed the door.

She closed her eyes as she leaned against the car for a moment in an attempt to collect her emotions before she fished her phone out of the bag that was still slung over her shoulder.

She hit Finn's contact information and held the phone up to her ear. She bit her lip as she waited for him to pick up the phone. _Please don't be on a call. Please don't be on a call, _she prayed_._

"Rachel?" She let out the breath she hadn't realized she had been holding when his voice met her ears. "Rach? How's..."

"Finn, we're on our way to the hospital. Dr. Holmes has ordered a CT scan and..." her voice broke as the words left her lips. "Finn...we need you,"

* * *

Finn clutched his phone to his ear as he listened to Rachel's soft speech. "Hospital? Which one? Why?" The questions flew out of his mouth before he had time to really comprehend what he was asking.

"Lima General," she whispered. "And..."

"It doesn't matter," he cut her off as he pushed his body off the wall he had braced himself on. "I'm on my way. I'll leave now..."

"But what about work," she trailed off. "You can't..."

"Rachel," he slipped. "I'm leaving now."

"She's been asking for you," she whispered. "Thank you."

He knew from her voice, that the thank you was just as much for him coming to see Savannah as it was for her own sake.

"I'll see you soon Rach," he finished as they hung up. He broke off into a jog as he ran towards the Captains office to explain the situation. With or without permission he was leaving. He had to get to his girls.

* * *

Rachel hated hospitals. Which was ironic, given that she was a nurse with a full time job in the very hospital she was sitting in. That didn't change how she hated being on the receiving end of care, always had. It stemmed back from some scary episodes she had had as a child with deaths in her family and childhood illnesses that had left her admitted and scared. It hadn't gotten easier as she got older, and sitting here with her sick daughter didn't make matters any better.

She bit her lip as she ran her hand through Savannah's messy hair, her fingers getting stuck in some tangles along the way. Savannah had finally calmed down enough, her whimpers that had started on the way to the hospital had died to a slow hiccup. Dr. Holmes had called ahead, sure, but there was still a wait.

"Mommy," she whispered against her side. "I wanna go home Mommy."

"I know sweetheart. I know," Rachel sighed. "We will soon. We just have to see one more doctor,"

"I don't wanna Mommy," she whimpered. "My head hurts and I feel funny."

Rachel's heart plummeted. "This doctor is going to take a picture of your head so he can help you feel better,"

Savannah sighed and cuddled into Rachel more.

The door to the small waiting room opened quickly and Rachel looked up just in time to see Finn rushing towards them.

"Daddy!" Savannah squeaked.

* * *

Finn rushed through the hospital, trying to remember the directions the helpful nurse at the registration desk had given him. He sighed with relief when he found the radiology wing and tried to slow his breathing when he got to the door of the waiting room. He ran his hands through his hair and blew out a breath as he looked in the small window, his heart going a million miles a minute when he spotted Savannah and Rachel cuddled together. He ripped open the door without a second thought and rushed towards them.

"Daddy!" Savannah squeaked, lifting her head from Rachel's side.

"Jellybean," he sighed as he came to a stop in front of them. "Rach,"

Rachel gave him a soft smile as he took the seat beside Savannah. She immediately unclenched herself from around Rachel and snuggled up to Finn. He instantly wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his lap. He kissed her head as he held her.

"Thanks for coming so quickly," Rachel murmured as she looked down at her nails. "I really appreciate it..."

Finn looked at Rachel from over Savannah's head. "No problem. I'm sorry I didn't get here fast enough. You haven't been called back yet?"  
Rachel shook her head.

Savannah picked her head up from Finn's chest. "Daddy?"

"Yeah jellybean?" He brushed her hair back from her temple.

"I'm sleepy," she whimpered as she looked up at him.

He sighed as his eyes left Rachel's and pressed another kiss to her head. "I know jellybean, I know."

"Savannah Hudson?"

Both Finn and Rachel's heads shot up when Savannah's name was called. She was beginning to doze on Finn's chest as the nurse looked on at them with a small smile.

"My turn Daddy?" she whimpered against his chest. Finn stood with her in his arms.

"It is your turn," he whispered as both him and Rachel walked towards the nurse.

The nurse showed them to the room where the CT scanner was, and the moment Savannah laid her eyes on the machine panic began to set in. She clung to Finn tighter with her arms and legs.

Rachel sighed as she ran her hand over Savannah's back. "It's okay sweetheart, it's okay."

"No Mommy, no," she sobbed. She buried her head in Finn's shoulder. "No..."

"Remember what we talked about baby? They're just going to take a picture of your head so you feel better..." Rachel tried. Savannah shook her head as she cried and clung to Finn harder.

"No Mommmmmmmy," she cried.

The nurse looked at them with a sympathetic smile. "This happens all the time. May I?"

Rachel sighed and looked at Finn as the nurse came closer. Savannah curled into Finn more.

"You must be Miss Savannah, I'm Nurse Renee...and this," she swooped her arm back to gesture towards the machine behind her. "...is what we're going to use to take a picture of your head. Mommy and Daddy tell me it's been giving you some trouble,"

"I don't feel good," she whispered against the cotton of his t-shirt.

"Well, if you and Daddy will walk over here I can show you what we're going to do..."

Savannah looked up at Finn before she reached her hand out to Rachel. They followed Nurse Renee over to where the machine was. She looked up at Finn skeptically as Nurse Renee showed them all the machine. At her suggestion, Finn put her down on the bed while Rachel held her hand still.

Nurse Renee did a wonderful job showing Savannah the machine. But when Finn and Rachel both made a break to leave the room when Savannah was distracted, she started to scream. Finn grabbed for Rachel's hand as they left the main room and entered the small room where they could watch the procedure. The attendant in there gave them a sympathetic smile. Finn pulled Rachel in for a quick hug as the screaming and crying that Savannah had been doing started to dull.

"It's a natural reaction," he sympathized once they had pulled apart. "Renee is really good with younger kids. See? She's already got her calm."

Both Finn and Rachel turned their attention to the window where they could see into the room where Savannah was laying on the bed that would take her through the CT scan. Rachel's hand covered her mouth as they both watched Savannah's chest rise and fall rapidly as she tried to calm down.

"If you press that button there and speak into the microphone, you can talk to her. Hearing your voices might help get her calmer faster," the attendant suggested. "We need her as calm as possible before we can start."

Both Finn and Rachel looked at each other. Finn moved forward first and pressed the button, bringing his mouth forward to the microphone.

"Hey jellybean, you're being such a big girl. Mommy and I are so proud of you. Can you do what Nurse Renee says?"

"Daddy," her voice was weak and hoarse from crying. "Mommy?"

"Mommy's here too sweetheart," Rachel leaned forward and spoke as well. "We're almost done. You're being such a big girl. When we're finished here we can go have a special dinner, okay?"

"Can daddy come?" she asked quietly. Rachel looked up at Finn who gave her a soft smile and a shrug.

"Yeah. Daddy can come. Now you lay still and let Nurse Renee take pictures of your head, okay?"

"Okay," Savannah let out a shuddered breath as they both moved away from the microphone.

The overall procedure lasted only a few minutes, and the moment they were allowed back in the room Rachel flew to Savannah's side. Finn stood back and watched as she ran to her side.

The attendant turned to Finn and gave him a small smile. "We'll have the results in a few days, you should get a call when your doctor has the results."  
Finn nodded.

"Enjoy your family, "

Finn opened and closed his mouth for a moment before he decided not to say anything. He smiled a little when he saw Rachel walking towards him with a sleepy Savannah on her hip. This was his family. It may be unconventional, but they were his family.

"We going for dinner now Daddy?" she asked quietly as she blinked up at him from Rachel's shoulder. "I want some soup,"

"Sure jellybean, let's go to dinner. We'll get you some soup."

The smile on her face was all he needed to see.

Rachel looked uneasy, even if it had been her suggestion to go out for dinner. Savannah hadn't had much of an appetite the last few days, and the fact that she wanted to have some soup was a big improvement.

* * *

Finn carried a sleeping Savannah up the final flight of stairs towards Rachel's apartment. He waited behind her as she opened the door and held it so he could get through.

"Thanks for bringing her up," she whispered as she watched Finn place Savannah down on the couch. "She's getting heavy and after today...," she bit her lip as he straightened himself up.

He shrugged as he stretched his arms over his head before he placed them on his hips. "Anytime," he looked at her intently. "You okay?"

It was her turn to shrug. "Just worried. About the scan and how sick she is..."

"Me too," he sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. "We'll find out soon though, right? She hasn't thrown up again since dinner so that's a good sign..."

Rachel nodded and twisted her hands in front of her. Finn stepped forward and gently touched her chin.

"It's going to be okay," he whispered.

"I hope so," she whispered back. "I really hope so."

She followed him to the door after he gave Savannah a kiss.

"Call me if you hear anything, alright? I have to head back to the station. I'll have my phone on."

He pulled his car keys out of his jacket pocket as he went for the front door.

"I will," her voice was like a whisper."Thank you, Finn...for coming and..." Her voice dropped off as she looked at her feet.

He waved his hand to interrupt her thought. "No worries. Any time, Rach. I'll see you later."

He sighed as he walked out of the apartment, his shoulders slumped as Rachel closed the door behind him. He looked up at the ceiling briefly before heading for the stairs and back to work.

* * *

_If you can picture this story as a roller coaster, we're at the point where the gate is opening and everyone can get on..._


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note**

This chapter has taken a really, really long time to cultivate. As you'll notice, it is a lot longer than the three chapters that come before it. And as you may have guessed, the subject matter of this chapter is very tough. Our story turns here and while some of you dear readers may have guessed this is where we were headed, it may hurt to, in fact, read it. That being said, I hope you can enjoy it for what it does for the story.

I also need to be clear that I am in no way shape or form a medical professional. I have tried and tried to do extensive research, and my good friend Lauren has been an absolute doll giving me all the information she can, answering all of my questions sometimes multiple times. For that I will forever be grateful. That being said, I may have gotten some things wrong and taken some liberties. It is my story, and I did what I saw fit for the journey.

For those of you asking about the Finn and Rachel relationship, I hope this brings you a little closer to what you're searching for. This is Savannah's story, they are just an integral part. This is their journey as parents as much as it is theirs as partners. They will get a happy ending, in their own way. Saying much more would give the twist away. :)

And as always, I don't own Finn or Rachel. I do own Savannah and a majority of the plot. Don't steal, it's rude. 

* * *

**Chapter Four  
**It was the obnoxious ringing of her phone that jolted her awake the next morning. Rachel sat up in bed quickly, disoriented at first when she felt the warm body of her daughter beside her. She sighed as she looked at Savannah for a moment, smiling a little when she noticed the small hint of a smile on her lips. They had had a rough night last night, with Savannah suffering from nightmares and her fever spiking before she gave her more Tylenol. She silently thanked God that the first dose of the anti-nauseant that had been prescribed to her had worked and they had had a mostly vomit free night.  
She squinted as she looked at the phone screen, only registering that it was ringing and that it was already 9am. The fact that Savannah was still sleeping was amazing.  
Rachel quickly hit accept on her phone without looking to see who it was. "Hello?" she whispered as she tried to untangle herself from Savannah and get off the bed. "Hello?" she repeated as she walked out of the room.

"Miss Berry? It's Dr. Holmes..." Rachel's heart instantly dropped as realization hit. She glanced at the time displayed on her DVD player and sighed. 9:03AM. Not even 24 hours later.

"Yes, um," she cleared her throat. "Hi Dr. Holmes." Her voice was shaky, and she felt like she should probably sit down.

"Miss Berry, I'm calling because I've gotten a call from Radiology down at Lima General and I'm afraid..."

She felt like the room was swimming. She managed to sit herself down on the edge of the coffee table as Dr. Holmes continued to talk. Her shoulders sagged under the weight of his words as she listened carefully to what he had to say.

* * *

His heart raced as he sped through the streets of Lima, trying to get to Rachel's apartment without breaking any traffic laws. Finn slammed his hand against the steering wheel when he had to stop at a light. He had been sleeping in his bunk at the fire house, trying to sleep off the anxious energy of the previous day when his phone rang. It had startled him and caused him to almost slam his head on the top bunk. Then he had heard Rachel's voice.

All he had to say to his Captain was Savannah, hospital and go and the older man had nodded his head and let him leave. Not before telling him he would find someone to finish out his shift. He had run out to his truck before he could even say thank you.

He pressed the gas a little too hard when the light turned green, and took off down the road. He didn't bother finding a parking spot as he pulled into the lot outside Rachel's building. Instead, he threw his hazard lights on after throwing the car into park before jogging into the building and for the stairs.

He paused only for a second when he got to the apartment, taking a deep breath as he ran his fingers through his hair. He lifted his hand to knock but thought against it, going for the door handle instead and finding it unlocked.

"Oh thank God it's you." His head shot to the side to find Rachel standing up from the couch. He made his way over to her and took her in immediately. Her eyes were red and blood shot. He knew she had been crying, because she had been doing so on the phone. His heart immediately dropped.

"Of course it's me," he said softly. He opened his arms and she fell into them after only a moment of hesitation. "Where's Savannah?'

"In bed still," she whispered as she pulled away from his embrace. She wiped at her eyes. "I didn't get her up because she was still sleeping and she just looked so peaceful...and I didn't want to scare her," her lip trembled as tears spilled over again.

Finn pulled her back into his arms for a second as he closed his own eyes. "It's going to be okay Rachel, it's going to be okay."

"What if it's bad Finn? Why did he call me so soon? It hasn't even been 24..."

"It's going to be okay," he repeated. "We'll go and talk to Dr. Holmes and see what he has to say..."

"They want us to go back to the hospital," she said softly. "We have to meet him there."

Finn nodded, unsure of how else to respond. His own mind was going a million miles an hour. He didn't know what to think, what to feel. He just knew he had to be the strong one right now. She needed him to be, and Savannah would too.

He followed her back to her bedroom where she had left Savannah sleeping.

"We had a rough night," Rachel whispered. "She had nightmares and a fever again and..."

Finn nodded once more, his eyes never leaving his sleeping little girl.

"I'll go grab her some clothes," she whispered before she turned to leave the room. Finn stood still for half a second before going over to the bed and kneeling down beside where Savannah was sleeping. His old side of the bed. He reached his hand over and pushed her hair from her face, frowning when he felt the heat coming from her forehead. Poor jellybean.

Her eyes slowly fluttered open and he couldn't help but notice how glassy and red they were.

"Daddy," she whimpered as she woke up.

"Hi jellybean," he whispered. He stood up from his place on the floor and sat on the bed, gently pulling Savannah into his lap. She immediately curled into his chest, her small hand curling around his shirt. He leaned down and placed a kiss on her head just as Rachel came back into the room with a pair of leggings and a blue long sleeved shirt.

"Mommy, Daddy," Savannah whimpered.

"Yeah," Rachel sighed. "Daddy's here."

Finn watched as Rachel quickly helped Savannah change her clothes. She whined the entire time, clinging to Finn.

"Sleep Daddy," she whimpered. "Noooo pants Mommy,"

He heard Rachel sigh as she slid the pants as far as she could get them with Savannah in Finn's lap.

"We have to get dressed baby. We have to go see Dr. Holmes again okay?" Rachel's voice was shaky at best.

"No Dr, sleep Mommy," she whimpered.

"I know you want to sleep sweetheart. And you can again soon. We just need you to be a big girl for a little while, okay?"

Savannah's sigh was enough for him to wish they could just stay right there.

He carried her out to the truck as Rachel hovered beside him. He took note of how lethargic Savannah seemed in his arms and he felt his hope slowly diminish. She wasn't getting better like he had hoped and this early morning trip to the Hospital was enough to confirm that to him.

He watched Rachel's eyes fill with tears when Savannah insisted on being carried by Finn. He tried to offer her a small smile and a shrug. They walked quickly into the hospital, quicker than he had wanted but he could tell the anxiety of the situation was getting to Rachel. He followed closely behind her as she walked towards the information desk to get directions.

* * *

Her heart was in her throat. She could feel it. She was surprised she heard what the helpful attendant told her, her head nodding automatically in the places she needed it to. She lead the way because she couldn't follow behind him. She needed to take charge of something to prevent her from freaking out entirely. She was trying to remain calm, but the nurse voice in the back of her head kept telling her this wasn't a time to be calm. She knew in her heart that being called back to the hospital so soon wasn't a good sign. She tried not to panic.

They found the small waiting area that they were directed to and took a seat once they had told the receptionist who they were and who they were there to see. Rachel chewed her lip as she sat down beside Finn and Savannah, touching Savannah's knee gently as she curled into Finn. Her eyes were droopy and Rachel tried not to think about how uncharacteristic it was that she was so tired today.

"Mommy, I'm thirsty," Savannah whispered. Rachel's eyes widened. In her haste to get out of the apartment, she hadn't come with her usual bag of tricks that she always brought along when her and Savannah went out.

"I..."she stumbled over her words.

"There was a machine in the hallway on the way here," Finn started. He used one of his hands to dig into his back pocket and handed his wallet to Rachel when he succeeded. She quirked an eyebrow at him as he offered her the tiniest of smiles. "Go get our girl a drink..."

She paused. "What if..."

"We'll wait for you," he whispered. She just nodded in response. She got up slowly and headed out into the hallway. She clutched Finn's wallet in her hand tightly and only let out a breath when she was far enough away from the room. Her hand shook as she took the cash out of his wallet, a small smile came to her face when she saw the picture he kept in there on top - the first family photo they had taken together professionally when Savannah was 2 months old. She selected a bottle of water for Savannah before heading back to the waiting room.

She stopped short when she noticed Savannah had cuddled closer to Finn and it appeared that he was whispering in her ear. But when she got closer, she noticed her eyes were closed and Finn was singing to her. She waited a beat before interrupting and sitting down.

"She okay?" she whispered.

"She said she was sleepy and asked me to sing her song," he sighed, adjusting his arm that was supporting her.

Before Rachel could say anymore, one of the two doors they were sitting across from opened and Dr. Holmes stepped out. Beside him, another man neither Finn or Rachel recognized.

"Mr. Hudson? Miss Berry?" Dr. Holmes asked. He extended his arm and gestured towards the office.

Both Finn and Rachel stood, the water bottle forgotten on the chair as they both slowly approached the two older men. The one they didn't recognize went in first and introduced himself once they were inside the room and sitting down.

"I'm Dr. Howard. I'm the consulting neurologist on your daughter's case,"

_Daughter's case, neurologist_.

Dr. Holmes spoke before either Finn or Rachel could speak.

"I've asked Dr. Howard to sit in on this appointment because going forward he is going to be one of the lead physicians on your daughters case," Dr. Holmes started.

They both nodded at the words while Dr. Howard flipped open a file that was in front of him. Rachel and Finn both held their breath as Savannah curled in Finn's arms and whimpered when she couldn't get comfortable.  
"You can put her down on the couch behind you if you like," Dr. Holmes offered.

"I'd rather hold her, thank you," Finn whispered as he adjusted her once more. He needed something to do, something to hold on to.

A silence fell upon them for only a beat before Dr. Howard spoke once more.

"After reviewing Savannah's CT scans from yesterday afternoon, we found something in her scans that is consistent with a tumour," he paused as the information hit both Rachel and Finn like a tonne of bricks. "I am so sorry. I know this isn't what any of us had hoped for, but we can fight this and we will do everything in our power to help Savannah win," he paused. "We are working on a treatment plan right now that will best serve..."

A brain tumour. Finn felt his entire body go cold as those two words bounced around in his head. A brain tumour. He felt Rachel reach for his hand and he instantly grabbed it, not even noticing how clammy and cold hers felt against his own. His stomach turned as he stared off in the distance and clutched Savannah's sleeping body closer to his with his free arm. His mind is spinning with so many questions but he doesn't have the voice to speak them. His daughter has a brain tumour.

* * *

She felt like she was going to pass out. She reached out for Finn's hand to stop her from bolting from the room. Everything was cold and she felt like she wasn't hearing things properly. A brain tumour. She squeezed her eyes shut as she tried to take a deep breath, but she couldn't. She felt like everything was closing in on her and the only thing anchoring her to the room, to the planet was the grip Finn had on her hand. This couldn't be happening. Her eyes flew open as she looked over at Savannah still sleeping peacefully in Finn's arms and immediately her heart flew to her throat. She felt like she was going to be sick.

"I know it's a lot to digest, I know you're in shock," Dr. Howard started. Neither Finn or Rachel had realized he was still talking. Finn squeezed her hand tighter, interlocking his fingers with hers. "But we need to talk about next steps."

Next steps? Finn felt like he couldn't breathe let alone be able to talk about next steps for his barely four year old daughter who has a _brain tumour._

Savannah stirred in his arms and Finn was happy for a moment to focus on something else for a split second. He sat her up in his arms as she leaned against his chest sleepily. Rachel reached over and pushed her hair back from her face and gave her a teary smile.

"Mommy sad?" Savannah asked sleepily. "Don't be sad Mommy," She gave a watery chuckle as she leaned over and pressed a kiss to Savannah's cheek. She untangled herself from Finn and reached out to Rachel, who gladly took her in her arms. She cuddled immediately into Rachel's chest and started to play with her necklace that was around her neck, staring intently at the small gem in the middle.

"We need to take an MRI to get a better look at the size and shape of her tumour," Dr. Howard ventured softly. "Afterwards we can decide which course of action is the best for treatment."

Rachel opened and closed her mouth several times because she just couldn't find the words to speak. She clutched Savannah to her chest as she looked at Finn. His jaw was locked and his eyes were set straight forward.  
She knew he was fighting the same waves of panic and emotion as she was.

"When?" She heard the word come from his lips much the same time the question formed in her brain. "When will she get the MRI?"

"As soon as possible. We'd like to admit her so that once we get the results we can move straight to treatment."

All Rachel and Finn could do was nod. If they were to look back on this moment alone, they would realize that it was here - now, that their world began to fall apart.

* * *

Savannah screamed the entire time she was prepared for the MRI. From the moment she was passed from Rachel's arms to Nurse Macy she screamed. Finn and Rachel were ushered out of the room into another observation room that was similar to the one they had just been in yesterday. Almost as if it was an act of déjà vu, Rachel immediately launched herself at Finn the moment she could. He caught her easily and wrapped his strong arms around her as she clinched her eyes tightly closed. She felt tears come to her eyes as he held her, holding her against his chest in the most comforting way he could.

"It's going to be okay," Finn murmured against her hair, much in the same fashion as he had the day before. "I don't know how or when but it's going to be okay."

He knew she needed comfort. Because God, he needed it to. When she launched herself at him he instinctively wrapped his arms tightly around her and just held her. She didn't let go while the MRI was being done, Savannah's cries and screams had calmed down as time had passed and he only opened his eyes as the image of his daughter's brain began to flood the screen in front of him. He wasn't a doctor, or a specialist or even a nurse like Rachel, but what he saw on that screen caused his heart to sink further into the pit of his stomach. Instead of saying as much, he wrapped his arms around Rachel's waist tighter and buried his head in her hair, trying to draw whatever strength she had to give and return it to her threefold.

"Well I've gotten everything I need from here," the voice of Dr. Howard pulled both Finn and Rachel from their thoughts. "I'm going to take this back to the radiology office and look at the results with the rest of the team. Nurse Macy is going to take you up to the pediatric floor from here and get you settled. The team and I will be up as soon we have a result and a plan to start talking about treatment and our next steps," he stopped.

"It shouldn't be more than a few hours. You can go collect Savannah now. I'm sure she wants her Mommy and Daddy." He gestured through the glass to where Savannah was laying on the bed. Rachel didn't have to be told twice.

* * *

It took three and a half hours for them to get the results of the MRI back. Finn couldn't help but feel a bit like a bird trapped in a cage as they waited. They were shown around the pediatric floor and at first he didn't understand why they were going to such lengths over an MRI. But he also remembered what he saw as the scan had come through on the screen and deep down he knew exactly why they were getting the full tour. Savannah is sick. How sick though is left to be determined. Finn also knew he should probably go and collect things for Savannah, but every time the thought crossed his mind it left just as quickly. He didn't want to leave right now, with everything up in the air and so uncertain. He can't leave Savannah or Rachel and right now he knows exactly where he is needed and wanted. He stared out the window as Rachel and Savannah sat cuddled up on the bed with a pink blanket, Savannah tiredly laughing at the antics on the screen. The room came fitted with a TV and DVD player and Finn had never been more thankful for a screen. They're watching Toy Story because all of the princess movies were loaned out, but it didn't seem to matter. For the first time that day he saw a genuine smile cross Savannah's features even though she still looked so tired.

A soft knock on the door interrupted the moment he had become a quiet observer to. He immediately saw Rachel tense and her eyes darted over to his. Before either of them could stand up, Dr. Howard walked in the room with another Dr. they hadn't been introduced to yet, an unreadable expression on both of their faces. Finn immediately felt fear and panic rush through his veins and to sooth even an ounce of his own anxiety he crossed the room and came to stand behind the chair Rachel was sitting in.

"We need to talk," were the first words that Dr. Howard stated. Rachel looked back at Finn just as his hand came to rest on her shoulder. They both looked at Savannah for a moment who was fully engrossed in the high jinks of Buzz and Woody. Rachel nodded and stood up from her chair.

The room wasn't huge, but it was big enough that Rachel and Finn could step away from Savannah for a moment to speak with Dr. Howard.

Finn didn't want to waste another minute."What did the MRI say?" He cut straight to the chase, not bothering to beat around the bush any longer. He looked between the two men. "What did it say?"

Dr. Howard's mouth was set in a fine line. "I wish I had better news. But as we suspected with the results of her CT scan, the MRI revealed that Savannah does in fact have a sizeable tumour on her brain that would account for the symptoms she has been experiencing the last few days," he paused.

Rachel's hand went straight to her mouth as she tried to cover the gasp that left her lips. "This is Dr. Taylor, he's a pediatric oncologist and he's one of the best in his field..."

"Wait, wait...oncologist?" Finn didn't understand what was happening. Oncologist? He looked down at Rachel who had her hand covering most of her face, but he saw it all in her eyes. Her eyes told him all he needed to know.

"You think it's cancer." He looked between Dr. Howard and Dr. Taylor. "You think my four year old daughter has cancer." He felt Rachel wrap her free arm around his waist and he immediately pulled her into him. He needed her now, just like she needed him.

Neither Dr. Howard or Dr. Taylor confirmed his suspicions. But Dr. Taylor offered more information. "We want to operate. First and foremost we need to get a better picture of what the tumour is and what we need to fight it, and the only way to do so..." He was cut off before he could say anymore.

"The only way to do that is cut into my daughters head." The words flew off his tongue harsher than he wanted them too. Rachel gasped from his side, the bluntness of his words seemed to blanket the air around them.

"Surgery is what our next plan of action is with the tumour, yes," Dr. Howard confirmed. "We need to remove it to determine what kind it is and to see what kind of hold it has on her brain aside from what either the MRI or CT shows."

"So what...what happens..." It was her turn, this time to stumble over her words and ask the important questions. Finn tore his gaze away from the spot on the wall he had focused on the moment the Doctors had started speaking and turned to see Savannah smiling sleepily at the movie. His heart pounded as he watched her. This wasn't happening. This wasn't happening.

"Normally we would wait, get her comfortable and go through preoperative measures. But just by the general size of the tumour from the MRI I am quite concerned about complications, even if it turns out that it is not cancerous..." Dr. Howard paused. "I would like to go in tonight."

He had to hold Rachel up. He felt his palms go sweaty, much like they had this morning and he felt the room spin. In the distance he could hear Woody saying something to Buzz about being a toy, he heard the buzz of the florescent lights above them. His vision blurred as he felt Rachel shake. Savannah was going to have surgery. Tonight.

* * *

Arrangements were made quickly, confirmation forms that they both consent to the treatment were signed and Finn almost felt sick. They both signed on the dotted line and to Finn it felt like they just signed their daughter away. It is quite simply the worst feeling in the world.

They had an hour before a nurse will be in to get an IV started with sedation that will cause her to fall into a deep sleep. He watched from the bedside as Rachel fluttered around the bed for a minute before Finn tugged her hand and encouraged her to sit with them. He gave her a small, hesitant smile as she sat in the seat she had vacated only minutes before. Finn can't bring himself to explain it to her, but it's evident to him that Savannah realizes something is going on. The lump in his throat is already making it hard for him to even think about talking as it is. He wants to just sit here, and enjoy her even if she is sleepy. But they did, explain it. Rachel did, talking in her comforting tones about what was going to happen in the simplest of words and Savannah seems even, entranced. Peaceful. When Rachel explained it would help her feel better, he swore he even saw her eyes brighten for a moment before drooping from all the medicine.

He wanted to cry when a sweet red-headed nurse who immediately recognized Rachel came into the room, rolling a cart behind her. He watched as realization hit and sadness clouded her vision before she set her features back to professional. He saw the look of recognition cross Rachel's features for a split second but like him, her focus was on Savannah. Rachel sang to her while she held her opposite hand as the nurse worked to insert her IV. His heart broke when she started to cry when the needle is finally inserted. He stood by her head, tears in his own eyes as he played with her hair that he is sure they're going to cut in the operating room. He even joined in for a few bars of Hey Jude as Rachel's voice wanes as tears start to form in her own eyes.

"It'll take a few minutes to really take effect. An orderly should be in shortly to transport her," the kind nurse confirms with a nod of her head. Both Finn and Rachel looked at her and nodded with watery smiles.

"Sing Mommy?" Savannah asked quietly. "Daddy?"

Finn's eyes locked on Rachel's who just nodded. "Of course baby,"

"My song," she sleepily whispered. "My Jude song again."

She started to fall asleep before they even hit the first chorus.

"Have a good sleep baby, Mommy loves you so much. I'll be right here when you're finished," Rachel whispered into her ear when they stopped singing.

"love you Mommy," she murmured sleepily. "love you Daddy." The sedation was starting to take effect and the door opened to reveal two men in scrubs. They were here to transport her already. Finn felt his heart speed up as he looked down at her. Her eyes were drooping further and further as the clock ticked.

"I love you so much jellybean. So much," he pressed a kiss to her cheek. She was asleep when he pulled away.

* * *

It was actually him who broke down first. They followed her gurney down the hall until they couldn't anymore. When the final doors closed in their faces, Finn bent over and felt all of the emotions of the day come to boiling point. The tears overwhelmed his eyes and flowed unstopped down his cheeks as realization hit him full force. His daughter was just taken down the hall to have brain surgery.  
Rachel placed her hand on his back as he tried to get a grip on his emotions before he stood up to face her. When he did, he felt his tears well all over again when he saw the tears rolling down her own cheeks. He wrapped his arms around her as he buried his head in her hair and let the tears roll down his cheeks once more.

They didn't share any words; they don't have to. He clutched her around the back, his larger hands spanning most of her waist as they hugged each other tightly. Each of them simultaneously trying to offer and receive comfort.

He didn't want to say it was going to be okay, because he wasn't sure that was the truth anymore. He didn't know what to say. But he felt her trembling in his arms and it only forced him to hold her tighter.  
They stood there for an unprecedented amount of time. Neither of them could bring themselves to pull apart, neither of them wanted to let the other go. They had always had an emotional connection, and that hadn't left them even after they split. And now they needed each other the most.

"We should find somewhere to sit," she whispered when they finally pulled away from each other. He nodded in agreement, following her down the hallway towards the small surgical waiting room.

* * *

Neither of them said much. When Finn left to go get them coffee, Rachel took the quiet moment to call her parents.

"Mom," she whispered when Shelby finally answered the phone. Her voice was thick, the emotions of the day finally catching up with her.

"Rachel? Rachel, what's wrong?"

"Savannah's in surgery Mom," she whimpered, her lip trembling as the words left her mouth.

"Surgery..."

The sobs started before she can bring herself to utter the next few words. "She has a brain tumour."

She heard Shelby's voice hitch and she just couldn't bring herself to answer any questions that were rapidly coming from her mom's mouth. She just can't. Finn returned with the coffees and a bagel for each of them in time to see her on the phone. He gently placed the food and drinks beside Rachel before tugging the phone from her hand, only to hear Shelby's voice.

"Hello?" he swallowed his own lump in his throat as Rachel grabbed for his hand.

"Finn? It's..."

"Hi Shelby," he whispered. The questions start again and Finn closed his eyes as he felt Rachel squeeze his hand. He tried to relay as much information to the woman on the phone as he can, but as the seconds pass it becomes harder. This can't be happening.

When Shelby finally let him go, he collapsed into the chair beside Rachel with his head in his hands, the cell phone still stuck in one fist. Rachel didn't say anything except hiccup from her tears.

"You should call your Mom," she hiccupped again as she ran her hand over his back. He didn't want to call his parents. That would make it too real.

But he did anyway. On one hand for something to do, another as a way to garner more support. He's not sure why, but it's harder for him to tell his Mom than it was to tell Shelby. It took a while for his parents and Rachel's fathers to come around when they first got pregnant with Savannah in high school, whereas Shelby had supported them from the start. But to now tell them this? It was breaking his heart even more than it already was.

His Mom cried the second he uttered the word brain tumour. Even more so when he told her Savannah was in surgery. He didn't have any words of comfort to offer, because he wasn't sure how he was supposed to. He had called for support, called to get some help. He couldn't deal with another crying person right now. He just couldn't.

He leaned his head back on the wall when he hung up the phone, closing his eyes against the bright lights above him. He hated hospitals. He hated the situation. He hated everything about what was happening right now. He felt Rachel touch his hand gently and he moved his head to look at her. Her lip was trembling, her eyes red with tears and his heart broke all over again. Her free hand held out half a bagel to him and he gingerly took it from her, trying to muster a small smile for her. If he had to go through this unimaginable situation, at least he was going through it with her.

* * *

The surgery took hours. But neither of them moved from their spot in the waiting room. Shelby brought dinner and sat for awhile, though it's not helpful. Rachel understands that she's trying to be helpful, trying to take their minds off what is going on but it doesn't. Keeping up conversation is too hard right now. Especially with someone who doesn't get it. So she just continued to squeeze Finn's hand and nod in the right places even if she has no idea what's being said.

When she finally left, Finn's parents show up with coffee and muffins. Rachel couldn't meet their eyes, not because she's disrespectful, it's just every time she has seen Carole since her and Finn broke up she's gotten the same pitying glance. She doesn't need that right now. Because she knows it'll be threefold to what it usually is.

A nurse came by every once and awhile to assure them things were going fine. Burt tried to urge Finn to take a walk, but he steadfastly declined. He wanted to stay with Rachel. He needs to wait for Savannah.

* * *

They left, finally and it was only a few minutes later that the same nurse who brought them updates told them that the surgery was over and Savannah is in recovery. Finn sat stone still for a moment as the words sunk in. Wasn't she supposed to tell them it went well? He didn't realize it, but he had spoken that question out loud. He turned to Rachel when he heard her soft gasp and looked to her for confirmation. She chewed her lip and didn't say anything. The nurse did say though that she would be back as soon as she could to take them back to see Savannah in recovery.

It felt like an eternity before they are allowed to go back to see her. They're only given a few moments in the recovery room, which broke both of their hearts effectively. Rachel wanted to cry when she first laid eyes on Savannah, a large white bandage around her head. Finn grabbed her hips as she stumbled over her feet at first sight, and his own breath caught in his throat. He closed his eyes firmly, taking a deep breath before telling himself that this bandage, is part of what will save her life.

It took another hour, but Savannah is brought back to her room and Finn and Rachel can spend an unlimited amount of time with her. Because she's a nurse there, the rules are kind of bent in terms of visiting hours for now and Finn has never been more grateful for her choice in career. They just sit and stare, and watch her sleep. This is as normal as it gets, the one action that is something familiar.

"Remember when we used to watch her sleep when we first brought her home?" Finn whispered after a few minutes.

He heard a watery chuckle come from Rachel's mouth as he turned to look at her.

"We were so paranoid," she softly joked.

"We were," he confirmed, his eyes not leaving hers."But it sure beats this."

"It does," she whispered, her voice becoming thicker immediately. He didn't mean to make her cry again.

He brought his hand to her back, rubbing slowly in an attempt to comfort her. He didn't know if it was helping much, he wasn't sure anything he had done throughout the day had helped. But he did know it had helped him. Just knowing he wasn't going through this alone, that he had someone who knew exactly what this burning feeling in his heart felt like, was just enough to make him feel slightly better.

Rachel leaned back after a few minutes, trapping his arm between her back and the chair. A yawn escaped her lips as the events of the day overcame her. She was tired, exhausted. She had no clue what time it was, everything in her body screamed from exhaustion but she couldn't bring herself to sleep. She needed to stay awake, stay alert to watch Savannah. Dr. Howard had yet to come up to talk to them with Dr. Taylor so her nerves were on edge.

"You can sleep, if you want..." She heard Finn whisper. "I'll wake you up..."

She yawned and sat up straighter, leaning her arms on her knees.

"I'm okay," she whispered, rubbing her eyes. "I just need to know that she's..."

"...going to be okay," he whispered, finishing her sentence. "Me too."

She turned her face to look at him briefly before focusing her heavy eyes back to Savannah.

* * *

Sick.  
That's how he's feeling. Completely, utterly sick. Rachel grabbed for his arm, digging her nails into his skin as Dr. Taylor and Dr. Howard spoke to them. Dr. Holmes stood in the back, his arms crossed over his chest and his face stoic.

"I'm sorry we don't have better news. After performing a biopsy on what section of the tumour we could remove, we have determined that its formation is consistent with a glioblastoma," Dr. Howard said softly. "We were unsuccessful in removing the entire tumour because of its far reach into her brain. Full removal would greatly affect her brain function," he paused. He cleared his throat before continuing. "Because of the quick and sudden onset of her symptoms and the large size of the tumour we have determined that it is an aggressive tumour that we need to fight just as aggressively."

Neither of them could say anything. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Rachel swallow thickly, her nails digging more into his arm.

Dr. Taylor spoke up first. "The first step is to try and shrink the tumour while also stopping the cells from replicating. We want to explore radiation..."

"Can you give us a minute?" Finn asked, his voice thick with emotion. "We...we need a minute..."

Both Dr. Howard and Dr. Taylor looked at each other for a moment before nodding.

"Of course. It's late, we can discuss the treatment more at length in the morning when we've had more time to get a long-term plan in place. We'll meet first thing..."

"Just go please," Finn whispered. He can feel Rachel's eyes on him, her nails digging more into his arm. He knows she has questions, she knows so much more about this than he ever will comprehend but she stays silent. She's in shock as much as he is. Cancer. Their daughter has cancer.

All it takes is both of them turning around and their eyes falling on Savannah for it to start. Rachel began to gasp over and over as her sobs emerged and Finn couldn't bother to hold his own in. She fell immediately into him, grabbing her his shirt as she started to cry heavy tears. His mind is exploding with questions, things he probably should remember to ask. But every time his eyes fall on Savannah resting in her bed, Rachel gasps louder and he responds by holding her tighter. All that he can think, the question that yells louder in his brain than all the rest is _why her, why them, why his daughter..._

* * *

_Don't hate me.__ P__lease. _


	5. Chapter 5

**Hola! How was everyone's Mother's Day? It's stupid hot here so I did what I do best...stayed inside :)**

**I have to admit, the coming weeks with work are going to be insane. A month ago I received a promotion with guaranteed hours (Yay!) but that comes more responsibility and stress. 2 weeks ago I received another somewhat promotion that requires more training on top of my work load already. So after this, it might be awhile before another update. If it gets too long, I do have chapter 6 ready and may go ahead and post that as well. But don't worry, I'm here and will write until you guys are sick of me. As my Pinterest will tell you, I have lots of ideas for this story and others. Unfortnately there is no Our Missing Piece companion with this chapter, but you can revisit 1 &amp; 2 if you need to after this chapter.**

**Once again, thanks to Lauren for helping me as usual to make sure the medical side of everything was good. I appreciate it muchly cause well, I'm not a medical professional and I don't pretend to be. I also don't own Finn or Rachel, but I do own Savannah and most elements of this story.**

* * *

**Chapter Five**

Savannah has cancer.

No matter how many times the words are repeated, how many times the words bounced around in his head, it doesn't seem real. It doesn't feel real to him.

Savannah. has. cancer.

Three weeks have passed, and Finn wonders if it's possible for him to still be suffering from shock. It's hard for him to wrap his head around it even though this has been his life for the last 21 days. Savannah has been hospitalized for the past three weeks because due to the size of her tumour, they had to remove part of her skull in order to help with the extensive swelling in her brain. Her team has wanted to monitor her, get as much detail about the tumour as possible so they can fight.

And today is the day that fight starts. Officially. As if having his daughter's brain cut into wasn't enough of a start to this battle. He still gets nauseous when he thinks about it, every time he looks at her, the big bandage that she has finally gotten to take off serves as a startling reminder that things just aren't the same and won't be ever again.

Savannah is in the fight of her life. And he is damn determined to make sure she wins this one. Because it might be the most significant fight of her life.  
He parked his truck and let out a breath as he looked up at the hulking building in front of him. The building has seemed more intimidating in the last few weeks, virtually replacing any good memory he has of the place - which is really only the memory of the day she was born, but that is something that will stick with him forever.

When he gathered enough strength, courage and bravado he grabbed for the stuffed penguin he had picked up for her at Target last night along with a few things Rachel had suggested she would need and want, like new pajamas and a few new books. He may have even picked up a new copy of Cinderella for her to watch. This way his princess didn't have to share with the other kids who are just as sick as her.

She's due to start radiation today, and just the thought of her being exposed to the powerful chemical gives him chills. But it's part of the plan and he's at the mercy of the plan. It is hopefully what will save her. He's hopelessly hopeful because it's all he has. It's all they have. He's tried the last three weeks to be strong for not only Savannah but for Rachel too. They've maintained a great friendship and parenting relationship through the year they've been broken up and he only can hope that they'll maintain it through this nightmare.

He moved through the hospital by memory, heading to the pediatric floor and finding her room like he would find his childhood home. He took one more deep breath before he reached for the door, everything he had brought with him balanced in one hand.

* * *

Rachel looked up from the book she had been reading when she heard the door open. It's early, just after 8am and the nurse had already been by to check on Savannah so that really only left the newcomer to be one person. Finn. She tried to give him a small smile when her eyes caught his, but she's positive he can see right through it. She's exhausted, spent and emotional and it has nothing to do with the fact that they are quickly approaching 'her time of the month'. The last three weeks have been harrowing and while Savannah has been a champ through it all, taking the pokes, prods and examinations in stride, her heart constantly aches because this is not how her life is supposed to go. At four years old Savannah shouldn't be waiting to start radiation. She shouldn't have just undergone brain surgery. She shouldn't be here. They shouldn't be here. So when her smile doesn't meet her eyes like it used to, it has barely crept up her lips these days, she knows Finn understands. He gets it. He's the only one who could possibly understand how this feels. This agonizing wait to find out how this ordeal is going to end. Because it surely hasn't ended in the antibiotics and prescription of rest that she had thought and hoped.

"Hey," he whispered first. He stepped into the room that has been their sanctuary a little more and placed the bags he was carrying down on the floor.

"Hey," her voice came out much huskier than she had been anticipating. She cleared her throat and tried again.

"How was last night?' he asked quietly as he rifled through the bag, pulling out a smoothie for each of them that he had picked up at Target. She took one gratefully.

"It was okay," she sighed as she cracked open the lid. "She was really tired so we just cuddled and watched The Jungle Book. My mom came by before visiting hours were over and brought her a colouring book and crayons, since she filled the Frozen one the other day."

He nodded as he took a sip of his own smoothie. "I brought the pajamas. And some new story books. And a copy of Cinderella, since she only had the VHS at my place and..."

"Thank you," she whispered. She took a sip of her smoothie before she continued. "What did you do last night?"

Only one of them was allowed to stay with her overnight. Exceptions had been made immediately after her surgery and diagnosis, but hospital protocol dictated that only one parent should and could stay overnight with a sick child. He didn't even have to ask and she didn't have to say it, but it was assumed that Rachel would stay with her most nights. That, and her work schedule left her with most of her nights free while Finn could spend days with her. Not that she had worked much in the past few weeks. So he had gone home at the end of visiting hours last night and his heart had ached the entire drive home much like it had every night.

"Not much," he whispered. "Just went home. Stared at the wall. I looked up radiation treatments and I really wish I hadn't," he candidly admitted as he took another sip of his smoothie. She gestured to the book she had put down on the table beside her as if to say she had done the same thing. "My mom called though, wanting to know if there was anything specific we wanted her to make so that we don't have to 'starve down to our bones'". The chuckle that came out of his mouth was harsher than he had intended.

"She means well," Rachel murmured. Finn nodded in agreement.

In the last three weeks, the silences between them have grown more comfortable. That's not to say that they had ever been uncomfortable, it's just they've spent so much time together just like they were right now that it has become their new normal.

Her eyes dropped to the smoothie in her hands and she bit her lip as she allowed her thoughts to run wild.  
"What are you thinking?" he asked quietly after a few moments. She tensed when she felt his hand come to rest on the back of her chair.

She shrugged her shoulders, placing the smoothie down and closing her eyes as her head dropped. She didn't tense this time when his hand touched her back. It took only a second, but she dragged her eyes up to his as they filled with tears.

"I'm scared," she whispered as emotion flooded her voice. The tears trapped behind her eyes trickled forward and out of her eyes. "I'm so scared and so just..."

He could tell she was trying to hold it in, hold in everything she had been feeling for weeks on end. Sure, they had cried together - a lot actually - over the last few weeks, but it had been days since this wave of emotion had come over either of them. Finn knew, because he was feeling it too, that it was because of what today symbolized.

Rachel let out a huge gasp as she tried to hold in the sob that was desperate to emerge. Finn stood up from his chair and pushed it aside, crouching beside her as she leaned her head into her hands, weaving through her hair.

"Hey, hey..." he gently prodded as he rested his hand on her knee. She hiccupped as the tears silently started to stream down her cheeks. "I know you're scared. I am too. It's okay to be scared and nervous and..."

"I just..." she stumbled over her words, trying to find the best way to describe everything she was feeling. "I just...nothing can happen to her Finn," she whimpered. "She's all I have left..."

He rubbed her back as he stood up, his arms going around her in what was meant to be a comforting hug. "You're not alone Rachel," he tried to sooth. She hiccupped again. "You've got me. And I am not going to let anything happen to our girl, okay?"

She jolted up in his embrace, staring at him for a second before they are both torn away from each other at the sound of Savannah waking up.

"Hi Daddy," came her soft voice from beside them. He turned to face her, a smile immediately replacing the sad look that had been on his face moments before at his ex-girlfriends pleas.

"Morning jellybean," he stood back up and pressed a kiss on her forehead. "Did you sleep good?"

Savannah offered him a smile and a nod before looking at Rachel. "Momma crying? Why are you crying Momma? I'm awake now!"

Both Rachel and Finn chuckled before Finn placed another kiss on her forehead. "Wait until you see what I brought for you..."

The way her eyes lit up was enough to take away the heartache both of them were experiencing for even just one moment.

They had determined with her care team that it would be best if during the course of Savannah's radiation treatment that she be sedated. Due to the nature of her tumour and it's placement and severity, it was important that she lay completely still so the radiation could be effective. It honestly made Rachel sick to her stomach as she thought about her daughter, her precious little girl being sedated day after day so that she could receive the treatment. And although they had gone through a trial run of the appointment yesterday, in which Savannah was shown the room and machine in which she would receive her treatment, it didn't prepare her for the moment the door crept open and a smiling nurse poked her head in.

It had been determined, that it would be best if Savannah received a PICC line during her treatment. As a nurse, it made sense - easy access and delivery of the sedative. As a mother? It frightened her. She knew it was something she needed in order to be more comfortable. But seeing the look of fright overcome her daughter's features as the nurse got set up at the side with the instruments she would need for the quick procedure caused her heart to pound.

"Mommy?" she whispered as she clutched the penguin Finn had bought her in her hands. "Mommy..." she whimpered.

"It's okay Savvy," she whispered. She looked up to see the nurse looking back at her, the instrument behind her. She smiled at Savannah as Finn came closer to the two of them as well.

"Who's your little friend there, Miss Savannah?" The nurse, who they had come to know as Hannah smiled at Savannah. She had been on shift many times during the last few weeks. "Is he new?"

Savannah looked down at the penguin in her hands. "Her," she whispered.

"Pardon sweetheart?" Hannah smiled.

Savannah fingered the scrunchy elastic she had put around the penguins neck.

"It's a girl penguin," she murmured. "Her name is Polly. Daddy brought her..."

"Well, she's a very pretty penguin. I love her necklace."

Savannah smiled shyly at Hannah for a moment before looking down at Polly.

Savannah chatted with Hannah who managed to distract her for a few more minutes before she started to get ready to start the PICC line.

"Savannah, what hand do you like to colour with?" She asked her softly. "Can you show me?"

"My right hand! This one!"

Rachel knew what she was doing. With the PICC line, her arm would be irritated for a little bit. If they put it on her non-dominant arm, it would be more comfortable for her to continue to use her dominant one.  
Savannah became uneasy as Hannah came closer to her left side, while both Rachel and Finn got closer on her right. Finn leaned his elbows on the side of her mattress as Hannah gently moved her left arm into position.

"Daddy," she whimpered. "Mommy..."

"It's okay Savvy," Rachel soothed as she reached over and ran her thumb over her cheek. Hannah was moving the sleeve of her hospital gown up and wiped her arm with an alcohol swab. Savannah flinched at the feeling and started to cry.

Finn looked at Rachel, who continued to lock eyes with Savannah as tears started to fall from both of their eyes.

"Hey jellybean, it's okay..." he murmured, as he took her hand in his. "You're such a brave girl. And Daddy loves you so much...and so does Mommy...Hannah just wants to help you feel better..."

Savannah cried as she squeezed Finn's hand. Rachel had moved closer to her head and was gently stroking her cheek as Hannah set about inserting the line in her arm. Savannah shrieked when it was almost finished, falling into Rachel's embrace, almost knocking her in the head. Rachel hugged her and righted her so Hannah could finish while still holding her comfortingly.

"There we go. All done," Hannah smiled. "You were so brave Savannah, and look what I have for you..."

"What about the..." Finn didn't want to utter the words.

Rachel held her finger to her lips as Savannah blinked up at both of them, before turning to Hannah as a hiccup escaped her lips.

Hannah pulled a small sandwich bag out of the pocket of her scrubs. Inside, there was some pink plastic string and a small box with several beads. All of them were a light blue colour, except for the lone white one.

"This is a special bracelet, that only brave little girls like you get..." she smiled. "And each time we go down to the room we visited yesterday...you get to add one blue bead. And when you're all done...you'll have a beautiful necklace..."

Savannah looked at her unsure for a moment before she reached out to take the small bag from her.

"A Cinderelly necklace?" Savannah murmured as she looked at the contents.

"A necklace like Cinderella's, yes..." Hannah smiled. "Should we put it together?"

Savannah nodded enthusiastically for the first time in half an hour.

Both Finn and Rachel sat back and watched Hannah help Savannah put the white anchor bead on the end before she selected one blue bead to string on the pink string.

"Now the blue bead represents every time we go see the special room...but we only get to go to the special room when we take our medicine. Since we put the bead on already, do you think I can give your medicine now?"

Savannah looked away from Hannah, staring at Finn and Rachel with unsure eyes.

"It's okay jellybean...the medicine is going to make you feel better..." Finn whispered. He looked over at Hannah as she nodded her head and stepped away, giving them a moment so she could go get the sedative.

"Daddy and I are going to be here when you wake up," Rachel smiled softly as she ran her hands through her hair.

"Will you hold Polly? And my necklace?" she asked innocently.

Rachel nodded, despite the lump that was quickly reforming in her throat. "Of course."

After she was given the sedative, it happened quickly. She was taken down the hallway to the radiation room, and Finn and Rachel stayed back in her room to wait. Rachel held the penguin in her hand tightly, the necklace Savannah had handed her wrapped tightly around the neck of the stuffed animal.

"Now we wait," Finn whispered, his eyes focused on the window across the room.

"That we do," she murmured. Her eyes didn't leave the penguin in her hands for the longest time. She wasn't good at waiting.

* * *

The entire process didn't take as long as he had thought it would. He hadn't even had enough time to finish reading the second article on before Savannah was being rolled back into the room, the sedative still well in effect. He jumped to his feet as an orderly pushed her in and then lifted her onto the bed with ease. Finn's first instinct was to smother her in kisses, but when he saw how peaceful she looked sleeping he decided it was better if he didn't.

"She did well. The sedative worked and the radiation was completed for today," Hannah smiled. "She should sleep for awhile longer, but she'll be awake soon. I'll be by to check on the three of you soon..."

Both Finn and Rachel nodded. He murmured a soft thank you as he took his seat again.

As they sat there, quietly drinking in the events of the day, he battled back and forth about whether or not she looked different. He watched her small chest rise and fall and he decided after a few moments that she didn't. She still looked like his Savannah, aside from the bandage that was holding her PICC in place and the small patch of hair that had been cut and shaved when she had her surgery. She was still very much his little girl. His sick little girl.

He didn't realize Rachel was crying until he heard her voice.

"We're going to fight this," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion. He reached his hand out to touch hers, their fingers quickly becoming entwined. "We're going to help her fight this and everything is going to be okay. I can't...I want her to be well and not suffer and..." Her voice became muffled as he pulled her into him. and her face was buried in the fabric of the shirt he was wearing. He placed a kiss to the top of her head as he held her.

"We're going to do everything in our power to get her well..."

"We have to Finn," her voice was pleading. "Because this..." she gestured with her head to the bed where Savannah was laying. "this isn't fair and we've only just started..."

"It's going to be okay," he promised.

"How do you know that? How are you so calm..." she whimpered. He just sighed and wrapped his arms around her tighter. He ran his hand up and down her back by habit, it had been his go to when he had to calm her down when they were together. It seemed to work just as well now.

He was anything but calm. He just knew he had to be strong for her, for Savannah. She needed one strong parent right now. And he knew well enough that Rachel couldn't be that parent at the moment. So he shouldered it, held his own emotions back to be the strong one.

* * *

Though it became too much too quickly.

He stayed with them until Savannah came around. The sleepy smile she gave them when she slowly opened her eyes was enough to make Finn feel like a millionaire. It even made him forget for a moment where they were, all he cared about was that smile on her face. It reminded him of every morning he had her on the weekends. It reminded him of happier times.

But he had to leave for work soon. He started a 24 hour shift this afternoon and it killed him, that he wouldn't be able to see her for awhile. But he had to work. He knew Rachel would be with her and his Mom had promised to check in on them and he was sure Shelby would be around. But it broke his heart. Because this place, this room is where he wanted to be most.

Savannah cried when he got ready to leave. It broke his heart when he leaned over and pressed a kiss to her cheek and she wrapped her arms loosely around his neck.

"Mommy's going to stay with you jellybean. Daddy has to go to work..."

"Don't leave Daddy," she cried. "I want Dadddddddddddddy,"

"Savvy, he has to go to work...he'll see you when he's done...right Daddy?"

"I'll come right back here. You won't even have time to miss me..."

Savannah hiccupped and tried to wrap her arms around his neck tighter.

"Hey, Savannah...it's okay baby...it's okay," he whispered against her head.

"Don't go Daddy," she whimpered tiredly.

"How about this, Daddy will call at bedtime..." he whispered.

"And sing my song with Mommy?" she whispered as her grip on his neck loosened. Finn eyed Rachel who nodded.

"Yes. And I'll sing your song with Mommy...but you have to let Daddy go to work now..."

* * *

It killed him to walk away. It killed him to tell her he was choosing work over staying with her, though he wasn't sure she saw it that way. But he didn't have a choice. His Captain was being understanding and sympathetic as it was, giving him short 24 hour shifts or less rather than 48s. But it didn't mean it hurt any less to walk away while Rachel tried to distract her.

He tried to distract himself as he drove towards the firehouse, trying to force himself not to pull a u-turn on the busy street and head back to the hospital. He turned the music up on the radio, going through the stations trying to land on a station that wasn't all commercials.

Finn rubbed a hand over his face as he parked his truck and grabbed his overnight bag. The sun burned in his eyes and he rubbed his face once more as he headed into the firehouse. It wasn't as loud as it usually was. He looked around the house as he stepped in, noting that it looked like the previous shift was out on a call. He heard some noise coming from the kitchen, some raucous laughter and even some music from the radio that they kept in there. Instead of heading into the kitchen to see what was going on, he headed up the metal stairs toward the bunk room to put his stuff down.

He sighed when he saw that it was empty. All of his shift mates must have been downstairs. A bit of relief washed over him as he chose his bunk and dropped his bag on the ground beside it. He dropped himself down onto the mattress and it sagged under his weight immediately. He was finally able to let a long shuddered breath leave his mouth, one he had been holding in all day. Now that he was finally in the firehouse, the safe confines of the bunk room even, he was able to finally let his shoulders sag. He had a few minutes where he didn't have to be strong and as he laid back on the bed he felt the heaviness of the day crash down on his chest and tears began to rise in his eyes.

This was a nightmare. The last three weeks had been a nightmare. Savannah had survived the first of many rounds of radiation that she would endure this week alone. The thought on its own made his heart ache and the tears stream down his cheeks. Alone in the bunkroom, Finn finally let himself _feel_ the emotions of the day. It killed him that he hadn't been able to protect her, he hadn't been able to shield her from the awful reality they were living. He sat up and rubbed his red rimmed and tired eyes just as footsteps were heard on the steps leading up to the bunk room. He sighed and waited for whoever it was to come in, but it never came. His shift mates and friends tried to understand, his parents and brother too, but no one got it. No one knew how _this_ felt. No one except Rachel. And he had to be strong for her. Because that was his job. He had to protect them. It was the one thing he was good at, even if he had failed at everything else.

* * *

_**Whew. First treatment down! **_


	6. Chapter 6

Remember how I said last week when I posted that this week was super busy? I was right. It was actually much busier than I had intended and it seems like this week is shaping up to be similar. So that brings me to this. I've decided to post chapter 6 for two reasons. One, I love it. As much as I can love some of these chapters despite their content. Two, because although I've started (and am still working on) chapter 7, I'm not sure when it will be finished. So I want to get this out to you now, so you're not hanging. Plus, I updated Our Missing Piece today so it'll comfort you with this chapter.

As always, I don't own Finn and Rachel or anyone from glee. I own Savannah and most of the plot. I am not a medical profession, nor do I pretend to be one. Any and all mistakes are mine. Changes have been made to artistically fit the storyline. Special thanks to Lauren and Sara for all their help, as always - both professionally and personally the last few days. I love you both 3!

Anyway, leave me some love :)

* * *

**Chapter Six**

They say when a person gets sick, it changes them.  
But what they don't say, what they don't tell you, is that when that person is a child it changes your whole world. Yours, theirs and your entire families.  
And Finn had been witness to exactly that. This illness, was changing the very fabric of his unique family from the inside out.  
Three weeks. Three weeks of living in this hell to which there was no end in sight. It had been three weeks of watching Savannah undergo radiation. Three weeks of driving back and forth between the hospital, his apartment and the firehouse. Three weeks of holding her and rubbing her back while she cried, singing her songs to help her fall asleep both when the fatigue took hold of her, or when she was attempting to surrender to the sedation that had become her normal.  
Only it shouldn't be.  
Things should be normal. Savannah should be a normal little girl, playing with her toys and dancing in her ballerina class. Him and Rachel were supposed to be normal parents to a beautiful _healthy_ little girl. Instead they were here. And it was killing him.

Because from where he stood, the illness was doing more than slowly breaking down his little girl piece by piece. It was eating away at Rachel too. He noticed things, it was his job. He noticed the circles under her eyes that were darkening by the day. He knew she wasn't sleeping, because despite being away from her intimately for a year he still liked to think he knew her like the back of his hand. This illness, this _cancer_ was eating all of them alive. She was shrinking right before his very eyes, despite his best efforts to get her to eat something. If Savannah didn't eat, she didn't eat. She was still the woman he had fallen in love with, despite her sparkle-less eyes. He got small glimpses of that woman every once and awhile, in the small moments when they were waiting for Savannah to come back from her treatment or once she had fallen asleep for the night. In those moments, when her guard was down he could almost visibly see her worry recede, if only for a moment. But in a blink it was back, and the Rachel he knew so well would disappear, a shadow of herself. He prayed that this would be over soon, that this nightmare would finish. But deep down he knew it was far from over.

* * *

Rachel was exhausted. She rubbed the palms of her hands over her eyes in an attempt to wipe any of the sleepy feelings away. A yawn escaped her lips as she reached for her book. Savannah had been taken down for her radiation just a few minutes ago, so she had a few moments to collect herself. She reached for her phone as well, but frowned when she couldn't get it to turn on. Charging her phone wasn't necessarily something that was high on her priority list these days, since she spent every waking, non-working moment with Savannah. Finn knew how to reach her if he couldn't get her on her cell, and to her that was all that mattered. All that mattered was the little unit they had become.

In all honesty, she wasn't sure what she would've done if she didn't have Finn to lean on. In the past three weeks, his support had been the one thing that had held her here. There were often times, just like this one, where she was alone that she often felt like she couldn't do it. This wasn't the life she had planned, for her or for Savannah and she often wondered if they would get through this. When Savannah was sick, which she had been for much of the three weeks she had been receiving the radiation it broke her heart. She wished she could take it away. She constantly had to remind herself that this would help her, this would save her. But there were also days that she just didn't believe it.

She never imagined she would be in this position, never imagined that this ugly disease would hit her so close. But she was reminded on a daily basis that yes, it did happen and was happening.  
She looked up at the clock and noted that a few minutes had passed. She rubbed at her eyes just as the door opened behind her and Savannah was wheeled back in. She gave the orderly's who brought her back a gentle smile as they left the room once she was settled back in bed. Rachel plugged in her phone before she pulled her chair closer to Savannah's bed. As she did every time, she leaned over and pressed a kiss to Savannah's cheek, running her thumb along her lip. They were chapped from the dry mouth she had been experiencing, and she made a mental note to message Finn and see if he could bring her some of her favourite apple juice on his way in. She had to go in to work an overnight shift on the maternity floor tonight and Finn was coming to stay with her. She had cut her hours drastically, only choosing to work nights when Finn could come and stay with Savannah. She didn't want her to be alone, regardless if she was sleeping. She just wanted her little girl to know she was loved through all of this.

She reached her hand up and ran her fingers over Savannah's head. She wanted to cry when she felt some of what was left of her hair coming out even from the gentle touch. She had been losing her hair steadily for the last few days, and Savannah had taken it in stride. But as Rachel held the last clump in her hand, she felt the tears well in her eyes. She stood up hastily, pushing the chair behind her quickly. She whipped around, fully intent on running into the bathroom for a moment to herself when she came face to face with Finn. She hadn't heard him come in, but when her eyes met his her lip trembled as she fisted the last clump of hair in her hand.

"It's okay," he whispered as he dropped what he was holding and wrapped his arms around her waist, his hands spanning her back. "It's okay."

She clung to him ferociously, her grip on the remnants of Savannah's baby fine hair never ceasing.

"It's okay," he sighed as he ran his hand up her back so that it tangled in her own hair.

"I...I didn't mean to pull it out..." she gasped as she buried her head in his chest.

"I know. You didn't. It's been falling out..."

"It shouldn't be falling out!" she pushed back from his chest as she looked up at him. The tears that had been threatening to spill from her eyes started. "I shouldn't be holding this!" She raised her fist so he could see the clump of hair she had in her hand. "Finn..." her voice cracked.

He pulled her towards him once more, crushing her to his chest as she began to sob.

Finn was almost taken aback when he walked into Savannah's room and Rachel had collided with him. But he took one look at her, saw what she was holding and just dropped what he was carrying and grabbed for her. As she cried and choked out her words he couldn't bring himself to say anything more than it'll be okay. He didn't know what to say. Savannah had been losing her hair steadily in clumps the past few days and each and every time he found more on her pillow or in her brush his heart broke. He reached for her hand, attempting to loosen her grip on the hair. She jerked her hand away from him and looked up at him with alarmed eyes.

"Don't make me put it down," she croaked, her eyes wide.

"I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to do...but you're going to need to when I show you what I brought..."

She chewed her lip as she looked from her fist to him and back.

"What did you bring?" she asked quietly. He let go of her waist and turned to where he had dropped the bag he had brought in. He felt her eyes on his as he dug in the small bag. He turned around when he picked up the hair trimmer he had brought with him.

He held it out to her.

"I want to shave my head...you know, for Savannah..." he shrugged as he looked at her. "I was thinking you could help me? Since I don't trust myself to do it even or anything..."

Rachel opened and closed her mouth as she stared at him.

"I don't want her to be alone, you know?" he said softly.

"Finn..." She didn't know what else to say. The lump that was forming in her throat was enough for her. She had never doubted that Finn was a great father. She had known it back then even, when they were just teenagers that he would be great at this. But he was more than great. He was the best dad any child could ask for. She was always thankful that he was her daughter's father, because she couldn't have chosen anyone better. Even if it was the wrong time.

"So will you help me? I want to do it before she wakes up..."

She looked at him one more time before nodding. He gave her a slow half smile before he handed her the trimmer before going to grab a chair.

They set it up further from where Savannah was sleeping, and she was taken aback at first when he pulled out a large towel.

"I figured we could put this under the chair, catch all the hair so there's nothing to clean up. It was the biggest one I had at home..."

She nodded. "You thought of everything," she sighed as she watched him spread it out behind the chair, before grabbing one more from the bag that wasn't quite as big and spreading it in the front before he sat down. She held the clipper in her hand tentatively as she looked back and forth between him and the machine. He stared back at her, neither of them speaking. Their eyes locked for a moment as she held the instrument.

"Come on, before she wakes up and you go to work..." he tried to encourage her. She nodded again and stepped behind him, the clipper in her left hand. She let out a breath and used her right hand to push her fingers through his thick hair.

"I always loved your hair," she murmured as she pulled a little at the strands, a flash of memories hitting her out of the blue.

Finn turned around to look at her. His own features faltered when he saw the look on her face, the play of emotions on her features. He reached for her hand and tugged until she got the message and he unexpectedly pulled her into his lap. She landed clumsily in his lap and she had to curl her arm around the bicep of his right arm so she didn't completely lose her balance. Her breath hitched when she regained her composure and she looked up at Finn, who was staring back down at her. They held the gaze for what seemed like hours but was merely minutes. They inched closer until they were a breath apart, simultaneously stopping before their lips could touch.

"Rachel," he breathed as he brought a hand up to her cheek. He traced her cheekbone with his thumb as he looked at her. "It's just hair..."

"I know," she whispered. "It'll grow back..." Her voice was thick as she finally shied away from him, his hand dropping from her cheek. She let go of his arm and slipped off his lap before going to take her position behind him with the clippers in hand.

She waited another beat before she turned the clipper on, startled by its slight buzz. She was glad they had backed away from Savannah. But she still hesitated before she took the blade to his hair. She took a deep breath.

"Go for it Rach," he whispered, straightening himself and closing his eyes. He heard Rachel take another deep breath before he felt the clipper touch his head and the first bit of hair fall. It was such a small gesture, but he at least hoped it would make Savannah smile.

* * *

He had to wait a bit for Savannah to come around from her sedation. He'd coaxed Rachel into going to take a shower in the nurses room and get something more than an apple to eat before her shift started. It had been a struggle, one that he had been through many times the last three weeks. But he had got her to go once she had kissed Savannah goodbye. He ran his hand over his newly shaved head before leaning over and pulling out a Sports Illustrated magazine he had brought with him. "Daddy?" He sat up quickly at the sound of her quiet voice.

"Hey jellybean," he smiled as he pulled his chair closer to her. She blinked tiredly at him, a slow grin coming across her features as she woke up more.

"Daddy, where did your hair go?" she whispered as she reached her hand out to him. He moved his chair closer and moved his head down so she can feel his head. She giggled as she felt the rough texture of his head. "It feels funny," she giggled as she moved to sit up. She reached over put both her hands on his head, giggling as she did so. "What happened to it?"

"What happened to what?" he asked as she moved her hands off his head, putting them on his cheeks. He pretended to nibble on her hands for a moment as she softly giggled.

"Your hair Daddy..." she giggled. "Did the medicine take it?"

When she had started to lose her hair a few days ago, they had explained it to her as the medicine was taking it away to make her better. Finn only wished that was half true.

"Mommy used a special tool to take it off..."

"Mommy did it?" She questioned."Why?" He saw her eyes flickering around the room; he knew she was looking for Rachel. She had slept a little longer today after her radiation and had missed Rachel saying goodbye and going to work.

"Well, cause I asked her too..." He smiled, reaching over to touch her own now mostly bald head.

"But why..."

"Cause I wanted to look like you jellybean..." Her giggle came out stronger this time. She leaned back on her pillow and giggled again. "Is that okay?"

"We're twins!" Savannah giggled.

Finn smiled at her, despite the lump that was forming in his throat. "We are jellybean, we are."

* * *

They got to take her home for Thanksgiving. When Finn got word that the treatment team had given permission for her to leave for the holiday he had begged and pleaded with his shift mates to have the days off. He had been successful, and as he carried Savannah in his arms down to Rachel's car he had never been more grateful.

She cuddled into his chest as he held her tightly, burying her scarf covered head into the crook of his neck. He watched as Rachel ran ahead of him, her own brown hair pulled back and high on her head, tied with a scarf that matched the one that was wrapped around Savannah's head. Rachel waited for them with the back door of the car open, watching with hopeful eyes as Finn lowered Savannah into her car seat, somewhere she hadn't been since this long journey had started. She slumped a little in her seat, her eyes blinking tiredly at him. The last few days leading up to Thanksgiving especially the treatment had been wreaking havoc on her body and he was grateful and relieved that she was getting a break. Even though weekends were typically her reprieve, this had been the first time she got to go home for a break. Finn didn't want to think about what those implications meant. He fastened her car seat quickly before he pressed a kiss to her forehead. When he straightened up and closed the door, he came face to face with Rachel. She was still clutching Savannah's bag in her hand, but looking down at her feet while chewing her lip. He reached out to her slowly and tilted her head up so she was looking directly at him.

"Rachel," he sighed softly when he saw the tears in her eyes. She looked at him for a moment before she dropped the bag she was holding, throwing her arms around his chest and holding him tightly for a moment.

"We get to take her home Finn," she whimpered as she buried her head in his coat for a moment. "We get to take her home."

He held her tightly, squeezing her waist gently. "We do," he whispered as he held her. "We should go enjoy our time off with our girl." He pulled away from her after he pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

Their family was getting together for Thanksgiving at Rachel's apartment. Normally there would be a meal at either of their parents homes, but this year they were changing it up. Her mother had spent the morning cleaning the apartment to Rachel's direction, while his mother had spent the entire morning cooking a traditional Thanksgiving meal with help from her father's. The entire family was coming together for the first time, all in support of the little girl who had fallen asleep in her car seat.

Rachel asked him to drive her car home, so she could sit in the back with Savannah. He took note as he drove to somehow get her car looked at for her, hearing a noise when he pressed the brakes. But as he came a stop light a few blocks from her apartment he looked back in the rear view mirror to find Rachel hunched over, her head close to Savannahs. He didn't miss the tears in her eyes or the soft singing coming from her mouth. He smiled a little sadly at the sight before the light turned green and he hit the gas.

The smell of Thanksgiving dinner overwhelmed them as they walked into the apartment. This time a sleeping Savannah was curled in Rachel's arms as he walked behind them.

"I'm going to put her in her bed," Rachel sighed as she adjusted her arm around her for a moment. "Maybe if she sleeps a bit she'll stomach some food when it's ready..."

He nodded his agreement as he helped her remove Savannah's shoes and coat. He kissed her head before Rachel took her to her room and he moved to the kitchen, to find all of their parents standing around the small table, glasses of wine in their hands.

He took one look at his Mom and he could feel any of the resolve he had built up start to crumble. As exciting as it was to have Savannah home for the weekend, he couldn't forget that this was temporary. When Thanksgiving was over, tomorrow for Savannah, their world would go back to its new reality of radiation treatments, MRI's and various pokes, prods and checks.

As if she could sense that he needed her, Carole put her wine glass down on the counter and moved towards him just in time to wrap him in a hug. He clenched his eyes shut as he buried his head in her shoulder as she held him. He didn't want to cry, the room was filled with his family and he didn't want to let his guard down in front of them. But the longer his mom held him, the easier it became to let go. He heard the rest of the family quietly leave the room to give them a moment. He raised his head off her shoulder after another minute and wiped his eyes.

"You okay?" Carole asked softly. She didn't press for an answer, instead she ran her hands up and down his arms as she looked at him.

He swallowed hard, looking at her through watery eyes. He shook his head no before trying to speak."I just...this is all..." he shrugged as Carole pulled him into her arms again as he finally let his tears flow free. "I don't want to take her back tomorrow Mom...she should...she should..."

"I know," Carole soothed. "I know. Before you know it her treatment will be done and she'll be home. You'll see."

* * *

Rachel slowly closed Savannah's door behind her as she stepped out, exhaling slowly as she did so. She ran her fingers through her hair as she walked, shaking out the knots as she went. She heard hushed voices coming from the living room, and instead of heading out there to join her family she headed to her bedroom. She sighed once more when she walked inside, seeing the complete disarray that her room was in. Clothes were strewn everywhere, and at the moment she just didn't care. Her mom had cleaned the rest of the apartment it seemed, and left her room as is. She sat down on the edge of the bed, pushing the pile of scrubs to the ground as she held her head in her hands. She pressed the palms of her hands into her eyes as she felt tears burn in her eyes, the exhaustion and emotions of today coming to a head. She rubbed her eyes hard as the tears appeared. When she stopped, her eyes fell on the framed photo that sat on her dresser. It was one of Savannah's first photos, taken by Finn with shaky hands as she was being weighed and cleaned off by the nurses. She sniffed as she stood up to grab the photo in the pretty pink frame and sat down again on the mattress with it in her hands. As she stared at the photo, she was transported back to that day in vivid colour. She remembered everything, the pain, the crying and the relief. She also remembered the anxiety she felt, about being a good mother, if she would be enough for the tiny baby who was screaming her lungs out. But all it took was one look at that small, 5 pound, 13 ounce bundle of pure love and she knew right then that it would be okay.  
Until her world came crashing down.

"I remember that day so clearly." Her head shot up at the sound of her mother's voice, breaking her from the concentration on the photo. "I can hear Finn's voice so distinctly in my head, it was an octave higher than it normally was and all he could say over and over was "she's coming, she's coming." I'd never heard someone sound so excited and terrified at the same time. And you...you were the picture of calm, even though I knew you must have been flipping out because it was a week earlier than planned and we all know how much of a planner you are..." She chuckled as she walked more into the room, coming to sit down beside her on the bed.

"Do you remember what you said to me, after she was born? You were holding her in your arms and you looked up at me with tears in your eyes and said..."

"This is what true love feels like..." Rachel completed. She slowly smiled as she looked over at Shelby before turning back to the framed photo. She ran her finger over Savannah's head in the picture. "Mom, do you think she's going to be okay?"

Shelby looked at Rachel with a hesitant glance. Rachel could see it in her Mom's eyes, she didn't want to say the wrong thing.

"I pray every day she gets through this," Shelby answered honestly. "I pray every day for you, and Savannah and even for Finn. Because as your mother, it's killing me that I can't do much else to take this pain away from any of you..."

Rachel sighed as her lip trembled and she clutched the small pink frame to her chest as she let herself breakdown. Shelby wrapped her arms around her soothingly, running her hand up and down her arm.

"It's going to be okay," Shelby whispered over and over. "It's going to be okay."

* * *

It was Savannah calling for both her and Finn that broke them out of their respective moments. Rachel shot up from her bed like a rocket and nearly collided with Finn in the hallway trying to get to her bedroom. They both smiled gently at each other and Finn reached over to brush away one of her tear tracks before they went inside.

It broke his heart the moment he laid eyes on her. Savannah was cuddled amongst her pillows with tears running down her cheeks, her scarf that had been around her head discarded onto the floor. She looked both sad and scared at the same time.

"What's wrong jellybean?" Him and Rachel stepped towards the bed in unison but Finn was the first to sit beside her.

"I got scared," she whimpered as she lifted her arms. Finn immediately scooped her up in his arms and cuddled her still tired and weak body to his chest.

"Why were you scared sweetheart?" Rachel asked as she ran her finger over her cheek. Neither of them moved to replace the scarf.

"I didn't know where I was..." she whimpered, curling into Finn more.

Rachel's heart ached as Savannah clung to Finn but raised her eyes to look at her.

"Oh sweetheart," she breathed. "You're home baby, this is your room and all your family is out in the living room and..."

"I'm tired Mommy," she whined.

"I know sweetheart. And that's okay...you can go back to sleep if you want..."

Savannah shook her head. "No. Stay with you and Daddy..." She clung to Finn harder."Don't leave me..." She whimpered.

Finn gave Rachel a meaningful look before pressing a kiss to Savannah's head. "Never jellybean, never."

* * *

Finn stood back with a bottle of water clutched in his hands as he watched his mother and Shelby set the table for dinner. He took a sip from the bottle as he watched Rachel from across the small room. She had Savannah tucked in her arms, her thumb stuck in her mouth and her legs wrapped around Rachel's waist. She looked tiny in Rachel's arms, and for a moment he was taken back to last Thanksgiving, though the picture was much different from this one. Gone was his bubbly little girl who had ran around a table just like this one, singing five little turkeys at the top of her lungs. Instead, in her place was a shadow of that little girl. His little girl had been stolen, and as he watched her tighten her weak grip on Rachel he felt his heart constrict before he took another sip of his water.

After they ate, Finn got his moment with Savannah. Rachel insisted on helping their mothers tidy up the meal. Her father's had collected the garbage and were taking it down to the compactor room to get rid of it and he got to cuddle with Savannah. He sunk into the couch with her securely in his arms, her head resting under his chin as she clung to him much like she had to Rachel earlier. She didn't have much of an appetite the last few days and had managed only a fistful of mashed potatoes. Thanksgiving had been her favourite holiday the last two years, and the change this year was glaringly obvious and made his heart ache. He had been trying all day to squish down the feeling that this may be her last one. He didn't want to think like that, but he couldn't help it when there seemed to be no change from one week to the next. But he couldn't think like that, because she was going to beat this if it was the last thing he did.

Finn pressed a kiss to her head as she gripped his shirt in her fist. She was falling asleep, he could tell by the way she yawned and the way her chest rose and fell, but she continued to hang on to his shirt.

"I love you jellybean," he whispered against her head.

"I love Daddy," she whimpered. She yawned as she curled into him more and Finn briefly let himself smile.

"You want Daddy to take you to bed jellybean?" he asked after she yawned one more time.

She shook her head and whimpered tiredly when he moved to get off the couch. "No Daddy. Stay with you Daddy..." she whined, her voice breaking. Rachel came rushing into the room at the sound of her distraught voice. Finn gave her a slight smile before pressing his lips to Savannah's forehead. She looked up at him with watery eyes.

"We're not going anywhere jellybean, we'll stay right here..." he soothed, his hand rubbing a circle on her back.

"Mommy too?" she whimpered. The couch dipped beside him and Rachel placed her hand on Savannah's back as well.

"Mommy too," Rachel confirmed. "We're not going anywhere."

He really wished he didn't have to take her back to the hospital tomorrow.

* * *

So there you have it.


	7. Chapter 7

Hola! I am especially proud of this chapter and how it came out. It just flowed out, and since chapter 8 is finally coming together, I've decided to post this one. Special thanks to Lauren and Sara for proofing this. As promised, a tissue rating of ... 1 box is given to this chapter. Also, I still don't own Finn and Rachel. I do own Savannah.

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

Finn dragged his tired body up the last few steps that would take him to his apartment. His body ached, it had been a long 48 hours at work, his first shift of that length in awhile. It had been a rough one, with numerous calls that varied in severity. Everything hurt, and at the moment there was very little that sounded better than grabbing a quick nap and a hot shower before heading to the hospital to spend time with his favourite girl. He shoved his key in the hole and entered the apartment, dropping his bag and shrugging off his jacket as he went. He stretched his arms above his head for a moment, contemplating if the shower could wait until after a nap. The decision though, was made for him as his cell phone buzzed from his pocket. When he pulled the phone out of his pocket and saw that it was Rachel, his heart sank immediately. He closed his eyes as he brought the phone to his ear, hoping it was just a call to request something for Savannah.

It wasn't.

Dr. Taylor wanted to see them as soon as possible. He could tell by the shake in Rachel's voice as he talked to her, that something was going on. He knew she wouldn't talk to anyone without him there, it was a discussion they had had at the beginning. Unless it was an emergency, they would try and wait for both to be present. It had worked for the most part. He hung up the phone after assuring her he would be on his way after he grabbed a shower, tossing it on the table beside the door before he started the short walk to the bedroom to grab a change of clothes. He was no longer exhausted, instead he jumped in the shower to wash the shifts grime from his body. As he stood under the spray, he closed his eyes as his thoughts ran wild. He didn't want to think about what Dr. Taylor could want to talk about, but his heart sank to his stomach as he thought about the implications. Calling a meeting was different than just updating them on her condition. And to Finn, one was better than the other. He could feel it in his bones that this wasn't going to be good.

* * *

Rachel held her phone in her hand as she finished the conversation with Finn.  
"Is Mr. Hudson on his way?" Dr. Taylor asked calmly.  
Rachel nodded as she bit her lip. "He should be here soon. He just got home from work and was going to take a shower..."  
Dr. Taylor nodded. "I'll be in my office. Come find me when he's arrived."

She nodded as the doctor left and she stared down at her phone once more. Her lip trembled as the screen came to life, a silly picture of Savannah on her home screen. The picture was old, probably close to a year old now, taken on a random day they had spent together at the mall. Both of their cheeks were pink, and they were both wearing almost identical smiles. She had the day off and had liberated Savannah from daycare and they had spent the entire day shopping for Christmas and Hanukkah. Savannah had been a champ, helping her pick out gifts for her Grandpas and Rachel had splurged on a pretty dress for her to wear on the last night of the celebrations and for the Hudson Christmas Eve party. She felt a pang in her chest as she thought about it, she wondered if the parties and celebrations would go on without them this year. She wondered a lot about the future and her breath caught in her throat as she tried not to let her thoughts get too much ahead of her. She looked back at the picture before she looked over at Savannah who had fallen asleep for her mid-morning nap. The drugs made her tired, and as she checked the time on her phone she knew they would be by shortly to take her for her treatment. It was always a bonus when it happened when she was already asleep; it had helped a lot with the transition in the beginning. Now the treatments were second nature for her, and that thought broke her heart. It shouldn't be this way.

* * *

Finn arrived just as Savannah was wheeled down to her treatment. He blew out a breath as he came to a stop in front of her.  
"I got here as soon as I could," he breathed out. Her gaze was focused past him, watching as Savannah was turned down another hallway and out of her sight. "Did they take her for treatment?" he whispered, running his hands through his slightly damp hair. Rachel snapped out of her trance and turned to look at him with her arms crossed over her chest. She nodded as she turned to face him completely, her eyes finding his as she chewed her lip between her teeth.

"She's gone down..." she whispered. They stared at each other for a moment. They both knew they had to go find Dr. Taylor before Savannah came back.

"Did Dr. Taylor say to meet him here or..."

"We have to go to his office," she whispered, her voice was thick with a sudden onset of worry. "Finn..."

Finn sighed as he looked at her. "His office it is then, let's go..." He held out his hand to her in an offer of support and she looked at him hesitantly for a moment before taking it. He gave her a small smile and squeezed her hand before he led the way down the hallway to the office of Dr. Taylor, the feeling of dread and anxiousness filling his stomach.

He felt Rachel squeeze his hand as they were shown in by the receptionist and led straight into the older man's office. Finn felt immediately that that wasn't a good sign, but tried to remind himself that the Doctor was expecting them.

Dr. Taylor immediately stood when they walked in and Rachel felt her heart leap to her throat. The older man stuck out his hand as they approached the desk and he took a moment to shake both of their hands as if this was the first time they had met.

"Thank you for coming so quickly Mr. Hudson," Dr. Taylor acknowledged as the three of them sat down.

Finn nodded as he turned to Rachel. "When she calls, I listen," he sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair.

Dr. Taylor nodded.

Finn adjusted himself in his seat and waited for the older man to speak. He wasn't an impatient person, he just didn't appreciate the games Doctor's played. He wanted to know what was going on, not wait through small talk and pleasantries. Especially since it seemed like this was sort of an emergency since the Doctor had called the meeting.

"We need to talk about Savannah's most recent MRI," Dr. Taylor began. He folded his hands in front of him on the table, resting them over the file that held the results. "As you know, after each week of treatment we've been performing an MRI on Savannah to track her tumour's progress with the radiation. We had been hopeful that between the surgery and the aggressive and regimented treatment of radiation that we would begin to see at the very least the early stages of cell death in her tumour. What we found, however was not what we had hoped..." Dr. Taylor took a breath to let the information sink in, and took the moment to grab the print out of the scan. "The four weeks of radiation that Savannah has under gone have left the tumour unchanged. As you can see here..."

He didn't know what was happening right now. Finn knew that Dr. Taylor was talking, but the rest of the room was swimming and he was becoming increasingly hot. He felt like he was going to be sick and actually felt his stomach roll just as Rachel grabbed for his hand. He was shot back to the room from wherever he had been orbiting as she took his hand in his and squeezed tightly. His face turned to hers immediately and everything became so vivid. Her face said it all as Dr. Taylor's voice floated in the background. Her skin was chalk white and the hold she had on his hand was one that would only rival the day Savannah was born. She looked like she was going to be sick, she looked exactly like he felt.

The radiation wasn't working.

Four weeks of intensive radiation, four weeks of rubbing her back and cleaning up vomit and cuddling her when she cried because her PICC line hurt. Four weeks of hoping, wishing and praying that this was going to work and NOTHING. No change. No evidence of cell death, even in the slightest, no shrinking of the tumour that was left - NOTHING.

He swallowed hard, not once or twice but three times, trying to find the strength desperately to talk. Rachel interlaced her fingers with his and she squeezed as he brought them to rest on his knee. He squeezed back in an attempt to show her some bit of strength or courage or whatever she needed. He needed her just as much.

"So what...what now..." his voice came out stammered, weak. He didn't like it but it was only voice he had.

"We have two options," Dr. Taylor started. "We can continue with the radiation for two more weeks, the maximum dosage for a period of time. Or we can make the change in a few days over to chemotherapy..."

That moment is when his head went foggy again and his ears began to feel like they were under water. Everything was muffled and he was trying so valiantly himself not to cry because aside from that muffled sound, he can hear Rachel's whimpers. He squeezed her hand tighter, holding onto her like she was the only link to this world. He didn't know what to say, he didn't know what they're best option is. He just wanted all of this to stop. He can't take this anymore and he is so sure Savannah can't either.

Somewhere and somehow, they decided to keep going for the next two weeks with the radiation treatment plan. He wasn't really sure how that came about, but as he watched Rachel's chin tremble with her tears he knew that neither one of their options was the best choice. They both went through the motions to say goodbye to Dr. Taylor and leave together. The second the door to the office closed behind them, Finn tugged on Rachel's hand hard enough that it sent her colliding into his chest. He huffed as her head drove into his chest and he wrapped his arms tightly around her as she started to sob.

Her whole body shook as she threw herself into his chest.

"It's not fair," she whimpered as she grabbed his Henley long sleeved shirt in her hand. The fabric felt rough against her fingers. "It's not fair Finn! She's been so good and so brave and it's NOT WORKING!" she shrieked into his chest as she pulled on his shirt.

"I know Rach," he clutched her harder and held her to him as she sobbed, as his own tears fell down his cheeks. "I know..." His hands pulled her closer against him, one of them leaving her waist to come up and cup the back of her head as she leaned into him. He leaned backwards onto the wall just outside the office, his body cradling hers. He held her tight as her sobs began to taper into dull whimpers, his own tears continued to rain down his cheeks.

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of her head a few times. "I'm sorry," he murmured into her hair. "I'm so sorry..."

Her head jolted upwards, her eyes meeting his instantly. She hiccupped as she stared at him, her breath shuddering and her hand trembled as she reached up to wipe his tears away. Her thumb lingered when it touched the side of his nose where a tear had collected in the crease.

"Why are you sorry?" she whispered. He looked down at her with a steady gaze.

"I just..." he leaned his head back against the wall again and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath as her hand dropped from his face to his shoulder.

"Finn..."

He exhaled slowly and looked down at her once more.

"This isn't your fault," she emphasized. "None of this is your fault...you didn't give her cancer..." her voice broke as the final word left her lips. "It's not your fault..." She leaned her head on his chest, this time her ear landed right where his heart was and she sniffed as she listened to the beat that had once soothed her so greatly.

They stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity, both of them desperately trying to calm themselves down enough to go see Savannah. Finn's hand ghosted over her head as he let out a long breath, his emotions calming to the point where he somewhat felt okay.

"You okay?" he whispered as he looked down at her. She released a breath herself before she looked up at him.

"Define okay," she stated with a thick voice.

Finn chuckled softly. "Okay enough to go see our girl?"

Her lip trembled once more but she inhaled sharply to control herself. She nodded before she untangled herself from his chest. She wiped her eyes gently when she pulled away. She couldn't look at him, her eyes fell to the floor for a second before she felt him press his hand to the small of her back.

"Come on, let's go see our girl..."

She nodded and let him lead her down the hallway with his hand on her back.

They walked in silence back to Savannah's room. They stopped just before they got to her room, Finn looked down at Rachel for approval before he opened the door. When she nodded, he reached the handle and gestured for her to step in first. He allowed a smile to grace his mouth when he saw Savannah starting to wake up from the haze of sedation. Rachel was at her side already, fussing over Savannah.

His heart jumped when he stepped closer to the bed, coming to stand beside Rachel.

She blinked lazily up at Finn as a tired smile pulled at her lips. "Hi daddy," she croaked, her voice dry.

"Hi there jellybean," he smiled weakly. "Did you have a good sleep?"

She nodded slowly as Rachel continued to fuss over her. She helped Savannah sit up a little as she woke up more, slowly smiling at both of them.

It was quiet for a few moments as Savannah got comfortable, grabbing Petey and snuggling with him as she leaned back on her pillow.

"Mommy?" she asked softly once Rachel had finally taken her seat.

"Yes princess?" she smiled as she reached over to rub her cheek.

"Can I have some ice cream?" she asked quietly.

"Ice cream? Really?" Rachel tried to hold in her excitement. It had been weeks since Savannah had had a substantial appetite, let alone a craving.

Savannah nodded. "Chocolate ice cream," she whispered as she looked at them. "Please Mommy?"

She nodded, immediately standing up from her chair. She stumbled over her chair for a moment, before Finn grabbed her hand to steady her. "Of course. I'll go get some...I'll be...I'll be right back..."

Finn chuckled as he watched Rachel dash from the room in search of chocolate ice cream. He chuckled again when he turned to face Savannah once more.

"Chocolate huh, jellybean?" he asked as he chuckled lightly. "Couldn't pick something better?"

"Chocolate is the best daddy," she smiled as Finn reached over to tickle her neck.

"Nah, strawberry..." he laughed.

"Nooo Mommy says chocolate is the best..." she giggled. "I like chocolate..."

Finn made a funny face at her before she giggled again. She leaned against the pillow when they were finished, her brown eyes focusing on Finn intently.

"Daddy?" she asked after the quiet enveloped them. She caught her breath and stared at him.

"Yeah jellybean?"

"Why do you call me that?" she asked with a smile.

"Call you what?"

"Jellybean!" she smiled tiredly. "Mommy calls me princess...but you call me jellybean...why?"

Finn smiled as he leaned his elbows onto her bed.

"I've always called you jellybean..." he started.

"I know. But whyyy daddy..."

"Well, it's because back when you were teeny tiny in Mommy's belly, the doctor used to take pictures all the time to make sure you were growing good...and the very first picture we got of you...you looked just like a tiny jellybean. It's just stuck since then..." he smiled as he looked at her. "You're my jellybean..."

She nodded and yawned, the excitement catching up with her just as the door to the room opened.

"Well Ms. Savannah, you are quite the lucky little girl, look what I found!" Rachel smiled as she walked into the room, holding up the cup of chocolate ice cream she had managed to find in the cafeteria. Savannah giggled and struggled to sit up more on her bed

Finn immediately reached over and helped her sit up more before moving her table in front of her. Both Rachel and Finn smiled as they watched her perk up as soon as Rachel handed her the ice cream.

She sat down in the chair beside Finn and sighed. They both watched as Savannah ate her ice cream. Both of them could see her getting tired. Even though she had napped before the treatment, during and a little after she still suffered. Finn just hoped she got to finish her ice cream before she fell asleep again.

"Oh," Rachel paused as she stuck her hand in the pocket of the hoodie she was wearing. "Here. I almost forgot." She pulled out two cups of chocolate pudding. "I saw them and thought of you. Chocolate is your favourite, right?"

"Daddy likes strawberry Mommy. He told me," Savannah interjected before taking another bite of the ice cream.

Finn turned to Rachel and reached out to take the cup from her.

"I guess I can suffer through chocolate pudding," he smiled. Rachel winked as he tore off the top before she handed him a spoon. He held up his spoon in mock salute before he took a bite. "Thanks Rach." She nodded before digging into her own.

She had seen the pudding cups while she waited to get Savannah's ice cream. It was fitting, to her at least that she had spotted them. He was always doing nice things for her, bringing her breakfast and coffee when he came in. But the pudding cups, the specific brand even more so brought back many memories. In fact, it was one of these very cups that had been the catalyst for the relationship her and Finn had had. She sighed as she looked down at hers before sneaking a glance at Finn who was busy eating his. She smiled ever so slightly. Some things never changed.

"Mommy, I'm done..." Savannah sighed after a minute. "I'm sleepy..."

Rachel put her pudding down and stood up, moving Savannah's table from in front of her. She grabbed a tissue from the side of the bed and wet it with the Princess sippy cup before washing her face gently. Savannah yawned and looked up at Rachel with sleepy eyes.

"I love you princess," she whispered as she closed her eyes. Savannah smiled and moved around, snuggling down into her blanket as sleep overcame her again.

He could tell Rachel didn't want to leave for work. Even though Savannah had succumbed to her exhaustion once more, Rachel still hovered around the bed, making sure her sippy cup had fresh water and that she wasn't too hot. Savannah was sleeping peacefully and Finn had run down to his car to grab his backpack he had left behind in his hurry earlier.

"You're going to be late," Finn murmured as he watched her adjust the blanket one more time.

"I have to go down two floors. Not going to take me long," she mumbled as she moved around the bed to play with the curtains once more. "Rachel..." He tried to keep his voice even as he spoke to her but he bit his cheek when he saw her flinch. She turned around slowly. "Rach, you have to get going or you're not going to have time to get a coffee..."

She bit her lip as she looked down at the floor before meeting his gaze across the room. He stood up from where he was sitting and came over to stand in front of her. He reached out to touch her arm. She looked away from him, focusing her vision on Savannah for a moment.

"You're not going anywhere...right?" she asked quietly before she turned back to look at him.

He didn't even hesitate before he answered her plea. "Of course not." Her eyes dropped to the ground once more. "I'm not going to leave her side. Just like every other night."

She chewed her lip before she looked up at him. "Promise?"

"Of course."

He wasn't sure what had brought that on, the sudden burst of insecurity but he could see it on her face that she was worried. He touched her arm one more time.

"I'm not leaving her side. Ever. I promise."

She nodded and her features relaxed a little. "I'm sorry," she breathed. "Just after today..." she wrapped her arms around her torso for a moment.

He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead. He felt her freeze against his lips. "I know. And I wish I could say it was going to be okay but..."

She pushed away from him and wiped a stray tear away from her eye."I know. I know. ..." She took a deep breath and shook herself off. He gave her a hug as a sign of offered comfort and she accepted, much like she had earlier in the day.

Finn watched her gather her bag and say goodbye to Savannah one more time before giving him a weak smile and leaving. It pained him to watch her leave, knowing the torture she felt. He had seen it on her face every time she left to go to work, and felt it every time he left them to go home or go to work. Every time he left them he felt like turning right back around and coming back to them. He worried constantly and he knew Rachel did too. As he settled in his chair with his iPad in hand, he laughed softly when his cell phone buzzed from beside him. He pulled it off the table and smiled when she saw it was Rachel.  
_  
Take care of our girl please.  
__**  
Always do**_.

She always sent him the same message at the start of every shift.

* * *

He enjoyed the nights he got to spend with Savannah so much. He just wished he could do it every night, that work didn't have to come in between. But that was life, and he didn't let it stop him from enjoying the time he did get with her - much like he did when he had her for his weekends. His weekends. It seemed like such a thing of the past now, they had been doing this hospital and treatment and _cancer_ thing for so long it felt like everything else was someone else's life.

"Gus Gus is funny Daddy," Savannah giggled as they watched the movie, snuggled together on Savannah's bed. She heaved a little and laid her head back on his chest as he ran his hand over her head.

"He sure is baby..." Finn smiled down at her before reaching over to grab his bottle of water. He took a swig as Savannah giggled once more at the scene in front of her.

"Can I have a drink Daddy?" She asked as she looked back up at him.

"Of course jellybean," he reached over to put his own bottle down and landed his hand on her sippy cup. She smiled when he handed it to her.

"Thank you,"

"Anytime jellybean..." he smiled.

He was pretty sure he could recite this movie in his sleep. Every night he spent with Savannah, this is what they ended up doing. The hospital had its own movie library, but he had bought this for her when she was first admitted and...it was all she wanted to watch. And whatever she wanted, he obliged. Nothing had changed on that front.

As the movie played on, he could tell Savannah was starting to get tired. She snuggled more into his chest, so much so that she was practically in his lap. He kissed her head as her eyes slowly drooped, but he could tell she was trying to stay awake.

"Am I as pretty as Cinderella Daddy?" she croaked as she lay against his chest.

"You're the prettiest girl I've ever seen, jellybean..." he smiled down at her, bopping her nose with his finger.

She gave him a tired smile. "like Mommy?"

He nodded gently as he looked down at her."Just like your Mommy."

She seemed content with his answer and turned back to the screen just as the Prince was arriving at her house to try on the glass slipper. Savannah snuggled into him more as he tightened his grip just a little.

As the movie drew to a close, Savannah yawned as Finn reached for the remote to turn the television off. When he set it down after doing so, Savannah looked up at him with sleepy eyes.

"Did you and Momma have a wedding Daddy?" she asked quietly.

Finn took a breath and looked down at her. He brushed a hand over her head for a moment.

"Well, no jellybean..." he hesitated as he reached up to turn the light above her bed off.

"Why not?"

He played with her fingers as she sighed against him. "We just never did and the time was..."

"I want to go to your wedding Daddy..." she pouted. "Yours and Mommys..."

"Well, you see jellybean, your mom and I..."

Savannah sat up a little and faced him. "You love Mommy don't you? You should get married like Cinderelly Daddy. You should."

Finn swallowed hard as he looked at her, her eyes were wide and bright with excitement even just for a moment. How could he tell her that it just didn't work that way?

* * *

_**Well?**_


	8. Chapter 8

Hola! I bet you thought I was gone, didn't you? It's been over THREE weeks since I updated this story and that kills me! Truth is, life has gotten a lot busier. These last few weeks I've worked full-time hours at work, plus homework for said job - it's kind of been insane. The next two weeks look much the same, with work, I'm going to a concert (Yay FOB!) and my birthday is in there (God, I'm turning 27. Gross). Aside from that, the end of this chapter nearly drove me crazy. I think Lauren can attest that I've rewritten that specific part of it 3-4 times. Also, this chapter is a monster. A lot of words, a lot of movement for some characters - just a lot. I hope you enjoy it. 1 tissue box rating. Maybe 1.5.

Anyway, I'm posting this now because I need to stop going back and changing things and deciding it's not good enough when I'm told, and think, it is. Also, my life has gotten insanely busy (see above) so I'm no longer sticking by my post when the next chapter is done rule. I really want to share this story with you guys.

So without further ado, and a mention that I still don't own anyone from glee or the song in which the title comes from, on with the show. 

* * *

**Chapter 8 **

Rachel held the apartment door open with her foot as she pulled her gloves off quickly.

"Thanks," Finn smiled as he crossed the threshold, an exhausted and half asleep Savannah in his arms. Rachel closed the door when he was through and immediately started fussing with the thick blanket they had wrapped around Savannah's body for the ride home. Savannah whined from Finn's arms as Rachel tugged at the blanket.

"Rach, it's okay..." Finn soothed as she dropped the fabric from her fingers. She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair.

They walked into the small apartment more, Savannah safely tucked in Finn's arms. He followed Rachel into the living room and carefully sat down on the edge of one of the couch cushions. Savannah moved in his arms, wiping her face against the fabric of his shirt that peaked out where his coat was unzipped. Rachel chucked out of her coat before sitting down beside him and carefully peeling the layers off of Savannah before helping Finn with his coat. Savannah buried her head in his chest once more, slowly blinking as her thumb found her mouth. Finn rubbed his hand along her arm as she sighed out before yawning.

Finn felt like they had received the best Christmas gift ever. Savannah had completed her last radiation treatment yesterday and had been discharged from the hospital for the Christmas break this evening. It was perfect timing, she got a two week reprieve before she had to head back to the hospital to start her new chemotherapy treatment and got to celebrate her favourite holiday. For Finn, it was the perfect Christmas gift. He couldn't have asked for anything else. He didn't want anything else.

"Mommy?" Savannah whispered against Finn's chest. Rachel reached over and adjusted the bandana that was around her head as it had slipped down her forehead a little.

"Yes baby?" She gave her a small smile as she leaned in a little closer.

"Is Santa going to know that I'm home?"

Rachel's eyes watered as she bit her lip before taking a deep breath. "Of course baby. Daddy and I let him know you were coming home, right Daddy?" She looked up at Finn with her eyes widened.

Finn nodded as he pressed a kiss to Savannah's head. "Absolutely Mommy. I spoke to the big man myself."

Savannah moved her head slightly and looked up at Finn with tired eyes. "You did Daddy?"

Finn nodded. "I did. You can ask Uncle Kurt. He's the one who got me the phone number. And you know what Santa said?"

Savannah blinked, her attention fully on him, hanging on his answer.

Finn met Rachel's eyes for a moment before turning his attention down to her once more. "He said you're number one on his nice list because you've been such a good and brave girl this year. He's proud of you."

They both watched Savannah's eyes widen for a moment before a smile graced her face and she leaned her head back on Finn's chest for a moment.

They sat there on the couch together, each of them lulled by the sound of the others breathing. Savannah let out a long breath as she laid on Finn's chest and he ran his hand up and down her back. Rachel smiled gently as she watched the two of them, their chests rising and falling in almost complete synchronicity. She reached over and placed her hand on Savannah's cheek, rubbing gently for a moment as she fell into a deep sleep.

"Do you remember when this was the only way we could get her to sleep?" Rachel asked after a moment, running her hand slowly up and down Savannah's back as she let out a breath.

Finn smiled down at her, nodding his head as he went."I do. She used to scream and scream unless she was in one of our arms. Especially when she was teething..." Rachel gave him another soft smile. Their eyes locked for a moment before they both quickly looked away. "I know we should put her to bed cause she'll be more comfortable there. But I just can't bring myself to put her down..." Finn whispered as he pressed a kiss to her head.

"I know exactly how you feel," she whispered. "I don't want to let her out of my sight..."

It was quiet as Finn held her. Rachel leaned onto him so she was as close to Savannah as possible with her hand still firmly on her back. She had never felt more at peace than she did in this moment. She stared at Savannah as Finn held her, and she let her mind wander. Right before her eyes she saw Savannah shrink down to various sizes. Many nights had been spent like this, starting from the day she was born. Savannah had always been a big cuddler, always wanted to be as close to either her or Finn as she could be. That hadn't changed. She had always admired the connection they had, the two of them. Finn had stepped up from the moment she was born and had just been the best father and that showed. Savannah adored him, and even just watching now she could tell. He held her tightly and Savannah clung to him, even in her sleep. She was so thankful that even though things hadn't gone the way they had intended, Savannah still had Finn. And in turn it meant she still had him too.

After a few more minutes of silence, they silently decided it was time for Savannah to go to bed. Finn held her while Rachel drew back her blanket so he could put her down comfortably. They both watched as she huffed when her head met her pillow as Rachel covered her with her blanket.

"Good night Savannah, so glad you're home for Christmas with us jellybean." Finn whispered as he placed a kiss on her head. She sighed in her sleep and curled her fist around her blanket as Finn backed away.

"I love you sweetheart," Rachel murmured against her head. They both stood there for a moment, watching her adjust herself in her blankets before Finn touched her back and gestured for them to leave the room. She followed him hesitantly out of the room. She felt pulled to stay with Savannah, but she knew she would sleep just as well without her or them right there. She followed him out to the hallway and ran her fingers through her hair as she bit her lip.

"Do you...do you want to stay for some tea...or something?" she asked quietly. "It's Christmas Eve and..."

Finn nodded and gave her a half hearted smile. "That sounds great Rach."

Rachel smiled and felt herself let out a breath before she walked towards the kitchen to start the kettle. 

* * *

Finn stood in the living room and looked around. He picked up Savannah's duffle bag and placed it on the chair in the corner before settling on the couch. He heard Rachel humming to herself from his spot in the kitchen, and smiled a little to himself. It felt like home, to him, and he was taken back to a similar time in this very spot. They had spent two Christmas' here in this apartment together and they had been magical, if he did say so himself. They had always had such a great time together, as a family around the holidays. Christmas was his favourite time of year, and this year was no different. If anything, this year was even more special. They got to take their daughter home, away from the hospital. He wanted nothing more than to make this the best Christmas ever. For everyone.

* * *

Rachel stepped out of the kitchen in time to see Finn shoving his feet back in his boots. Her heart sank as she watched him. She didn't want to be alone tonight.  
"Where are you going?" she asked quietly as she crossed her arms over her abdomen. "I just..."

"I'll be right back, okay?" he turned to look at her as his foot slid into his boot."I just have to go get something, but I will be back..."

"It's Christmas, Finn..." she whined a little. She didn't know what she was expecting, but the disappointment she felt as she watched him pull on his coat was immense.

He gave her a half smile."I know. I promise I'll be back."

She watched as he left the apartment, closing the door to the apartment behind him as quietly as he could. She blew out a breath and ran her fingers through her hair once more before she padded down the hallway and pushed open Savannah's door. She leaned her body and her head against the door frame as tears welled in her eyes. Her baby was home, even if it was just for a little while. She had been home at Thanksgiving, but that had been different - a day pass was much different than what this was - two weeks off, no treatments - just the two of them...maybe three if Finn was around. Back to normal, whatever that was. If only for a little while.

The kettle whistling caught her off guard and she quickly turned around, closing Savannah's door behind her once more before running to the kitchen to tend to it. She poured two mugs of hot water and chose a Vanilla chai teabag for herself. She wasn't sure what kind Finn would want, if he came back that is so she left his in the microwave to keep warm. She was just finishing up adding milk and a bit of sugar to hers when she heard a light tap on the door. She placed her mug down and padded to the door again and fixed her shirt out of habit before she reached for the handle. 

* * *

Finn was about to knock again when the door swung open in front of him. He gave Rachel a small smile just as her eyes landed on the bag on the floor.

"What...Finn?" Rachel opened and closed her mouth a few times as they stood facing each other. She opened the door wider and allowed him to come inside, dragging the large bag behind him.

"It's my Christmas tree," he answered her question finally as he set the bag down. She bit her lip as she looked at him. He took a step towards her. "Santa needs somewhere to put the presents..." He touched her shoulder. "And I think we owe it to Savannah...and ourselves to make this the best Christmas ever..." He leaned his head down and met her eyes for a moment. She nodded as she nibbled on her lip and he turned around to bring the tree into the living room. He immediately set about opening the bag and began to take the tree parts out and assemble it.

She watched him for a moment before running to the kitchen to grab her keys.

"I'll be right back. Your...the...your tea is in the microwave...I'll be right back..."

Finn nodded and gave her a soft smile before turning back to continue unpacking the tree.

Rachel returned a few minutes later, winded and out of breath. In her hands she carried the one container she had of Christmas ornaments and decorations. Finn looked over from where he was standing by the tree, adjusting some of the branches and gave her a small smile.

"I hope this is okay," he sighed as he turned around to face her. "I just put the tree in the same spot we did before and..."

"It's great," she answered immediately. "It looks great, really."

He nodded before turning his attention to the bin in front of her. "What do you have there?"

She shrugged. "Just the decorations that I had...we can't have a tree without ornaments..." She bent over to open the box that was filled to the brim with her Christmas stuff. She didn't have a lot, being Jewish and all, but just enough to decorate the tree nicely. Most of the ornaments were Savannah's and plain ones that they had bought their first Christmas together. But each of them was special to her, one way or another.

It felt bittersweet to be doing this with Finn again. She had gotten a small tree last year mainly for Savannah's sake because she loved Christmas just as much as Finn. But this made her travel back in time, watching him string the lights he had brought with his tree around the branches. Her mind raced with thoughts of the times they had done this very thing together, starting all the way back in middle school all the way up to the last Christmas they had spent together in this apartment together as a family. Her attention was grabbed when he moved behind the tree to plug it in.

"Blue and white?" she questioned once he turned them on.

He turned to face her. "It's Cinderella's colours. I figured Savannah would get a kick out of it..."

Rachel bit her lip as her eyes watered. He was so good at the small details, her heart ached when she thought about it.

"She's going to love it," she whispered. 

Finn moved from his spot by the tree and crouched next to the box where she had been sitting. They both started to remove different ornaments from the box, each of them taking care to place them on the tree. She smiled at the few homemade decorations Savannah had made at preschool and at home, taking a moment to gently trace over the handprint of one that was done when she was about a year and a half.

"Remember this one?"

Finn drew her attention away from the hand print for a moment, holding up an ornament of a Treasure Troll. It was the ugliest thing she had ever seen, but Savannah had fallen in love with it at the store when she was about 16 month old, same age as the hand print, and had screamed until Finn had broke down and bought it for her.

"Her first real tantrum was over that one," Rachel smiled as he found a place to hang it on the tree. She stood up and hung the homemade handprint ornament. "And you folded like a card table..."

He chuckled. "You know, I remember that differently. I think I was the one who tried to convince you that she didn't need it..."

Rachel laughed. "Okay. Guilty. But I do remember you paying for it in the end..."

"What can I say, I take care of my girls," he winked.

Her heart hammered in her chest as she looked at him. She bit the inside of her cheek as tears welled in her eyes.

"Rachel..." he breathed as he reached out to touch her arm. She waved a hand in front of her eyes, trying to will the tears away.

"I'm fine..." she forced a smile onto her lips. "Let's just finish decorating the tree..."

He nodded as he watched her turn back to the bin.

He watched her dig in the bin. The air around him felt thick and heavy and he didn't know how to change it. It had felt good to laugh, had felt good to hear her laugh. But as soon as the laughter had come, it had disappeared and it was his fault. He moved back towards the bin and was just about to bend down to grab another ornament when Rachel stood up. She almost bumped into him, stopping just short of crashing directly into his chest.

"Whoa," he sighed as he grabbed her waist as she stumbled. She looked up at him with alarmed eyes. "Which one do you have there?" he asked gently. She bit her lip and looked up at him, unclenching her first around the ornament.

It was Savannah's Baby's First Christmas ornament. Rachel had made it out of a block, and had pictures on a few sides, and her birth date and facts on another. Just holding it in her hand caused her lip to tremble.  
Finn drew in a breath as his hands moved to cup under hers.

"Rachel," he whispered.

They both stared down at the small ornament which in essence held so much of their story. Everything that defined them, was on this little cube in their hands.

_Savannah Grace Hudson  
August 1st 2011, 6:58PM  
5 pounds, 13 ounces. 18 inches_

Her lip trembled as she looked down at the small cube and she tried to will herself not to cry. She closed her eyes as she felt him take it from her and was just about to protest when she caught the look on his face. Finn was studying the block with an intensity that she was familiar with. But she also saw something else in his eyes. Sadness, love, strength. The last of which she admired him so much for. She owed a lot of her own strength in the past few weeks to him.

He wrapped his fist around the small ornament gently. He felt his breath catch as the pointy corner of the block dug into his skin as his own tears pricked the corner of his eyes. He didn't think about what he did next, he reached his arms out and crushed Rachel to his chest. It was a beat before he felt her respond and wrapped around his waist, clutching him to her in kind. He dropped the ornament safely onto the couch beside them and allowed his hands to span the entirety of her waist. She buried her head into his chest as she grabbed for his shirt.

Finn clutched her to him and was quiet for a few moments. He just held her against him, and tried to just be in the moment. Seeing the ornaments, her first Christmas one especially caused many thoughts that had been dormant in his mind come to life. Everything flashed in front of him as he held her to him - the exact moment he remembered meeting this woman in his arms, the moment she had rocked his world with the announcement that they were having a little girl and everything in between. Everything came back to how lucky he was or felt. He wouldn't change a thing from his past, except letting her slip through his fingers and the cancer that was ravaging his perfect thing. He felt so lucky that he just got to be a part of this life, that Rachel let him be a part of all of this. He was so thankful that she chose him. Because at the end of the day? That's what it was about. And he was so glad she hadn't chosen differently all of those years ago. He couldn't imagine doing this, tackling this journey in all its forms with anyone else.

At that moment Rachel lifted her head from his shirt. His eyes met hers as they locked, both of them staring at each other for a few beats. Before he could think anything of it he leaned his head down and captured her lips in a soft, quick kiss.

It was over before she knew it. His lips softly pressed against hers for what felt like only seconds before they both broke away. He dropped his hands from her waist as he reached back to scratch the back of his neck. She moved her hands from his waist as he looked down at her bashfully.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled as he dropped his hand to his side. She kept her eyes on him for a moment, watching him before she bit her lip and nodded. She turned to pick up the discarded ornament from the couch. She held it up to him for a moment, silently offering it to him to put on the tree. He cleared his throat and shook his head. "You can put it on...I'll get another one..."

Rachel nodded once more and gave him a slow, grateful smile. She turned towards the tree, moving around him to get back to the decorating. When her back was to him, she moved to find a branch to set the block. She gently brought her finger to her lips when she was sure he wasn't looking her way after finding the perfect spot, allowing the events of the last few moments to settle in.

They finished decorating the tree in quiet, the only sound between the two of them was the rummaging of the boxes that kept the ornaments. When it was finished, they both stood back to admire their handy work. Finn came to stand beside her, his hip bumping hers gently and unintentionally. She looked up at him with a gentle, tired smile on her lips.

"We did good, huh?" he smiled down at her.

She looked up at him and pushed her hair out of her face. "Yeah. We did." She paused for a moment, toying with what she was going to say next. "Do you still want some tea?"

He chuckled a little bit and stretched his arms out above his head. "That sounds good. Thanks."

She nodded her head and headed into the kitchen, intent to put the kettle on again and dump out what was left of her tea and his water. 

* * *

She placed her palms on the counter top as she waited for the kettle to boil. She let out a few, even breaths and closed her eyes. She covered her mouth with her hand as she yawned, her eyes catching the clock on the stove. It was well past 11, and at that moment she was glad she had taken up her Mother's offer to wrap Savannah's gifts. Everything was ready to be put under the tree and was something that could be done once she had tea with Finn.

The whistling of the kettle brought her out of her thoughts before they could get too far away from her and she heard the distinct sound of Finn walking towards the kitchen. It was a sound that was ingrained in her brain and reminded her immediately of time gone by.

"What kind of tea are you making?" he asked quietly as he stretched.

"I was going to make chamomile for myself. But there's..."

He interrupted her thought, "That sounds good to me."

She nodded and pulled two bags out of the box above her and put them in as he pulled out a chair at the table. She brought the two mugs to the table before turning to grab milk and sugar.

They each mixed their teas in silence, both of them basking in the easiness of their moment. Rachel took a hesitant sip of her tea before taking a full sip when she deemed it the perfect temperature.

"It's good. Thanks," he whispered after a few minutes. She nodded and raised her mug to him.

A quietness enveloped them once more, and Rachel was actually unsure if she could take it anymore. She was exhausted, and while she was so thankful that Finn was here and present and she wasn't alone while Savannah slept, she kind of wanted her own bed. She wanted to pretend everything was okay for a little bit longer. Even if it wasn't true.

"I'm cleared off until New Years," Finn's voice broke through her thoughts. She wrapped her hands around her warm mug as her eyes met his.

"Me too," she whispered. Her eyes fell to the table, her fingernails finding the small cracks and ridges in the wood.

Finn could tell something was on her mind. He watched her stare at the table intently and he contemplated how to reach her. But before he can do anything, she spoke up.

"Finn," she whispered. Her voice had changed, and there was a huskiness in her tone that he could associate with her fighting tears. He looked up to face her and waited for her to continue."Thank you," she whimpered.  
She swallowed hard as she dragged her eyes to look at him directly in the eye.

"Thank you? Rach, for what?" he asked quietly, his voice laced with confusion. H was tired, so maybe it just wasn't making sense to him.

"Just thank you," she shrugged as she looked back down at her mug. She sighed and raised her hand to run through her hair. "I just don't know what I would do without you. I don't know how I could've done any of this without you..."

Finn swallowed hard. Realization hit him, and he suddenly knew what she was trying to say. "Rachel," he breathed. He reached his hand across the table and just touched her hand gently. She allowed his fingers to wrap around hers. "I should thank you too..." he whispered.

She raised an eyebrow at him as he squeezed her hand. "It's because of you that I have something this special to be a part of. I know these last weeks have been..."

"Horrible? The worst of my...our lives?" she completed as her eyes watered.

He nodded. "But just knowing that I had you to lean on...made it even just a little better. Savannah is so lucky to have the most amazing Mom in the world...and I'm so thankful for that too...I couldn't imagine doing this...this parenting thing with anyone one else..."

Her eyes watered as she looked down at the table again. "She's lucky to have to you as a Dad too," she whispered. "I'm lucky to have you...even..."

"Hey," he stopped her."We're in this together, okay? We made a deal..." he tried to get her to laugh and he smiled when he saw the corners of her mouth start to pique up at the corners. "We made her, we raise her. No matter what."

Rachel gave him a watery chuckle and squeezed his fingers. The moment lasted for just that, a moment before Rachel's face fell once more. She bit the inside of her cheek as she looked down at their joined hands before she tugged hers out of his grasp.

Finn attempted to reach for her hand again, but she pulled away. Instead, she clasped her hands together and began to pick at her nails. "Hey..." He tried to get her attention, but when she didn't look up. He pushed his chair back and walked over to her side of the table and knelt in front of her. "Hey..."

She wasn't crying, but it seemed to him like the tears were going to start any second. "Don't cry."

"I'm sorry," she whimpered. "I just..."

He gave her a soft smile and reached up to push her hair away from her eyes. She sniffled and wiped her eyes. "It's going to be okay."

She locked eyes with him. "But what if it's not Finn? What if it's not?"

He stayed quiet, unsure what to say. He stood up from where he had knelt on the ground and gently wrapped an arm around her before placing a kiss on the top of her head. She let out a breath after a few moments and sunk into him for just a second, reveling in the support he provided. |

When he was sure she was fine, he returned to his seat and finished his tea. When it was done, Finn stood up and brought his mug to the sink, washing it quickly before he placed it on the drying rack.

"Do you want to stay here..." he heard from behind him. He turned from the counter to find her standing behind him, her own empty cup in her hands. "Tonight? Do you want to stay here so that you can be here when she gets up?" She bit her lip as she looked at him.

He waited a beat as he watched her. "That sounds great. I'll run home and get my stuff, gifts and that..." She nodded. "Do we need anything for the morning? I can find something open..."  
Rachel shook her head. "My mom stocked the fridge when she was here earlier."

He nodded as he eyed the clock. It was after 12.

"Okay. I'll head out and get my stuff. I'm sure you want to head to bed cause it might be an early morning," he smiled. Both of them recalled Christmas' past. Both of them knew this wasn't going to be like the ones before. 

* * *

Finn returned to the apartment half an hour later with a backpack filled with everything he would need for the morning as well as a bag with the gifts he had gotten for Savannah and Rachel. He didn't knock this time, instead he just tried the door and found it unlocked. He walked in quietly, finding the main area of the apartment in darkness, save for the blue and white lights of the Christmas tree. His heart hammered in his chest when he saw the couch made up like a bed.

"I figured you would want the bigger couch," he heard. He looked up to see Rachel standing in the mouth of the hallway, her arms full with wrapped gifts.

"Thanks."

He walked over and placed his bag on the couch before moving to place his presents underneath the tree. He smiled when he noticed how many there were and how many had Savannah's name on them. "You too?" he whispered.

Rachel looked at him with a small smile. "Best Christmas ever, right?'

"Right."

They both got ready for bed, and Rachel crept out to the living room once she was ready. She smiled when she saw Finn sitting up on the couch looking at his phone.

"I guess I'll see you in the morning," she murmured as she crossed her arms over her chest. He looked up from his phone and gave her a small smile.

"Sounds good."

"If you need anything...help yourself...I'm not sure what all my mom got but...what's mine is yours..."

He smiled again and nodded. "Thanks Rachel,"

She nodded before she went to turn around.  
"Hey Rach?" She turned around to look at him. "Merry Christmas.."

She smiled tiredly. "Merry Christmas Finn." 

* * *

Rachel woke up to the smell of eggs and pancakes. She rolled over and blinked against the darkness that still covered her room. When she came face to face with the clock, she groaned when she saw it was 8AM. It was the latest she had slept in a really long time, but her body ached from going to bed so late and finally getting a decent night sleep in her own bed. She sat up and ran her fingers through her hair and listened for a minute. She frowned when she heard nothing, aside from what she assumed was Finn puttering around in the kitchen. Nothing told her that Savannah was up yet. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and grabbed for a hoodie to throw over her snowflake printed pajama top before leaving the bedroom in search of breakfast. She peeked in on Savannah as she passed her room, a small smile gracing her lips when she saw she was still sleeping soundly. She watched for a few beats, counting the rise and fall of her little chest for a few seconds before the smell of coffee overtook her senses and her stomach rumbled.

She smiled to herself when she entered the kitchen. Finn stood at the stove flipping a pancake, a dishtowel thrown over his shoulder. He was humming something she couldn't identify and as she watched him she was transported to another place. Another place where this was their normal, their everyday routine. A feeling of longing pierced her stomach just as he turned around.

"Good morning," he smiled. "I hope you don't mind I got a jump on breakfast. I couldn't sleep anymore and..."

"It's fine," she whispered. "Merry Christmas."

He smiled. "Merry Christmas. There's coffee ready in the pot and the eggs are finished. I was going to come wake you guys up when it was ready but you beat me to it."

She smiled at him gratefully as she walked towards the counter where she kept her coffeemaker. She set about putting a cup of coffee together, just the way she liked it. When it was ready, she leaned against the counter with the mug in her hands. She smiled softly at Finn as he continued to cook. "I just checked on Savannah, she's still sleeping pretty soundly," she watched him flip a blueberry pancake and her mouth watered. She couldn't remember the last time she had had breakfast food that wasn't yogurt or cereal. "How much longer until those are finished?"

Finn smiled almost knowingly. "I just have a few more to make. I made chocolate chip ones for her and some blueberry ones for you..."

The touched look on her face was hard to hide. He smiled once more. "Why don't you go wake her up? That way we can eat while it's still warm..."

She stood there for another second, watching him. She bit her lip as she watched him before setting her cup down on the counter and nodding her head. "I'll go wake her up. You know where the plates and..."

Finn smiled one more time. "I can feel my way around Rach. Go get our girl."

Rachel slowly opened Savannah's door and snuck inside, closing it partially behind her. She smiled softly when she noticed that Savannah hadn't really moved from when she checked on her a few minutes ago. She tiptoed quietly into the small room and sat down on the edge of Savannah's bed, staring at her little girl. She took a minute to watch her, before leaning over and pressing a kiss to her head. Savannah stirred in her sleep before her eyes slowly began to open.

"Mommy?" she whispered, her voice hoarse with sleep.

"Hi sweetheart," Rachel smiled. A soft, slow smile crept over Savannah's features.

"Did Santa come?" she asked quietly as she blinked up at Rachel.

"He did," Rachel paused as she wiped her thumb along her cheek. "And you know what else?"

Savannah's eyes widened as she looked at her.

"Daddy made pancakes."

"Daddy's here?" Savannah's eyes lit up instantly.

Rachel's heart dropped as she nodded with a smile. Savannah's lips turned up into a smile as she looked over at Rachel. She raised her arms to Rachel, who in turn pulled her into her lap. Savannah snuggled into Rachel's chest and let out a long breath as her fingers curled around the material of her hoodie. Rachel bent her head and placed a kiss on the top of Savannah's head, taking a moment to just let it all sink in. She wrapped her arms tightly around her, squeezing her gently.

"I love you Savannah," she whispered as she pressed her lips against her head once more.

"I love you too Mommy," she whispered back, turning to look up at her. Rachel offered her a small smile as her eyes started to water.

A small tap on the doorframe caused Rachel to look up after a few minutes.

Savannah giggled when she saw it was Finn. "Daddy," she squealed quietly, not moving from her spot on Rachel's lap. She uncurled one of her fists from Rachel's sweater to extend her arm out to him. Finn crossed the room quickly to join them. Savannah wrapped her arm around his neck when he was close enough and Finn placed a kiss on her cheek.

"I was just coming to tell you guys breakfast is ready," he smiled as he knelt down in front of them. Savannah still had a firm grasp on his neck.

"Mommy says you made pancakes," Savannah's eyes danced as she quietly giggled, staring down at Finn.

Finn smiled. "I did. And they're getting cold. So why don't we go eat?"

Savannah nodded and let go of Rachel's hoodie before leaning herself into Finn. Finn carefully stood up with Savannah in his arms. Rachel smiled when she watched Savannah lean her head on his shoulder.

"Come on Mommy. Pancakes!" she giggled quietly. Rachel cleared her throat and smiled at the two of them.

"Yeah. Pancakes," Finn echoed as he stared at her, trying to read her thoughts. She gave him a smile as the three of them made their way out of the room.

When they passed the living room, Savannah gasped. "Did Santa bring the tree toooooo?" She lifted her head from his chest to look up at Finn and then Rachel. "It's got Cinderelly colours Mommy,"

Rachel bit her lip for a moment as she stared at Finn. "Santa knew what he was doing," she whispered.

Finn carried her into the kitchen and she squealed once more when she saw the pancakes on her plate.

"I love pancakes," Savannah sighed as Finn gently put her down in her chair.

This felt normal to Finn. As he looked across the table, he caught a glimpse of a small smile playing on Rachel's lips. As they ate, Savannah became more animated than he had seen her in weeks and that caused his heart to smile. Rachel laughed as Savannah did an impression of what it would be like if Gus Gus was eating her pancake and his heart warmed, yet simultaneously broke. With all the thoughts of what could be and should be, he was equally plagued with thoughts of reality. He was trying not to think of that, trying not to think that this could be her last Christmas.

"Daddy, did you see?" Savannah giggled as she held up her fork. "I'm all done!"

He looked over at her plate, smiling when he could see a distorted image of Cinderella through the mess of syrup. She had eaten every single bite. More than she had eaten in awhile in one sitting.

"You did finish. Good job jellybean," he smiled. She stretched her arms over her head carefully and yawned.

"Can we open presents now?!"

Both Rachel and Finn chuckled as they looked at each other. Rachel had cleared her own plate and with one more bite Finn would be done his. He shoved the forkful of eggs in his mouth as Rachel nodded. Savannah squealed in excitement and clapped her hands. Rachel helped her off the chair and as soon as she rested her feet on the ground she looked up at both of them with her hands outstretched.

"Come on Mommy, Come on Daddy!" She took a hand from each of them and led them into the living room. A gasp fell from her lips when they got closer and she could really see just how many gifts there were. And this was only from the two of them and Santa.

"Is this all for me?" she whispered as she sat down in front of a big box wrapped in white and red striped wrapping paper.

Finn interjected before Rachel could say anything. He couldn't speak for her, but he knew there was one or two there for Rachel as well. "Well I think most of them are for you. You have been a really good girl this year."

Rachel smiled at him appreciatively as Savannah pulled the same box forward. It was one of Rachel's 'Santa' gifts.

"Can I open this one?" Savannah smiled.

Finn sat down on the floor beside her and crossed her legs before reaching for the camera he had left on the table last night. "Go for it jellybean,"

She giggled as she pulled the gift into her lap. She ripped off the paper quickly, squealing excitedly when she revealed the Cinderella figurine set.

She tore through several gifts, smiling and squealing after each one. They had each gotten her a healthy mix of Cinderella toys, books and clothes. Everything was Cinderella themed, even the socks that Rachel had gotten her. Savannah loved each and every gift. Finn caught everything on film, catching her reactions to all the gifts as she ripped them open.

"Okay, last one Savannah..." Finn smiled as he reached over to pass the final gift to her. He had saved this one for last as it was the most important one he had purchased.

She grinned at him as she took it from him and tore at the paper he had wrapped the gift in as soon as it was in her hands. He watched intently as Savannah got down to the box and opened it.

The gasp and giggle that escaped her lips when she opened the box was enough for Finn. He had been hoping she would like it. He had wanted to get her something special and had come across the idea when he was surfing the internet one night.

"It's a Cinderelly blanket!" she squealed as she pulled the quilt out of the box. "Mommy, Daddy got me a Cinderelly blanket!"

Rachel's eyes met his over Savannah's head, as she leaned forward to look at the quilt. Her eyes misted over once she got a good look at the quilt. "Savvy, look. Whose this?" she pointed to a picture on the fabric. There were a few pictures scattered around the quilt, all of them of Savannah - some with Rachel, some with Finn and a few with both of them.

"It's me!" she squealed. "Me and Mommy and Daddy and look! Uncle Puck!" Savannah giggled as they looked at the photos. The one she had been pointing to was from Savannah's second birthday party. Uncle Puck was wearing a princess tiara. Something only Savannah could get him to do.

"Do you like it?" Finn whispered as he put the camera down and crawled over to sit beside her and Rachel.

Savannah nodded her head enthusiastically before she grinned up at Finn. "It's so soft Daddy!"

Finn smiled and leaned over to press a kiss to her head.

"I'm glad you like it jellybean," he smiled. Savannah heaved and pulled the blanket up to her cheek.

"Can I bring it with me to get medicine?" she asked quietly after a minute. Finn's head shot up and looked over at Rachel, who's own eyes had widened at the question. They had told Savannah they would have to come back to get more medicine when she was discharged, but she had been exhausted and lethargic at the time and Finn wasn't sure she had comprehended what she was told.

"Of course you can," Finn sighed as he ran his hand over his shaved head."That's what I was thinking too."

Savannah smiled and nodded her head, turning her attention back to the doll she had been holding.

Finn leaned over and grabbed a gift he had put towards the back of the tree. His movements caught Savannah's attention while Rachel started to clean up the discarded wrapping paper that was scattered on the floor.

"Daddy, you said this was the last one!" she squealed.

"Uh, Savannah, this one is for Mommy..."

Rachel looked over at Finn and dropped the paper in her hands as Finn held the medium sized box out to her.

"Oh..." she looked across at him as Savannah looked between both of them, a smile on her face. She accepted the gift from Finn and looked at the package for a minute before glancing back at him.

"Open it Mommy," Savannah giggled as she fingered the edges of her blanket.

"Okay, okay, "Rachel chuckled, her eyes looking back at the gift and tearing at the paper. Savannah crawled over to Finn slowly and sat in his lap, cuddling against him as the excitement of the morning started to catch up with her.

Rachel opened the box to find a few small items inside. There was a new hardcover journal, a book by her favourite author and a new charging cord for her iPhone. There was also a few pairs of fuzzy socks underneath and a pack of colourful pens.

She looked up at him, a touched look gracing her features.

Finn offered her a soft smile. "I noticed you were getting close to the end of your other journal when I came in the other night," he offered as a way of explanation. "And I've watched the creative ways you've set up your phone both here and at the hospital," he chuckled. "And the book...well the girl at Barnes and Noble said that was the newest one by that author so..."

Rachel placed the box down on the floor beside her and leaned over to give him a hug, being mindful of a dozing Savannah in his arms.

"Thank you," she whispered into his ear. When she pulled away, Finn shrugged as he shifted Savannah in his arms.

"Mine looks so impersonal now," she sighed as she picked up the box she had tucked behind the tree as well.

She had gotten him a new hoodie that she had found online when she was surfing for some gifts to order online. It wasn't much, and at the time she hadn't been sure if she would see him for Christmas. But she didn't want to have nothing for him, and she was going to just put Savannah's name on it but at the last moment she had written hers on it too.  
She watched him open it with the help of a dozing Savannah. He genuinely looked happy with it.

"This is great Rach, thanks..."

She nodded and started to pick up the stray wrapping paper once more. Finn cuddled up with Savannah on the couch while Rachel tidied around them, reading one of the books they had bought her. Rachel took a moment to watch them, Savannah cuddled up in her blanket and Finn holding her close. She couldn't imagine a better Christmas. 

* * *

They had a quiet day. They lazed around the apartment together for awhile, reading some of the books that Savannah had been given and even giving Cinderella II a whirl. Both sets of their parents had come over for dinner, much like they had for Thanksgiving. For Finn, it was the perfect Christmas. He stood back at the entrance to the small living room and watched as Rachel cuddled close with Savannah on the couch. The parents had left shortly after the dessert Shelby had brought, as soon as they saw Savannah getting tired. She had been gifted with many things, including tickets to Disney on Ice from Rachel's fathers. He had seen the look in Rachel's eyes when Savannah squealed when she saw them, he knew she was concerned and had made a mental note at that moment to talk to her about it. But not today. Today was Christmas, no time or place for worrying about the future.

"She asleep?" he asked quietly as he uncrossed his arms.

Rachel craned her neck to look back at him, a tired smile creeping up on her own lips. "Yeah. Almost."

He nodded and took the few steps to sit beside her on the couch for a minute. He leaned over to look at Savannah "She's out cold."

"Too much excitement for one day," Rachel commented as she continued to rub circles on her back. She leaned down to kiss her head. "But she seemed like she had a good day,"

Finn nodded, a smile on his face. "Yeah. She did. She really liked everything everyone got her," he added.

Rachel nodded, bending to kiss her head one more time. "I'm going to bring her to bed. She's getting heavy," she whispered. He could hear the exhaustion in her voice. He could tell that she didn't really want to put her down.

Finn nodded and stood up with her, pressing a kiss to Savannah's warm cheek. "Merry Christmas jellybean, Daddy loves you so much."

Rachel gave him a gentle smile before adjusting Savannah in her arms and walking out of the room.

Finn watched Rachel walk down the hallway towards Savannah's bedroom. He waited until she was out of sight to walk over to where he had placed his backpack. He checked one more time before he opened it back up and pulled another gift box out of the compartment. He held the sturdy package in his hands as he sat back down on the couch and waited for Rachel to come back out. 

* * *

Rachel laid Savannah on her bed and smiled when she curled into her pillow, her new blanket from Finn still clutched in her hand. Rachel leaned over and pressed a kiss to her warm cheek.

"Merry Christmas princess. I hope you loved every minute of today, like I did," she whispered. "I love you so much sweetheart."  
She watched her sleep for a moment, before leaving the safety of Savannah's bedroom to see what Finn was up to in the living room.

"She's fast asleep," she called quietly as she walked into the living room. She stopped just inside the living room when she saw Finn sitting on the couch. He was staring down at the box in his hand. She smiled gently when he turned to look at her.

"Come sit," he smiled. She bit her lip when she caught his eye, gave him an easy look. "I won't bite. Come sit."

She moved slowly, coming to sit beside Finn on the couch. She crossed her legs underneath her and folded her hands in her lap.

Finn swallowed as he leaned back into the couch and looked over at her. "So uh, this is for you..." He tried to pass the box wrapped in gold paper over to her.

"Finn," she sighed. "You already got me the journal and..."

"Just take it please," he sighed quietly. "This is...you'll see...just take it and open it."

Rachel nodded slowly before she swallowed. She took the gift from him gingerly and waited a beat before she slowly ripped the paper. What she found inside the box took her breath away.

It was another blanket, like Savannah's. Except this one was larger, with more pictures and even what looked like pieces of some of Savannah's old clothes, a piece of the blanket she had gotten in the hospital.

"They're pictures," he whispered when he saw the look on her face. "Of the blanket, her clothes. I knew you wouldn't want me to have them cut up so my mom helped me take high resolution pictures of the important ones."

Tears welled in Rachel's eyes as she looked down at the blanket, spreading it out in front of her. There were dozens of pictures, more than covered Savannah's.

"Finn," she whispered. She was at a loss for words as she fingered the material. It was so soft, just like Savannah's. "This is...this is amazing..." she turned the blanket and laughed at one of the photos. "Remember this?" The picture was one that had been on her fridge. Savannah was almost a year old and covered in some carrots Rachel had mashed herself.

"Yeah. She was not a fan of those carrots..."Finn chuckled. "Or how about this one..." he turned the blanket some more, and found a picture that was more recent. Savannah was about two and was covered in lipstick, a wide grin on her face. "It took me so long to scrub her down."

"She was so proud of herself," Rachel chuckled.

Finn gave her a soft smile. "She always loved watching you get ready for school, at least from what I remember..." his voice trailed off.

"She still does," she answered quietly.

They continued to check out the photos, all of which spanned Savannah's life. Pictures from their college and high school graduations, birthday parties and candid shots from their early days as a family up until before she was diagnosed. He had even included a few early pictures from the hospital that he had captured on his phone.

"Thank you," she whispered as she clutched the material in her hands. "This is perfect and..."

"I know the hospital is cold at night. So it's to keep you warm. After I made Savannah's I just thought that you should have one too. Not quite as Disneyfied though," he chuckled as he tugged at the material. "And you know, this way she's always with you...just in case," his voice caught in his throat before he could finish the sentence. The tears that had been welling in Rachel's eyes finally spilled over and ran down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry," Finn sighed as he rubbed at his own eyes out of habit. "I didn't want to make you cry..."

Rachel shook her head as she held the blanket to her chest. "It's not your fault. I've been on edge all day, trying not to think about what the significance of today means, too much. But it keeps crossing my mind that today might be her last Christmas. And that thought scares me to death," her voice trembled as she clutched the blanket. "I just wanted today to be perfect and because of you it was...I just...I don't want to think these things Finn. We shouldn't have to think these things...and this..." she held up the quilt. "this is perfect and...just thank you. For everything today and every day."

Finn tried to give her a small smile but he couldn't quite muster it. Those thoughts had crossed his mind on and off all day, and it hurt even more to hear that Rachel had been struggling with the same things. He reached out and touched her knee before he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into him. She buried her head in his shoulder as her breath shuddered.

"You don't have to thank me," he whispered. "It's what I'm here for." 

* * *

_A lot of mutua__l appreciation going on... _  
_Unti__l next time..._


	9. Chapter 9

Holy crap. Bet you never thought you would see an alert for this story again, did you? Well, think again! Here we are, finally. After pining over this chapter for almost a month I have finally finished it. I'm so sorry it's taken me so long but I have good reasons. Work has been insane on the surface. I've also experienced a whole whack of emotions and situations myself so my heart really wasn't "here". But now that most of that has settled, here I am and here is the new update. I can't promise when the next one will be. BUT work slows down just a touch the next few weeks (or so my schedule says) so I should be able to write a bit more. But we'll see. The next few chapters have a pretty solid plan so we should be good to go on that front. All of that being said, I hope you enjoy this chapter because I worked really hard on it. We get to know our precious Savannah a little more and even learn a little more about Finn and Rachel's history (by way of Finn). So enjoy!

As always, I don't own Finn and Rachel. I do however, own Savannah, most of the plot and any of my own mistakes. I'm not a medical professional, so I have taken some liberties for creative purposes. Thanks to Lauren for all her help, as usual.

* * *

**Chapter 9**

Rachel opened her eyes and squinted against the sunlight that was coming through the small cracks in the blinds in her window. She attempted to roll over, but was met with a small, warm body beside her. A smile played on her lips and for just one brief moment, it was like everything was okay again. Savannah cuddled into the quilt Rachel had spread over them last night, the fabric clutched in one of her hands, her plush Cinderella doll in the other. The rest of her tiny body was curled into Rachel, her head even resting as close to her as possible on the pillows. Rachel leaned over and pressed a kiss to Savannah's head, the rough stubble of her hair scraping her lips. In that moment, reality shot back into her. Everything wasn't normal. But if she could pretend for even just a few more minutes she was going to cling to that hope and that dream for as long as she could. She rolled over onto her side, trying desperately not to wake Savannah up. Rachel pulled Savannah into her more, cuddling her close as she snuggled into her unconsciously. She leaned down once more and snuggled her face into Savannah's neck, breathing in the innocence that was her little girl for even just one more moment. It was these moments she wanted to keep forever, tuck it into her memory bank and be able to recall them when she needed to. They used to spend a lot of time together like this, lazy mornings that had followed their girlie nights of watching movies and eating too much junk food - though the later of that didn't happen last night. For a brief moment she allowed her mind to wander, remember other times where days started just like this and tried to keep those feelings going despite reality staring her straight back in the face.

Rachel untangled herself from Savannah's grip after a few more moments of snuggles. It tore her to bits to pull away, but one glance at the clock on her bedside told her that she had to get moving. But before she could move too far away from the bed, she grabbed her phone to snap a picture as Savannah snuggled herself further into the quilt. She pressed another kiss to Savannah's head before slipping out of the bedroom and padding across the hall to the bathroom.

She wanted to take advantage of every single moment Savannah was home. Part of her, a very large part wanted to lock the door, hunker down in the apartment until the very last moment before reality would hit them in the face.

But she also didn't want to waste a single moment either. This whole ordeal, this whole illness that had taken all three of them hostage had really taught her a lot in a short amount of time. There was so much Rachel wanted to do for Savannah, so much she wanted to do with her - and while she was hopeful that her upcoming treatment was going to work and help Savannah win her battle against the tumour - she was scared that they were running out of time. The constant feeling of living on borrowed time, living as if the hourglass was running on empty brought all the fear in the world down on her head. As she stepped into the shower after warming the water, she tried not to let thoughts of what if surround her. Both her and Finn had had a discussion yesterday morning about how they wanted to spend the time off with Savannah. Rachel didn't want to hog her, but at the same time wanted to keep her close and safe. Finn deserved as much time with their daughter as he could too. They had a few plans together, family outings that were meant to give Savannah some nice memories. But each of them had a day planned with her on their own, and Rachel was trying not to let the thought of Savannah being out without her freak her out too much. She had bigger things to worry about, starting with today's trip.

Her fathers had gifted Savannah with three tickets to a Cinderella themed Disney on Ice. While she knew that Savannah was going to love it, she was terrified to no end to take her. The look on her face when she had opened the sparkly envelope that held the tickets was one that would be burned in Rachel's mind forever. As soon as she had realized she was going to be seeing Cinderella, for real, in the flesh, that had done it for her. There was no way either Finn or Rachel were going to be able to talk her out of going. The excitement on the little girls face had been parallel to nothing Rachel had ever seen before, let alone one that she had seen during the last few months. Rachel had wished her father's had let her in on their little plan, but this was so them. Ever extravagant with their gifts, mainly to make up for their distance. They had done it with her when she was younger, and had been doing it for Savannah since before she was born. Arms length, expensive gifts. It was the Berry way.

She was scared to death to bring Savannah out into such a public place. The thought of all the kids and people in one general area caused her skin to crawl. Savannah was fragile, one little cough could cause her to get sick, which in turn meant that she couldn't start her chemotherapy as scheduled in the New Year. Even though the idea of Savannah having to undergo chemotherapy scared her and made her want to cry, she knew deep down it was a necessary step that would ultimately lead to her recovery. Hopefully. She didn't want to think about the outcome if the chemotherapy didn't work. It would work. And her little girl would be healthy again. It was an inevitability she chose to cling to.

When she walked back to her bedroom, she smiled when she saw that Savannah was just starting to wake up.

"Good morning princess," she smiled as she approached the bed.

"Momma," she whimpered as she rubbed her eyes. Savannah sat up slowly as Rachel sat down on the mattress beside her. "Is it Cinderelly day Momma?" she asked carefully.

Rachel chuckled softly as she pulled Savannah into her lap. "It is Cinderella day. How about some breakfast before Daddy gets here?"

Savannah's eyes brightened at the mention of Daddy and smiled up at Rachel while she nodded. "Cheerios?"

"Yes, we can have cheerios. Come on," Rachel reached her arms around the little girl and slid off the side of the bed. Savannah wrapped her arms around Rachel's neck loosely and laid her head on her shoulder.

"Can I have orange juice too Momma?" she asked quietly.

"Of course."

* * *

The show was at 3pm. As Rachel watched the clock on the wall tick closer to 1pm she felt her nerves take flight in her stomach. Finn was going to pick them up soon; he had volunteered to drive them all to the convention center and Rachel was grateful. Her car was on its last legs, and even though it hadn't snowed since Christmas Eve, she felt safer in Finn's big pickup truck instead of her little Honda. She smiled as she looked at Savannah, perched on the couch with her blue beanie on her head and Cinderella plush in her hands. She had dressed herself this morning, choosing her pink long sleeved Cinderella shirt with a pair of dark blue yoga pants. She had wanted to wear her Cinderella dress up dress, but when they couldn't get it on with a long sleeved shirt underneath Savannah had chosen something different. It broke her heart a little, because Rachel knew there would be little girls there with the dress on but she just couldn't let her wear it. She was terrified enough that she was going to get sick while they were there, she just didn't want to risk it with nothing covering her arms. As it was she was scared the yoga pants weren't going to be enough but she had already decided to bring a small blanket in her bag that she had packed. She had disappointed Savannah enough for one morning.

"When is Daddy coming Momma?" Savannah asked quietly as she played with the edge of her dolls dress.

"He should be here soon princess," she reached over and played with the seam of her beanie. "Are you excited?"

Savannah's face lit up as she looked up at Rachel, her eyes twinkling while she made her doll dance a little on her lap. "I'm so excited Momma! Cinderelly is too!"

Rachel chuckled as little as she adjusted the beanie once again. "You're going to bring Cinderelly?"

Savannah nodded, her eyes wide. "Can I?"

"Of course. But don't lose her," Rachel added.

"I won't," she giggled as she went back to playing with the doll on her lap.

When a knock sounded on the door to let them know Finn had arrived, Rachel stood up from the couch and straightened her own grey sweater before walking over to answer it. She smiled when she found him on the other side, his own shaved head covered with a black beanie that was much like Savannah's blue one.

"Hey," he waited for her to open the door wider so he could step inside. "You guys ready to go?"

"I am Daddy!" They both turned around to see Savannah standing behind them, an excited grin on her face. Finn bent down and Savannah giggled as she skipped into his arms. Rachel smiled as she watched the two of them.

"Are you all set jellybean?" he smiled as he stood back up, hoisting her onto his hip. He leaned over and plopped a loud smacking kiss on her cheek. She giggled wildly as she yawned and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"You're not too tired are you?" he asked as he tickled her belly. Savannah lifted her head from his shoulder and smiled. "You're not going to fall asleep on the way to see Cinderella are you?"

"Noo," she giggled. "We have to go see Cinderelly! I'm not too tired." She sat up straighter in his arms for effect.

Both Finn and Rachel laughed. "We will, we are. Why don't you go get your boots on sweetheart, so we can get going now that Daddy is here," Rachel suggested.

Savannah wiggled down from his hip and went to get her boots.

"Are you ready?" Finn asked Rachel when Savannah was distracted by her boots. He followed her into the apartment more and watched her grab the small bag she had packed to bring with them.

Rachel sighed, running her fingers through her own hair after she picked up the small backpack. "As ready as I'll ever be."

Finn chuckled. "It'll be fine. Promise."

She hoisted the small bag over her shoulder and gave a small sigh.

"It will be fine," he repeated for emphasis. He sighed as he stuck his hands in his pockets. "Dr. Taylor said..."

"Dr. Taylor's not her Mom," Rachel mumbled. She had contacted Dr. Taylor a few days ago, wanting the reassurance from the doctor that this outing was okay, that all their outings they had planned would be okay. He had given her the assurance that they were fine plans. He had told her to take their cues from Savannah about how she was feeling but since she was far enough from her last radiation treatment and from her first chemotherapy appointment he didn't see why not and had given his blessing. Finn reached over and touched her shoulder. They both heard Savannah mumbling to her Cinderelly doll in the hallway. Finn adjusted his voice so she couldn't hear.

"She needs this Rachel," he whispered. "She deserves it."

Rachel bit her lip as she looked at him. "I know. It's just..."

Finn shook his head. "No. No buts or it's justs, we're going to enjoy today with our girl. We're going to enjoy our time with her and then we'll all be ready for face whatever comes next."

* * *

She tried to believe him, she wanted to believe that everything would be fine. But the second they stepped foot into the convention center, red flags and alarm bells went off in Rachel's mind. Everywhere she looked there were warning signs. Kids coughing into the air, sticky surfaces that she was sure were full of bacteria and germs. She took Savannah's hand in hers, even though she was already holding Finns. If she was holding their hands she couldn't touch anything suspect. And if she didn't touch anything suspect she couldn't get sick. If she didn't get sick, she could have her chemotherapy in the new year and she could get better. And on and on and on.

"Mommy, I got Daddy's hand," she wiggled her hand that Rachel had taken and looked up at her. She freed her hand and immediately went to take the beanie off her head. "I'm hot."

"Savannah, leave your hat on please," Rachel sighed, placing her hand on it to stop her from whipping it off. "You're going to get..."

"No, Mommy, I'm hot," she sighed, her voice raising to a whine. "I'm hot."

"You need to..."

"Rachel, let her take it off for a minute," Finn sighed, intervening before they caused a scene and Savannah became more agitated. "We're not in the arena yet," he trained his eyes on her for a moment, fusing their eyes together to try and silently get his point across. She blinked, getting where he was going with his look. "Hey jellybean, look they have Cinderella wands!" He jiggled her hand with his and tugged it a little to point to the stand.

Savannah whipped off the beanie when Rachel moved her hand, effectively tossing it at her and jumped a little on her toes. "Can I get one Daddy?"

"Of course," Finn grinned as he bent down to pick her up. "We can get whatever you want."

Savannah immediately lifted her hands to be lifted by Finn. He swung her onto his hip and kissed her cheek as she squealed in excitement.

Rachel tried to relax as she watched Finn carry her towards the stand that was selling Cinderella merchandise. She crossed her arms over her chest as she kept her eyes trained on Finn and Savannah, which wasn't hard, given Finn's tall stature and Savannah's bald head.

"Hurry up Finn," she whispered to herself as she watched them move forward into the crowd of people. She kept her eyes trained on the pair, her nerves wavering as Savannah placed her head against Finn's, her giggle when her cheek touched his beanie carrying all the way back to her over the crowd.

_"Mommy, why didn't that girl beside us have any hair?'_ Rachel's attention was ripped away from staring at Finn and Savannah to the child walking by her. Her eyes caught the little girl from the side, she appeared to be about Savannah's age and had long, flowing blonde hair and a replica of the dress that Savannah was going to wear. Rachel's eyes caught the mother's and her heart hammered in her chest as she looked away. But she waited with baited breath for the other woman to answer the question.

_"Amanda, we don't say that. It's not polite. She's sick,"_ the woman answered. Rachel turned away and didn't hear the rest of the conversation as they walked away from her. She searched for Finn and Savannah in the crowd as tears burned in her eyes.

"Mommy, look!" she plastered a smile on her lips as Finn and Savannah came closer to her. Savannah was proudly carrying the wand she had wanted in one hand, her other wrapped around Finn's neck while clutching a hard plastic light up Cinderella toy. "Daddy bought me this too!"

Rachel rushed closer to them as Savannah thrust the toy in her direction. "See Mommy, it lights up!" She coughed as she giggled and Rachel tried to keep the excited look on her face as her heart hammered in her chest from what she had overheard.

"I see. It's beautiful," she grinned. Savannah wiggled to get down from Finn's arms. "Will you hold her Mommy?" she asked as she looked up at her. "Daddy said we can get cotton candy!"

"Then we should hurry and go get some before the show starts," Rachel smiled as she took the light up doll from Savannah and watched as she reached for Rachel's hand with her free one. Rachel tried not to smile too wide.

* * *

On the way to the truck at the end of the night, Savannah clung to Rachel's body as she carried her through the parking garage. She was dozing off as her arms hung over Rachel's shoulders, her head lulling to the side as she carried her. Finn ran ahead of them to open the back door of the truck for them and get the heater going.

"Momma this was the best day ever," Savannah mumbled tiredly against her shoulder. She was still clutching the wand in one hand, a souvenir cup that had held her Fruitopia in the other.

"I'm so glad princess," Rachel whispered against her cheek. "I had fun with you too."

"You shoulda got a wand Momma," she mumbled as they caught up with Finn. He reached for her, as he was taller and could get her into the car seat easier. "I'll share mine with you Momma. We can both be Cinderelly," she mumbled.

Rachel bit her lip as she watched Finn strap her in to her seat. Savannah's head lulled against the headrest, falling asleep in an instant.

"She can fall asleep anywhere," Rachel murmured as Finn closed the door quietly. Finn smiled at her for a moment before gesturing to the truck with his head.

"We should get our princess home to her bed," he whispered. She nodded her consent and allowed him to open the passenger side door for her before jogging around to his side. Rachel sighed in the moment she had alone, closing her eyes for just a second. Everything had gone as smoothly as it could. She couldn't be happier, especially knowing that Savannah had enjoyed herself so much.

"You okay?" Finn asked as he slid into his seat.

She gave him a soft smile in response. "I'm great." He gave her a smile in return, before he backed the truck out of the space and started off for Rachel's apartment.

* * *

She was trying really hard not to freak out. She stood outside Finn's truck two days after Disney on Ice and watched him strap Savannah into her car seat. She wrapped her sweater around her torso against the bitter cold. Finn was taking Savannah out for the day, and while Rachel knew she would be fine, a big part of her was having a hard time letting Savannah out of her sight.

"So you're just going bowling, right?" she asked as she watched Finn snap the latch closed. She leaned over and pressed a kiss to Savannah's cheek once he was out of the way.

Finn nodded and pulled his beanie down over his ears. "Yeah. Just going to the bowling alley on Fourth Avenue. We'll play a few games and get some pizza or something..."

Rachel bit her lip as she looked at him. He gave her a small smile before he reached over and closed the door as Savannah started talking to her Cinderella doll."Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't worry. Don't look so worried. Everything is..."

"Going to be fine," she sighed as she rubbed her hands over her arms. "I know. It's just bowling. But Finn..."

"It's going to be fine," he tried to assure her."Remember, she needs this."

"She deserves this," she whispered, completing his sentiment from the other day at Disney on Ice.

"I'll have her home before dinner," he smiled. She nodded, looking down at her feet. " And Rach?"

"Yeah?"

"We'll bring you some pizza," he winked.

She smiled at him. "Don't forget the dipping sauce,'' she winked. "Have fun with her."

"I will," he opened his car door and got in.

* * *

Bowling was one of his favourite past times. It was something he had loved from an early age. His mother had signed him up because it was one of the only activities that she could afford, and it was something that would run through the entire year. He had grown to love it, and had been playing ever since. Now it was a stress reliever for him mostly. The last time he had bowled had been the week Savannah had been diagnosed. And now they were here.

"Where are we daddy?" Savannah asked softly as she played with her doll.

"The bowling alley, jellybean."

"Bowling alley?" her brow furrowed as she looked at him.

He turned off the truck and turned around to look at her. "The bowling alley. Do you remember when we came here with Uncle Puck? Before your birthday? You got to play with the bright blue ball."

She nodded. "Can I have a purple ball Daddy? I like purple."

"We'll see jellybean," he smiled before he climbed out of the truck.

He was taken aback by the loud noises when they stepped into the building. Savannah instantly flinched and put her hands over her ears the second they stepped inside.

"Daddy," she whined. Finn sighed as he gently placed his hand on her head and guided her towards the little entrance way they had just walked through. Inside the little vestibule it was much quieter and Savannah took her hands off her ears. "It's too loud Daddy," she whimpered.

"I'm sorry jellybean," he sighed. He was at a loss for a moment as he looked at her, cringing internally at the tears that were forming in her eyes. He didn't have a plan B and he felt stupid. Rachel always had a plan B. It was the holiday break from schools all around them. He should have known the place would be packed.

"I want to go bowling daddy," she whimpered, turning herself to look through the glass.

Then he remembered they had a second level. Finn smiled gently to himself, hoping it was quieter up there, or that it was open at all.

"Okay. We can still go. But Daddy needs you to be brave for a second, okay?"

Savannah nodded. "Brave like when I get my medicine?" she asked quietly.

Finn's heart thumped in his chest for a minute as he looked at her. He nodded slowly. "Yeah. Just like that. Daddy's going to pick you up and we have to go back in the noisy room but it's just for a few minutes, alright?"

Savannah nodded and lifted her arms so Finn could lift her. She snuggled into his chest as he carried her into the main lobby of the bowling alley. He cringed when he felt her bury her head more into his jacket.

After explaining to the attendant at the desk in as few words as he could, Finn had secured them a lane to play on upstairs. It was much quieter and not as dark, and as it turned out they only had to share the area up there with a family who had a little boy just a little older than Savannah.

He smiled when her eyes lit up at the sight of the small purple ball was sitting on the vacant lane between the two families. He had put her down already, and could only nod when she looked up at him with wide eyes silently asking for permission to go and grab the ball. He nodded, and watched as she walked quickly to the other lane to grab it. He grinned when she walked back towards him with the ball in her arms, cradled like a doll.

"I got it Daddy!" she giggled. She hoisted it onto to the automated rack at the end and turned to him with her hands on her hips. She heaved, before grinning.

"C'mon Daddy, let's play!" she squealed.

"Hold on jellybean, we need to get your shoes on first," he pointed to the bowling shoes they had gotten from downstairs.

"Oh," she stopped for a moment before walking over to the chair. "Help me? They have laces Daddy and I don't like laces."

Finn laughed as he watched her shake her head at him, and for a moment he was transported to another time he was here, with another spitfire just like her. He and Rachel had one of their very first dates here way back in the 7th grade. He smiled as he bent to help Savannah tie the laces on her shoes, remembering that date with fondness. He had been nervous to bring her here, but she had mentioned that day in the cafeteria over pudding that she had never been bowling. And before he could think it through, he had invited her out with him with a squeak in his voice.

And the rest, they say, had been history.

"Daddy! You forgot the other bunny ear!"Savannah's voice broke through his thoughts immediately. He smiled up at her and fixed the lace that had come undone. Or he missed. Whichever.

"There you go jellybean," he smiled. She giggled when he bopped he nose. He quickly threw on his shoes before setting up the computer with their names.

* * *

They laughed their way through the first few frames, Savannah insisting that she had to wait each and every time for the purple ball she had chosen to come back to her. Finn didn't mind at all, he laughed as she watched her huff with her hands on her hips as the ball rolled ever so slowly towards the pins.

"It's okay jellybean, you'll get it next time," he cheered when the ball managed to knock one pin down.

She pouted when she turned to look at him and her shoulders sagged with disappointment. He took a few steps towards her and knelt beside her as they waited for the purple ball to come back. Finn grabbed it when it did, standing behind her after handing her the ball.

"Just like this jellybean," he helped her roll the ball with a bit more force, and hugged her to him as they watched the ball roll and knock over four pins.

She squealed in delight and threw her arms around Finn, nearly toppling him over as he had crouched beside her again.

"I did it Daddy! Do it again!"

He helped her bowl the next few frames, letting her take his turn and laughing every time she got excited when more than one pin was knocked down. But as the game came to an end and the next one started he noticed that her excitement was wearing down and she was taking longer to go get her ball. He looked at his watch, and even though they had only been playing for half an hour he decided maybe it was time to get that pizza he had promised her.  
He waited until she threw the ball towards the lane, cringing when it stopped half way. The last few turns she had taken had ended like that.

"Hey jellybean, you ready for some pizza?" he asked.

Her eyes lit up slightly. "Can we get extra cheese?"

He chuckled. "Yes. We can get extra cheese."

They sat at the table while they waited for the pizza to be done. Savannah sat quietly, sipping on her juice box while they waited. She yawned when she put the juice box down and Finn watched as she scratched at the bandana around her head.

"You can take it off if you want jellybean," he commented as he took a swig of his coke. Savannah shrugged and rubbed her eyes as she yawned once more. Finn hoped the pizza and juice would perk her up a little, but if not he was thinking they might have to cut the day short.

"You're doing a good job jellybean," he smiled. "You're going to be a pro."

She gave him an inquisitive look. "Why do you like bowling so much Daddy?"

Finn chuckled. "I just do," he shrugged before taking a swig of his Coke. "It was my ballerina class, when I was your age."

She gave him a skeptical look, as if she was trying to imagine him as anything other than her father.

"Can I be as good as you when I'm bigger?" she huffed. "I want to knock all the pins down."

"You will," he smiled as the attendant came over with the pizza. "Maybe after we eat this, huh?"

Her eyes widened as the pizza was placed in front of them. Finn grabbed a slice and put it on a paper plate that had been brought out as well. He cut up Savannah's slice and tried a small piece before handing it to her. She gave him a smile before digging into her slice while Finn grabbed his own.

"Daddy?" she asked after a few minutes. Finn looked up from his plate and swallowed the bite he had taken.

"Yes Savannah?"

He watched as she dropped her eyes to her plate before looking back up at him. "When you were little, like me, did you have to go to the hospital to have medicine too? Did Mommy?"

Finn felt his heart plummet. He put the piece of pizza down as he looked at her. He didn't know what to say. They had talked to Savannah, both him and Rachel had. She knew she was sick. But beyond that, they hadn't really talked about it. They were trying to keep her reality as normal as possible right now, medicine and hospital stays aside.

"Did you Daddy?"

He met her eyes, which were wide and glassy as she waited for him to respond.

"No jellybean, I didn't. Mommy either."

"Oh," she said simply.

He wanted to say something else, and part of him was itching to reach into his pocket, grab his phone and text Rachel.

"I don't like medicine Daddy. It makes me feel icky. And I don't like being icky."

Finn's heart thumped in his chest. "I know. I don't like it when you feel icky either. But you know what?"

"What?"

"All that medicine is going to make you better. Kind of like when we had to get Nana Carole to sew Petey's paw because it got ripped at the park?"

"Yeah. And Papa Burt said it was like he was Super-Petey now. Does that mean I'm super jellybean?"

Tears formed in Finn's eyes as he looked at her."Absolutely. You're Super Jellybean."

* * *

They played one more full game, before Savannah began to really get tired. The pizza and juice had given her a little bit of energy but not enough to last. He carried her up to the apartment, all her limbs hanging over his shoulders and around his waist.

"Hey," Rachel smiled when she answered the door.

"Is it okay if I just put her in her room?" he asked softly as he stepped into the apartment. "She fell asleep in the truck."

Rachel nodded silently and helped Finn remove her boots and jacket. She didn't follow him down the hallway when he went to put her down.

"How was it?" she asked quietly.

He rubbed the back of his neck for a moment as he looked down at his feet for a moment.

"She's so smart Rach," he whispered.

Rachel smiled. "I know. She's..."

"She asked me if you and I had to go have medicine when we were her age. It absolutely broke my heart. She...she knows she's sick Rach and I hate that," his voice broke. "She shouldn't have to know that and be okay with it..."

Rachel's heart thundered in her ears as she looked at him."Finn..." She reached out to touch him.

He waved her off as he rubbed his eyes. "I'm okay. I'm just gonna go. I'll see you Friday, right? That's when the guys are expecting us at the firehouse..."

She nodded and bit her lip as she watched him leave the apartment with a click of the door.

* * *

He didn't break down until he got home. The second he entered the apartment he headed straight to Savannah's bedroom and dropped down onto the bed, roughly the soft purple comforter as he dropped his head to his hands and let his tears fall.

* * *

"Momma, what are we going to do again?" Savannah asked as they walked down sidewalk towards the nail salon.

"We're going to get pedicures," Rachel answered as she swung their hands a little.

"And then are we going to go see the butterflies?" she asked quietly as Rachel reached for the door.

Savannah had woken up this morning with one request. She wanted to see butterflies. For a moment, Rachel had been broadsided by the request until she had searched for a conservatory on her phone. She had found one that was open and not too far. So she had said yes over breakfast and Savannah had been smiling ever since.

"Yes Savannah, after this we're going to go see the butterflies," she smiled warmly. "But first, let's get our toes painted!"

Savannah giggled as Rachel led her into the small salon.

The moment Rachel had learned she was having a little girl all those years ago, she had dreamed of doing little things like this with her. She had daydreamed about moments in the future, where they got their nails painted and went for lunch - things that she had just started doing at the time with her own mother. They had done this once before, her and Savannah, last Valentine's Day when she was feeling particularly down about being single. Savannah had been the best Valentine ever. And she wanted more of those memories. She wanted to take advantage of the time they had right now to make them.

She watched as Savannah eyed all the different colours of nail polish on the wall. The small salon was practically empty, save for a woman getting her nails done at the other end of the salon and the few workers. She stepped beside her and placed her hand on Savannah's beanie covered head as she looked at the colour choices as well.

"I think I want purple toenails Momma," she said decisively after a few moments. Rachel wasn't surprised, as that had been the colour she had chosen last time as well. "It's my superhero colour," she added simply.

Rachel stopped and looked down at Savannah who was smiling up at her. "Your superhero colour?"

"Yeah," Savannah didn't miss a beat. "I'm Super jellybean. Daddy says so. Cause I have to go back to the hospital soon for more medicine. And cause I was there before to get some," she smiled. "I'm super jellybean. Just like Petey is Super Petey cause Nana fixed his paw."

Rachel didn't know what to say. Her jaw was dropped as she looked at Savannah. She tried not to let tears well in her eyes as Savannah looked back up at her with a grin on her face.

"You should have purple nails too Momma," she said after a few moments of looking at the choices. She pointed to the one she wanted.

"I thought purple was only for Super Jellybeans?"

Savannah contemplated what she asked as Rachel handed her a bottle of purple polish.

"It is. But it's for Super Momma's too. We should get Daddy something purple. Cause he's Super Daddy and you're super Momma. And I'm super jellybean," she giggled. "So funny."

* * *

Rachel just watched her. Savannah chatted away to the technician washing her feet, giggling when she hit a ticklish spot on the bottom of her toes. She was so enraptured with watching Savannah talk to the woman in front of her that she didn't notice two women sit down to her left. Savannah chattered on to the technician about her bowling date with Daddy yesterday and other things. She watched the technician smile politely when Savannah explained why she had chosen the colour purple. She felt eyes on her for a moment, and then heard the faint murmur of the women beside her.

"_Poor little girl_," one of them said an air of regret in her voice.

"_So sad. Wonder what she has," _ the other questioned. Goosebumps rose on Rachel's arms before she turned to look at the two women. They were older than her by quite a few years, and while they both bore sympathetic expressions neither could disguise their shock when Rachel turned to look at them. Before she could say anything though, Savannah's voice broke through her haze.

"Momma, look! She's going to put a gold star on my toe! Gold stars are your favourite!" she giggled before she gave a yawn. "You should get one too Momma. Then we'll match! Super jellybean and Super Momma have to match."

Rachel tried not to let her eyes water as she turned to look at Savannah again.

"Okay Savannah," she laughed as Savannah grinned. "I'll get a star too."

* * *

She was glad the Butterfly Conservatory wasn't very big. The moment they stepped into the interactive tour area, the heat of the room hit her straight in the face. Savannah held her hand tightly as they walked through, giggling when some butterflies flew in front of them. But as excited as she was to see the butterflies, Rachel could tell she was beginning to get tired. Where she had all but run in chomping at the bit, she was now walking slowly through the pathways.

"It's hot in here Momma. Is that for the butterflies?" she asked as they wound their way through the path.

"I think so sweetheart." Savannah nodded and pulled Rachel's hand closer to her as they continued through.

Savannah's giggle was all she needed. Rachel looked down and saw that a butterfly had landed on Savannah's outstretched hand.

"It's purple Momma," she gasped as Rachel crouched beside her.

"It is purple," Rachel agreed. "It's beautiful."

"Just like me?" Savannah giggled.

Rachel smiled as she ran her hand over Savannah's back. "Yeah, just like you sweetheart."

* * *

It had been a long time since Rachel had visited the firehouse that Finn called his second home. When they had been together, her and Savannah had visited often back in the days when he was merely a volunteer. The pattern of visits had continued once he was hired on, but she hadn't been back since they had broken up. She knew Savannah came often, to visit the guys that were like Finn's family on the weekends she was with him. Savannah often told her about what she got up to here, the kind of candy she was fed and how she always managed to go for a ride on the pole.  
But she hadn't been back here since she got sick. Which was why they were here now. The firefighters in his unit, on his shift were a big part of Finn's life. And by extension, they were a somewhat big part of Savannah's life. And since they had done a lot of visiting, and would do a little more with friends especially come New Years Eve, it was only right to visit here as well.

But Savannah was tired. She was having a grumpy day and as Rachel looked back in the rear view mirror at Savannah, her head was already lulling to the side against her car seat. They had taken her out to breakfast this morning and now Rachel wasn't sure how long they would be able to stay here.

"Ready to go see everyone, jellybean?" Finn asked as he too looked back at her in the rear view mirror.

She rolled her head and blinked slowly at Finn. She nodded slowly as Finn looked at Rachel.

"Maybe we shouldn't stay too long," Rachel whispered as she looked back at Savannah once more.

"We'll just see how it goes," he sighed before he got himself out of the truck and went around to get Savannah.

Rachel followed him dutifully into the firehouse, staying close as Savannah had her hand clutched in hers. She was extra clingy when she was tired, and even though she had all her limbs wrapped around Finn she wanted to be close to Rachel too.

Finn had made arrangements ahead of time for the visit. Of course those arrangements would change if there was a call, but he wanted to make sure there were some people there for when they came in. But when they walked in there was no one around.

"They're probably in the lounge," he sighed as he adjusted Savannah in his arms. She whined, but perked up when her eyes fell on the pole.

"Can I go for a slide Daddy?" she asked as her head popped up.

Finn smiled. "Maybe after. We should go see everyone first."

Savannah sighed as she leaned her head back on his shoulder.

"Is that our little mascot I hear?"

The three of them stopped as the door to the lounge swung open and Finn's shift mate Jack stuck his head out. "Come on, we're all waiting for you princess!"  
Savannah dug her head into Finn's shoulder as the older man looked at them. Jack had been Finn's mentor of sorts, taking him under his wing on his first day.

"Guys, look who I found!" Jack called back into the room as Finn and Rachel followed.

Rachel gasped against her hand when they walked into the small room that if memory served her correct should have been loud and even a little dirty. Instead, all of them men were sitting around with the radio playing in the background. The guys had decorated the room with blue and white streamers. And they had even left the Christmas tree up still.

"Guys," Finn sighed.

"Don't say a word Huddy," Jack laughed before plopping down on the couch in an empty seat. "It's all for our special guest."

Finn walked more into the room and led Rachel with him. Savannah curled into him more. Introductions were made, Finn introducing Rachel to the guys, some she remembered and others were new.

"Savannah, you're not shy..." Finn tried to coax. "It's just the guys. Remember?"

She nodded, but still buried her head in his shoulder. Rachel leaned over and ran her hand over her back. Rachel wasn't quite sure what to do; she felt out of place and awkward as Finn took a seat in the recliner that was empty.

"Here Rachel," she looked up to see the man that Finn had introduced as Colin got up from the recliner beside Finn to let her sit.

"Thank you," she smiled but her uneasiness still remained.

They fell into an easy conversation then, Finn asking the guys about how work had been and they were asked about their Christmas vacations. Rachel smiled when Savannah perked up at Finn's mention of Cinderella and the Disney on Ice show they had been to. Finn adjusted her in his lap when she insisted, gracing everyone with a tired smile as she chattered on about how Cinderella was the best princess ever. Rachel was in awe of how her daughter had captivated a room full of grown men, men who risked their lives every day. Seeing her giggle at their responses about Cinderella and Gus made Rachel's heart flutter.

"Well, Miss Savannah, we got a call from Santa the other day and he said that he had forgotten to leave something at your house," Jack smiled as he looked at the three of them.

Rachel looked at Finn who shrugged his shoulders. Savannah perked up and clapped her hands on Finn's lap.

"Santa called here?" she asked, her voice squeaky and excited.

Jack nodded. "Daddy gave him the number."

"Uncle Kurt gave that number to Daddy," she giggled.

Jack and the rest of the men chuckled. "Well anyway, so Santa left this here," Colin stood up from where he was sitting by the tree and brought a box to Savannah.

She looked at it skeptically as he handed it to her. "For you. And there's one for Mommy and Daddy too."

Rachel's eye widened as she looked over at Finn. He shrugged.

"It's heavy," she said simply as she stared at the box.

Colin laughed. "Open it kiddo."

She tore at the blue paper furiously before she became stymied by the box. She turned to look at Finn who smiled and helped her with the few pieces of tape.

"It's Cinderelly," Savannah gasped. Rachel leaned over to look in the box. "It's beautiful."

Inside the box was a beautiful Cinderella snow globe.

"Mommy, isn't it pretty?" she sighed. Rachel grinned and moved to press a kiss to her cheek.

"It is. What do you say to the guys?"

Savannah tore her eyes from the globe for a moment before looking around the room shyly at all the men. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," they all said at the same time.

Finn gently took the snow globe out of the box while Rachel helped Savannah off his lap. She sat down on the floor in front of them and Finn placed the snow globe on the table in front of her. Eddie, another one of Finn's shift mates leaned over to show Savannah that the snow globe also sang. She squealed and was entranced immediately.

"So we do have something for you guys too," Jack spoke once Savannah's giggle settled down. He pulled two envelopes from the pocket of his shirt. "Don't say we didn't have to."

Finn took both the envelopes from Jack and passed Rachel's to her. She looked at Finn, who once again just shrugged.

She didn't know what to say. She opened the card carefully and was met with some heartfelt notes inside, wishing her a Merry Christmas but what caught her off guard was the money. There was money and gift cards for coffee houses and grocery stores inside the card.

"For parking. Or lunch, or whatever," Jack spoke quietly. "That all adds up and we know the little one has more treatment coming up and we just wanted to help."

Rachel felt tears form in her eyes as she stood up from her seat. Jack was the first to stand up and hug her.

"Thank you," she whispered."Thank you so much."

"Anything for our little princess. And that means you're in there too."

She hugged each of the guys before returning to her seat. Savannah turned to look at Rachel, a soft smile on her face.

"Don't cry Momma. Remember, I'm super jellybean, I'll be okay," she grinned before turning back to her snow globe. Rachel gave a watery chuckle before placing a kiss on her head.

Finn's card was much like hers. Except instead of monetary gifts, each of the men in the room had donated a vacation day for him to use. Or in Jack's case two days.

"Guys," he sighed as he ran his hand over his head.

"Captain Bill already approved it so no give backs Huddy," Jack laughed before drawing silent. "We just want you to be able to spend time with this little one," he gestured to Savannah who was still watching her snow globe. "without having to worry about work and bills. So there you have it. 10 extra days of vacation to take when you need to."

"Thank you," he whispered as he stared at Savannah. "Thank you so much."

On the way out of the firehouse that afternoon, Savannah insisted on showing Rachel how she slides down the pole. Rachel's heart was in her throat the entire time as she watched Finn hoist her up as far as he could. She bit her lip as she watched her slide down, giggling the entire way.

"Usually I go all the way to the top and Daddy catches me," she giggled, a little breathless as she walked towards her with her arms raised. "But Daddy said there's friends sleeping upstairs so I can't today. Next time. Up Momma," she gestured as she rose on her toes. Rachel bent down to pick her up before looking over to give Finn a grateful look. He knew she wouldn't be able to handle watching her come down the entire pole. He smiled back at her before picking up the snow globe again and leading them out of the firehouse. 

* * *

Several nights later, Rachel sat in the living room of her apartment staring at Savannah's duffle bag with a vengeance. She was supposed to be packing, as they were taking Savannah back to the hospital tomorrow to be admitted for chemotherapy. But she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Finn was over, and she could hear him and Savannah chatting in Savannah's room as she decided which toys she wanted to bring with her. Rachel, instead, was surrounded by piles of pajamas and blankets, along with all the things she was told Savannah would need or like. They had gone shopping this morning, getting fuzzy socks and choosing suckers that she liked. Things, Rachel had been told would make it a little more bearable. But she couldn't bring herself to put any of this in the bag. Because the bag meant this was happening. The bag meant their alternate reality was coming to an end.

Savannah's giggle broke her from her thoughts. She smiled, wiping under her eyes to erase any tears that might have slipped through and watched as Savannah came towards her, arms full.

"I picked," she squealed as she came to stand beside Rachel and dumped the few toys she had in her hands beside her. "All my new toys. And Petey and Polly of course," she added matter of factly. She heard Finn's footsteps as he came out of Savannah's room and back out to where they were."What did I have to pick them for again Mommy?" She eyed her bag. "Am I going for a sleepover?"

Rachel swallowed as she looked at Savannah, whose eyes were wide.

"Remember how Mommy and Daddy told you, when you first came back home, that you had to go to the hospital after Santa came to get more medicine?"

Savannah looked at her for a moment, blinking. "Yeah. I have to get more medicine so I can get better and stay home all the times," she sighed.

Rachel nodded as her throat swelled. "Well tomorrow is when Mommy and Daddy are going to take you back. To get more medicine. And we wanted to make sure you brought all your favourite things with you so that you'll be comfortable. Just like when you're at home."

Finn shuffled behind them and came to stand behind the couch they were sitting on. Savannah crawled onto the couch and leaned her head on Rachel's chest.

"Okay," she said simply as Rachel wrapped her arm around her and pulled her close.

"Okay?" Rachel asked as she ran her hand over her back.

Savannah looked up at her and blinked a few times before resting her head back on her chest.

"I'm not scared Momma," she whispered. "The medicine will make me better so I'm not scared. I'm super jellybean," she breathed with a hint of a giggle. "And super jellybeans aren't scared of medicine."

Rachel pulled Savannah closer and buried her had in Savannah's neck as she cuddled into her. The tears that had been threatening to fall all day finally did as she held her close.

"The medicine will make me better Momma. That's what medicine is for," she sighed. "Right Daddy?"

Finn swallowed hard as he looked down at them, before leaning down and pressing his lips to her forehead as she looked at him.

"Right jellybean, you're so right."

* * *

**There you have it.**


	10. Chapter 10

Well hello! I bet you didn't expect to see this again, for the next month, did you? Well, I have a day off, it's crappy outside (of course, it was beautiful the last few days where I worked 8 hour days, why not ;)), and I just want to get this update to you. I love it, for reasons that you'll soon get to see - but I also hate it - for other reasons you will just get to see, well, first. I have to thank Lauren for reading it over and over. I appreciate it :)

I have to warn you, parts of this one are sad. Really sad. So maybe two tissue boxes? It'll redeem itself at the end. Well, maybe. Anyway - on with the show!

See disclaimer on previous chapters. Don't steal. It's bad, I hear.

* * *

**Chapter 10**

Rachel was just beginning to feel herself doze off when Savannah's whimpering broke the silence that the room had been bathed in. She shook herself awake as the whimpering got louder and Savannah tiredly pulled herself off Rachel's chest as she whimpered again.  
"Okay, okay," Rachel whispered calmly as she helped Savannah sit up, just in time for her to throw up into the bin that had been uncomfortably jammed between her hip and the bar. Rachel cringed as Savannah dry heaved into the bed pan, before leaning back against Rachel and beginning to cry. "I know, I know. It's okay princess," she whispered as she pressed her lips to Savannah's forehead.  
"Momma," she cried as she rubbed her face into Rachel's shirt, taking some of the extra material in her hand. Rachel sighed when she felt the warmth that was radiating from her head and forehead. Savannah had had a fever for most of the day, a side effect of the intensive chemotherapy she had been receiving. She cried into her chest as Rachel tried to rub her back. "I don't feel good," she mumbled into her shirt.  
"I know Savannah, I'm so sorry baby. I'm so sorry," Rachel murmured against her head.

Rachel held Savannah to her as her cries dulled to a whimper and she started to fall asleep again. She went to move, but the second Rachel shifted just her hips on the bed Savannah whimpered and clung to her harder. She just wanted to move the puke bucket, but it didn't seem like Savannah was going to allow her to do that at the moment. She sighed and ran her hand once move over her back as she shuddered in her sleep. Rachel only hoped that she would be able to stay asleep for a longer period of time.

The last four weeks had been rough. Rachel wasn't even sure rough was the right word to use. Savannah had been receiving her chemotherapy treatments for the last four weeks at regular intervals. And as each treatment was completed, Rachel's heart broke a little more. Seeing Savannah so tired, so rundown and so sick caused her to wonder if all of this was worth it.  
But it was worth it. Because if this was working, it would save her life.  
But if it wasn't working? Well, she didn't know what she would do - and if she could ever forgive herself for putting Savannah through all of this to begin with.

Truth is, Rachel had been experiencing a lot of guilt the last few weeks. Guilt when it came to Savannah, because she felt like there was just something more she could've done to prevent all of this, how if she had just noticed something or anything earlier they may not be in this position. She felt guilty because in the end she felt like this was all her fault. That somehow, down the line, she had caused her to develop this awful disease that she was so afraid in the end was going to take her. She felt guilt when it came to work, because she had basically taken a leave of absence. It wasn't that she didn't trust Finn or her mom or Carole but she just wanted to be the one with her, the one rubbing her back just like she was right now. And she felt some guilt when it came to Finn. She felt it because she thought that she was hogging their sick little girl by being here all the time. But she just couldn't bear being away from her, even for a moment. He has been so fantastic; he had always been a fantastic father, but these past few months had just shown her how fantastic he was and more. But more so he had been fantastic with her. And she felt guilt about that with him, most of all. Because the more time they spent together, the more she truly wished things were different.

"Hey," she nearly jumped from the bed when she heard his voice. She looked over towards the door and gave Finn a small smile. He looked exhausted. She knew he had just come off shift, she could smell the soap he had used at the firehouse from her spot on the bed.

"Hi," she whispered. Finn stepped closer to the bed and cringed when he saw the bedpan full of vomit. He went to grab it. "Get gloves Finn," she instructed before he touched it. He looked at her with a raised eyebrow, saying everything he wanted to in one look. "Chemotherapy," she added as if it was the answer to his question. He sighed and grabbed a pair of gloves from the box before grabbing the bedpan and taking it to the bathroom to empty it and rinse it out. When he returned, the pan was clean and his hands were washed. He set the pan on the little table beside the bed before he bent to place a kiss on Savannah's head.

"She's warm," he murmured when he pulled away.

"She's had a fever all day," Rachel reported.

"Did they give her anything for it?" he asked as he sat down on his chair.

She nodded. "They gave her some Tylenol not too long ago, but she might have just thrown it up."

Finn sighed and ran his hands over his thighs.

"Do you want to switch places?" he asked quietly after a few minutes.

"She won't let me put her down," Rachel whispered. "I tried to move the bedpan when she first threw up and she cried. I've had to pee for hours but I just can't leave her..."

Finn gave her a tight lipped smile before he stood up.

"We'll just try," he whispered. Rachel sighed as he leaned over and gently started to tug her from Rachel's arms. She whined immediately as soon as her cheek lost contact with Rachel's chest. As soon as Rachel was out of the bed, Finn took her place just as Savannah whimpered. "It's just me jellybean, Daddy has you now..."

"Daddy," she whimpered, wiping her face on his shirt. "Momma."

"Momma just had to go to the bathroom. Can Daddy have a snuggle?"

She whimpered as he held her against him, smoothing his hand up and down her back.

Finn brushed his lips over the top of her head as she curled into him. He started to hum as he held her against him.

"My song Daddy," she whimpered against the fabric of his shirt. "My song."

"You want Daddy to sing your song?" he whispered against her head just as the toilet flushed. Savannah nodded her head, turning her head so her cheek was over his heart. "_hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song, and make it better. Remember, to let her into your heart then you can start, to make it better..."_ He sang as he ran his hand over her back. He felt her breath even out once more as he hugged her close. Rachel tiptoed closer to the bed when he finished the verse and took up residence in the seat he had vacated to hold her.

Things were quiet, the only sounds were the faint but laboured breathing that was coming from Savannah.

"How was your shift?" Rachel asked quietly. She looked down at her hands after the words left her mouth.

"It was okay," he sighed. "Nothing huge happened, just a small apartment fire that we put out in minutes."

She nodded. "What about you? What did you get up to today?"

Rachel ran her fingers through her hair, shaking it out before clipping it back once more. "They took her for an MRI this morning, before she went down for treatment. And my mom was here earlier, she brought coffee so it was nice to have company for a bit while they did the MRI."

Finn nodded at her words. "Did they say anything, at the MRI, about results?"

Rachel shook her head. "Same as always. Dr. Taylor would see the film first and then come to us."

Finn nodded as he continued to just rub Savannah's back.

"I hate seeing her like this," he murmured against her head.

"Me too. She's slept the entire time since she came back to her room, aside from when she was throwing up."

Finn sighed. "Hopefully that means the medicine is doing its job."

"I hope you're right," she murmured as she reached over to grab her coffee. "I hope you're right."

* * *

This was it. Dr. Taylor's receptionist had called Savannah's room this morning, asking for them to meet with him at their earliest convenience. As it was, Finn had just walked into the room with his mother and Savannah was asleep still. She had given him one look, and had watched him swallow hard. The moment they had both been waiting for and not wanting to come had arrived.

Rachel bit her lip as they waited in Dr. Taylor's office. Her heart thumped as they waited for Dr. Taylor to meet with them.

"It might not be bad news," Finn murmured. "It might just be that the medicine is working so well that she could be getting better..."

She looked down at her hands, her fingers intertwined in her lap.

She wanted to believe him. She knew he was being optimistic. He was trying to stay positive for the both of them, for Savannah. She wanted to hang on to that hope but she just wasn't sure. Her heart screamed to have faith, her head was floating with questions and her gut was screaming that something bad was about to happen.

The door to the office opened and Rachel flinched. Finn looked over at her and tentatively offered her his hand as Dr. Taylor moved to sit behind his desk.

"Rachel, Finn," he addressed them with a nod of his head. "Glad you could make it on such short notice."

They both watched as he shuffled some papers in front of him, before laying a few pieces of paper out in the folder in front of him and clasping his hands together.

"We need to talk about Savannah's MRI results," he started. Rachel squeezed Finn's hand gently as he ran his thumb over her knuckles. Both of them braced themselves for what was to come. "We had hoped, once we came back from the holiday break, that we would see some evidence of cell damage and death after an intensive round of chemotherapy..."

Rachel sensed a big, fat, but.

And she wasn't wrong.

"But it seems, after four weeks of intensive chemotherapy that while there has been some cell damage, the cells of her tumor are still rapidly regenerating and dividing at an alarming rate."

Rachel felt Finn squeeze her hand tightly as they both swallowed hard. Her ears started to burn and her throat started to swell. She felt tears rise in her eyes and her vision blurred.

"So what...what does that all mean?" Finn asked, his own voice coming out husky. Rachel could tell immediately that he was fighting tears.

"It means that the regiment of chemotherapy we had prescribed and have been using on Savannah has failed to stop the growth and..."

"In English please," Finn whispered.

"It's not working," Rachel explained, feeling hazy and stunned. "The chemotherapy isn't helping like we want it to," she blinked rapidly as she fought hard not to cry. She was losing quickly.

"We can try another combination of drugs. There are more aggressive combinations that might work better to combat..."

"Than why didn't we try those first?" Finn asked, his voice slicing the atmosphere that had become thick.

"Finn, with chemotherapy it's a little bit of a guessing game. No two tumours respond to the same combination of medication the same way, even if they are the same type," Dr. Taylor started.

Finn pulled his hand out of Rachel's and rubbed at his eyes violently with the palm of his hands. Rachel dropped her hands to the arms of her chair, digging her nails into the wood as she chewed her lip.

"So all her suffering, every fever and every throw up session has been in vain..." he stammered. He looked at Rachel. "We've been making her suffer for nothing," his voice dropped. "I don't want her to suffer anymore."

Rachel whimpered as she looked at him, letting go of one of the arms of her chair and touching his shoulder. "I don't either but maybe..."

"Maybe what? Rachel, you've seen her...she's not our little girl anymore!" He stood up as tears started to flow down his cheeks. "She's..."

"She's sick," Rachel whispered as her own tears surfaced. "And we owe it to her to try just one more..."

"Something more aggressive might be the answer," Dr. Taylor interjected.

"But what if it isn't? We're just supposed to spend the next what, four weeks, holding her hand as she throws up and apply chapstick to her dry lips..." he trailed off. "I don't like this and..."

"I don't like it either Finn," she whispered. "But if this saves her life... I want to try."

She looked at him then, fusing their eyes together for a second. She whimpered as she looked at him, trying to convey everything she was feeling in that one look.  
She wanted to try whatever Dr. Taylor was busy explaining while they stared at each other. She was sure he was going on about another combination of drugs but at the moment it was all gibberish.  
She wanted and needed to try one more time. She needed to try everything for their little girl.  
But she also knew, and felt, where Finn was coming from.

Finn couldn't wrap his head around the fact that the chemotherapy wasn't working. If he had any hair, he was sure he would have pulled it all out. How could it not be working? She was so sick, so weak and so tired from the chemical - how was it doing everything but what it was supposed to? And how was he supposed to just sign on the dotted line to continue this torture? It was taking all he could to just stand here and stare at Rachel while his impulses were telling him to run back to Savannah's room, scoop her up and go home. Home was safe.

"We need to try one more time," Rachel begged, simultaneously bringing them both out of their similar thoughts. "We owe it to her Finn. To try everything in our power to get her well." She knew full well she was begging. She wasn't sure what for, but she could hear it in her voice. "Please. For Savannah."

Finn felt so torn. He wanted her well. He wanted her well more than anything. And maybe, this next round of chemo would do it. Or maybe it wouldn't. But he swallowed hard and reached forward to wipe some of Rachel's streaming tears. "Okay. One last combination."

Rachel let out a sob as she launched herself at Finn, just as he started to cry as well. She grabbed the fabric of his shirt in her fist and held on tightly as she cried. She cried for Savannah, for the fact that the four weeks of chemo just wasn't enough. She cried for the fact that she was going to have to endure another four weeks of torture. She cried because she didn't think she would have to convince Finn to continue to try and save their daughter's life. And she cried for herself because she knew more than anyone else that there was a chance this wouldn't work either.

As Finn held her tightly, he allowed himself to bury his head in her neck and allow the tears to stream down his face. How could this be possible? How could all of this torture that they had just subjected their pretty little girl to ended in failure? He didn't want her to suffer. He didn't want her to be sick. But he wanted her to live. And he couldn't have one without the other, he supposed.

They had to sign papers, new treatment orders for Savannah that were going to start the day after tomorrow. She was going to be given a reprieve, so that her body could heal somewhat. Finn scoffed at that thought, how can one's body heal enough in time to take on new medication? He was sure there wasn't enough time in the world. When it was finished, he followed Rachel out into the hallway, his hands in his pockets. She stopped a few steps away from the office and turned around to look at him. He swallowed hard when he saw that tears were streaming down her cheeks as she looked at him.  
He didn't say anything, just took a step forward and wrapped his arms around her in a comforting hug.

"It's going to be okay," he whispered. He ran his fingers through her hair as she cried into his shirt, much like she just had in the office. His throat swelled and tears rose in his own eyes once again. "We're doing the treatment, it's going to fix her and it's all going to be fine."

Maybe if he said it enough, out loud, it would come true. Maybe he could continue to believe it if he got her to.

* * *

They walked back quietly to Savannah's room. Rachel made a stop in the visitor bathroom on the way, wanting to wash her face before they went back to see Savannah and Carole. Finn followed her lead and headed into the men's as well.

Rachel stared at her reflection in the mirror, wiping at her tears with a paper towel with a vengeance. No amount of cold water was going to erase the puffiness under her eyes, and she knew that was going to be a dead giveaway to Carole. Savannah, she hoped would still be sleeping when they got back. The one time she hoped she was, so she could hide her tears for just a little longer. She didn't know what to make of the situation. The chemo hadn't worked. Four weeks and it didn't work. Her heart broke over and over just as it had in that room minutes ago when they had first been told. Her world was crashing. It was like that God awful ride her and Finn had gone on one year at Cedar Point, where they dragged you sky high, just to drop you and pick you up over and over. She felt like she had been on that ride this entire time. And she wanted off. Though there was no getting off. Not now. Not yet. Not until Savannah was better. She dropped the paper towel into the garbage and sniffed, taking in her appearance once more. She had to be strong. Because strong is what Savannah needed. Only she didn't know how to be anymore.

Finn was waiting outside the bathroom door. She gave him a hesitant smile as she approached him.

"Ready?"

She nodded her response. "As I'll ever be."

They walked the rest of the way to the room in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Finn's hands were buried in his pockets once more as they walked. He was supposed to go into the firehouse tonight, for a short 24 hour shift. He felt like he had just gotten off shift, which was true. He didn't want to go back tonight. Not tonight. He was needed here, he could see it on Rachel's face when she left the bathroom. He was needed here, to be the strong one. He wondered if it was too late to use one of those vacation days.

His mind quieted when they got to Savannah's room. Rachel reached for the door and opened it slowly. The sounds of the little mermaid assaulted their ears. Savannah was awake.

* * *

Rachel beelined it for Savannah's bed the moment they stepped in the room. Carole gave them each a small, hesitant smile when they walked in. She stood up and kissed Savannah goodbye before turning to give Finn a hug and leaving the room quietly.

"What are we watching jellybean?" Finn asked, his voice heavy. He cleared his throat as he approached the bed.

"Mermaid," she whispered, her own voice chalky and gravelly. Rachel fussed over her blanket for a moment before moving to get her water bottle to refill. "Nana Carole brought it."

"She did? That was nice of her. Something different than Cinderella," he smiled as he ran his hand over her forehead.

"I love Cinderelly," she whispered tiredly.

"I know you do," Finn laughed.

She quieted, the only noises in the room were the movie and Rachel folding and tiding the clean pajamas Carole had brought with her. Finn pulled his chair closer to Savannah's bed and took her hand in his as they watched the movie continue. Rachel turned to look at Finn and nodded towards Savannah, who was starting to get sleepy. Finn gave her a soft smile in recognition, they can both see she's on her way to falling asleep.

"Daddy, I want to go to a wedding," she whispered, her voice hoarse as the scene where Ariel and Eric get married played on the screen.

"You've been to a wedding jellybean," he said softly. "Remember? We went to Aunt Emma and Uncle Will's wedding..."

"I want to go to your wedding Daddy. Your and Mommy's wedding."

Rachel immediately dropped the sweater she was holding and turned to look at Finn. Her eyes looked alarmed. He gave her a soft, sad smile.

"Mommy, do you want to marry Daddy?" she asked quietly, her eyes drooping. "I want you to marry Daddy cause you won't be sad no more."

Her heart beat in her chest rapidly as she stared at Savannah in disbelief. Sad? How does her little girl know she's sad? She's not wrong, she is, because this...watching her go through all of this cancer stuff is what is making her sad.

It wasn't long before Savannah fell asleep once more, her words lingering in the air of the room like a blanket. Finn could tell Rachel was avoiding him, as she went through some cards that have trickled in. He wanted to say something, wanted her to say something but he just doesn't know what right now. He stood up from where he was sitting and approached her. He reached out to take her hand so she would stop fidgeting and look at him.

"Rachel."

"You should get going. You don't want to be late for work."

"I still have a bit of time. I can be late, though. Jack won't mind." he tugged her hand. "Stop for a second. Talk to me. Please."

She didn't look him in the eye, instead she looked down where their hands were clasped together.

"She wants to go to a wedding," she mumbled.

Finn took a deep breath, hooking his finger from his free hand under her chin to make her look up at him.

"She does," he answered carefully.

"We need to give her that," she stated. "I want to give her that because I'm not sure how much longer she has..." Her lip trembled as she looked at him. "Dr Taylor didn't seem to..."

He ran his hands up her arms, coming to rest on her shoulders. "Then we will," he took a deep breath as he looked her square in the eye. "Rachel Berry, will you marry me?"

* * *

Oh, I don't own Hey Jude. The Beatles do.


	11. Chapter 11

**No big authors note. Just a hope that you like this. Enjoy. Specia****l thanks to ****Lauren for a****l****l her he****lp.  
See disclaimers on previous chapters. Thanks. And review. I live for them.**

* * *

**Chapter 11**

Rachel fingered the edge of the white dress she was wearing and bit her lip. The lights in the bathroom were bright, beaming down on her as she inspected her appearance. The dress was short, fell to just about her knees and was the only white dress she had in her closet. The rest of her, well it would have to do. The bags under her eyes had taken more concealer than she cared to admit, and she hadn't had time for a haircut in nearly months so her hair was pretty unruly. She managed to brush it out well, using a straightener her mother had brought to make her hair look somewhat presentable. She huffed once more as she moved a stray piece of hair behind her ear. She can say decisively that she how she looks right now, is probably as good as it's going to get without professional help.

They were getting married in an hour. Savannah wanted to go to a wedding, their wedding specifically and Rachel above everything else wanted to give her little girl whatever she wanted. So she had said yes, when he asked her that day almost two weeks ago in the hospital room.

* * *

_"Rachel Berry, will you marry me?" He stared at her intently, his eyes soft and kind.  
She sucked in a breath, breaking their gaze to look down at her hands as he lifted his from her shoulders. "Rachel?" _

_She opened and closed her mouth over and over a few times, trying to find the right words to say. Savannah wanted to go to a wedding. Savannah wanted to go to __**their**__ wedding. She deserved everything and more at the moment. But most importantly, Savannah wanted __**them**__ to get married. _

_She opened her eyes to look up at Finn, his eyes had faded in the mere seconds waiting for her answer. She could see how deflated he looked and she instantly wanted to take that away. She bit her lip and moved her hands to touch his cheek. _

_"Okay," she whispered. _

_"Okay?" he whispered back. "Does that mean yes?" _

_She nodded slowly. "Yes, I will marry you."_

* * *

She sighed as she ran her hands down the front of her dress, trying to smooth out the invisible wrinkles that only she could see. She was stalling, and she knew it.

It was Valentine's Day. She tried not to think of the irony or cliché in that. She had never been one of those girls who wanted to get married on a holiday, but here she was. It was the first available day they could get a minister to perform the simple ceremony and it was far enough in Savannah's new treatment regime, just shy of two weeks, that she was allowed a day off and could spend it with them. They were just getting married in the hospital chapel, with Finn's parents catering a dinner they were going to share in the small lounge down the hall. All of this, was for Savannah. Everything.

Rachel frowned into the mirror when she thought about Savannah. This new treatment plan, the more aggressive chemical mixture was doing things to her little girl that she never thought were possible. If she was tired, lethargic and ill the first go around, this time it was threefold. The sparkle her eyes once held was gone, her skin was ashy and her poor lips had seen more chapstick in the last two weeks than they had in her entire four year of life. Rachel's heart broke constantly over the last two weeks. But through it all, Savannah's infectious smile tried to gleam through. She was excited for today, to go to the wedding. When she was awake and somewhat well, it was all she could talk about. And that is why she was doing this.

A knock on the bathroom door broke her from her thoughts.

"I'm coming," she cleared her throat and stood up tall before she grabbed her makeup bag off the small counter. She turned around and opened the door to find Finn's mother on the other side. "Carole, hi. I thought you were...I thought you might have been my mom," she stammered. She clutched the small bag in her hands.

"She told me where I could find you," Carole smiled warmly. "She's sitting with Savannah, picking out the perfect headband. I wanted to talk to you, you know...before..." Rachel nodded her head as she looked down at her ballet flat covered feet. Carole reached out and touched her arm.

Since their breakup, Rachel found it hard to be alone with Carole. She just didn't know where she stood with the older woman, other than being the mother of her grandchild. While her own mother had been their greatest ally when they had decided to raise Savannah at such a young age, Carole was often in their corner as well. A surrogate second mother for her on some levels, but a disappointed mother of her boyfriend on another. That feeling of disappointment had grown once her and Finn had called it quits, and now she had no idea where they stood. They were friendly, sure, for the sake of Savannah especially _now_ but she could only imagine what she thought of her now.

"I'm really proud of you guys," Carole started softly. Rachel's eyes shot up at the sound of her voice. Carole gave her a knowing smile. "Proud really isn't the right word, but I'm not really sure what else to call it. What you guys are doing for Savannah, today, is just...inspirational. And I'm just so glad you're letting me, well all of us, be a part of this."

Rachel looked down at her feet once more. She wasn't sure what to say, what to do.

"I always believed in you two," Carole continued. "I might not have always shown it, because well, at the beginning I thought you two might have been making a mistake. But watching each of you raise that baby to be who she is today- has been nothing short of amazing. She is amazing, and it's because of the two of you. And the strength both of you have shown since all of this started..."

"I'm not strong," Rachel whispered, interrupting Carole's sentence . "Carole, I'm the furthest thing from..."  
Carole touched her arm once more. "But you are. You are because you're putting aside your feelings and doing this," she gestured to the white dress. "you're doing this for her."

"She wanted to go to a wedding," Rachel sighed, feeling a weight of judgement come down on her, a feeling she was not unfamiliar with. "And we, I, wanted to give her that..." she swallowed.

"I think part of you, deep down, is doing this for yourself too. I always knew we'd be here someday. Well, not here but...you know what I mean."

"Carole," she sighed. She had had enough people criticize their decision to breakup since it happened. There were very few, less than a handful actually, that understood _why_ they had done it, herself and Finn included. And there were even fewer, that understood why they were doing this now, getting married for Savannah. No one needed to understand. They did.

"I know," Carole held up her hand. "Either way. I wanted to give you this," she reached into the small handbag she was carrying and pulled out a small ring box. Rachel nibbled her bottom lip. "Take it."

She took it gingerly from her, and waited a beat before she opened it at Carole's insistence. She sighed when she saw what was inside. A plain silver band sat inside.

"It's Christopher's," she started. "When Finn was growing up. he often hailed Christopher as his hero. I think it was the idea of his father that was his hero mostly, the untouchable Christopher. Finn was barely 6 weeks old when Christopher passed. But he made me promise that when he got married, I would give him this ring, even from a young age. He wanted to have Daddy's ring. I know this isn't going to be a traditional wedding, or even a traditional marriage. There has never been anything traditional about the two of you. But I still want you guys to have some of your dreams. And this is Finn's...aside from making you and that little girl happy," she smiled sadly.

Rachel felt herself tearing up again. Truth be told, she hadn't thought about rings, she hadn't talked with Finn about it either. She just kind of assumed they would go without.

"Thank you," Rachel whispered. Her voice grew thick as the words left her mouth and she looked down at the ring. "Just...thanks."

Carole offered her a soft smile. "Now, there is a little girl out there who is bursting at the seams to see her Momma's dress..."

Rachel offered Carole a small smile as she wrapped her fingers around the velvet box. Carole patted her arm before she stepped out of the bathroom and gave Rachel a moment to collect herself. She checked herself in the mirror, making sure she hadn't smudged any of her hard work before she turned around to leave the bathroom, her belongings in hand.

She walked back to Savannah's room down the hall. She had used the bigger, visitor bathroom to get ready because of the easier access to an outlet for the straightener. She took a deep breath before she reached for the handle of the door and walked in.

"Momma, you look so pretty," Savannah's tired voice croaked as giggled from her bed.

"Why thank you sweetheart," she smiled. She crossed the room quickly and came to the side of Savannah's bed after dropping her makeup bag on the table. She was dressed in a pretty light blue dress with big black dots on it, something she had chosen all on her own. A pretty blue headband encircled her shaved head, and a tired smile danced on her face. She looked happier than she had in months, a look that hadn't left her face much since she had broken the news to her about the wedding that would be.

* * *

_"So sweetheart remember how the other day you told Daddy and I that you wanted to go to a wedding?" Rachel asked that night when they laid side by side. Savannah nodded_ _sleepily into her side. She was dozing in and out, the emotions of the day and the exhaustion from her treatment getting the best of her. _

_"Uh huh," she mumbled against her chest. "Want to go to your wedding Momma. You're supposed to marry Daddy. And live happy," she yawned as her eyes blinked slowly. _

_"You mean happily ever after?" she brushed her fingers across Savannah's forehead. She shook her head. _

_"I mean live happy Momma, with me and Daddy. like Cinderelly and the_ _prince."_

_"Daddy and I are going to have a wedding, just for you sweet girl..."_ _Rachel whispered as she swallowed hard. _

_Savannah sat up slowly and looked at Rachel with a smile on her face, her eyes widened for the first time in weeks. "Really Momma?" _

_Rachel nodded. "Before Daddy went to work, we talked about it. And..." _

_"He asked you to be his Cinderelly Momma? And you said yes?" she giggled sleepily. _

_Rachel gave her a soft smile as she kissed her head and helped her lay down again. "Something like that." _

_Savannah grinned as Rachel pressed a kiss to her head once more as she sighed happily. Rachel smiled as she watched Savannah fall asleep, a small contented smile on her face. Rachel hadn't questioned it before, but now for sure she knew she had made the right decision. She would marry Finn. For Savannah._

* * *

Savannah gave her a soft, tired smile as she leaned back against the pillow. Rachel carefully sat down on the side of Savannah's bed and leaned over to press a kiss to her forehead.

"I see you chose the blue headband Nanny Shelby brought you," Rachel whispered as she fingered the gentle material. She looked over at her Mom who gave a small smile.

"'Course Momma," she sighed as she leaned back once more against the pillows. She let out a yawn. "It matches my dress the bestest."

Rachel and Shelby gave a chuckle. "Of course it does princess, of course."

* * *

"I'm going to go and make sure everything is set up. I'll meet you two at the chapel?" Shelby asked after a moment.

"Sounds good. Thanks Mom," Rachel smiled. Shelby leaned over to place a kiss on Savannah's head before she left the room.

"Nanny Shelby painted my nails Momma," Savannah sighed. She lifted her left hand to show off four painted fingers on each hand. "See?"

"Gorgeous," Rachel smiled, before adjusting Savannah's headband. When she eyed the clock, she ran her hands down her dress just like she did in the bathroom before she stood up. It was almost time, and she still had to get herself and Savannah downstairs.

"Is it time to go see Daddy Momma?" Savannah asked quietly.

Rachel nodded as she walked over to the side of the room where Savannah's wheelchair sat. Her mother had wrapped some white streamers and decorations around the handles while Savannah had slept today. She grinned at the chair.

"Pretty Momma," she smiled. Rachel carefully lifted her off the bed and kissed her cheek before she moved her to the wheelchair. She was just about to leave the room once Savannah was settled when she stopped her.

"Wait Momma, I need something," she whimpered. Rachel stopped the wheelchair short of the door and moved to crouch in front of her chair.

"What is it princess?" she looked her over. She didn't look like she was going to get sick, and since her chemotherapy had started they had started putting her back in pull ups in case of accidents.

"I need my bracelet Momma," she said softly. Rachel nodded and went to retrieve the bracelet Savannah was talking about, her treatment bracelet. Rachel found it quickly and brought it over to Savannah. She handed it to her, but instead of Savannah taking it from her she looked at Rachel with wide, tired eyes.

"I want you to wear this Momma," Savannah whispered, her voice tired and gravelly. Rachel wondered if she was going to stay awake long enough for the ceremony.

"Savannah," she took a deep breath as she knelt in front of her. "It's your bracelet baby."

She shook her head gently. "It's blue Momma. You need something blue, like Cinderelly."

Rachel held the bracelet in her hand, her thumb rubbing the beads gently. There were so many, indicating how many treatments her little girl had already endured.  
"Please wear it with your dress Momma," she sighed, her eyes pleading.

"Of course," Rachel smiled softly after a moment. Savannah's eyes remained on her while she twisted the long chain around her wrist. Her smile widened when Rachel held up her wrist to show Savannah.

"Now you look more beautifuller Momma," Savannah breathed as she relaxed against the headrest of her chair.

"Not nearly as beautiful as you," Rachel smiled. She leaned over and nuzzled Savannah's cheek.

* * *

She had to take several deep breaths as she stood out of sight of the altar. She clutched the small bouquet of mixed flowers her father's had presented her with and tried to even out her breathing. She closed her eyes to try and center herself as she waited for her cue. She was going to make the walk down the small aisle on her own, something that her father's had not understood. They had also had a hard time understanding why she was doing this at all. While they hadn't been the most supportive parents in the last few years, they weren't heartless and had comforted her in the best way they knew how when her and Finn had decided to end things. But once she explained that it was Savannah's wish to go to _their_ wedding, they had conceded with their arguments of disapproval and had happily agreed to attend, footing the bill for whatever they needed to in order to make the day special which at the end of the day wasn't much.

Her mother had taken care of decorating the small chapel. Neither of them had wanted to bother, but when Savannah had begun to talk about the little flowers at Aunt Emma's wedding, they had both decided to have a few decorations for posterity's sake.

The soft music that had been playing changed, gently breaking her from her thoughts. She took one final deep breath before she started to make her way down the aisle. Her eyes found Savannah's first, sitting off to the side on Shelby's knee, her grin as wide as her mouth would go, her eyes tired, but excited. She waved slightly as Shelby held tight to her and she gently waved back.

And then she looked at Finn.

Once her eyes locked on his, she felt like they were locked together. She allowed a small smile to play on her lips as she walked towards him. He looked so handsome, standing there in his black slacks, white button down shirt and grey blazer. She made it up to the top of the aisle, the sound of Savannah's tired giggle meeting her ears as she turned to look at Finn. She could feel the eyes of their family on them as they both looked at each other. She took a moment to pass her flowers to her mother before turning to Finn once more.

"You look very beautiful," Finn whispered as he took her hands in his.

She smiled and blushed as she looked down at their hands. "Thanks. You look very handsome yourself," she winked.

He gave her a soft smile as he squeezed her hands, just as the minister began to speak.

Finn found himself staring at Rachel as the minister started with a welcome. They had told the minister a little bit of their story, how they had came to be up until the decision to marry at their terminally ill daughter's request. He knew it was odd, and he had seen the doubt in the minister's eyes. But when he spoke privately with him afterwards, Finn had managed to appeal to the minister's senses.

But now, as he stared at her, watching her eyelashes flutter against her cheeks as she blinked while listening to the ministers words, he let his mind travel back to the very day that this all started.

* * *

_Finn walked into the classroom, his bag slung over his back and Puck at his side. They were laughing about their video game tournament they had held that weekend while Puck's mom had worked a double shift and he had stayed at Finn's.  
_  
"_Whoa dude, look," Puck stopped abruptly just inside the room by the hooks where they would hang up their stuff. Finn looked over to where Puck was pointing, towards his seat. That he normally occupied by himself - since Ms Peter's had moved Puck from beside him that is. In the normally vacant spot sat a brunette with long brown hair. _

_"Guess you got lucky with new kid duty," Puck snickered as he clapped Finn on the back. Finn groaned and put his stuff away quickly as Ms. Peter's appeared from her office on the opposite side of the room. She seemed to stare at Finn, which made him move faster and hustle towards his seat. He slid into his chair, noting that the brunette as busying herself by furiously writing in what looked like a journal. Finn busied himself as well with his notebook, doodling on the cover as he waited for class to start. _

_"You're Finn Hudson," the quiet voice came from beside him. Finn's head shot up to find a pair of the biggest brown eyes peering back at him.. _

_"I...ye...how do you know my name, aren't you new?" he stammered over his words as she looked at him. He couldn't look away. He felt drawn to her._

"I am new. New to this school, this city...Ms. Peters told me your name. So I would know who I'm sitting beside," she sighed, pushing her hair behind her ear.

"Well new, do you have a name?" he laughed uneasily, unsure what else he was supposed to do.

"It's Rachel. Rachel Berry," she smiled. "And I think we're going to be great friends."

Finn chuckled just as Ms. Peters called the class to attention.

_Little did Finn know just how great friends they would be._

* * *

"Now for the vows. Rachel and Finn, given the unique circumstances that have led to their union today, have chosen to write their own. Finn, if you will..."

Finn cleared his throat and squeezed her hands a little as he looked down at her. "Where do I start, huh?" he chuckled a little as he watched her pull her bottom lip between her teeth. "Our story is quite the unique one. A lot of stops, starts and everything in between. But through it all, there has been one thing that has never wavered. You, Rachel Berry, are my best friend. You have been from the moment you stole my heart when you were, unfortunately for you, seated beside me in 7thgrade. You have been from the moment that amazing little girl," he turned slightly and pointed their joined hands towards Savannah "graced us with her presence. And you will continue to be my best friend through every adventure that is coming for us. That I can promise you. I will be here, for you and for Savannah. Forever. No matter where life takes us," he finished with a squeeze to her hands.

Rachel squeezed his hands back and sniffed a little. Finn gave her a small smile.

"Rachel?" the minister prompted.

"You say it's unfortunately, but I like to think it was fate that put me beside you that day, Finn Hudson," she started as tears started to form in her eyes. She had agonized for hours over what she would say in her vows, not sure how she was going to accurately describe how she felt. Somehow, he had made it sound so easy, so perfect. "It's fate that brought you into my life, fate that gave us the best gift possible," she chuckled because she heard Savannah mumble 'me' behind them. He squeezed her hands in his so she could continue, supporting her as always. "and it's that fate that keeps bringing us back here to each other. You are my greatest support Finn and I am forever grateful for that. I will care about you, deeply, for the rest of my life."

She took a deep breath when she finished speaking, Finn gave her a tender smile as he squeezed her hands once more in a show of support and confidence.

Finn watched as she dropped her eyes to the floor once Rachel had finished her vows. He wanted to reach out and push her hair back behind her ears so he could focus on her eyes, but he restrained himself. Instead he squeezed her hands, to show that he heard, appreciated and cherished the words she had used. There was a time when he had envisioned them ending up here, in front of a minister with marriage on their minds. But this, was not what he had envisioned. He never would have dreamt when they let each other go, that it would come to this, getting married for the sake that it might be Savannah's last wish. His heart broke at all those thoughts.

"And now we'll exchange rings," the minister announced. Rachel bit her lip as she turned her face to look back at Finn.

Shelby carried Savannah over to where Finn and Rachel were standing, a tired grin on her face.

"This ones Mommy's," she whispered as she handed the older box to Rachel. "this one is Daddy's," she handed it to Finn. "I remembered."

Tears came to Rachel's eyes as she took the box from Savannah and leaned over to press a kiss to her cheek as Finn did the same except on her other cheek. She giggled before Shelby took Savannah back to her seat.

"Now Finn, take Rachel's left hand in yours and repeat after me," the minister smiled. "With this ring, I thee wed."

Finn put the ring at the top of her finger and slowly pushed it down her finger and over her knuckle. "With this ring, I thee wed." He brought her hand up to his mouth and pressed a kiss to her where he had placed the ring.

It was a simple ring, with a slight twist on the front that replicated an infinity symbol. When he had seen it in his quick trip to the mall, he had known right then he had to get it for her. They had decided not to have rings, or anything traditional in that way - but it seemed that while he hadn't stuck to the agreement, neither had she.

"It's beautiful," she mouthed, her eyes watery. He smiled before the minister turned his attention to her.

"Now Rachel, take Finn's left hand in yours and repeat after me," the minister paused. "with this ring, I thee wed."

She held his hand in hers and brought out his dad's ring and placed it at the top of his finger before pushing it down and repeating the words. "With this ring, I thee wed."

"And by the power invested in me, by the state of Ohio, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Finn, you may kiss your bride."

Rachel's breath hitched as Finn looked down at her. Finn took a deep breath as he brought his hand up to her cheek and gently brushed his thumb against her skin before gently leaning down and capturing her lips with his. Rachel's eyes immediately closed when she felt Finn's lips touch hers. She felt all her breath leave her body as he kissed her, allowing her arms to wrap around his shoulders as the clock ticked. She whimpered against his lips as he pressed his mouth further into hers, deepening the kiss for a moment beyond her expectations. It was heart stopping and breath stealing all at once. When they finally pulled away, Rachel felt herself blush before he gently placed another quick kiss on her lips before pulling away fully.

"That's how Cinderelly and the Prince kiss," Savannah sighed from her spot. Everyone chuckled and Rachel felt the blush in her cheeks deepen.

* * *

Rachel held Savannah in her lap while they ate the catered dinner that Burt and Carole had arranged for. Savannah sighed into Rachel's chest as she fought to keep her eyes open. She had eaten bits of what was on her plate, leaving half of the vegetables and most of the plain chicken breast. She had even nibbled a bit of the chocolate cake that Carole had made, another tradition that they were going to forgo until Carole offered to make one.

"Do you want some more juice baby girl?' she whispered against her head.

Savannah shook her head. "No juice Momma." She sighed as she clutched a bit of Rachel's dress in her fist. Rachel smoothed her hand over her back as she tightened her grip before she reached for her glass of water.

She was content to just sit and let the atmosphere surround her. She cuddled Savannah into her chest, reveling in the weight of her against her chest. Moments like these were few and far between, it made Savannah uncomfortable to be held like this and Rachel treasured every moment she got to.  
Finn sat beside her, carrying on a conversation with their parents at the table. His arm had found a place to rest on the back of her chair, his hand resting on her shoulder gently.

"Daddy," Savannah murmured from Rachel's chest.

Finn sat forward on his chair and turned his attention to Savannah. "Yeah jellybean?" He brought his free hand around and gently placed his hand on her back.

She smiled tiredly as she looked at him. "I'm sleepy Daddy," she whispered.

Finn looked over at Rachel as the words left Savannah's mouth. His eyes softened when they met hers.

"You're sleepy jellybean? Ready to go to sleep?" he asked gently.

Instead of saying anything, Savannah just nodded her head.

"Okay, we'll take you to your bed jellybean," he paused as he looked at Rachel again, as she nodded in agreement " Can you say good night to everyone?"

She nodded and whispered a good night to the rest of the table. Everyone murmured their good nights as well with Carole and Shelby making promises to tidy up while they walked out of the room.

"Want me to take her?" Finn asked quietly as he placed his hand on the small of her back.

"I got her," Rachel smiled. She tilted her head down and pressed a kiss to her head as they walked.

They headed back to Savannah's room quietly, taking the elevator up as Savannah leaned against her chest quietly. He guided them back towards her room and both of them let out an audible sigh when they arrived. Back to reality.

They got her ready together quietly, each of them going through the motions. Rachel helped her in the bathroom and changed her into a new pair of pajamas before carrying her back out. Finn had fluffed up her pillow and pulled back her quilt. Savannah sighed happily as she settled against her pillow, her eyes showing just how tired she was. But neither of them could miss the smile, though tired, that tugged at the corners of her lips. Finn sat on the side of the mattress while Rachel leaned on the other side.

"Did you have a good day jellybean?" he asked softly as he ran his thumb over her forehead.

Savannah yawned and settled more under her quilt. "It was the best day," she sighed.

Both Finn and Rachel smiled as they both looked at her. "I'm so glad sweetheart," Rachel smiled. She gave a big yawn once more.

"Why don't you get some sleep jellybean?" Finn asked quietly as he ran his thumb over her forehead once more.

She yawned in response. Both of them watched as her eyes slowly opened and closed as she fought sleep.

"Daddy?" she asked as she once again slowly opened her eyes.

"Yeah jellybean?"

"Didn't Momma look pretty today?" she murmured.

Finn looked over at Rachel and gave her a small smile as he spoke directly to her. "Momma looked really pretty jellybean."

Savannah smiled tiredly with satisfaction. "And Momma, doesn't Daddy look handsome like a prince?"

Rachel nodded. "He does," she replied quietly, her eyes dropping to avoid his gaze.

Savannah sighed and settled down into her pillow as she tried to fall asleep. Rachel leaned over and pressed a kiss to her head, with Finn following suit.

"Best day," she mumbled as she finally succumbed to the exhaustion of the day.

Finn shifted to stand up from the mattress once he was sure Savannah was asleep. He scratched at the back of his neck, and Rachel couldn't help but notice the way his wedding band caught in the light coming out of the bathroom. She bit her lip as she tried to focus on Savannah and her even breathing once she had shifted to sit more in her chair.

"Rach?" her head shot up at the sound of his voice. She blinked twice as their eyes connected. "Do you mind if I just sit here with you for awhile? I know it's your night and all but," he rubbed the back of his neck once more as his voice trailed off.

She blinked once before she licked her lips, her mouth suddenly dry. The look in his eyes caused a small smile to come to her lips.

"Of course," she smiled gently. He broke their glance first as he walked over to sit down in the empty chair beside hers. "You don't have to ask you know," she whispered once he had sat down. "Company is always appreciated."

He gave her a soft smile. A silence befell them, and normally Rachel would be comfortable with the quiet. But not today, not now. Somehow, she felt like the events of today, the fact that her and Finn had jut recited vows in front of the people who meant the most to them was bigger than them and anything they could ever do. Especially because it was all for her, all for Savannah. Words didn't seem big enough for how she was feeling right now. She was married. To Finn. Something she never dreamed would happen.

"We did the right thing, you know," he started, breaking the silence. "Is it weird that I'm happy that we did this for her, given the circumstances?" he asked quietly.

She sat quietly as his voice trailed off.

"I don't think it's weird," she replied softly as she looked down at her hands. She played with her wedding band for a moment. "I think it's probably the greatest thing we could have done for her. This could have possibly been her final wish Finn, and it scares me to think that way but..." her lip trembled. "I don't want to think like that but..."

"Rachel," he whispered. He reached over and took her hand in his, squeezing it tightly for a second. "It's our reality, and we have to..."

Her trembling voice interrupted his thought. "So no, I don't think it's weird that you're happy about doing it for her, because I am too. I'm so happy that I did this...that we did this for her. It's what she wanted," her lip trembled more as Finn moved from his chair to kneel beside her. "It's all she wanted." He raised his hand to her cheek and used his thumb to brush her tears away. Her tears spilled from her eyes as she looked down at him, and he tried to wipe each of them with the pad of his thumb.

"It's okay, Rach, it's okay," he whispered as her breath shuddered. She squeezed his free hand. "We're in this together, you have me...okay? Forever, no matter what, okay?" His heart sank as he watched her cry.

"Finn..." she stammered breathlessly just as he leaned up on his knees and pressed a soft, reassuring kiss on her lips.

* * *

_**Well?** _


	12. Chapter 12

Well hello! What a week it's been. Kind of been weird one for reasons I won't disclose here. If you follow me on twitter - which you should cause I'm awesome, my username is the same as on here - you'll know why. Also, this chapter is SUPER heavy. Like super heavy and it's weighed really heavily on my head while I've been writing it. As my junior research assistant said on twitter, it's an 8 or 9 tissue box kind of chapter. I'm really sorry about the content, but many of you have seen that this is the direction the story is going. Doesn't mean I expect it to be any easier to take or handle. Lord knows I absolutely teared up while I wrote certain scenes and Lauren also admitted the same. I really have to thank Lauren for reading this over and over and making sure it was perfect. Also to Sara for her few revisions.

As always, I don't own Finn or Rachel or anyone from the show. I do however, own Savannah and the plot. I do not claim to be, nor am I a medical professional so any and all mistakes are mine. Please remember this is fan fiction and I don't claim to be perfect. Anyways, grab a tissue (or 10) and enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 12**

Finn treasured every single moment that he got to spend with Savannah. He smiled as she curled into him more, sniffling gently into his t-shirt. They were waiting for her daily chemotherapy appointment and at the moment, Finn was content to just sit and spend time with her. Rachel had actually left the room half an hour ago, once he had had coaxed her to go home for a change of clothes and a shower that wasn't in the nurses lounge. It had taken him awhile, but once Savannah had fallen back to sleep after breakfast he had managed to get her to go with the promise that she would be back soon. He brushed his thumb across Savannah's nose as sniffled once more and he let a smile spread across his lips as his mind wandered.

* * *

_He balled his fists at his sides as he tried to get his heart to stop hammering in his chest so hard. He watched helplessly as the newborn wailed in front of him as the nurses worked to clean her off before they weighed and measured her. He watched her, fascinated, and as they lifted her off the scale and went to wrap her he finally broke himself from his trance and took a step forward to offer her his finger._

_"She's good, right? Healthy?" he asked quietly as she gripped onto his finger. The baby moved her head at the sound of his voice and blinked in his direction. His heart warmed when her grip tightened. _

_"She's perfect," the nurse smiled."5 pounds, 6 ounces of pure perfection. Would you like to hold her?"_

_He smiled hesitantly. "Can I?"  
"Of course. You can even bring her over to your girlfriend, she seems to be finished over there," the nurse smiled warmly. "Just..."  
"Support her head, I know," he smiled shyly. "We got an A+ in the class we took."  
The nurse smiled, scooped up the newborn and handed her to him._

_She felt lighter than air in his arms. He wrapped both his arms around her to hold her securely and stared down at her for an imperceptible amount of time. He was in awe, love and shock all at the same time. This little girl was his. And Rachel's. And would depend on them for the rest of her life. That blew his mind. She stared up at him with her wide brown eyes, just as Rachel's voice broke through his trance. _

_"Can I see her?"  
_

_He turned to her immediately and smiled bashfully as he took some careful steps towards the bed. He took one last look at the baby before carefully passing her to Rachel. _

_"Hi baby," Rachel coo'd. Tears formed in her eyes as she tore her eyes away and looked at Finn. "Can you..."  
"Believe it? No. She's ours Rach. We made her," he whispered with awe. He leaned over and kissed her head softly before placing a kiss on her lips. "I love you so much. I'm so proud of you."_

_She smiled against his lips. "I love you too."  
_

_The baby squawked as she was jostled in Rachel's arms. _

_"We love you too," they sighed together._

* * *

It was quiet in the apartment. Rachel tried not to let that cross her mind too much. She walked out of her bedroom fresh from her shower and blew out a breath. She had a list going in her mind of things she wanted to collect and bring to the hospital, but it all seemed to float away as she opened Savannah's bedroom door and stepped inside.

She tried to avoid going in, when she could. Of course, over the course of Savannah's hospital stay she had come home to grab things, but a majority of the time's she had sent Finn, or her mother. She used the excuse most often that she didn't want to leave Savannah, but truth was, being in the apartment all alone, without Savannah was like looking into a future that she dared not think about. Savannah would be well again. It was the only end she chose to accept. She smiled as she walked into the brightly coloured room, with its purple coloured walls and matching comforter. The room was tidy, the only telltale sign that it hadn't been fully lived in in months. She tried not to dwell on her surroundings, avoiding the decorations she had painstakingly picked out when they first moved into this apartment. But her avoidance stopped when she came across a stack of old drawings and colouring pages on Savannah's little desk. She flipped through them, smiling at the crude drawings of flowers, animals and shapes. The colouring pages were from school, but at the bottom of the pile was a drawing of hers that made Rachel's heart stop. It was from school, and looked like it was an activity they had done. At the top it had 'My Favourite Day', written in neat printing, surely done by a teacher. But underneath was a crude drawing of three people. One holding a cupcake. Underneath the caption read, "my birthday at the park with Mommy and Daddy'.

Rachel swallowed hard. She traced the crayon drawings on the paper as she remembered that day herself. They had had her birthday party at the park where they did Saturday drop off. They had shared the cost of renting the pavilion area and had invited all of their families and some friends. It had been the first birthday they had had since they had broken up, and both of them had wanted to make it as special as possible for her. She remembered the day fondly because it had been such an easy day with everyone there. She had been worried at the time, about having a combined gathering but everything had gone fine. And it seemed Savannah had remembered the day in much the same fashion, if not more fondly. Rachel just hoped they would have more days like this to come. As she put the papers down she twisted her wedding band around her finger, the action instantly soothing her as she thought carefully about what she needed to grab before she moved around the room, collecting things Savannah wanted, like new books and a doll. She grabbed more fuzzy socks and different pajamas to change it up. She tried not to let too many memories haunt her as she looked around the room to make sure she had caught everything she needed. Tears clouded her vision as she looked at Savannah's bed one more time, so undisturbed from the last time she was home at Christmas. As she held the collection of things in her hands she took a deep breath, trying to keep herself in check as she closed her eyes. It was going to be okay, this wasn't a permanent situation. She just had to believe it.

* * *

When she got back to the hospital she blew out a breath when she noticed Finn and Savannah weren't in the room. One look at the clock told her that she had taken longer at the apartment than she had intended, and they had obviously gone down for this morning's chemotherapy appointment. She placed the bag of things down on the window sill before she turned to leave the room. Before she left, another piece of paper caught her eye, this one was resting on the little table attached to Savannah's bed. On the blue paper were some words that were obviously written by Finn, surrounded by little drawings by both Finn and Savannah.

_Daddy loves you to the moon and back jellybean.  
_

And underneath, Savannah had tried to echo the sentiment.

_love you to the stars daddy. love momma to the sun. _

Rachel covered her mouth as she touched the letters on the page, tears burning in her eyes. The phrases were something they had said to each other long before the breakup, long before cancer and weddings but to see them on paper, it caused her lip to tremble. She grabbed the box of crayons that was sitting on the table as well and added her own.

_Momma loves you to the milky way princess.  
_

She admired her handy work before heading out of the room to go find them.

* * *

_Rachel leaned her head into her hands as the incessant banging from the kitchen continued. She was trying to study for a math test that she had in two days, and Finn was supposed to be on Savannah watch. She removed her hands from her face and rubbed her cheeks hard before she stood up from her desk, just as the banging stopped and a fit of giggles started. She smiled slowly as she listened, as Savannah squealed in delight. She decided she could take a quick break from studying to go and see what they were up to._

_She tiptoed her way through her mother's living room, following the sounds of her daughter and boyfriend who was singing a silly song to the giggling infant. The banging started up again as Finn handed the baby the wooden spoon he had obviously been trying to put away as he continued to sing along to Savannah's beat. Savannah giggled when Finn made a funny face and Rachel couldn't help but laugh from where she had hidden herself in the doorway. Finn noticed her first and made a face at her as she laughed. When Savannah caught wind of her mother's giggle, she stopped her banging and whipped her head around to look at her. That's when Rachel noticed the little girls face was covered in applesauce._

_"Mama!" she squealed as she threw the wooden spoon to the ground with a clash._

_Rachel froze in her spot, her eyes never leaving Savannah's bright brown ones. "Mama!" she squealed once more as she reached towards her. Rachel snapped out of it, her eyes darting to Finn's as she closed the gap between her and Savannah. She freed the infant from the high chair and clutched her to her immediately. Savannah giggled as Rachel covered her face in kisses, effectively getting applesauce all over herself._

_"Did she just..." she trailed off as she placed another kiss on Savannah's cheek. Finn turned around to face her, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest._

_"She's talking to you," he laughed. Savannah bounced in Rachel's arms and patted her cheeks with a grin on her face as she babbled a little more. Rachel pushed her lips to her cheek in a smacking kiss._

_They had had a bet going, as to whose name Savannah would say first. She had been babbling for a few months, testing sounds and being as vocal as she could. There was never a dull moment with Savannah in the room. Rachel had now effectively won that bet._

_Rachel tickled her chin as Savannah squirmed in her arms. "Can you say it again? Say Mama," Rachel encouraged. "Ma-ma."_

_"Mama!" she squealed._

_"There you go! Yeah, I'm Mama. Mama," she smiled. "And that's Dada..."_

_"Mama!" she giggled. She leaned back a little as Rachel braced her and clapped her hands on her cheeks._

_"I think she's trying to tell you she wants you to study down here," Finn laughed as he walked over to the two of them, kissing Rachel's head before he bent down to pick up the spoon Savannah had dropped._

_"Is that so?" Rachel asked as Savannah reached up and put her hands in her mouth. Rachel laughed as she playfully gnawed on Savannah's hands._

_"Mama!" she giggled again._

* * *

She found them in the treatment room, exactly where she figured they would be. They were the only ones in there, and she had to smile as she observed the two of them together for a moment. Savannah for what it's worth looked like she was asleep, with a set of headphones in her ears. Finn held his tablet in front of the two of them, a set of headphones in his own ears as well. She leaned against the door for a moment, just watching them. When Savannah sat up quickly she determined that she wasn't sleeping as she thought and moved away from her position at the door. But before she could make it across the room Finn had already put the tablet down and grabbed the vomit bucket beside them before Savannah had even dry heaved.

"It's okay jellybean," Finn soothed as he rubbed her back while she heaved. "It's okay, there you go..." he whispered as she finished.

"Daddy no more sick," she whined as she leaned back in the chair.

"I know jellybean, I know," he soothed. He looked up and noticed Rachel standing closer to them. "Hey Rach. Jellybean, look who it is."

"Momma," she cried when she saw her. Rachel pulled over the extra chair from the next station and sat on Savannah's other side.

"Hey princess," she smiled as she reached over and rubbed her finger over her knuckles. Savannah reached over to her before she dry heaved again. Finn was there in seconds with the bucket. Rachel rubbed her back as Finn held the bucket and Savannah heaved again. They shared a look as she threw up, both of their eyes reflecting the same thing. When would this torture be over?

* * *

Finn rubbed his eyes as he stepped out of the room once they had returned from chemotherapy and leaned his head back against the wall. He took a deep breath and slowly let it out as he opened his eyes and looked towards the ceiling. He heard Savannah crying from the other side of the wall and his eyes burned, knowing full well what was going on. She had been throwing up a lot today, a side effect of the chemotherapy that was finally coming to an end. But the fact that today was the last day of this course of treatment didn't mean he felt any better.

In fact he felt like crap. Savannah was sick, and getting sicker and there was nothing it seemed that he could do about it. And that made him feel worse than anything in the world. Because he was her dad, he was supposed to be able to save her from this kind of pain and sickness. But he didn't, and couldn't. And that made him feel worse than anything in the world.

"Finn?" He moved his head to eye level when he heard Rachel call his name. With the door open, he could hear Savannah coughing and whimpering from her bed. The sounds didn't help the ache in his heart.

"Yeah?" He swallowed hard as he looked at her. He raised his hand to wipe at his eyes one by one once more.

"You okay?" she asked softly as she stepped out of the door more. He heard Savannah call her name and she turned back quickly to tell her she would be right back. He almost told her to go tend to her, but saw the genuine concern etched on her face.

He shrugged as he looked down at the floor. "It's just hard to see her like that, sick..." he moved his foot a little bit on the linoleum floor. "I don't want her to feel like this anymore...I don't want to see her like this anymore..."

She wrapped her arms around her abdomen, pulling her sweater tighter around herself. She chewed her lip as she looked at him.

"I know. More than anything I know," she whispered. She took a step forward and placed a hand on his arm. "We just have to hope that it's all worth it in the end," she whispered as she leaned up onto her tip toes and pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek. "Why don't you go get a coffee, maybe a juice for her? I'm sure she would like some apple juice right about now. Then we can watch a movie or something..."

He gave her a soft smile as he wrapped his arm around her and gave her a gentle squeeze before he let go. He looked down at her, the soft smile remaining on his lips for a minute as he gazed at her.

"Can I get you anything?"

She smiled back. "I would love a coffee."

"That all?" he smiled as he ran his hand over his shaved head.

"Yeah," she chewed her lip. "That's all."

She returned to the room while he turned around to head towards the cafeteria.

* * *

But his heart broke all over again that night. While Rachel had stepped out to take a phone call from her mother, Finn sat with Savannah once more while she tried to fall asleep to the sounds of Cinderella playing in the background. She tossed tiredly in her bed, battling the same awful side effects she had all day and for the most of her treatment. He cuddled her close, allowing her to cuddle into his chest in an attempt to get more comfortable. The day had been long for all of them as Savannah had had another MRI that evening and all he could hope was that sleep comes faster for her so she can rest. He smiled when she curled her fingers around the collar of his shirt much like she used to do when she was younger. He brushed his lips along her head as her breathing slowly evened out and her grip on the collar of his shirt loosened. But he didn't move to roll her onto her bed, instead he chose to just hold her tightly to him. in the most comfortable way possible.

"She asleep?" He didn't hear the door open, but turned his head slightly to see Rachel standing beside the bed, smiling tiredly at the two of them.

Finn slowly smiled. "Yeah. She just fell asleep. I just wanted to hold her for a bit," he answered, moving his eyes from Rachel's back to the top of Savannah's head.

Instead of responding, Rachel reached over and brushed her hand over Savannah's back, her hand bumping Finn's on the way down. She didn't move her hand away quickly, instead she let her hand brush against his as she continued to rub Savannah's back. They sat in silence, neither of them saying anything. Both of them, if not all of them, basking in the easiness that came with them being together with no pretenses.

* * *

But in a blink, everything changed.  
The next morning, Finn felt all the breath leave his body when the phone in the room jangled to life before Savannah had even woken for the day. Rachel had stepped out of the room to go meet her mother at the front desk to bring her up to the room. He wished he could just let the phone ring, but he knew that if he left it, it could wake Savannah up from her much needed rest.  
But he wished he had never answered the phone when the conversation was over, either.  
When Rachel returned to the room with her mother and coffee in tow, his face said it all.  
"We have to go see Dr. Taylor," he said softly.  
Rachel's face went chalk white as he stared at her, and Shelby moved quickly to take the tray of coffee from her hand before she dropped it to the ground.

They both stared at each other for a moment, their gazes locking both on one another other and then simultaneously moving to Savannah's sleeping form. He wanted to say it could be fine, but how could it? It was never fine, and Finn was always one to rely on previous experience.

* * *

Silence. Rachel swallowed hard as they walked down the hallway towards Dr. Taylor's office. Bad flashbacks of every other meeting they had had in the room played gridlock in her brain as she clutched Finn's hand between hers. She needed him, needed him to anchor her to the world. She tried to stay calm, tried to remember that Dr. Taylor calling to see them wasn't the worst thing in the world.  
But her nurse instincts outweighed her mothering ones.  
It wasn't going to be good. She took a deep breath as they approached the room, turning to look at Finn. His own eyes were worried, clouded with something similar to fear. Something closer to uncertainty. She squeezed his hand before they headed inside.

* * *

It was like one of those out of body experiences, for Rachel. Instantaneously, she felt like she couldn't breathe. Not only had the intensive chemotherapy that had destroyed her little girl not worked, it hadn't prevented the tumour from growing further. Tears rained down her cheeks as her body slumped under the weight of her own emotions. Her head fell forward as unintelligible words left her mouth. But everything stopped when she felt Finn's hand on her knee. Her head shot up when she looked at him, tears in his own eyes and the same amount of heartbreak that was surely in hers mirrored back to her.

"Finn," she whimpered. He grabbed her in his arms and held her against him as she buried her head in his chest while he buried his in her hair.

The chemotherapy hadn't worked.

Nothing had worked.

Rachel had never felt more terrified in her entire life. Not when she was a 16 year old staring at a positive pregnancy test, not when she started nursing school, nothing could top this feeling of complete failure. Her daughter was sick, and not recovering.

Finn clutched her to him, his own tears were soaking her neck as he did so.

She wanted him to say that it would be okay. She wanted him to say that this was all a bad dream, and that they could rewind - rewind to before their breakup, before they knew anything about cancer and tumours.  
But it wasn't like that. There was no going back.  
She felt like she was going to vomit.

"There is one more combination I would like to try. It's new and experimental and just out of the trial phase but we're..."

Finn's head shot up from out of Rachel's neck, for the first time since the words of treatment failure had been uttered.

"No," he stammered. Rachel's head shot up and looked at him, her own look of horror and uncertainty on her face.

"No?" she swallowed, just as Dr. Taylor repeated the word back to them.

"No." His words are stronger this time, but Rachel can still hear the tremor in his voice that she knows firsthand mean that he is just as terrified as she is. "I don't want her to hurt anymore."

"Finn," her voice trembled, coming out much weaker than his or ever before.

"Rachel," his voice softened. He put some space between them as she sat on his thighs. "She's not Savannah anymore. She's...she's so sick and I don't want her to be anymore." he allowed his voice to drop to a decibel where even Rachel could barely hear him.

"But..." Rachel stammered as her eyes dropped to her lap. "Finn..."  
She started to cry once more as reality sunk in. He wrapped his arms around her and braced her against his chest tightly. His own tears flowed down his cheeks endlessly and dropped into her hair.

"She's so sick Rachel," he murmured into her hair. "She's so sick. And I don't want her to live like this anymore..."

So you want her to die?" Rachel ripped her head away from his chest and stared at him. He couldn't meet her eyes. "Finn Hudson look at me."

"Rachel," he started quietly.

"No..." she slid off his thighs and stood beside him in the small space between the desk and the chairs they had been sitting on. The room was thick and tears continued to rain down her cheeks. "Do you want our daughter to die?"

Finn jumped to his feet, his own tears clouding his vision as he looked at her. "No! Okay? Of course I don't want her to die! Why would you say that?" he tried to keep his voice steady but it was hard with the impending emotion. "Rachel, I love Savannah just as much as you do. She's my world," he stammered. "But babe, the chemo and the radiation aren't working and..." he took a large, shuddered breath before the last few words left his mouth. "I don't want her last days or weeks to be in pain like she is now..."

A large sob burst from Rachel's lips as the last words fell from Finn's. He caught her, barely, before she sunk to the ground and clutched her to him once more as he cried.

"I don't want her to die," Rachel cried as she clutched his shirt in her hands.

"I know Rachel, I know," he whispered through his own thick voice. "I know." He rubbed her back as he held her against his chest, trying to offer any strength he had left, which admittedly wasn't much at all. "I know," he kept repeating. It was the only thing he could think to say. Nothing else seemed big enough. Or worthy enough of such a situation.

"Any further chemotherapy would only serve to buy her time," Dr. Taylor offered once they had both allowed their tears to stem for a moment. Finn clutched her to him still as he collapsed back into his chair. Rachel's lip trembled as she clutched as Finn's shirt once more.

"I wish I had better news to share with you. I had been truly hopeful that this combination would have worked in her favour as studies had indicated..."

Both Finn and Rachel swallowed hard. Rachel's head was still buried in Finn's chest as Dr. Taylor spoke of the measures they could take to make her comfortable.

Somehow, in there, Rachel found her voice.

"Can we take her home?" she asked quietly as she cleared her throat. Finn rubbed her back as she sat up and asked the question again.

The expression on Dr. Taylor's face softened as he looked at them. Over the last few months he had become their champion, their go to when they had questions. He truly felt for the couple in front of him, and they relied on him for the best possible answer and advice.

"I don't see why not," he started. "But I would like to keep her admitted for the next week, so that we can stabilize her from her side effects and get her rehydrated..."

The words that left the doctors mouth afterwards seemed to become hazy and blurry, so much so that Finn didn't even comprehend what was going on until there were papers in front of him. His mind cleared enough to read over the papers before he signed on the dotted line, which would effectively put into motion the stop treatment order.

And then it was all over.

They both stood up on shaky legs and shook Dr. Taylor's hand before leaving the office once more.

* * *

Finn took her hand as he led them out of the office. Rachel felt like she was moving on autopilot, a trance-like déjà vu. But instead of turning right to go back to Savannah's room, he took a sharp left and led her down the hallway in the opposite direction.

"Finn," she whimpered. She tugged at his hand to get him to stop. "Finn, stop. We're going the wrong way. I want to go back to Savannah..." her voice broke as she spoke her name. Finn halted, and turned to look at her. His eyes were filled to the brim with tears as he stared down at her. Her own lip trembled immediately and she fell forward into his arms as a sob broke against her best intentions. He clutched her to him once more as he stumbled and fell back against the wall, slowly slumping down until his butt met the floor. He didn't say anything to her, only holding her tighter to his chest as he buried his head in the crook of her neck as his own tears resurfaced and flowed.

"Finn," she whimpered. "What are we going to do?" She clutched his shirt in her hands.

He didn't say anything, didn't comment or answer her. She picked her head up from his chest and looked up at him. "Finn," she asked with a watery sigh. "What are we going to do?"

She watched him swallow hard and look up at the ceiling before he looked down at her once again.

"We're going to take her home when we can and we're just...we're just going to love her," he whispered.

* * *

It took them a bit, but after awhile they were finally able to collect themselves enough to stand up.

"Let's go see our girl," Finn whispered as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. She wrapped her arm around his waist as she leaned into him, allowing Finn to guide her back down the hallway. They stopped out front of her room and they both paused before they went inside.

"You okay?" Finn asked gently as he reached for her hand. She looked down at the floor, before gazing at their hands and then up at him.

Her lip trembled as she played with his fingers. "I'm never going to be okay," she whimpered as he squeezed her fingers.

She took a deep breath as he reached for the handle and they both walked inside.

Rachel tried to be strong, but the moment her eyes fell on Savannah's sleeping form on the bed she felt her lip tremble once more. Shelby immediately stood up.

"How'd it go?" she asked carefully. Rachel's eyes welled as she looked at her mother, her peripheral vision still on a sleeping Savannah. "Do you want to go out to the hallway and talk?" Rachel looked over at Finn, whose own eyes were watery and trained on Savannah's. He nodded and patted her back gently before he moved around her to sit in his chair beside Savannah's bed. Rachel allowed Shelby to guide her out of the room and it was only minutes later when Finn heard her sobs coming from the hallway. He sighed as he fought against his own tears. He pulled his chair closer to Savannah's bed, close enough that he could rest his head on the side of her mattress. He was close enough to almost come face to face with her, and his eyes watered as he looked at her. She sighed in her sleep as he reached down and took her small hand in his. He smiled softly through his tears as he noticed that Shelby had painted her finger nails while they were gone, four of them on each hand were now a pretty lilac colour.

"I love you so much jellybean. So much," he whispered as he leaned forward to press a kiss to her cheek as a few tears fell from his eyes and fell conveniently on her pillow right beside her head.

* * *

I'M SO SO SORRY.


	13. Chapter 13

Well hello! How is everyone doing? Good, I hope! I am so sorry this took so long to post. Life here has been kind of insane, for lack of a better word. And actually as I write this I'm getting ready to start a new work week. Last week was nuts as I worked ten back to back days with a trip to the big bad city of Toronto mixed in there. I had really hoped to have this posted for you about the time I went there, but fate stepped in and said no way. Anyway. It's here. Unfortunately I'm not sure when the next update will be, as like I said work is busy and I just don't have the time to sit down and dedicate as much time as I would like right at the moment. I'm hoping it won't be as long between updates because these ones are kind of the crucial ones. But rest assured I am not going anywhere. You can't get rid of me that easily. But that's besides the point. In the interim I received a pretty nasty review, and not to beat it to death, but I have to remind you, dear readers, that pure hate will not be tolerated. Negative reviews that are constructive, of course will always be welcomed. But not of the sort I got earlier this month.

I have to really thank Lauren for putting up with the endless versions of this chapter. I probably owe her a box of tissues or something for the amount of times she's had to read this. Love you!

As always, I don't own Finn or Rachel. They are owned by RIB and FOX. But I do own Savannah, most of the plot and any original characters. I am not a medical professional so any and all mistakes are mine.

Three plus tissue box warning.

* * *

**Chapter 13  
**Déjà vu.  
That's what it felt like. A really bad case of déjà vu that as a parent, you really never want to relive. Finn tightened his grip around Savannah's legs as he followed Rachel down the hallway and towards her bedroom. The air around them was thick and heavy with the burden of everything that had happened in the last week, if not months. Finn adjusted Savannah in his arms once more as she moved slightly, causing her head to lull to the side just a touch. He adjusted his arms to support her new position, before he bent his own head to press a kiss to the side of her head just above her ear. He tried not to think about the way the short stubbles of her hair felt against his lips and what they meant, to him, to her and to everyone.  
"Here," Rachel moved slowly towards him after she had turned down Savannah's bed. "Let me help with her," she whispered. Finn allowed a small smile to play on his lips as he watched as Rachel helped Savannah out of the sparkly slip on shoes they had put over her feet before they left the hospital. He noticed the shake of her hands as she took the small shoes in her hands and placed them on the dresser beside them before she helped him get her out of her jacket.  
Finn brushed his lips across the top of Savannah's head once again as Rachel finished taking off her outer clothes. Savannah sighed and turned her head, but didn't wake up. Instead, she cuddled deeper into Finn's embrace weakly. Rachel gave him a small smile as she watched it happen, before she wrapped her arms around herself.

"I guess we should let her get some rest," Finn whispered, his eyes glancing over at Rachel. She hugged herself tighter, her hands clutching the fabric of her own jacket that she had yet to take off. Wordlessly he moved to place Savannah on the bed as he felt Rachel's eyes on his back.

"Love you jellybean," he whispered as he pressed a kiss against her warm cheek. He moved away slowly, as Savannah sighed and her head slowly rolled on her pillow. He watched as Rachel slowly approached the side of Savannah's bed and sat down on the edge of the mattress.

Finn didn't need to see the expression on her face to know that she wanted a moment alone with Savannah. He softly patted her shoulder and left the room, taking Savannah's shoes with him for something to hold on to.

Rachel waited until he was out of the room to shrug off her jacket and drop it beside Savannah's bed. She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair as she watched Savannah sleep for a moment, counting the small and shallow breaths she took. Carefully, she laid down on the small space Savannah had left on the bed and gently pulled her into her arms. As Savannah sighed against her chest as she curled into her, Rachel let her eyes fall closed as she held her closer. The tears piqued in the corners of her eyes as she gently pressed a kiss to the top of Savannah's head, the first few tears spilling down her cheeks while she did so. Her lip trembled when she pulled her impossibly closer while trying to keep her emotions at bay. The reality of the day, the moment caught up with her as she tried to reign it all in. Savannah was home. They had brought her home and she was in her arms and that feeling was more than she could take. She chewed her lip as she held her, trying to pretend even for just one second that she hadn't brought her home because there was nothing else they could do for her. She tried to believe that it was all just a bad dream, and that everything was normal again. Savannah whimpered in her sleep, shifting a little more in her arms to become more comfortable.

"Mommy's got you Savannah, Mommy's got you," she whispered with her eyes still closed as Savannah sighed once more.

* * *

Finn sat in the living room with Savannah's shoes still in his hands. He turned the small pair of pink sparkly runners in his hands, turning them over and over a few times. He tried not to think about the fact that these might be the last pair of shoes he would buy for her, that these shoes would never actually hit the ground and get used. He tried not to think of the finality of it all, of them bringing her home. He didn't want to think about anything like that, that his daughter was nearing the end of her life. She was four and a half for God's sake, she shouldn't be nearing the end of her life. It seemed like some twisted, sick joke that someone had played on them. Coming through and being successful teen parents just wasn't enough, having to survive through this? Survive this nightmare and still lose her in the end? It seemed like the cruelest joke of all. He dropped the shoes to the ground and his head to his hands as they fell with a soft thunk against the carpet in the living room as his thoughts overwhelmed him for not the first time.

Finn didn't know how long he sat there, but when he looked up his eyes caught the window that was to the side of him and he saw that the sun was starting to set. He sat up, leaning against the back of the couch for a moment and looked up at the ceiling. The room was cast in a weird shadow between the contrast of the remaining sunlight and the darkness of the rest of the apartment. If he thought about it, the imagery was a an eerie reflection of his life. And somewhere in the in between, was them - him, Savannah and Rachel. They were trapped somewhere in the middle of it all. He stood up from the couch and stretched, looking around and took note that Rachel wasn't anywhere in the vicinity. He paused for a moment and waited a beat to determine where she was. He didn't hear the water running in the bathroom, and he didn't see her in the kitchen. He stretched his arms over his head once more before moving as quietly as he could towards the hallway. He came to Savannah's room first and gently pushed open the door that he had closed partially behind him when he left and he felt his breath catch at what he saw in front of him. Both Savannah and Rachel were curled on the bed facing the wall, with Savannah wrapped tightly and securely in Rachel's arms. A soft small played on his lips as he grabbed for his phone slowly from his back pocket and took a quiet picture of the two of them He ran his hand over his head as he watched them for quite a few silent minutes. He leaned over to kiss Savannah on the head. He stood back up for a moment to stretch out as both Savannah and Rachel moved almost simultaneously. He smiled softly before he reached under Rachel and gently started to pick her up. She shifted in his arms to curl towards him, as he cradled her in his arms. He carried her to her bedroom down the hall and hoped that he hadn't disturbed either of them too much.

He pushed her bedroom door open and a wave of nostalgia and uncertainty hit him as he did so. So many memories of nights that had begun just like this flushed through his mind in a fast paced slide show of what he considered to be his previous life. Rachel twitched in his arms and turned her face into his chest, sighing into the cotton of his shirt as they approached her bed. Finn laid her down on the soft mattress as gently as he could and another soft sigh left her lips as her head hit the pillow. He watched her settle into the safety net of her bed and allowed a small smile to come to his face as he watched just how comfortable and peaceful she looked. Gone were the worries and the stresses the day had brought them, and it was almost like he was taken back in time for just a moment. A moment in time when things were so much less complicated, when their love was real and strong and firm and they didn't have to know this deep, jarring pain that would culminate in the worst imaginable tragedy that he is not sure they'll be able to live through. That thought alone, the thought of the finality of the situation that had brought them here, brought Savannah home and him and Rachel to this spot made his knees weak and his stomach roll and his head ache with a pain he is beginning to know all too well. He sunk down to the ground beside her bed as the thoughts and emotions began to swirl around him and take him over once more, the carpet on the ground creating a soft enough landing that he hoped it wouldn't disturb his sleeping wife. He dropped his head to his knees in front of him as the tears pooled in his eyes as memories swept all around him. Finn could feel his chest constrict and his throat tighten as he thought about so many things - so many moments that were important back then and that seem even more important and significant at the moment. Like the moment they brought Savannah home from the hospital and she cried the entire first night unless one of them held her tiny fragile body against their chest. Or the memory of the first time they gave her a bath, in the tiny yellow bathtub Shelby bought them and he was terrified that she was going to slip out of his large hands and hit the ground. Or when they moved into this very apartment when she was just shy of a year old and got into everything because she was just everywhere at once. He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands as the memories kept flying through his mind.

Rachel's voice broke through his thoughts moments later. "Finn?" He jumped at the sound of her voice, all groggy and sleep laden. He turned around so he could face her, sitting up on his knees so he could see her. "Hey," she whispered, her voice hoarse. "I'm sorry," she yawned as she used her free hand to cover her mouth. "I didn't mean to fall asleep."

He didn't say anything in response to her words, he just kind of looked at her, looked at her hands that she had uncovered from under the quilt on her bed, looked anywhere but directly at her because if he did so, he had never been more sure in his life that she would see he had been crying and he just couldn't have that right now. His eyes tried to find something on the walls to land on to take his mind off of her. It wasn't that he wanted to ignore her, he just needed a minute or ten to collect himself.

"Finn," she whispered gently, drawing his attention to her. His face snapped to look away from her framed nursing degree on the wall that his eyes had fallen on and looked at her. "Finn," her voice was quieter than before as she repeated his name, but still laced with the same amount of exhaustion. When he looked at her he found her staring at him, tears pooling in the very corners of her eyes as she did so. Her gaze caught his for a moment, an intense gaze shared between the two of them that seemed destined to bond them further. Wordlessly she sat up and scooted over in bed, dragging the quilt with her and gestured to the open space with her hands. Finn stared at her for a moment before silently climbing into the bed beside her.

"You were crying," she whispered nervously as he settled in the empty spot beside her.

Finn turned his head away from her, letting his eyes find her nursing diploma once more on the wall - in a silver frame Savannah had picked out and he had bought at her convocation ceremony. "I heard you - when I first woke up. You were trying to be quiet but you were crying, I heard you," she sighed, as she pulled her hands into her lap. She reached her hand over to take his, and that's when he noticed that her hands were shaking. He grasped her hand in his and held it, partially to try and get her to stop shaking, partially to try and get his own emotions under control. "Talk to me Finn," she whispered as she squeezed his hand. Her voice cracked as the words left her lips. "Please."

"Rachel," he whispered. He stared at the frame on the wall for a few minutes as a silence enveloped them. He squeezed her hand in his and slowly brought it up to his lips to place a gentle, chaste kiss against her knuckles. "I just...I..." he slipped his hand out of hers to squeeze the top of his head as his eyes raised to -look at the ceiling. "Rachel it's just so..."

"Please," she cinched her eyes shut as tears started to leak out the corners of her eyes and make their way down her cheeks. "I need to talk about this," she stuttered as she tried to take a breath. A shallow breath left her lips as she looked at him, tried to grab his hand and bring it closer to her. "I need you right now, okay?" Her voice broke as his own heart did the same, her hand squeezing his. "There, I said it, I just... She's home...she's here... and I'm scared Finn. I'm so scared," she whimpered.

Finn felt his own emotions shake his body as he turned towards her and opened his arms, gently tugging her over with their joined hands. She immediately took his unspoken offer and collapsed into his strong chest. She buried her head in his chest, the soft cotton of his shirt offering her more comfort than she could ever realize. He wrapped one arm around her back while the other came up to clutch the back of her head, tangling in her long hair as the emotions of the day rolled over them like a tide. "I'm so scared," she kept repeating.

"Me too," he murmured into her ear, "I'm..I'm terrified of...of everything that's going to happen." Against his best intentions his lip trembled as he buried his face in the side of her hair. She clutched his shirt in her fingers as the sob she had been so desperate to keep in burst from her lips. "And I keep hoping...praying that it won't happen," Finn murmured. "But it's...it's going to...isn't it?"

She didn't answer, instead she lifted her head slowly from his chest as her lip continued to tremble and her sobs still rocked her body, silently but still there nonetheless. She trained her watery eyes up at him as she took her bottom lip between her teeth to try and stop the trembling, her fingers grasping for a fine loose thread at the collar of his shirt. His own breath came out in short, uneven gulps as they stared at each other, their gazes morphing together. He took a shaky hand away from her back and raised it to brush away her tears gently and silently. He tugged her lip from between her teeth, her lip resumed trembling as he leaned forward to press a soft kiss on her lips to stop it. She sighed when they pulled away after mere seconds, leaning her head back down on his chest, with a hand spread over his heart like a starfish.

"I can't say goodbye to her Finn," she whimpered, her voice was muffled by the cotton of his shirt. "How am I going to say goodbye? How are we going to..."

He wrapped his arms around her tighter, drawing her back into his chest more to cradle her. Her sobs wracked her body as she clung to him for support, trying to hold on to any semblance of control.

"I don't want her to go," she choked on her words as she sobbed into his shirt. "I..."

And that was it. She couldn't bring herself to say the words anymore, talking was too much of a struggle.

Finn brushed his lips against her forehead as he tightened his grip around her, his hands spanning most of the width of her back. He buried his face in her neck as she sobbed, his own tears overcoming him once more.

He didn't know what to say to comfort her, he didn't know what to do to make the ache he felt in his chest as he listened to her sobs go away. He didn't know how to calm himself, make himself come to terms with the situation let alone her. He pulled her closer as her hands found his shoulders and her nails dug into the material of his shirt. He winced at the feeling when she pinched hard enough, but didn't say a word. She needed this. He needed this. Nothing else mattered more.

* * *

It seemed like hours before either of them managed to catch a breath. When her sobs finally dulled, Rachel settled against Finn's chest once more and took a shaky breath.

"What are we going to do Finn?" she whispered. She couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes but felt his hand run up her back. Months ago she would have flinched at the action, but today and right now she took great comfort in it. "How are we going to talk to her about this?" She turned her eyes up to him. "How do we tell her she's dying?" her voice trailed off at the last word.

He took a strangled breath before he backed away from her and sat up straighter, running his hands over his head. He rubbed his face hard to take away from the sticky feeling of his drying tears. Rachel reached her hands up to pull his hands away so she could see his eyes. He blew another breath through his lips as he looked at her.

"We're going to love her," he whispered. His voice gained strength as he looked down at her, though it still shook. "We're going to love on her and tell her how much she's loved and wanted and...God, it's just like when we had to tell her that we..." He swallowed hard.

"...when we told her we weren't going to be a family anymore," she whispered as the memories of that fateful day came flooding back for both of them..

* * *

_Rachel watched with a smile on her face as Savannah dug into her ice cream sundae that Finn had just placed in front of her. She masked the breaking of her heart with a smile as she watched Savannah grin up at Finn._

_She tried not to let the tears come to the surface that she felt rising behind her eyes, just as Finn placed some ice cream in front of her._

_"Thanks, even a cherry for me too?" she asked as she looked down at the bowl._

_"Of course," he shrugged as he gave her a small smile._

_They had decided last night that today would be the day. Finn had secured an apartment to move into and the break-up was truly becoming real. Truth be told they had been broken up for awhile, but the finality of it - the final conversation had only come a week ago. And now the only puzzle piece left, was telling Savannah._

_Rachel swallowed hard as Finn dropped into his chair across from her and picked up his own spoon. They had ordered pizza for dinner, which had been a rare treat for Savannah because they usually (well, Rachel did) tried to keep things on the healthier side. But Finn had negotiated before he came home from work that he wanted to spoil Savannah as much as possible tonight during the hardest talk of their lives, and she had agreed in moments._

_Savannah's chatter about her day at preschool filled the silence that had enveloped them as they all enjoyed their ice cream sundaes._

_"And then Molly sayed that I can't be her friend no mores cause I didn't want to play in the sensory bin," Savannah sighed before taking another swig of her juice that she had left over from dinner. She shook her head as she plopped the sippy cup down. "So I tolds Miss Lauren and she said to just play somewheres where I wanted to. I wanted to paint!"_

_"Did you get to paint?" Rachel asked as she looked over at her. Savannah pushed her bangs back from her face as she grinned at Rachel._

_"I did! And I didn't get ANY on my shirt. See?" she laughed. "I membered to wear a smack..."_

_Both Finn and Rachel laughed. "Do you mean a smock, jellybean?" Finn asked._

_Savannah screwed up her nose as she looked at him. "That's what Miss Lauren calls it." She scooped another spoonful of ice cream before she grinned at both Rachel and Finn. "I madded a picture for the fridge. But Miss Lauren sayed it had to dry first."_

_"Probably a good plan," Finn commented as he took another bite of his own ice cream._

_When the conversation died, Rachel took a deep breath and looked over at Finn. If they didn't do it now or soon, she was going to lose her own nerve. She didn't know how much longer she would be able to keep her tears at bay at the moment, and she wanted to rip the band aid off. He returned her look and swallowed the last spoonful of ice cream that he had in his mouth before giving her a slight nod. Both of them turned their attention to Savannah who was finishing up her ice cream as well._

_Rachel reached out to push Savannah's hair from her eyes as she took a deep breath before she began. "So Mommy and Daddy need to talk to you about something Savannah," she started. "But I just need you to remember that we love you so incredibly much sweetheart."_

_Savannah looked over at Rachel and blinked a few times before she reached for her sippy cup. She got a confused look on her features as she raised the cup to her lips and took a big drink before putting it down again._

_"Are we getting a doggy?" she asked quietly before she turned to Finn. "Molly got a doggy and she says..."_

_"We're not getting a dog," Finn sighed. "Where would we put it? The apartment is too small!"_

_Savannah sighed before she pushed her bangs out of her face again.._

_Rachel decided then and there to just get it over with. This conversation was going nowhere fast, and she didn't think it was going to help matters to drag it out anymore._

_"Savannah, Mommy and Daddy each love you very much, right Daddy?" She gave Finn a pointed look, searching for his support._

_"Right Mommy. To the moon and back, right jellybean?"_

_Savannah nodded. "And I love you to the sun Mommy," she giggled._

_Rachel smiled before taking a deep breath. "But while we'll always love you more than anything in the world, Mommy and Daddy aren't going to live together anymore."_

_Rachel braced herself for Savannah's response. When she said nothing, she looked over at Finn, trying to urge him to continue._

_"Daddy is going to move to an apartment not too far away. And you and Mommy are going to stay here..."_

_"But not you Daddy? Why?" she pointed her look to Finn as he sighed._

_"Because I can't live here with you and Mommy anymore," he tried._

_"But why?" Savannah's eyes got big as she looked at Finn, before turning to Rachel again. "Mommy, why?"_

_Rachel swallowed hard as she looked at Savannah. Her own lip trembled as she tried to think of an answer for her, because when it really came down to it she didn't exactly know why herself. Things had gotten lost along the last year, things had become so tangled and messed up that she just didn't even know why. She tried to look at Finn, get him to help, but he wouldn't meet her eyes. He wanted to do this as much as she did._

_"Whose going to play with me?" Savannah asked quietly. "And taked me to pre-school..."_

_Finn spoke up. "Well, Mommy will during the week...take you to pre-school, and I'll play with you on the weekends and..."_

_"But why not all the time Daddy?" her voice went up an octave as she trained her big brown eyes on him. "You should stay here," she pouted._

_"Savannah, it...it just doesn't work that way. But hey, you'll get to have another bedroom and more toys and..."_

_She should have known she would question it. Savannah had come into a phase where every answer to every question was why. She was very inquisitive, and wanted to know everything.  
_  
_Rachel reached out to touch Savannah's hand. Savannah turned in her booster seat and looked at Rachel, tears in her big brown eyes. "Mommy," she whimpered._

_"Does Daddy not love us anymore?"_

_  
Rachel's heart broke immediately and was up and out of her chair in an instant, collecting Savannah into her arms. Savannah immediately wrapped her arms and legs around Rachel's torso._  
_  
Finn followed and stood at Rachel's side, placing his hand on Savannah's back._

_"I'll love you forever jellybean. You'll always be my girl. Just...things are going to change. But it'll be okay."_

_"Promise?" she turned her head from Rachel's shoulder and looked at him as tears rolled down her cheeks._

_"I promise. You'll always be my favourite girl. And I'll always love you."_

* * *

Finn turned the light off in the kitchen as he balanced a cold glass of water in his other hand. He walked back towards Rachel's bedroom quietly, but as he walked by Savannah's room he was drawn to her much like the way he always was. He gently reached for her bedroom door and opened it slowly to avoid spooking her in her sleep. The room was bathed in the soft hue of the night light coming from the outlet across the room. Savannah's laboured breathing softly filled the room as she breathed in and out, and Finn had to stop and place the glass of water on her dresser before he approached her. He smiled when he got closer and saw that she was sleeping, a small smile gracing her lips despite how chapped they looked. Finn smiled and adjusted her quilt and blankets so they were covering more of her chest and torso before he gently placed a kiss on her head. She let out a loud breath as he did so, turning her head slightly towards him. He allowed a slow, deep smile to come over his features as he watched her.

"Sleep well jellybean, daddy loves you so much," he whispered. He backed away from the bed after watching her for another few moments. He picked up the glass of water and left the room, leaving the door open a crack so either him or Rachel could hear her if she needed them.

He padded down the hallways slowly and towards Rachel's bedroom, where he had left her. He had offered to go get her a glass of water when they had both finally calmed down enough from their conversation. His heart thumped as he approached her bedroom door, softly knocking on the worn wood before he opened the door in much the same fashion that he had opened Savannah's.

"Hey, I got your water," he whispered softly. He crossed the room to stand beside her. Rachel sat up more against the pillows before she accepted the glass from him.

"Thanks," she whispered. He scratched the back of his head as he gave her a small smile, just as she was taking a sip of the water. She took one more sip before leaning over to place the glass on the side table. She brushed her hands along the blanket spread over her lap. "Why are you just standing there?" she whispered as she looked up at him. "You can...you can sit, you know." She tried to add a small chuckle, but it was hard to hear over the pain in her voice.

He shrugged and stuck his hands in the pockets of his jeans as he looked down at his feet.

"I should probably get going," he started quietly. "She's in bed, I checked on her and she's sleeping soundly and you probably want..." The words tumbled out of his mouth in a haste.

"Finn," she whispered. She lifted her hand from the blanket and reached for his. He gingerly took her hand in his. "Please don't leave." Her lip trembled as he squeezed her fingers. "I don't want to be alone tonight."

Finn stared at her as her fingers entwined with his and she pushed their palms together. He curled his fingers around hers as their eyes kept contact, neither of them blinking or flickering away from the other. "Rachel," his voice was thick and heavy.

Her own voice dripped with the sadness of their earlier conversation, and her eyes to him looked more vulnerable than they had in years. He was overcome with an intense feeling of wanting to hold her and protect her from the world. Her lip trembled as he looked at her, and he felt her squeeze his hand even more. She clenched her eyes shut after a few minutes and let out a shuddered breath. "I just...I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to do but I..."

"Rachel," he soothed. He took a step towards her and knelt beside her bed, gently reaching up to touch her cheek. "I'll stay. If it's..." he swallowed as he rubbed his thumb along her cheek. "if it's what you want and what you need, I'll stay."

He watched as a slow smile started on her lips, despite the tears that had begun to leak out of the corners of her eyes. But no sooner had the small smile appeared it was gone. Finn sighed, despite his best intentions.

"But do you want to?" She murmured as her lip trembled. She dropped her gaze to the quilt on her lap.

"I do," he whispered. "Of course I do." He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her forehead, taking her by surprise. He squeezed her hand gently as he moved away from her head. He let go of her hand and ran his hand over his head as he stood up from his position on the floor. He took a step back from the bed as he did so, moving his hand from his head to his chin as he did so. He scratched at the scruff that had grown there as he decided what to do. Rachel watched him with focused eyes.

"Where are you going?" she whispered, sitting up in the bed more. "Finn?"

"I was going to go get set up on the couch..." he whispered. "I thought that..."

"You don't have to stay on the couch," Rachel whispered as she looked at her hands. "You can, we can share the bed...I mean we are married and I think..."

"Rach," he whispered. taking a step forward to return to his original spot. He reached out to touch her face again, this time lingering on her jaw and pushing some stray pieces of her long hair behind her ear. "You're my wife, yes. But above that you're my best friend. And that above everything else means more to me than anything. I can..."  
Rachel interrupted him before he could go further.

"Please," she whispered. The tears streaked down her cheeks. Just looking at her, he knew he didn't have to say anything else, and neither did she. He was staying with her tonight.

They both got ready for bed in silence, and Finn internally battled with what to do. He returned from the bathroom to find Rachel standing by her dresser, holding an old high school t-shirt of his and pair of pajama pants.

"Here," she whispered as she handed them to him. "They're old and they might not fit but it's all I have of yours here and..."

He gave her a small smile and took the pajamas from her. "You still have these?"

She shrugged as she looked at him, before turning around to slip into bed while he went to the bathroom to change before he locked up the apartment. But when he returned to her bedroom, the bed was empty. She returned minutes later with tears in her eyes.

"I just wanted one more peek at her," she whispered as she moved passed him to slip into bed. He nodded as he watched her slip under the covers before following her lead. He tried not to think of how familiar this felt. How normal, despite the heartache, it felt to lay next to Rachel.

* * *

Quiet. The apartment was quiet the next morning when Rachel opened her eyes. She blinked a few times against the slight sunlight that was coming through the blinds on her window. She shifted on the bed, trying to stretch her body when she came in contact with the hard body behind her. As she rolled onto her back, the memories of the day before came rushing back as she allowed the image of Finn sleeping beside her to settle in her sights. She pushed a small breath from her lips as she looked at him, her heart beating wildly as the same tears from last night gathered in her eyes. She leaned towards him slowly and brushed her lips against his temple before she slipped out of bed. She grabbed a sweatshirt from the top of her dresser and padded out of the room slowly, deciding to let him sleep and get a start on breakfast.

But much like last night, she was drawn towards Savannah's room the moment her feet stepped out into the hallway. Months ago, Savannah would have bounded into her room way before now, talking a mile a minute about breakfast and what they were going to do for the day - or about getting ready for daycare. Savannah had always been an early riser, and the cancer had taken that from her, just like everything else. Cancer had stolen her little girl.

She snuck into the quiet bedroom and much like she had the night before when they brought her home, she slipped into the small spot of mattress that Savannah hadn't taken up. Savannah didn't move a muscle in her sleep as Rachel wrapped her arm gently against her and pressed a kiss to the back of her head. "Love you princess," she whispered as she closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep again.

* * *

When Finn woke up an hour later, at first he was disoriented and confused. Not only was he back in his old bedroom, but Rachel was missing. He sat up in bed and took a minute to gather himself just as every moment of last night came flooding back. And suddenly he knew exactly where Rachel was. With Savannah.

He swung his legs over the bed and padded towards the door, rubbing his arms against the cold temperature in the apartment. When he exited the room he noted the quiet, and once he peeked in on them, he saw that Rachel had curled up with Savannah whenever she had gotten out of bed. He wondered for a moment if she had woken in the middle of the night and he had missed it. His heart ached at the thought, but after watching them together for a moment he decided to head out to the kitchen and see what he could make for breakfast.

As he stepped in front of the fridge, the pictures that Rachel had taped to the surface caught his eye. He had known they were there, he had helped her put them up when they moved in. He stepped closer, taking an in depth look at the photos that took up most of the limited space. From the time she had been born, both Finn and Rachel had been obsessed with taking pictures of Savannah. And it showed. He smiled at the picture of a newborn Savannah, laying sweetly on Rachel's chest. Even though she was only 16, Rachel just had a glow about her from that moment on. She was born to be a Mom. Born to be Savannah's Mom. He touched the picture gently, his mind wandering to a simpler time. His eyes flickered over to other pictures, grinning at the photo of a drooly Savannah, taken in the midst of one of her teething fits. He remembered those times vividly, her screams from the pain of teething not unlike some of her screams from treatment. The memories of those times, past and present, left him with an ache in his heart. He was surprised, yet not, to find some of the pictures that had featured him to still be prominently displayed. His first day as a volunteer fireman was documented with a picture where he stood in front of the truck, with Savannah sitting above him in the driver seat. The big smile on both of their faces was hard to miss. He laughed at the picture from her second Halloween, dressed as a little penguin. Savannah had loved that costume and had thrown the biggest fit when she had to take it off. 14 months old and was already a Diva like her Mom. A picture from the day she was born caught his eye and he couldn't believe for a moment that she had ever been that small. Or that he had been that young. He held her in his arms and looked down at her, eyes glassy and emotion filled as he stared down at the little bundle in his arms. That day, he'd become a man. He'd become a father. He had fallen so deeply in love with Savannah that day. So many pictures. It was hard to believe, to fathom that that this was it. Every picture here, from the ones of Savannah as a newborn to the ones most recently taken at the hospital (those ones made his heart break and as much as it hurt, he tried to avoid eye contact with them), , were going to cover her whole life. He reached out and touched the picture from her very first ballet class, the smile on her face so contagious he could almost hear her giggle in his mind. A whole life time, spanning the length and width of a freezer surface. How was he supposed to wrap his mind around that?

"Hey," he was pulled from his thoughts when he heard Rachel's voice behind him. He turned around to face her and offered her a small, shy smile. She wrapped her arms around her middle tightly as she looked at him. "What are you looking at?"

Finn cleared his throat before he gestured to the pictures on the fridge. "These. All of the memories. Her whole life is here...even..." he paused to clear his throat again. "...even the not so good memories." She took a few steps to come stand beside him. She stood beside him and stared at the pictures. "I was going to make breakfast, but I got caught up..."

She only nodded slowly, her own eyes had zeroed in on the pictures. "Remember this one?" She pointed to a professional photo they had had taken within the first few weeks of Savannah's life. She was curled up in a blanket lined basket with her stuffed tiger that had been later been dubbed Petey, a welcome gift from 'Uncle Puck'.

"She was so tiny," he whispered. "Even weeks later she was still so small." Rachel sniffed beside him and he turned towards her, wrapping an arm around her waist as she leaned into him.

"We have to tell her," she whispered. "How are we going to tell her?"

He squeezed her hip gently as he looked down at her. "Remember when we went to see Marcy, the social worker? Before they discharged her?" he paused. "She said to keep it simple and let her lead us..."

Before he could say any more, both of them were startled from their conversation by a startled cry from Savannah's room. They both looked at each other for a brief nanosecond before they both bolted and sprinted to her bedroom. Rachel reached the bedroom first as Savannah cried out again.

"Oh sweetheart," Rachel breathed as Savannah sobbed, her breathing laboured as she sat up. Rachel was at her side in a blink, Finn on her heels as Rachel wrapped Savannah in her arms. She cradled her in her arms like she had years ago when she was a newborn as Savannah clung to her. Finn flanked her side as Rachel sat back on the bed, leaning against the wall. "Shhh, Mommy's got you sweetheart. Mommy's got you..."

"Mom-ma," she cried. She clutched her shirt in her hand weakly as she cried. Rachel continued to try and sooth her as Finn looked on.

"We've got you baby, we've got you," she whispered.

"Momma, I scared," she hiccupped, her words coming out broken amongst her dying sobs.

"Why were you scared jellybean?" Finn asked as he gently reached over and touched her sock covered foot.

"Didn't know where I was," she mumbled against Rachel's shirt as her eyes turned to look at Finn. Finn gave her a soft smile as Rachel adjusted her in her arms.

"You're home jellybean," Finn answered. "You're home."

"Home?" she asked, her eyes widening before they drooped. "With you and Mommy?"

Both Finn and Rachel's eyes met one anothers over her head. Rachel bit her lip as Finn nodded. "Of course. With Mommy and Daddy," Finn smiled gently.

Savannah sighed softly as she leaned against Rachel, not taking her eyes off of Finn.

Rachel bent to press a kiss to her head. She hiccupped before she stuck her thumb in her mouth.

"You hungry at all baby?" Rachel asked after a moment. She rubbed her hand up Savannah's back, smoothing out the wrinkled pajamas. She shrugged against her chest.

"What if Daddy makes smoothies for all of us? Or waffles?" he asked, trying to earn a smile from Savannah.

"Pancakes?" she asked softly.

"Sure, we can do pancakes instead," Finn nodded. "Sound good Mommy?"

"Sounds perfect," she swallowed.

* * *

Though she had wanted the pancakes, Savannah ate very little during breakfast. The meal itself was quiet, with Rachel and Finn sipping coffee and eating a couple pancakes each while Rachel tried to coax Savannah into eating more than a few bites. After a third try, she sighed in defeat as Savannah snuggled closer to her.

"Not hungry Momma," she mumbled against her chest.

"Do you want a drink jellybean?" Finn asked as he took a bite of his pancake.

"Can I have apple juice?" she whispered.

"Of course," he stood up from his seat and grabbed the sippy cup that he had filled with milk when he made breakfast and rinsed it before he filled with apple juice. She smiled sleepily as he passed it to her.

"Thanks Daddy," she sighed before she took a sip.

"'Course jellybean," he smiled as he sat back in his seat.

Things were quiet for only a moment before Savannah spoke up again.

"When do I have to go get medicine again?" she asked quietly as she put the sippy cup back to her lips. Both Finn and Rachel looked at each other. Rachel's eyes were large with worry and Finn could see the tears brimming in her eyes. Finn reached across and took her hand that was resting on the table.

"Well jellybean," Finn started slowly. "You see, you're all done having medicine."

"All done?" she questioned as she looked up at Rachel before turning to look at Finn again. "Am I all better?"

Rachel squeezed Finn's hand before she adjusted the arm that was supporting Savannah.

"Well jellybean," Finn started. He looked at Rachel who had tears coming to the surface. He cleared his throat as he looked at her. "You see jellybean, the medicine it...it didn't work like Mommy and Daddy and the doctors hoped it would."

"But why? Medicine is supposed to make you better. Mine didn't make me better?" her voice was small as she asked the question. Finn felt his own tears rise to his eyes as Savannah's eyes bore into his.

"Sometimes medicine doesn't work jellybean," he swallowed hard.

"So I'm not going to ever get better?"

Rachel let go of Finn's hand and curled both of her arms around Savannah. She leaned her head against Savannah's, nuzzling into the stubble of her hair.

Finn swallowed hard. "No jellybean, you're not."

"But I want to be better Daddy," she whispered. "I tried really hard to feel better..."

"We know you did jellybean," his voice became thick. He tried to clear the imaginary obstruction from his throat. "And it's okay. It just happens that way sometimes."

"But what's going to happen to me if I'm not better?"

Finn took a sharp breath before he stood up from his chair. He pulled it to the other side of the table and sat close to the two of them, close enough that he could hear the tremble in Rachel's voice every time she took a breath. Savannah stared at him intently as the tears welled in his eyes. He looked up at Rachel who had tears streaming down her cheeks as she looked at him. Her lips trembled as she met his eyes.

"Well you see jellybean," his voice came out softer than he had ever heard it. He was at a loss for words. Everything Marcy had coached them on, all the advice she had given them was suddenly gone. "when people get sick, sometimes they don't get better. And when they don't get better, they go to heaven where they can get better..."

"But I don't want to go without you and Mommy, Daddy," she stammered. Tears began to rise in Savannah's eyes. "Can you come with me?"

"We can't jellybean," his voice was broken. He waited for the why, but it never came. Tears were streaming down his cheeks as he looked at her and Savannah buried her face in Rachel's neck.

"But whose going to play with me?" she whimpered. "If you're not coming to heaven with me whose going to play with me..."

Finn leaned his head down to rest on Rachel's legs as he tried to compose himself. The tears fell harder when he felt Savannah gently touch the top of his head.

"You'll get to meet your Grandpa Chris, when you get to heaven," Rachel murmured. Finn lifted his head as he looked at Rachel.

"Grandpa Chris?" Savannah whispered.

"My Daddy," Finn whispered as he looked up at her. "He went to heaven when I was a baby."

"Will he take care of me?" she asked softly.

"Of course," Finn nodded.

Savannah went silent after the words left his lips. Finn reached up and touched Savannah's cheek as she looked down at him.

"I don't want to be sick anymore Daddy," she murmured.

"I know jellybean, and you won't be," he paused.

"When?"

"I don't know jellybean, I don't know," he pressed his lips together, willing himself not to say anymore. Their days were numbered, that he knew. But he didn't want to speculate. They were going to make the best of the time they had left - that was his main priority.

When they'd accidentally gotten pregnant with Savannah, he admittedly was terrified. Even more so when they had decided, after a lengthy discussion with each other and all sets of parents, to keep her. He had been two weeks shy of his 17th birthday when she came screaming into the world and had changed his world for the better ever since. It had been hard, balancing school, and football and glee and being a good father and boyfriend. And working. But he had done it all. And he had loved every minute of it. But this? Nothing in the world could have prepared him for the fact that it was probably only a matter of time before he lost the little girl who had coloured his world.

"Will I still be your favourite girl daddy?" Savannah asked quietly as she looked at him.

His voice hitched in his throat as he looked at her. "Of course jellybean. Always and forever."

"Mommy too?" she asked softly.

Rachel swallowed hard. "Mommy too. Love you always and forever." She couldn't even say the words before she broke down again.

* * *

I'm so sorry. So so sorry.


	14. Chapter 14

Hi friends! I know it's been awhile, hasn't it? I'm sorry about that but I'll tell you why. This chapter is crucial. And I struggled a lot with how I wanted it to go, what to include and even to an extent how to word it. After many rewrites, restarts and revisions what you have in front of you is a chapter that I am immensely proud of. I've struggled a lot the past few weeks getting this right and I finally seemed to get my stride from Monday until today (to the extent of even writing 1100 words before work yesterday - whoa.). Work has been really busy and somewhat stressful the last two weeks and I am incredibly proud that I was able to pull this out.

We are almost at the end of this tale, as the end of this chapter will tell you. This journey has been rough for me, as I'm sure it has been for you, the readers as well. But I've enjoyed it so much, being able to tell Rachel and Finn's story with a different twist. When I started this story I had a very detailed, very clear outline. Since I wrote that back in March (shortly following glee's finale), this story has grown and become bigger than I ever could have imagined. And I thank you guys for that.

I have to thank Lauren, my junior research assistant for all of her help not only through this chapter (she has suffered through so many rewrites it's not funny), but throughout the entire story. She is my go to for research and I am so appreciative because I'm sure if it wasn't for her half this chapter wouldn't have gotten done.

That being said, I don't pretend to be a medical professional. I've never stated that I am. While I do have a degree in child and youth studies, a diploma in early childhood education and currently work as a skin care consultant, I am not a medical professional. Any and all mistakes are mine. I have taken some artistic liberties as well to fit the story. But nothing more. I don't own Finn or Rachel but I do own Savannah and most of the plot. I don't own the songs mentioned by Finn. Their respective artists do. Don't steal. It's bad.

Reviews are welcome, if they're constructive. I won't tolerate hate.

* * *

**Chapter 14**

The smell of her vanilla bubble bath infiltrated her nostrils as she walked into the small bathroom. Rachel pulled her long, messy hair up on to the top of her head as she closed the door partially behind her, leaving it open slightly in case Savannah woke up and needed her. Her shoulders dropped as she hung up the fluffy pink robe she had brought into the room with her. She rolled her shoulders as she allowed the steam from the bathroom to wrap around her like a comforting hug. She sighed softly as she stripped off her pajamas before she sunk her tired, anxious body into the warm water. She leaned against the soft blown up pillow as she closed her eyes, soaking in the comfort and warmth that the sudsy water offered. She tried to relax, tried to take a deep breath as she soaked in the quietness of the morning. Finn was off on a run and Savannah, much like every morning, was still asleep. She arched her back to work out the kinks as the warm water soothed her rigid muscles and the soft sounds of the water lapping around her filled her ears. The baby monitor that she had dug out of her storage space the night after they brought Savannah home crackled from the small counter, but made no other sound. Savannah was still sleeping so she could relax, even if it was just for a few moments.

As she closed her eyes and sunk further into the water, she tried to will the soft smell of the water to relax her. But truth was, there was no such thing as relaxing. She hadn't been able to relax in months, more so in the last month since they had brought Savannah home. It seemed, to her at least, that they were living in some sort of twilight zone. Finn had moved in the night after they brought her home, going as far as subletting his apartment and moving his important belongings into what was now their bedroom. She tried not to think about what that meant, for them, that he was sharing her bed once again. It felt nice, she felt safe and taken care of when he held her at night. But it never progressed further than that. In some ways, it felt like things had never changed. Like they hadn't screwed up their relationship all that time ago. She blew out a breath as those thoughts left her mind almost as quickly as they came. What mattered most of all was the here and now. Not the past. They were living on borrowed time, and each of them wanted to soak up every single second like a sponge. Neither of them were working, both of them had taken leaves of absences from their positions to be there around the clock with Savannah. She could see it in his eyes every morning, the fright and anxiety that today might be the day that their world collapses. And she was sure that he saw it reflected back at him, just like at the end of the day - when they tucked her back into bed while singing a quiet round of Hey Jude that they both shared a sigh of relief that they had one more day with her. Together.

* * *

Finn ran as the steady beat of KISS' Shout It Out Loud played in his ears. His feet pounded the pavement in the early morning breeze. He breathed hard as he turned the corner that would take him further away from the apartment building. He'd started running again once he'd moved back in with Rachel and Savannah, as a way to cope with all of his pent up feelings and keep in shape since he wasn't at work right now. His lungs burned as he picked up the pace along with the music as the song turned to Rock and Roll All Night. He used the music, the strong drums and bass lines to drown out the constant spiral of thoughts in his mind. It was in these moments that he just wanted to turn off his brain, and the music allowed him to do that. It allowed him not to think, just for a second, allowed him to not overanalyze what was happening. He circled the block as the song changed again, this time blaring Metallica's Enter Sandman.

By the time he reached the apartment building his lungs were burning and his legs felt like jelly. He wiped his forehead as he walked up the stairs, nodding at their neighbour as he approached their apartment. When Finn opened the door, the apartment, not unlike every other morning was bathed in silence. He wiped his brow again before moving through the apartment, peaking in on Savannah and smiling slightly when he saw that she was still sleeping. Afraid to wake her, he left the room after blowing her a kiss before heading to the bedroom to grab some clothes so he could take a shower.

* * *

Rachel sat on the patio, a cup of hot coffee in her hands and the quilt Finn had gifted her with wrapped around her. Despite being April, it was still rather cool especially in the early morning hours. She sipped tentatively at the warm beverage, embracing the comfort both the beverage and blanket provided her with. She could hear some rustling coming from the apartment through the crack she had left in the door, but her eye briefly caught Finn's hurried form and saw that he was back from his early morning run. She settled in her seat and turned back around to face the landscape in front of her. Their balcony faced the park that resided between their building and the next, and as she stared, memories of all the times they had taken Savannah to that very park flooded her mind. Maybe that's what they could do today, if she was up for it and it warmed up a bit. She smiled hesitantly at the thought before she took another sip of her coffee. They had locked themselves in the apartment for the most part over the course of the last month. Finn had ventured out a few times, mostly at night or during nap time when it was calm and Savannah was sleeping, to run what errands they could on their own. Whatever was left, their parents had gladly stepped in to give them a hand. She didn't get out nearly as much as he did. She didn't want to. She relied on her Mom and Finn to do what she needed because she just felt like she couldn't leave. She didn't want to leave. She wanted every moment she could grasp. Even if it was simply watching her sleep.

She leaned over to put the cup of coffee down on the small table between the two chairs she had set up on the balcony long ago. Her eyes caught the iPad she had brought out with her, but her hands refused to reach for it. She had brought it with her for the explicit purpose of reading up on her emails, and maybe even checking in on social media. But now it just didn't seem important anymore. It all seemed so trivial.

Instead, her eyes were drawn to the quilt that rested on her legs. She curled up in her chair a little more, tucking one leg under the other to get more comfortable and brought the material higher up on her chest. In the months since he'd gifted it to her, she had gone over the pictures and mementos that decorated the large quilt with a fine eye. The pictures, the memories that were held by each article that was featured on the blanket were like a bolt of lightning for her each time she looked at them. Like now, as her eyes gazed at the quilt, the swatch from the dress they had brought her home in - the small red and white checkered dress that had been one of the first purchases they had made for her, the same day they had found out she was going to be a girl - caught her attention. As she fingered the material she remembered the overwhelming feeling of love that she had felt would force her to explode when she first dressed her in the small dress. Just looking at the small patch, brought her back so clearly to the day they were discharged from the hospital, the day their lives and their journey started. She had been so scared, but so happy at the same time. Feelings she had felt often over the course of the four years she had been raising that little girl - feelings that had been magnified during this leg of their journey, the happiness most of the time outweighed by the heavy burden of fear and sadness. A picture of her hospital blanket was close by, as was a picture of part of her first bathing suit - a blue bikini with white stars on it. Every patch, every picture told a story. One she was determined she would never forget. All of it made tears flood her eyes at the very thought that maybe, there soon would be nothing to add.

"Hey, there you are." Finn's voice broke her out of her trance, and her head shot up from where she was staring at the quilt.

Rachel looked up at him and gave him a small smile as he shuffled over to the empty chair and sat down, his own cup of coffee in his hand. The hair he had was damp from the shower she assumed he took. Rachel turned away when he took a sip of his own coffee, turning her attention to the quilt once more. She toyed with a loose thread at the wrist of her sweater as she stared at a picture of the three of them, from their high school graduation. The smile on Savannah's face was contagious as she was squished between both of them, decked out in red caps and gowns, the unmistakable happiness radiating off of each of them. She remembered that feeling well, that feeling of accomplishment, they had made it through high school somehow, had their sanity somewhat intact and were on to bigger and better things - their baby girl in tow. She missed that. She had had glimpses of that over the years, and even recently in quiet moments with Finn just like this one, each of them lost in their own thoughts. She had learned now to treasure them, because she wasn't sure how much longer she would have them. Everything could disappear in the blink of an eye.

She looked up from the quilt once more to find Finn's eyes on her. She gave him a small smile as she leaned her head back on the chair. "How was your run?" she asked quietly as she reached forward for her coffee, taking a sip of the cooling drink.

"It was alright," he shrugged softly as he turned his body to face her more. "I didn't go for very long, just around the block a bit to get out." He nodded with his words as she reached down to put her mug back on the table. "Did you check your email?" he asked quietly as his eyes focused on the iPad between them.

She shook her head.

"I thought you said..."

She sighed, finding the loose thread to play with it once more. "I couldn't bring myself to turn it on...I kind of got lost in my thoughts," she admitted quietly.

Finn nodded, a larger explanation wasn't something he needed. She knew he understood what she was saying, both on the surface and underneath. They each grew quiet once more, both of them settling into their thoughts. Rachel saw Finn grab the iPad out of the corner of her eye, but didn't make a move to say anything. She concentrated on the scenery around her, trying to distract herself all the same.

She heard him shuffling, and after a moment watched him from the corner of her eye while he plugged away at the iPad. His face changed several times and she tried to determine what he was seeing. She watched several emotions pass over his features, his brow furrowed in confusion for a moment before a small smile played on his lips while afterwards his eyes downturned in a way she had become way too familiar with. She knew the echo of sadness would be just behind his eyes. Something she was all too familiar with herself.

After a moment, she turned away just as he turned towards her and cleared his throat.

"I checked the facebook group," he said simply before clearing his throat again.

She turned to face him once more in that moment, curling into her seat in a way that would seem uncomfortable but at the same time brought her all the comfort in the world as she wrapped the quilt around her higher. The facebook group, Savannah's Hope, was a page that her mother had started at the very beginning of their cancer journey. In the beginning Rachel and Finn both had tried to keep their close friends and family updated about what was going on, but as time and the development of the cancer progressed all updates had been abandoned by them and taken over mostly by Shelby.

"There's um," he sighed, leaning the iPad down on his knees for a minute. "There's a lot of new messages here...do you want to..."

She shook her head as she looked at him. "Can you read them to me?" She chewed her lip as she looked at him. "I just..."

He nodded and picked the device back up and cleared his throat again.

"There's one here from Quinn, from a week ago? It says Hi Guys, thinking of you all and praying for Savannah's recovery. Let me know if there's anything I can do - Love, Quinn."

"I should call her," she murmured as she rested her hand against her chin. Finn looked at her. Both of them knew she wasn't going to do such a thing.

"Here's one from Mr. Schuster. I didn't know he'd joined..." Finn sighed. "Thinking of Little Savannah and you guys. Emma and I would like to visit when the time is right for you guys. Take care."

The messages went on like that. Many messages flooded the page, offering prayers, sympathy and lots of food. Finn scrolled through the page reading every few messages. Shelby had posted that Savannah was home, a month ago, but no other message or official word on her condition had been given.

"We should write something," Finn offered when he got to the end of the 'new' messages. "Let everyone know how things are..."

Rachel blinked as she looked at him, catching her lip between her teeth as she looked at him.

"I don't..." she bowed her head to look at the quilt and avoid his eyes. Tears flooded to her eyes as she stared at a picture of the three of them from her first Christmas. Savannah was decked out in a red sleeper that looked just like a Santa suit, a red bow in her hair, a gummy contented smile on her face - what Finn had called her milk coma face.

She took a deep breath as Finn reached over and searched for her hand under the quilt, taking her fingers in his and squeezing them. "I'm right here," he whispered. "And I think we need to at least thank them for their prayers..."

She brought her eyes to look at him, and her lip trembled as he squeezed her fingers between his. "Rachel..."

"Can you write it? I'll read it but can you..." She sighed as she squeezed his fingers back.

"Of course," he sighed. He let go of her hand and turned his attention back to the iPad as she turned her own attention to the park in front of her. Things were quiet between the two of them as they both got lost in their own thoughts. Rachel tried not to think too much, curling her knees up to her chest as looked out at the park. Minutes passed between them before Finn spoke again.

He coughed a little before clearing his throat and looking over at her. "Tell me if this is okay?" He waited a beat for her to nod.

_"Dear Friends, _  
_ First of all, both Rachel and I would like to extend our sincerest thanks to each and every one of you who have taken the time to leave messages here for the three of us. Your offers of help, thoughts and prayers have meant the world to each one of us. When this journey began for the three of us, none of us imagined it would come to this point. Savannah has been home with us for just about a month now, and both Rachel and I have spent each moment of every day making her as comfortable as possible. Each day we remind her of how much she is wanted, how much she is loved not just by us but by all of you. But that doesn't make things any easier. A month ago our hearts were broken when Dr. Taylor advised us that there was not much more they could do for our sweet little girl. So we have lived every day since then, making sure that we are making the most of every well moment, as those come few and far between some days. Savannah knows her time with us is almost up here. We haven't shied away from her about the truth about her illness, just as I know Shelby has been kind enough to keep all of you informed to the best of her ability. So please don't be offended when I tell you that as much as we appreciate all of your wishes to visit with gifts and dinners, we are keeping to ourselves these days, keeping Savannah close to us as to enjoy what could, and will most likely be our last moments as a family. Thank you for understanding, and please, keep praying for a miracle for our jellybean. It would mean the world to us. _  
_ Thank you, _  
_ Finn. _

When Finn looked up from the iPad, he turned to Rachel and saw the tears that were streaming down her cheeks.

"Is it okay?" he whispered as he held his finger over the 'Post' button. When he saw her nod slightly, he pressed the button before placing the iPad between the two of them on the table and opening his arms. "C'mere," he whispered. She blinked as tears streamed down her cheeks for a moment before she grabbed for the quilt and shuffled over to him. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into him until she was seated on his lap. Rachel leaned her head on his chest, with one hand clutched around the quilt still while the other reached out and took some of the fabric of his own hoodie in between her fingers. Finn ran his own fingers through her hair, playing with the loose strands before placing a kiss on her head. He squeezed her tightly as they sat there together, no words passed their lips. Instead, they chose to let their body language and actions do the talking. It was all they needed.

With a shuddered breath, Rachel lifted her head from his chest after a few moments. Finn gave her a small smile before pressing a soft kiss to her forehead as her eyes closed once more. His thumb wiped her tears before she leaned her head back on his chest. His hand that had been splayed in her hair was tugged down by hers and she entangled their fingers together.

"I was thinking maybe," she paused to stare at their fingers. "maybe if Savannah's feeling okay when she gets up, maybe we can take her to the park?" she asked quietly.

Finn smiled against her head. "I think that's a great idea. I think today will be a good day for that."

She nodded against his chest and let a small smile play on her lips for the first time all morning. Rachel leaned up and placed a kiss on his chin before shifting off of his lap and standing up to stretch just as the baby monitor crackled and the distinct whimper from Savannah was heard. Rachel let her arms drop and immediately went to move to go back into the apartment, Finn following closely behind her.

"I'll start breakfast," he murmured as he patted her hip.

"Sounds good," she mumbled, choosing not to look back at him as she continued on her way to Savannah's room as her whimpers continued. 

* * *

They made their way to the park later that afternoon, after a small lunch that Savannah didn't take more than a nibble of. She was cuddly and clung to Rachel from the moment she had brought her out of her bedroom. She only perked up when Finn mentioned going to the park.

"Do you think she's warm enough?" Rachel asked softly as they walked towards the playground. She tugged on the sleeve of Savannah's black hooded sweater as Finn carried her. Savannah paid no attention to the tugging as she leaned her head on Finn's chest and closed her eyes.

"I think she's just fine," Finn commented as he pressed a kiss to Savannah's hat covered head. "It's not too cold out here and she's wearing three layers on top and two on bottom Rach," he sighed.

They stopped in front of the swing set as Finn turned to look at her. For her part, Rachel ran her hair through her own hair and looked down at her feet for a moment. She wrapped her own arms around her stomach as she looked at them. "I know," she whispered. "I just don't want her to get cold cause then..."

Finn took a step forward and placed a kiss on her cheek as Savannah shifted in his arms. "Do you want to swing with her first?"

Her eyes lit up slightly as he gave her a small amused smile. Rachel nodded her head a few times and headed for the swing at the very end of the row. It was a bigger swing, shaped more like a chair and meant for someone with special needs. They had used it on the previous trip to the park they had taken, and the chair could easily fit either of them and Savannah, even with Finn's long legs. She jogged over to the swing and got herself settled before stretching out her arms to take Savannah from Finn. She smiled as she felt Savannah lean into her and mumbled something incoherently into the fabric of her sweater. Rachel wrapped her arms securely around Savannah before leaning down and laying a kiss on her cheek. Finn moved behind them and began to softly push the swing into a steady pattern of back and forth, back and forth that slowly caused a sense of calm to fall over both Savannah and Rachel.

As the swing went back and forth, Savannah began to slowly fall back to sleep. Rachel brushed her lips along Savannah's head again as she held her tightly to her.

"Is she asleep?" she heard Finn's voice come from behind her. She swallowed hard and looked down at Savannah, who had in fact fallen asleep in her arms.

"Yeah. Just like last time," she sighed.

Finn continued to push the swing gently. Rachel couldn't help but feel a sense of calm descend over her as the gentle back and forth of the swing lulled her into a comfortable state. She closed her own eyes as she adjusted her arms around Savannah, a small whimper leaving her lips as she tightened her hold. As she moved back and forth with Savannah in her arms, the gentle spring breeze moving around them she couldn't help but allow tears to form in her eyes. As they moved, she tried not to let too many thoughts crowd her mind. Instead she forced herself to take comfort in the moment. Take comfort in holding Savannah in her arms, the fresh air, Finn's presence. Anything that was positive. She felt the sense of calm surround her as she breathed in the fresh air, like she was finally at peace with everything that was happening, everything that had happened and was still to come. The tears spilled from beneath her eye lids and she slowly began to feel the swing slowing down until it came to a complete stop. She heard the crunch of the gravel beneath Finn's running shoes as he came around and she knew he was in front of them once she felt his hands on her knees.

"Rach?" he whispered.

She opened her eyes and slowly looked down at him, a small smile gracing her lips. "You okay?"

"I'm just fine," she whispered, her throat thick before she leaned down and placed a kiss on Savannah's head again. Finn gave her a sad smile back as he looked at the two of them, Rachel bundled in her grey, pink and white sweater, Savannah in her black hoodie that even sported two little cat ears on the top, he remembered buying that for her one night months ago when he was shopping for himself at Target - long before the battle had begun. It looked just as cute on her as he imagined. He even allowed himself to smile a bit as he watched the two of them together, Savannah burrowed in Rachel's arms; the sense of calm that had suddenly descended over Rachel. He wanted to keep this embedded in his mind forever. As he crouched in front of the two of them, he tried to soak in everything about this moment. Everything about this day, this time in their lives. Because even though it was the most harrowing, the most heartbreaking and painful thing he had ever had to live through - he got to do it with Rachel. He got his second chance with her and he was so grateful. He just wished it wasn't because of something like cancer. These two girls in front of him? They were his life. And he would give anything for more moments just like this one.

* * *

Finn ran into the grocery store, pulling the hood of his jacket over his head as he ran for the door. It was raining, of course. He shoved his phone into the back pocket of his jeans as he grabbed a cart, keeping Rachel's list of things to get clutched in his hand. They'd made one this morning when she had gone to make eggs for the two of them and had realized that they didn't have any. He hadn't wanted to leave, the rain made anyone lazy but as he looked at Rachel he knew he should. So together they had made a list, he had kissed both her and Savannah goodbye and threw on his jacket to leave before it really started to rain.

* * *

Rachel hummed to herself as she stirred the pot of soup on the stove as it simmered. After the mishap this morning with the eggs, they had both eaten toast while they made a list. She had found potatoes and all the fixings for potato soup in the cupboards and was determined to make that for them while he shopped and Savannah slept. She reached forward to turn the heat off on the burner, satisfied enough with her work to let it sit for a few minutes while she went to check on Savannah. She grabbed a dish towel to wipe her hands off, tossing it on the small table before she left the room, still humming the same song under her breath. Rachel pushed open Savannah's door and walked slowly over to her bed, getting ready to bend down beside it much like she has always done. But instead of peacefully sleeping, Rachel watched in horror as Savannah's barely open eyes began to roll back into her head and her body became rigid just as she began to shake.

"Savannah?" Rachel reached out her hand and touched Savannah's shoulder as her shaking became more violent. "Savannah!" She felt her heart drop to her stomach and her ears start to buzz as she ran across to her bedroom, to grab her cell phone - the closest phone to her - before she ran back in and gathered Savannah in her arms while she continued to shake. Her stomach rolled when she felt how burning hot Savannah's forehead was, so hot that she could feel the burning temperature through the thin yoga pants she was wearing. Rachel felt her throat swell as she held Savannah so she was turned on her side as she used her free hand to shakily dial 911.

"My name is Rachel Berry, and I need an ambulance..." she swallowed hard as she closed her eyes tight for a moment. "My daughter is having a seizure and she...she has cancer..." She felt like her throat was closing up as she listened to the dispatchers questions and tried to answer them as quickly as she could. "Please come quickly," she whispered into the phone.

Once the dispatcher promised that help was on the way, Rachel tossed the phone beside her on the bed and bent her head to press a shaky kiss to Savannah's head as she continued to shake and convulse.  
"It's going to be okay baby," she whispered as tears rained down her cheeks, running her hand over her cheek. "It's okay baby, just hold on...help is coming. Mommy has you baby, mommy has you."

A million thoughts were running through her head as she held Savannah, trying to prevent her from hurting herself or rolling off the bed. In her heart, in her gut she knew that this was the beginning of the end. The tears rained down her cheeks as she watched her, before she reached over to grab her phone again and quickly pressed the number 1, for Finn.

"Pick up Finn, please," she whispered over and over again.

* * *

He was only gone half an hour at the most when he his phone vibrated from his back pocket. He pulled his cart over to the side of the aisle as he reached to grab it. His heart thumped in his chest when he saw that it was Rachel calling, and he felt a sickening drop in his stomach. He stared at the phone for a beat before pressing answer, praying that she was just calling to add something to the list.

"Rachel?" he asked quietly, hesitantly.

"Finn, I need you to come home!" her voice came out hysterical and Finn's heart immediately dropped. "Finn, you need to come home! Savannah..."

He let go of the cart right away and immediately bolted towards the exit of the small grocery store that was about a 10 minute drive from their apartment.

* * *

Rachel threw the phone to the ground and bent her head again to meet Savannah's ear. Her jerky movements were slowing down but she was still continuing to seize as she silently cursed how long it seemed to be taking the paramedics to get to them.

"Just hold on sweetheart," she whispered like a prayer. "Just hold on...wait for Daddy to get here. I love you so much sweetheart. so much."

Everything seemed to converge on Rachel all at once. A strong few knocks came on the door and in her heart she knew it was the paramedics. She yelled as loud as she could, her voice hoarse and laced with tears that were dying to bubble up, praying they heard her so she didn't have to leave Savannah again. They must have, because before she knew it there were two men and a woman standing in the bedroom as an intense sob burst from her lips.

"Help me," she whispered as the three paramedics came towards her. "Help her please," she cried just as two of the paramedics gently took Savannah out of her arms and placed her on the carpeted floor as they began to assess the situation.

"How old is she?" the female paramedic asked.

Rachel couldn't take her eyes off of Savannah as the two other paramedics assisted her. The shaking was slowing finally and she felt herself gasping for air.

"She's four," she whispered. "Just four and..and she has cancer..."

The paramedic nodded as she scribbled the notes down on her pad. She continued to ply her with questions, about allergies and cancer treatment, whether or not she had a fever at all during the day or just right now. Rachel felt her stomach roll as she watched the paramedics that were working on Savannah lay her on her back, finally and begin assessing her once more. The seizure had ended finally, but Savannah's eyes remained closed, like she was sleeping. But she knew she wasn't just sleeping. Rachel bit her lip as she watched the paramedics hook her up to an oxygen tank and started her on an heart monitor. Colour was returning to her poor lips and cheeks and it all just seemed so surreal.

"We need to move. She's stable but we need to go in case it happens again..." The paramedics seemed to all nod at once, and one of them left to get the stretcher, returning quickly. "Mom, are you riding with us?" one of them asked as they prepared the stretcher and two of them moved Savannah onto it, with her monitors.

She nodded slowly, her body moving on autopilot, grabbing Savannah's quilt and Petey as they prepared to take her out of the room and the apartment.

"I just have to call my husband," she whimpered, the words falling from her lips as they began to move Savannah out. She grabbed her phone from where she had dropped it on the phone and pressed 1 before running to follow the paramedics out, forgetting everything else. Nothing mattered. Just Savannah.

* * *

Finn picked up the phone just as he came to another red light and slammed on his brakes. He could see the apartment building from here. Hell, he could even faintly see the red lights from the ambulance. His heart sank as he clicked answer and hit speaker, using his other fist to hit the steering wheel in frustration.

"Rachel?"

"Finn, where are you? We're going to the hospital...they...they have her on a stretcher and we're going..."

Finn grimaced at her words, his own heart sinking as he heard the hysteria in her voice.

"I'm right here...I've hit every fucking red light babe..."

The light turned green and he floored it while keeping her on the phone. He peeled into the parking lot, coming to a stop just as they were about to slam the doors of the ambulance closed. He jumped out of the truck, leaving it running and the door open as he bolted for Rachel. He skidded to a stop in front of her, clasping her head in his hands and placed a desperate kiss on her lips before he helped her up into the ambulance, not without a brief glance at his quiet and still daughter, his own tears emerging in his eyes as the paramedics slammed the door.

"Tell her I'll meet her there," he yelled to the paramedic who was already running to the driver's as Finn retreated to his truck.

As they drove to the hospital, tears flowed down Rachel's cheeks as she clutched Savannah's small hand in hers. She kept her gaze only on her little girl as they torpedoed through the streets towards the hospital.

"Just hold on baby," she whispered, the same mantra she had been thinking and saying since the seizure began. "Just hold on for a little bit longer okay? You'll see Daddy and everything will be okay. Then you can go sweetheart? Okay? Just hold on for Daddy...please," she whispered, her voice hoarse and desperate. She leaned over, even though it was uncomfortable and rested her head beside Savannah's. "I love you so much sweetheart, so much..."

Before she knew it, they were pulling into the emergency bay of the hospital and everything turned into a rushed blur. She had to run to keep up with the paramedics who were bringing Savannah in, rushing past everyone else as they took her back immediately. They were met with a team of nurses and a doctor who took over after the paramedics filled them in. Just as the paramedics were beginning to leave, Rachel watched in horror as Savannah started to convulse once more. Something caught between a scream and a sob ripped from her lips as she watched the nurses snap into action to tend to Savannah and somewhere in the hustle, Rachel was shown to the hallway where she immediately sunk to her knees.

* * *

Finn had never felt panic like this in his life. When he finally found a parking spot he threw the truck into park and made a break for the hospital, not caring about the fact that he hadn't paid or anything else for that matter. All that mattered was that he found Rachel and Savannah and got some answers. He dodged in and out of people that were milling around and headed straight for the nurses desk.

"My daughter," he huffed. "My daughter was just brought in by ambulance...my wife...my daughter...she has cancer, ambulance..." Every word came out in a rush and he had never felt more frustrated in his life. Why couldn't he get the words out, or right?

"Name?"

He squeezed his temple as he looked at the woman. "Savannah. Savannah Hudson. She's probably not in the system yet because they had to have JUST gotten here and I need to find my wife and..."

"Sir, if you'll have a seat, when we find out more..."

"I can't sit. You don't understand," he tried to keep his voice down. "My daughter has cancer. She's dying. I need to find her and my wife so I can be with them," he voice cracked as the words tumbled out. He pointed to the door that led to the emergency exam rooms. "Please just let me go back there and find them before it's too late. Please."

The nurse looked at him and nodded slowly before reaching forward to press the button that would let him back there.

"Thank you," he whispered before he took off, nearly tripping over his feet to get to the door fast enough.

* * *

Rachel buried her head in her knees as her sobs rocked her body. She could hear hushed words and sighs coming from the exam room behind her and her heart raced. She wanted to know what they were saying, wanted to know what was going on. But she couldn't bring herself to stand up, or even move. She clutched Savannah's quilt in her hands as she cried, not bothering to look up when she heard footsteps running towards her. But when the footsteps stopped in front of her she slowly looked up. The moment her eyes met Finn's a hysterical sob burst forth from her lips as she launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck to pull him down to her. Together they collapsed into a heap beside the wall, Finn gathering Rachel into his arms as much as he could as she sunk her head into his chest. He tried to calm her down as much as he could, pushing his own shaky hand through her hair as her sobs rocked her body and inspired his own to burst from his lips.

"Finn," she whimpered as her fingers tangled in his jacket. "She's...she's..." Another sob rocked her body before she could get the rest of her sentence out. Finn buried his head in her damp hair as his own tears rained down his cheeks and his grip on her waist tightened. He wanted to know what happened, what led to them sitting on the cold floor while they waited for any little piece of information. He wanted to burst into the room and hold Savannah's hand. He wanted this all to end.

"I got you," he mumbled. She sunk into his embrace more, trying desperately to get closer to him. Both of them sobbed.

Rachel pulled away from Finn slightly and brought the palms of her hands up to her face to wipe haphazardly at the tears on her cheeks. She hiccupped as she looked at him as her lip started to tremble again.

"What happened Rach?" he whispered, his voice thick as tears continued to rain down his cheeks. He reached forward with his fingers to push the fallen strands of her bangs out of her eyes.

"I was just making lunch...I was making soup and..." she hiccupped. "I just went to check on her like I always do... like we always do and she was having a seizure!" The hysteria rose in her voice as she collapsed against his chest again. Finn's heart pounded in his chest as he listened to her sobs. "And now she's having another one and they made me leave and Finn I'm so scared," she whimpered.

The door to the room opened and both Rachel and Finn froze, their eyes flashing to the door. Both of them scrambled to stand up, both of them wobbly as they stepped closer to the nurse who gave them a small, sad smile.

"You can come in now," she offered.

Rachel bolted into the room with Finn hot on her trail, neither of them caring about how they looked to the other professionals at the room as they both jostled to get to Savannah's side. Sobs reemerged from Rachel's lips as she skidded to a stop beside Savannah's bed.

"We're here baby, Mommy and Daddy are here now ," Rachel sobbed as she reached for her hand. Finn wrapped his arm around Rachel's waist to support her and allowed his other hand to join hers with Savannah's.

The doctor at the other side of the bed spoke up. "We've given her a dose of medication to control her seizures, and as a result her seizures have stopped for now. We've given her something to bring her fever down as well. We've contacted Dr. Taylor and he should be down to speak to you shortly. We spoke with him and it's most likely that her seizures are evidence of the advanced stage of her disease. We'll let him talk to you about it more, but she is stable and breathing on her own," he sighed. "We'll give you some privacy. Don't be afraid to touch her, talk to her more. Let her know you're here."

Rachel and Finn both nodded. Finn reached out to shake the doctors hand as Rachel continued to hold Savannah's hand in hers.

The moment the door closed behind the nurses and doctor, both Finn and Rachel released a long sigh, almost in sync. Rachel let out a shuddered breath after a moment, before turning to Finn. Her lip trembled as she looked at him, her eyes watering once more.

"I'm scared," she whispered. She tried to be quiet, she didn't know if Savannah could hear her - she wanted to believe she could - but she didn't want her to hear these words. She didn't want her to be scared too.

Finn's heart broke as he looked at Rachel, before turning his gaze on Savannah. She looked so peaceful, she looked like she was sleeping. But he knew differently. He knew that things weren't as they seemed.

"I know," he murmured as he leaned over to place a kiss on her temple. "Me too," he paused for a moment. "Let's just...let's just be with her now, okay? She needs to know we're here."

Rachel nodded, adjusting her hold on her hand so she could run her thumb up and down her hand. She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Savannah's cheek, another sigh leaving her lips when she felt how warm her cheek still was from the fever. "Mommy's got you sweetheart, Mommy and Daddy got you."

Finn let go of her back for a moment, turning to grab the one chair that was stuffed in the corner. He brought it over and sat it behind Rachel's legs.

"Rach? Why don't you sit?" he whispered.

She shook her head. "No. I don't want to."

He blew a breath between his lips and pushed the chair away, moving to stand right beside Rachel once more.

"We should sing to her," she whispered. "She's probably scared..." her voice trailed off before her head shot up. "Her quilt! What happened to the..."

Finn placed his hand on her arm. "It's right here. And Petey too," he whispered as he grabbed them from the bottom of the bed, where she had dropped them when they came in. He wordlessly passed them to her and she immediately went about putting the quilt over Savannah's torso and put Petey close by.

"I forgot Polly," she whispered, her voice dripping with regret. "I'm sorry Savannah I forgot..."

"It's okay Rach," Finn whispered. "She'll think it's okay too. Won't you Jellybean?" He touched her leg and shook it gently.

A faint smile traced her lips as she leaned into him a little.

They didn't know how much time had passed, neither of them was watching the clock as they talked with Savannah and tears ran down their cheeks. But when a sharp knock on the door came, both of their backs went rigid and fear flashed across both of their features. Dr. Taylor was here.

Finn grabbed for Rachel's hand as the older man came into the room.

"Finn, Rachel," he nodded, his words coming out with a sigh. Rachel squeezed Finn's hand as she looked at him.

"Dr. Taylor," they both whispered. They watched as he grabbed for the chart that the emergency room doctor had left on the end of Savannah's bed and looked over the information. They both heard him audibly sigh before he went over to look Savannah over. Rachel felt tears gather in her eyes as after only a few moments, Dr. Taylor stood upright and clasped his hands in front of him at his waist.

He took a deep breath and walked around to stand right beside them. Both of them turned to look at him, Rachel curled in Finn's side while she clutched Savannah's hand in hers.

"There's no easy way to say this," he started. "The seizures Savannah have been experiencing today are tangible evidence of the advance of her disease," he paused.

"That's what the other doctor said," Finn's voice wavered.

Dr. Taylor nodded. "Yes, I spoke with him before I came down here."

"What happens now?" Finn whispered as he tightened his grip on Rachel. He swallowed hard. "Do we...do we do another MRI or whatever? To see..."

Dr. Taylor took a deep breath. "We could. But that will only tell us what we already know, what the seizures are already telling us," he paused. "The tumor has continued to grow and it's slowly taking over the rest of her brain, causing her to begin to lose executive function."

Rachel gasped and bit her lip as Finn's hand gripped her hip tighter, and she used her own free hand to grip his arm.

"I consulted with Dr. Morris," he cleared his throat. "The doctor who was here when she was brought in," he clarified. "And with my direction they administered medication to control her seizures and help with her fever. But treating the seizures further will not make her better. We need to discuss making her as comfortable as possible."

A gasp left both Rachel and Finn's lips, and she struggled to get loose from his side and move closer to Savannah. Finn pulled the chair out and Rachel collapsed into it as she clutched Savannah's hand and he stood behind her, his hands on her shoulders, trying to hide the shake he felt was there.

Rachel felt like she couldn't breathe. She could feel the squeeze of Finn's hands on her shoulders, and the cool temperature of Savannah's hand as she held it. But that was it. That was what was anchoring her to the room. Her ears were swimming and she couldn't understand or even hear a word that Dr. Taylor was saying. But as the jumble cleared words like admittance and comfort measures rush forward like a tide and a sob burst from her lips before she could stop it. Finn's hands moved from her shoulders to in front of her, hugging her from behind as she sobbed. She didn't let go of Savannah's hand, but used her free one to reach up and dig her nails into Finn's arm through his sweater. She felt the stubble on his cheek against hers as she clenched her eyes and sobbed.

Finn couldn't move. As he listened he felt like everything was frozen, like he was living under a sheet of ice. This wasn't happening. They had known it was coming but he felt like he couldn't breathe. All he could do was hold Rachel tighter, ignoring the pain she was inflicting on him through her fingers as she cried. His stomach turned as he listened to her as Dr. Taylor slipped from the room with promises to get her moved to a room upstairs so they could have more privacy and be more comfortable. He didn't want to be more comfortable. He wanted to save his daughter.


	15. Chapter 15

Hi all. There will be no crazy, long winded authors note to begin or follow this chapter. All I'm going to say, is this chapter is rough. It was rough to write, I'm sure it'll be rough to read. Our entire journey has culminated in what is the final act of this chapter and I hope you can all understand that it had to happen. It's been the plan from the get go, the reason for everything. It also signals that we're almost at the end. But our journey is far from over as well. I hope you can enjoy it for what it is. But do keep a box of tissues handy. You'll need them.

Everything belongs to me except Finn and Rachel and anyone else mentioned from Glee. They belong to Ryan Murphy. Don't steal, I don't want to have to call the Red Devil, now do I?

* * *

**Chapter 15  
**

**_Hudson, _**_Savannah Grace. Finn and Rachel are proud to announce the birth of their beautiful baby girl, Savannah Grace. Savannah was born weighing 5 pounds, 13 ounces and measuring at 18 inches on a sunny August 1st evening. First time grandparents, Shelby Corcoran, Carole and Burt Hummel and Hiram and Leroy Berry are thrilled and enamoured with their new granddaughter. Rachel and Finn would like to thank the staff at Lima General for all their help, and cannot wait to take their jellybean home. _

__His coffee was cold, but truthfully Finn couldn't bring himself to care. He placed the styrofoam cup down on the table beside him and rubbed his eyes weakly. The room was silent, save for the beeping of Savannah's various monitors and tubes, every breath she was taking sounded shallow and soft, echoing in the small room. It was late, well after midnight and he couldn't sleep. The night nurse had snuck in to check on Savannah, and he had heard the soft slap of her rubber shoes against the floor. He slept fitfully and light these days, not wanting to ever miss a minute of whatever was going on - even though she was unconscious. If this was the end, as Dr. Taylor had gently told them, he didn't want to miss a beat. He took another swig of his coffee and grimaced against the taste. He would never get used to cold coffee. But it would do for now. He tried to lay back on the cot that the nursing staff had brought in for them, but all it forced him to do was stare at the ceiling. He rubbed his eyes once more as he struggled against his emotions, so many of them rolling against him like a tide all at once. He tried to roll onto his side quietly, but the sheets of the bed crinkled under his clothing; sweatpants and a t-shirt that his mother had brought for him last night, causing him to grimace once more. He blinked in the darkness and stared at Savannah's shape on the bed once more, his lip trembling as he stared at her from his spot. Her tiny formed hadn't moved an inch since she was admitted. She had shrunk so much in the last few months, her illness changing her tiny body for the worse. But all at once his focus shifted to Rachel, who was laying beside Savannah on the bed, her arm slung over their little girls middle, her own eyes puffy from the tears he knew she had spilled while she took a short shower earlier in the evening. His own eyes burned from unshed tears, and felt tight from the ones that had slowly been coming since they had brought her into the hospital a mere 36 hours ago.

Nothing could have prepared him for this. He was waiting for the nightmare to end, someone to shake him awake and say jokes on you. It was like getting on a ride and never being able to get off. Or with the only exit being freefalling into an abyss of nothing. Because that, is exactly what he felt like life without Savannah would be like.

But he isn't without hope. Because hope is what has gotten him through to this point. Hope that maybe, they were wrong. Maybe, the seizures are a fluke and they'll stop and she'll open her pretty brown eyes and call his name. It's been so long since she's called his name. She's been so tired, so quiet and his heart just shatters at the mere thought. He squeezed his eyes tightly closed as the memories of the past weeks flew through his mind at lightning speed. What he wouldn't give to rewind and just...do things differently. He'd give anything to change places with Savannah. Anything.

When he opened his eyes again, he found Rachel standing beside him, her arms crossed over her midsection and her lip firmly between her teeth. He didn't hear her get up from the bed at all, or pad over to him. He just blinked at her for a moment, neither of them saying anything as they stared at each other in the illuminated darkness of the hospital room. But as they stared, he unconsciously shifted over so he could share what little space there was left on the cot with her. He watched as she bit her lip deeper for a second, and upon further investigation it looked to him like her lip was trembling. He opened his arms and waited as she contemplated what the gesture meant, before she carefully crawled onto the cot and sunk into his arms.

Rachel breathed in deeply as she sunk her face into the familiar feeling of Finn's shirt. She sniffled a touch as he wrapped his arms around her loosely, holding her close to his body in a gesture that was one of protection and comfort.

"I didn't know you were awake," he murmured as he brushed his lips across the crown of her head.

"The nurse woke me up," she whispered as she sighed. "Not that I was sleeping deeply anyway."

"Me too," he commented, using his hand to splay across her hip and tug her closer.

Silence over came them as they lay there. Rachel allowed herself to shift closer to Finn, using her pointer finger to subtly draw invisible patterns on the part of his neck that was exposed to her.

"I'm scared Finn," she whispered as the silence started to become too much. She had been whispering those words a lot these days.

Truth be told she was terrified. Her entire being, everything she was, everything she defined herself as was wrapped up in that little girl who was fighting for her life. Before anything else, that is what she defined herself as - Savannah's mother. What happens now? Or after? Could she still call herself a mother? Could she still call herself Savannah's mom, even after she's gone? She didn't want to lose her. At the moment the first seizure started, she had felt her entire being freeze. Her nurse instincts had kicked in but every fibre of her mothering ones had froze. It couldn't possibly be almost time to let her slip away, let her. She needed more time with her, there was so much more she wanted to do with her - teach her. This simply wasn't fair. The soft beeps coming from Savannah's bed caused her heart to race faster and her mind to whirl and her stomach to flip with anxiety. When in reality it was good that she was hearing the slow, steady rhythm of the beeps. The beeps, meant she was still there. Somewhere, but she was still there.

"I'm scared too," Finn murmured against her head, his voice muffled by her hair.

Rachel didn't say anything in response, instead she reached over for his hand and took his fingers in between hers and squeezed. Because if there was anyone in the world that knew exactly how she felt at this very moment, it was Finn. And he would understand without her having to say anything more.

* * *

For a brief, and rare moment Rachel got some uninterrupted alone time with Savannah. She leaned her head on the pillow beside Savannah's head, and just took a moment to stare at her. She ran her finger gently along her soft cheek, traced it over her small lips that were just as dry as ever. She ghosted over her nose slowly, as if she was memorizing the very curves and dips that made up Savannah's face. The features that were so distinctly inherited from Finn, the dimples in her cheeks that she hadn't seen in awhile, the splatter of freckles that fell across her nose and the pale tone of her skin. And then the features she had gotten from her; the colour of her hair, the wide set and deep brown colour of her eyes, the nose that was the most prominent feature on her petite face. Her small stature, that had been shrinking as the moments went by it seemed during her illness. But what still remained? The undying love that she felt for her little girl.

"I hope you know how much I love you Savannah," she whispered as she leaned over and placed a soft kiss on her warm cheek. Rachel reached up and gently touched her forehead, rubbing her thumb against her skin. A few tears pooled in her eyes as her lip trembled. "You are the best part of my life. You always were and you always will be. You're my everything and I just hope you know that sweetheart because my life would not have been this great without you," she whispered just as she heard the door behind her slowly open. But she didn't move.

Finn paused in the doorway of Savannah's hospital room as he held two cups of hot coffee in his hands. He had slipped out a few minutes ago to refresh their cups. He waited, intent on listening to the soft, one sided conversation until there was a break. When he heard Rachel let out a shuddered breath before leaning up slightly to press a kiss to Savannah's cheek again, he took it as his moment to approach. He cleared his throat before he took a step forward towards the two of them.

"I uh...I got you a muffin too," he mumbled as he gestured to the pouch of his hoodie, where he had stuff the baked goods. "They had blueberry and I thought..."

Rachel turned her head to look at him slowly and tried to allow a small, thankful smile to come to her lips. But it was hard.

"Thank you," she whispered as he came closer, taking his seat beside her once more. He nodded as he settled, before he took a sip of his coffee.

They were quiet for a moment.

"I heard you," he whispered. He cleared his throat again as he placed his coffee on the table they had moved to sit right behind them. Rachel's head snapped to turn to look at him for a brief second, before falling to Savannah in front of them. "And she knows, Rach. She knows how much you love her. You made her see that every day of her life. You know that, and I know that. You are the best mother she could have ever asked for," he reached over and placed his hand on her back, running his thumb along the edge of her shirt so it was playing with the skin of her neck. She sighed as she leaned into his touch a little. "You're the best mother for my child that I could have ever imagined," he added as he reached over to press a kiss to her cheek.

She turned into him and pressed a kiss to his lips gently as tears spilled down her cheeks. "I couldn't have done it without you, you know..." she whispered when she pulled away. "You are the best father Finn and...and you could have ran when...when I was pregnant but you didn't...and you could have left when we split and you could have said no...and...thank you for doing this with me. Doing life with me," she whispered as she leaned into him. "I'm so thankful our little girl got to be loved by the best man..." she whispered.

Finn swallowed hard as he wrapped his arms around her and pressed a kiss to her head before he buried his face in her hair.

"Momma?" a quiet, soft voice whispered. "Daddy?"

Both of them turned around quickly, to find Savannah staring at them, her eyes still droopy but very much open.

"Savannah," they both breathed before lurching forward so they were as close to her as possible. She didn't say anything else, she just stared as she took slow, shallow breaths. She blinked slowly as she stared at them, both of them touching her as they stared at her.

"Hi sweetheart," Rachel smiled slowly.

"Hi jellybean," Finn whispered at the same time.

Rachel took her hand while Finn stood up to stand at the top of her bed. Savannah continued to slowly blink as she slowly went between the two of them. Both Rachel and Finn's hearts hammered in their respective chests as they watched her, neither of them breathing a word though there was so much more to say.

"S'okay Momma," she croaked as her eyelids begin to open and close even slower. "S'okay Daddy," she whimpered.

"We love you Savannah," both of them breathed at the same time just as Savannah fell back into the abyss that was keeping her from them.

Rachel's lip trembled as she clutched Savannah's tiny hand in hers, placing kisses on the palm and top of her hand over and over. She only looked up to look at Finn, who had tears pouring down his cheeks as he kept his gaze on Savannah.

"What does this mean Finn?" Rachel hiccupped. "I want her to come back," she whimpered. "Please come back Savannah..."

But they both knew she wouldn't be back. 

Finn's hand found its way to Rachel's back again and began to rub slow, comforting circles along her spine. She hiccupped as she continued to lean forward and hold Savannah's hand in between her own. The door opening brought both of them out of their haze, but didn't stop the tears from falling. Dr. Taylor walked in swiftly, going right to Savannah's bed side.

"Rachel, Finn," he nodded as he looked over at them. They both nodded as Rachel leaned more into Finn's arm.

They watched in silence as Dr. Taylor checked Savannah over, alerted by an alarm that went off at the nurses' station when there was a change in her state. When she opened her eyes.

"She woke up," Rachel murmured. "She opened her eyes and looked at us and..."

Dr. Taylor stopped his exam and looked at her. "She said s'okay Momma, s'okay Daddy and then..." Rachel's lip trembled as Finn wrapped his arm around her tighter. She allowed him to pull her body into hers as the tears began to rain down her cheeks faster.

Dr. Taylor looked at them and then quickly went back to Savannah. He went back to his exam before snapping off his gloves and looking at her monitors.

"It won't be long now," he stated solemnly as he turned back to look at them. "Her waking up like that...it's...it's something that some patients who are nearing the end experience. Her brain functions are slowing down now, close to non-existent..."

"But she was just...just..." Rachel stammered. "She just..."

"I'm sorry," Dr. Taylor whispered. "I wish I had better news," he paused as he straightened his lab coat. "Would you like to hold her?"

Both Rachel and Finn sat up straighter.

"Yes," Rachel whispered. She cleared her throat as she dropped her hand to Finn's thigh. She squeezed while she turned to him as he nodded. "Please. Yes please."

Dr. Taylor breathed deeply as he prepared to speak to them once more. Rachel squeezed Finn's thigh again as he looked at Dr. Taylor. She knew what Dr. Taylor was thinking, what he was about to say before he even said it. He had to talk to them about the plans they had made all those months ago, in case it came to this - in case it came to them losing their little girl. The social worker had talked to them about end of life decisions, and at the time Rachel nor Finn had wanted to listen, had wanted to make them. Her lip trembled as she thought about those plans, about the papers they had signed previously about life saving precautions.

Finn's ears felt like they were stuffed with cotton balls as he listened to Dr. Taylor explain what was about to happen. He felt Rachel's nails digging into his thigh through the material of his pants. Words swam around him and felt like a lifetime away, like they were slowly becoming part of some separate twilight zone that they really weren't reaching. He felt hot and cold all at once. He felt clammy, like he couldn't breathe.

The room was silent as things moved quickly, the beeps and hums of Savannah's monitors the only sounds that surrounded them. They allowed him to lift her, carefully as to not disturb the wires at first, while Rachel slipped onto the bed with a shaky lip. As he held Savannah in his arms, he couldn't help but move her closer to his chest, cuddling her much like he always had. She felt light in his arms, like air. Memories swirled in his mind of moments that were similar to this one as he just held her. Tears rained down his cheeks as he leaned into her, placing his scruffy cheek against her soft one. He held his breath as he waited for her to move against him, like she always did when he had a little bit of growth - she always claimed it felt 'prickly' and his heart broke when the movement never came, but he could so distinctly hear her little voice in his head.

Rachel's heart hammered and her throat felt like it was swelling as Finn finally leaned over and placed Savannah in her arms. She felt all the breath leave her body as she felt the weight of her little girl in her arms. She brought her up to her chest and held her against her for a moment, taking the moment to hold her close for a comforting hug. Her eyes closed as she breathed in the smell of Savannah, that was so distinctly not her all at once. She smelled like hospital, like sterility and...and sick. If sick had a smell. Gone was the smell of bubble gum and strawberry, smells that she had associated with her for the longest time. Smells that were distinctly Savannah. She kissed her cheek as she pulled her closer to her, so her head rested in the crook of her elbow as Finn slipped into the bed beside her. It was tight, but there was no way that the position felt uncomfortable. It was almost comforting. She continued to cradle Savannah in her arm, while Finn placed her small legs and feet in his lap, before he wrapped his arm around Rachel's back. That movement alone brought her just a fraction of the comfort she craved.

"We'll give you a moment to say your last words, and then we'll come back in to unplug the monitors," Dr. Taylor said softly. Neither of them looked at him or acknowledged what he said. Both were too caught up in staring at Savannah, both of them silently letting tears roll down their cheeks, both of them wondering how they were ever going to be able to do this. 

Rachel's lip trembled as she took her thumb and traced Savannah's cheek with it. The tears began to fall faster as they both watched her for a minute.

"We should...we should...we don't know how long we have," Finn whispered. His voice was thick and husky with emotion. He took one of Savannah's hands in his which caused his body to curl more into Rachel's. She sniffled as she leaned into him a bit. He cleared his throat, but it did nothing to stop the thickness that had developed. Rachel leaned her head into his shoulder as her eyes closed tightly and tears blurred her vision.

"I don't know how to start," she whimpered.

"We should just tell her how much we love her," he murmured as he pressed a kiss to the side her head as his own eyes closed.

"Savannah," Rachel whispered as she reopened her eyes and maneuvered to look directly at Savannah's sleeping form again. "I love you so much baby, so much," she whimpered."And it's okay if you're ready to go sweetheart. I know you're tired sweetheart and it's...it's okay. Mommy loves you. Forever sweetheart, to the milky way," she whimpered as she leaned forward once more and pressed a kiss to her forehead, before placing another on her nose and then her chapped lips. Her sobs started to increase as she curled Savannah into her more before burying her head into Finn's shoulder once more as he began to speak.

"It's okay to fly now jellybean, Daddy loves you to the moon and back. I love you so much jellybean, so much. But it's okay baby. It's okay," his voice caught in his throat as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss on her cheek and then to her lips. His lip trembled and his tears began to drop onto Rachel's head as he rested his chin on top of her. "We love you forever baby, forever," Rachel whispered.

It was moments later when Dr. Taylor and a nurse slipped back into the room. Finn couldn't look him in the eye, as he chose to focus solely on Savannah in his arms and the feel of Rachel leaning into his body. His grip tightened on Savannah's small hand and on Rachel's back as Dr. Taylor approached them.

"We're going to start now," he said softly.

Rachel's heart hammered as she pulled Savannah closer. She turned to look at Finn for a moment and tilted her head up for a brief second to press a wet kiss to his cheek, meant at first to be quick and for comfort but instead it only caused her tears to come faster.

It took a lot less time than Finn had anticipated for Savannah to be relieved of all of her monitors and tubes. Everything blurred and felt heavy all at once. Both of them felt like they were holding their breath, waiting for what was to come next, their eyes glued to Savannah's small and still form. Dr. Taylor slipped out with the nurse he had come in with, leaving behind silence in their wake.

"I love you Savannah," Rachel mumbled. "I love you so much," she continued.

"Don't be scared jellybean, you're going to meet Grandpa Chris and he's going to..." his voice caught in his throat. "And he's going to take care of you jellybean," he paused to take a slow breath to calm himself but it wasn't much help. "I love you jellybean, don't be scared..."

For the longest time they both stared at her, each of them holding her and trying to cling to every last moment they could have with her.

"It's okay sweetheart, we've got you..." Rachel rambled after the silence seemed to become deafening.

"Go jellybean, it's okay," Finn repeated with a husky voice.

As if they both knew instinctively, Finn pulled Rachel closer as Savannah breathed what would be her very last breath as Rachel clutched her closer. In the time it took for each of them to blink, Savannah slipped away.

A gut wrenching sob ripped from Rachel's lips as she brought her up to her chest and clung to her. Finn sat frozen as Rachel slumped into his chest, forcing him to hold her upright while he struggled to keep back his own emotions until they couldn't be contained anymore. He sobbed into her hair as he wrapped his arms around her and Savannah completely, both of them clinging to the only tangible element they had left of their little girl.

Rachel heaved as she held her against her, desperate to not believe that this was happening, that this was a nightmare that they were all going to wake up from at any moment.

"Savannah," she cried as she leaned forward, never breaking the hold she had on the little girl in her arms. She stumbled over her sobs as they all rushed forward as Finn buried his head in the back of Rachel's neck.

She felt like everything was gone.

He felt like he couldn't breathe.

She felt like her world had suddenly lost all colour, all focus. As sob after sob ripped from her lips as she clung to Savannah, wishing and praying for some miracle that would bring her back, she felt all control slip through her fingers as the room began to spin and everything suddenly became a blurry mess of before and after. Her life, their lives will forever be defined like this. Because just ten minutes ago they were a family. And now? Now they were just lost. Just empty.

They sat there for what felt like hours. Finn tried to memorize every single feature, every single crease in her skin, every freckle, every inch. It would never be enough time. They never had enough time.

They were well into the second verse of Hey Jude when Dr. Taylor slipped in, something that both of them easily slipped into when the sobs tapered for just a moment and reality had started to creep in. The song was a way of keeping things at bay for even just a moment more, like locking the demons of reality in a closet with a chair jammed against the handle. Neither of them looked up at him until the song was over, their blood red eyes, faces full of tears and trembling lips told him, Finn was sure, everything he would ever need to know.

Savannah was gone.

But the sobs erupted once more when he slipped out of the room again, closing them in and leaving them in peace for what Finn figured was only a few more minutes. 

* * *

Instead of a few minutes, they got an hour. Or close to an hour. Finn wasn't sure, because he wasn't watching. It could have been several hours for all he knew. Nothing mattered anymore. He had no perception of time anymore. And he didn't care. But nothing prepared him for what it felt like when they came to put an end to their final moments as a family. The screams that had dulled to whimpers and soft sobs from Rachel's lips erupted the moment the nurses entered the room to help take Savannah from them, the reality of what was happening and what had happened rushing forward to meet them like a runaway train. Finn clutched her to him after he pulled her from the bed where they had spent their last few moments as a family, as the nurses placed Savannah back down.

"Why aren't you helping her?" She screamed right into his ear as he clutched her to him. "Why didn't you fix her?! You let her suffer!" She sobbed as she dug her nails into Finn's shoulder. She heaved against him as she continued to sob and scream words at Dr. Taylor that continually pelted Finn right in the heart. Instead of reacting, or trying to stop the words from coming he tightened his hold on her waist, clutching her to him. "WHY DID YOU LET MY BABY DIE?!" were the last hysterical words that left her lips before the sobs took over and wracked her body completely.

Rachel screamed as Finn turned to leave the room while the nurses and Dr. Taylor finalized what they already knew. For his part, he wasn't sure what to do - if he wanted to stay or leave while they declared Savannah as gone. Rachel kicked, scratched and screamed as she tried to stop him from moving towards the door. But the hysterical moments escalated when they finally got out to the hallway and Finn collapsed against the wall, overcome by his own emotions that made him too weak to carry the burden of hers anymore.  
Their nightmare had come true. And the screams that were leaving Rachel's mouth at the moment, while his own sobs flooded his lips? They were something that Finn was never, ever going to forget.

_**Hudson**, Savannah Grace. It is with great sadness that we announce the passing of our brave, courageous daughter Savannah Grace. On April 24th, a little before 7pm, Savannah lost her battle against the cancer that she had been so courageously trying to fight for the past 8 months. Our hearts are heavy with the loss of our precious little girl, and the ache it seems will never end. She will forever be missed, and our lives forever will be altered. Funeral services will take place on April 29th, and will be followed by a small gathering at our home. We ask for privacy in this devastating time. Savannah will surely be missed by all of her grandparents, and all of her friends at dance class and school. Donations in Savannah's name to the children's cancer fund are encouraged in lieu of flowers._


	16. Chapter 16

No super long winded author's note this time. This chapter was extremely hard to write as I'm sure it will be to read. I tried a bit of a different angle and I hope it works as well as I think it does. Thanks to Lauren for all her help and to all of you for reading. I don't own Finn, Rachel or anyone from glee. I don't own the lyrics the title comes from or the quote at the beginning of the chapter. Only the plot, for the most part, Savannah and any original characters. Thank you.

* * *

**Chapter 16**

**"There's no tragedy in life like the death of a child. Things never get back to the way they were," - Dwight Eisenhower.**

It's dark, and the apartment is quiet. The only sound he can hear, if he really strains against the darkness is the soft hum of the refrigerator in the other room. Like the last few nights and few mornings he has gotten up relatively early while Rachel still remains in their bed with tear stains on her cheeks. Her sleep only comes to her after a struggle; mostly drug induced with the over the counter sleeping pills her mother had acquired for both of them. He has woken up each morning like this, his own restless sleep, pill or not has been short lived each of the three nights he has had to spend in this apartment, this cocoon of horror that somehow is supposed to be some sort of warped representation of their new normal.

How are you supposed to wrap your head around it? His entire body feels numb and the feeling continues when he steps out onto the balcony of the apartment, the sharp air of the early morning biting at his arms. This is what it feels like; the sharp contrast of the morning breeze on his bare arms is oddly reflective of everything he feels inside. It's not as quiet out here, once he settles himself into the chair that had become his. The world below him, below their fourth floor apartment is starting to come to life. Even the sun is beginning to wake up, cars are beginning to start and even the birds are starting to chirp.

It's not fair.

His entire world has crashed around him, everything he has built himself to be, everything he has defined himself as has come to a screeching halt and yet the world continues to spin around him; around them. He can hear cars on the street, even hear the neighbours alarm clock starting to go off from the open window just on the other side of the balcony. Life is going on for the rest of the world, but his - his and Rachel's - is frozen and he just feels so incredibly numb.

Savannah is gone.

He won't, and can't, bring himself to say the words out loud. He can't even utter her name. Even a quick glance at her bedroom door causes the thin icicles of grief to shred through his veins. And it hurts. Everything hurts and everything is black and painful and he's not sure he will ever, ever be able to breathe again.

Because how can you breathe, when you're about to bury your daughter? How can you live, when your four year old is about to be laid to rest? How can you go on, when you're missing such a big part of yourself? Because that's just the tip of what Savannah was...what she is. A piece of him. The best piece of him and he feels vacant, hollow, now that she's gone. The thoughts swirled in his mind as he sat back against the hard plastic of the chair, his throat swelling as he tilted his head and closed his eyes tightly. It's hard to swallow, the reality of what is going to happen today. It's hard to comprehend because the hurt that he feels, the pain, is something he will never ever come back from.

It's been four days, and this new reality is something that will never, ever become normal.

How do you bury your child? Parents, especially young ones like them, aren't supposed to outlive their children. There is something twisted, something almost laughable about the situation he and Rachel have found themselves in. Only it hurts too much to laugh.

He squeezed his eyes tighter against the tears that were rising in his eyes. It's in these quiet moments that he really lets himself go. It's the only time that he can allow himself to really feel. It's the only moment where everything collides and his heart aches and his brain hurts and everything just feels so hard. He has tried, in the later hours of each day to be strong...to breathe and stand and move but even those actions are harder now, moving through the hours without a guide, without a purpose. He can somehow imagine it's just like trying to walk through quicksand. It's because even if he's not allowing himself to actually reveal any pain or tears, he still can feel them. Feel them so sharply and everything is made worse, everything is elevated, everything feels and is made worse when he hears Rachel.

Only he can barely hear her.

Because she isn't saying much of anything. She isn't moving. She isn't doing _anything. _

If he's barely holding it together, she's falling apart at the seams.

He stood up from the chair he had been sitting in once the sun has fully risen and rubbed the palms of his hands across his eyes. The ever present burning sensation is a reminder that he can still feel, his eyes still hurt and his heart still burns. And that feeling is slowly simmering, slowly getting worse because as he stepped back into the apartment, shut and locked the screen door behind him reality sinks in.  
He has to start getting ready.  
He let out a shuddered breath as he walked back into the apartment, not turning on any lights, not diverting from his path. He has to get ready, because as soon as he's ready than he has the ultimate task of getting Rachel ready. And his heart aches thinking about it, thinking about disturbing her from her drug induced sleep so that they can go say goodbye one final time.

His mother picked up his suit from the dry cleaners two nights ago, their second night home. He doesn't really even know how it got there, he just knows it's been cleaned. As he pulled it out of the plastic it had been wrapped in, the smell of chemical filters through his nose as he stands in the bathroom. It makes his nose twitch, because the smell of the chemicals is so eerily familiar to the scent that was all around them in the hospital and just that thought makes him sick to his stomach. So much so, that once the suit is on, the black jacket, black pants and black dress shirt, he sprays himself with the cologne that he loves in an attempt to remove the stench. But just like the rock in the pit of his stomach and the thickness in his throat, the lingering smell is still there. It will always be there. Once he was dressed, he reached for the tie. The lavender tie that he had chosen last night because purple was Savannah's favourite colour. Is Savannah's colour. His hands shook as he put the tie around his neck, his fingers trembling as he attempted to tie the knot around his neck. He grunted, avoiding his own eyes in the mirror when he couldn't get the tie to sit right. Tears burned in his e yes as he held the piece of fabric in his hand, dropping it to the counter after trying once more. He tried to steady his breath as he leaned the palms of his hands down on the cool surface of the vanity. Once he was calm, he picked up the tie again and while it took him much longer than he cared to admit, he finally got it around his neck and tied.

Finn took a shuddered breath as he ran his hands through his hair once more, trying to bring himself to leave the bathroom. His heart thundered in his chest as he walked out of the safety of the small room and ventured out into the hallway. The quiet of the apartment wrapped around him as he walked into the hallway, the motions of his heart and his breathing were the only things he could hear and feel as he walked towards his bedroom and pushed open the door.

The room was clothed in the same darkness that had bathed the entire apartment. He took a deep breath once more before he approached the bed slowly, where Rachel was curled on her side of the mattress. She was curled in the same fetal position she had been for the last few days; she hasn't moved much with the exception of the moment last night that he finally forced her into the shower in preparation for today.

* * *

_Finn stepped into the bedroom after showing both of his parents to the door. They had stopped by once more, another dish in their hands that would sit in the fridge with the others they and Shelby had brought by since they came home. Neither of them had an appetite, neither of them wanted to eat anything. The very idea of food made Finn's stomach turn, and Rachel hadn't made any move to leave the bedroom since he had carried her home the night before last._

_He walked up to the bed and crawled into bed beside where she was curled. He reached out to touch her, and brushed his hand through her hair. She shifted her body in reaction to his touch, but didn't open her eyes. He could tell she wasn't sleeping. The tear streaks on her cheeks were fresh, her forehead warm. He moved his hands from her hair to her back and slowly pulled her towards him. She whimpered as he did so._

_"It's okay," he whispered as he pressed a kiss to her head at her hairline. "It's just me, I got you."_

_She curled into him tightly, grabbing for his shoulders as she buried her head in his neck. He felt her hot tears running down the side of his neck as he clutched her to him. She was silent, as the tears ran down her cheeks._

_"Did they leave?" she whispered into the crook of his neck after a few minutes had passed. She hadn't gotten up from the bed to see to his parents, she hadn't gotten up to see to any of their parents as they had come and gone. She hadn't even allowed them to come back to see her. The only person she allowed close to her was Finn._  
_Because he was the only one who knew how this felt._

_"Yeah," he swallowed. "More food," was all he mumbled as he brushed another kiss to her forehead._

_She curled into him more. He held her against his chest as she shifted into him so that she was wrapped all around him. Finn allowed his own eyes to close for a moment as he held her, trying to allow the quiet of the moment to take the pain away - even just for a second._

_She worried him, scared him._

_He was going through the motions, barely living but her...after three days she hadn't moved, hadn't left the bedroom or bed for that matter other than to use the washroom. He didn't want to rush her, didn't want to force her further out of her comfort zone because only God knows he's not ready to do so himself. But this darkness...it was eating him alive._

_"How about I go run you a bath?" he whispered into her hair, into the darkness after a few minutes._

_"No," she mumbled against his neck._

_"Rach," he murmured._

_"No," she stammered, her voice weak._

_"You'll feel..."_

_"I don't want to feel..." she whimpered. She allowed her head to roll off his shoulder. She untangled her body so she could maneuver to face away from him. He sighed as he rolled over onto his own back for a moment, rubbing his eyes before he rolled off the bed completely. Rachel didn't make a sound as he padded out of the room. He stepped into the bathroom and started the shower, making sure it was the right temperature and clean towels were handy before he stepped out of the bathroom._

_His breath shuddered as he walked back into the bedroom, and his heart sank when he saw Rachel had cocooned herself under the quilt that she hadn't let go of._

_"Come on," he whispered as he leaned over the bed._

_"No," her voice was muffled by her pillow. He could hear the strain that let him know she was in tears again._

_"Rach, it's just..."_

_"No..."_

_He sighed and pulled the blanket away, as she fought back against him._

_"Finn," her voice was weak and had no evidence of fight. But she was still holding on. He reached down and scooped her in his arms as she fought against his body. "No!" she whispered._

_"It's just a shower Rach, come on..."_

_"No!" she screamed. "I don't want to..."_

_He clutched his arms around her to keep his support tight. She pounded on his chest as he attempted to move to the door. Her movements were so powerful that Finn almost lost his balance and collided with the wall. She continued to punch and hit his chest and shoulders while he regained his balance and maintained his hold on her. He carried her out of the bedroom and her screams got worse as tears piqued in his eyes as he moved towards the bathroom. Once he got her inside her screams gave way to sobs as he put her down on the ground and she immediately covered herself with her arms._

_"Rachel," he whispered softly. He used his thumbs to move her bangs and tears from her eyes. She sobbed in return as they stood in the bathroom together, the hot water beating down in the shower. Her lip trembled as she faced him, his own doing the same before she fell into his embrace and let him hold her with no fight. He picked her up while she was in his arms and got them both into the shower, fully clothed. As the warm water rained down on them he gasped as Rachel clung to his soaked clothes as the sobs reemerged from her lips._

_There were memories in here; he should have thought of that. Savannah's shampoo and body wash still sat in their designated spots. Her toys still remained in the suction cupped net in the corner. His own tears escalated as he looked down at the floor of the bathtub to see the yellow and pink adhesive ducks that had never failed to make Savannah laugh, and his heart broke as Rachel clawed at his wet clothes. All he could do was hug her harder as his own emotions swept him away with hers._

* * *

He took a deep breath as he stepped more into the bedroom, first going for the closet where Shelby had instructed that she had left Rachel's dress. It was hard to find in the dark of the room, but he didn't want to turn on any lights. If Rachel was sleeping, which he still assumed she was, he didn't want to wake her until the very last moment. But when he turned around, her found her tear filled eyes staring back at him with the same vacant and lost expression that he was sure she would see reflected back in his own. He let out a shuddered breath as he held tightly to the hanger the dress was on, before he moved to the bed. He placed it beside him gently, making sure not to wrinkle the brand new material before going to Rachel. He bent in front of her, her dark eyes following him as he came face to face with her. Silently, he pushed back her hair as he just looked into her eyes for a moment. They shared a connection, a pain that was so raw and fresh and new that no one but each other would ever understand.

Her sobs started when he pulled her gently from the comfort of her bed and sat her up enough so he could get the sleeveless black dress over her head.

"I need you to stand up now," he whispered as he used his thumbs to brush against the underside of her eyes. Her lip trembled as she looked at him, but slowly nodded as he helped her off the bed. He turned his own body so he was facing her from where he sat on the bed, and she stood between his open legs. The dress that had bunched around her waist fell to hang up above her knees. She ran her shaky hands down the sides of the dress to smooth it out over her hips. She reached out her shaky hand once she was finished with her own dress and touched the collar of his shirt tentatively for a moment. Rachel thoughtfully ran her thumb over the stiff material before running her thumb and forefinger along the tie.

"Your tie is crooked," she whispered with a thick voice.

He started to chuckle, his throat watery but stopped himself when his eyes caught Rachel's. Their gazes clung to each others as they both contemplated what to say, what to do, what should happen next. Rachel's lip trembled before she took it between her teeth, as tears rained down her cheeks in a continuous flow. His own tears flowed down his cheeks and landed somewhere on the collar of his shirt as they continued to cling to each other through their gaze, sharing thoughts and feelings that only they would understand. Instead of raising his hand to wipe her tears, he reached his hands out to grasp her waist and pull her towards him. When she fell into his lap, she curled up to him as he wrapped his arms around her tightly and buried his head into her matted, wild hair. They would get through today, one step at a time. Together.

* * *

Nothing could have prepared Finn for what it felt like to step into the church. He felt like he was holding his breath at first, as Rachel clung to his arm, clutched at his suit jacket as they walked through the door of the church. His tears burned in his eyes as they walked into the foyer, and he felt Rachel clutch him harder. The foyer was brimming with people. Finn tried not to make eye contact with anyone, his heart was beating a million miles a minute. The pitying, sorry glances that were being thrown his way caused him to wrap his arm tighter around Rachel's waist, so much so that she was pulled so tightly into his side she could bury her face in his side completely. He felt the desperate pull on his jacket and bent his head to press a kiss to her head.

So many familiar faces surrounded him as his heart beat wildly in his chest. Everyone around them had known Savannah in some aspect, her life had reached so many more people outside of their small family if even for a little while. He swallowed hard when he spotted her dance teacher, memories of the first few, and only classes he had been to flashed before his eyes and caused his eyes to brim with tears. He quickly looked away from the woman, trying to save himself from just another pitying glance.

But it was the moment they walked into the sanctuary, that caused Finn to lose all his breath. Seeing the small, white casket at the end of the aisle caused his heart to race much faster than he thought humanly possible. His palms began to sweat and his brow furrowed as his breath started to come out in spurts. He was hitting rock bottom, losing his grip and he was powerless to stop it. Rachel clung to his side as they made their way down the aisle towards the seats in the very first pew that had been reserved for them. He couldn't hear her, but he knew she was crying. He knew by the way she was clutching him, the intensity of her grab told him all he needed to know. But all he could hear was his own heart, his own breath. His ears felt plugged and his nose cold, his hands clammy and all at once everything came crashing down as Rachel collapsed in front of the small casket once they reached the front of the sanctuary and brought him crashing down with her.

* * *

The whole service was blurry, for him at least. Once they had collected themselves as much as they could from in front of the casket, Finn had led them limply over to the pew that had been reserved for them. He was numb to the words that were being spoken just in front of him, as the priest spoke of life and death and everything in between. Rachel's cries had lessened to dull sobs as she buried her head in his shoulder as the service continued on in front of them. His own lip trembled, but his eyes remained directly on the small wooden casket in front of him. He tried not to think about the fact that Savannah was in there, dressed in her favourite Cinderella dress. Something that had been a great discussion between him and Rachel.  
_  
Rachel's lips trembled as for one rare moment, she sat up in bed. Her throat was thick with the heaviness she felt in her head, the weight of the reality of what had happened, what she had to do loomed largely over her._

"I can't do it," she whispered thickly, as she sunk further into the pillow behind her. Her voice wobbled as her lip trembled more. She turned her watery eyes to where Finn was sitting beside her. Her breath quickened as she held the pink sundress in her hands. "I can't do this," she whimpered.

Finn took a deep breath and turned to look at her.

It had been 48 hours. 48 hours and now, they had to decide what they were going to bury their baby girl in.

"We have to," he whispered. He reached over and he took her hand in his. "This...this is the last thing we can do for her."

Rachel allowed her head to fall, her chin landing on her chest as her lip continued to wobble and the tears began to fall, fading into the fabric of the pretty pink sundress that had been Savannah's favourite dress the summer before.

With a shuddered breath she leaned over into him as he let go of her hand and used his arm to pull her in.

"I don't know which to chose," she choked. She pulled the fabric of the dress up to her once more and played with it between her fingers. "This is a summer dress. She'll get cold," she decided as she took another breath. "I don't want my baby to be cold. She hates being cold."

Finn's own breath came out in a shuddered spurt. He didn't know what to say. He felt his throat swelling as he listened to her.

"We'll make sure she isn't cold," he whispered.

They had selected five dresses. Five of Savannah's most prized outfits, and Shelby had collected them for them before she had left to go oversee more funeral preparations. The first had been the pink sundress Rachel was holding. The second was a Cinderella inspired dress that had been a gift from Finn's parents. The third was a red dress that had been the one she wore on her first day of school. The fourth and fifth he couldn't remember what they were for or what they were from, but were purple, her favourite colour.

"She always wanted to be a princess," Rachel whispered after a few silent moments. "Maybe...maybe she'd want to wear this one again." She reached for the blue and white material and held it in her lap. Rachel looked up at Finn, the dress clutched close to her chest.

"I think she would want to wear that one too. She loves that dress..." he whispered into her hair. "She loved that dress."

Rachel swallowed thickly once more. "But it's so thin...she hated wearing a sweater with this one," she whispered, her voice cracking as she remembered. "She needs something else."

Finn nodded.

On the other side of her sat the quilt that Finn had made for Savannah for Christmas. Rachel had clung to it just as Savannah had the last few days.

"We should give her, her quilt," she whispered. Her glassy eyes raised to find his. He slowly nodded. "She'll never get cold if she has this," she whispered. "And it'll be like we're with her," she stammered

"You're absolutely right," he whispered as he leaned down to press a kiss into her hair as her sobs took over. "You're so right."

* * *

She can't breathe. She honest to God felt like she was suffocating. This had to be a dream, right? A nightmare? Her heart hammered in her chest as she clung to Finn's hand as the minister spoke in front of them, calling upon Finn's stepbrother Kurt, who they had chosen in the eleventh hour to read the eulogy that Finn had painstakingly wrote on behalf of both of them. He had tried to get her to help, tried to get her to read it, but she couldn't even do that. She could barely comprehend what was going on, what was happening, let alone put into words how she felt. How empty and void of anything that was happy. Nothing mattered any more. Life wasn't worth it anymore. Rachel clung to Finn's hand as her tears poured down her cheeks and she tried to desperately to keep the sobs at bay. But it was hard. Hard to hear the words that Kurt was speaking, Finn's words about how much they loved Savannah, how she was their world, how she was _gone. _ She began to hyperventilate as Kurt wrapped up his speech and she felt Finn pull her in closer to his side, though at this point she wasn't really sure if she could get any closer without being in his lap. She wanted to leave. She wanted to go home. Home was safe. Home was where she could pretend that nothing had changed. But everything had changed. Nothing would ever be the same.

Home was where everything was different.

She felt Finn squeeze the side of her hip as Kurt returned to his seat, and she turned her head to look up at him. She watched as a few stray tears moved down his cheeks slowly and as he took a deep breath. Her own tears bubbled to the edge of her eyelids as she stared at him, and began to stream down her own cheeks as the opening strings of Hey Jude began and the pallbearers they had chosen made their way to Savannah's casket.  
Her heart raced and her palms began to sweat as she watched through blurry eyes as the small wooden casket carrying her daughter was lifted from its holder. And it was that moment the strength that she had been desperately clinging to throughout the service finally broke and a sob escaped her lips that felt like it had been bubbling for days.

* * *

The moment her eyes fell on Savannah's casket when they arrived at the cemetery she felt like the ground was literally shaking. Not even Finn's hand on her waist could calm her, she felt the dam that was holding back her strongest emotions finally gave way as they approached the small area. Her sobs ripped from her lips as they arrived. She felt everyone in the areas eyes on her right in that moment, and she felt the shake in Finn's fingertips as he held her wrist in his hand. She couldn't do this. She felt all her breath leave her body as the minister spoke a few words, though she could barely understand what was going on until she saw it happen right before her very eyes. Ever so slowly the attendant started to lower Savannah's casket into the ground and she couldn't stop the scream that rose from deep within her throat and projected out her lips. She felt sick as she flung herself down right next to the pre-dug hole in the ground, giving Finn only a moment to grab for her waist to stop her from propelling forward as she continued to scream. Rachel tumbled backwards at the force of Finn's grasp, knocking him to the ground as his arms wrapped around her body and held her close. She sobbed into the material of his jacket as she heard the soft murmuring of the crowd around her, the soft instrumental music they had playing filled the air. She felt Finn's hot tears dropping on the top of her head, and felt the shudder in his chest as she dug her head into his chest and clung harder.

When it was finally over, they got a chance to throw small, purple carnations on top of Savannah's casket, ones that perfectly matched the one she had put in her hair before they left the apartment this morning. Her hands shook as she held her flower in her hand, stared at the pile that had been thrown in by everyone who attended the burial - mostly their family and close friends - and tried to will herself to let hers fall from her fingers. Finn stood beside her, his own breathing heavy from the complete anguish that watching their daughter lower to the ground had caused. She didn't need to look up at him to know he was still crying, because her own tears were still streaming down her cheeks as she continued to stare.

"We'll do it together. On the count of three," Finn whispered, his voice thick through his heavy breathing. Rachel slowly nodded as she wrapped an arm around Finn's free one, interlacing her fingers with his. She bit her lip as Finn took a shuddered breath and brought his carnation to his lips and gave it a soft kiss as she did the same.

"1, 2, 3," he whispered when she was finished and they both tossed the carnations onto the pile before Finn fiercely pulled her into his chest as their tears began to spill once more.

* * *

Finn felt trapped in his own apartment. He stood on the outskirts of the tiny living room as their close family and friends softly murmured about, talking about what he could only guess. Both his and Rachel's parents had thrown together a gathering of sorts, with catered food for anyone who wanted to come and pay their respects. While the gesture was nice, Finn honestly just wanted everyone to leave. He felt exhausted, his limbs and head were numb and heavy and his eyes hurt. But still, with a heavy sigh he sipped the warm bottle of water his mother had forced into his hand as he tried desperately to blend in.

But he would never blend in again. Rachel would never blend in again. Forever they would be etched with the title of being "those parents who lost their daughter to cancer". And his heart broke at the thought.

He wanted everyone to leave. He wanted to throw everyone out and lock the door behind him and Rachel and just...just be. He took a sip of water as he looked around the room and his heart sped up when he realized he couldn't see Rachel. There weren't that many people in the apartment contrary to how it felt, so he started to panic when he couldn't lay his eyes on her. He had tried to keep her at his side, and that had worked for awhile until she was eventually pulled away reluctantly from him by her mother who had insisted she try and eat something.

He placed his bottle of water on the table in front of him and gently slipped away from the small crowd in the living room. He poked his head in the kitchen and ducked his head when he spotted his mother and Rachel's talking quietly with who he recognized to be a colleague of Rachel's in the corner. He ran his hand through his hair as he headed for the hallway, fully intending to find Rachel in their bedroom curled in the same fetal position that he had come to know in the last few days.

Only she wasn't in there. He turned from their bedroom and ran his hand over his face when he noticed something that was out of the norm. His heart stopped when he noticed the door to Savannah's room was slightly ajar. He took a deep breath as he braced himself for what he had been avoiding the last few days, if not weeks. His heart broke when he poked his head into the room and spotted Rachel sitting up on Savannah's bed surrounded by her things. He let out a shuddered breath before stepping in, trying to be quiet.  
Rachel looked up immediately and found him in the doorway.

"There you are," he whispered as he stepped into the small room more, crossing over to sit beside her on the bed. "I was worried about you," he murmured. She didn't say anything in response as he moved closer to her, crossing his legs over the edge of the small bed.

"I just needed to get away," she mumbled. "I needed to just...just be with her," her voice trembled as she fingered the small purple bear that was in her lap. It was the teddy bear Finn had bought her the day she was born. Finn nodded quietly, choosing not to say a word. Instead, he reached around her to place his hand on her opposite hip to pull her closer to him. He pressed his lips to the side of her head and took a deep inhale for a moment as his eyes closed before he pulled away. She leaned into his shoulder more when he did so, letting out her own exhale as she closed her eyes, not before gently grabbing for his loosened tie and giving it a soft tug.


	17. Chapter 17

Well hello! I bet you weren't counting on seeing me for awhile, were you? Truth is, this chapter has basically been planned somewhat since the conception of this story. As soon as I knew what the story was about, I knew how it was going to end. Kind of like Ryan Murphy with the original ending of Glee. Anyway, because of that this chapter was for the most part really easy to put on paper. I say for the most part because there were still the usual trouble spots - but they weren't nearly as troublesome as some previous chapters. Just some short consults with my super awesome junior research assistant Lauren and we were on our way. That being said, this is by far probably my favourite chapter. Mainly because this idea has nagged me since the beginning, like I said. I love how it ends and even how it begins. But it is also that - the end of our tale. It's heartbreaking to me to put this story to bed (For the most part - there is still an epilogue). This story has been a labour of love in all the ways it possibly could. There were times, when I was going through some heavy personal stuff that I wasn't sure I would be able to finish this story, because of it's content. But I'm so glad I persevered (once again, thanks to Lauren) because I truly feel like this is my best work yet. It is the one that has been the furthest AU and the one that I'm actually going to submit for a contest later tonight. It has been the experience of a lifetime, and I just hope that you have enjoyed reading it despite the heartbreaking outcome.

I really have to thank each and every one of you for your beautiful reviews. They lifted me up and helped me so much, even when the going got tough. Because let's face it, if you follow me on twitter it got pretty rough there for awhile.

I also have to give a huge shout out to my beautiful friend Lauren. Because without here, this story, this journey would have never been possible. She was my chief researcher, my sounding board and my own personal medical journal. I owe a lot to her. Thanks doll!

With that being said, I bid you adieu with a final disclaimer. I don't own Finn or Rachel or anyone from glee. I do, however, own Savannah and her memory. I don't own the title this beautiful story comes from or the lyrics that appear in the beginning of this chapter. Both of those belong to Kenny Chesney. I also have to give credit to the news article to which this story was born. If you google parents get married in the hospital for dying child (or to some effect) you'll get many news stories that have influenced the basis of this story.

So once again, thank you for reading and enjoy. Look out for the epilogue soon!

* * *

**Chapter 17**

_Sunny days seem to hurt the most.  
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.  
I feel you everywhere I go.  
I see your smile, I see your face,  
I hear you laughin' in the rain.  
I still can't believe you're gone.- Kenny Chesney, Who You'd Be Today  
_  
**_One Month Later..._**

Rachel sat in her car, her hands clutching the steering wheel as she stared at the front doors of the mall. She had long turned the car off, but couldn't bring herself to unclasp her seatbelt and get out of the car. She inhaled a deep breath and eventually reached for the keys in the ignition, pulling them out and tightly clasping them in her hand. She took one more deep cleansing breath before she finally reached for the handle of the car door and stepped outside. The warm sun beat down on her as she adjusted her purse on her shoulder.

This was hard for her. As she walked through the double doors of the mall, the prickly feeling of the air conditioner hit the bare skin of her arms. She was trying, every day that passed her by, to get out and do something. Get out and move. Even if it was just as simple as walking around the block to get some fresh air. But all she really wanted to do was be at home. She wanted to sit amongst Savannah's things and pretend that the past four weeks were just a dream, that the last few months hadn't happened and that Savannah would be back. That she was just out at her Mom's or Carole and Burt's or Finn's even and she would return. But that wasn't the reality and still, even a month later, it was hard to swallow.

She was struggling, she still felt like her head was underwater and she was gasping for breath. Every day was a struggle, and had become even more so since Finn went back to work. She kept her sunglasses on as she walked under the bright lights of the mall, wrapping her arms around herself when the cool air became too much. She was trying, fighting hard against every feeling she had in her body to turn around and go back to the comfort of her apartment, to her memories, but she needed to find a gift for her mother. Her birthday was tomorrow and she was going to be spending the day with her while Finn was at work. Only her heart wasn't in it.  
She kept her head down as she walked through the crowded mall. She had chosen a time where she figured the mall would be busier so she could just blend in with the masses. She could get lost here, not stick out any more than she already felt like she did. As it was she felt like she had a badge on her back, some spot that screamed 'grieving young mother', she needed the crowds to make her feel like she was one with them instead of against them. She kept walking through the mall with her glasses on and tried to figure out what she was going to buy, where she was going to go. Until she heard it.

"Mommy!"

She stopped in her tracks when she heard it, the sting of familiarity burning through her lungs and her veins so much that she was suddenly and immediately stuck in place. She spun around on her heels when her initial shock wore off and the image in front of her almost brought her to her knees.

A little girl, who would be about Savannah's age, was running in her direction to her mother that was a few feet in front of Rachel. She had the same brown hair and was wearing a pink ribbon in her hair that if it had been purple, would have been something that Savannah would have chosen. And she sounded just. like. her.

She took a tentative step backwards and reached for the bench that she was about to walk passed . She grabbed for the handle and sunk herself down into the wooden seat and hid her head in her hands as the little girls giggle slowly floated away as she walked away with her mother. She kept her head down until she couldn't hear her anymore, her voice not unlike Savannah's had a singsong quality from what she could tell and echoed loudly in the large hallway of the mall. Just like Savannah's. She felt herself start to hyperventilate as thoughts swirled in her mind, memories invaded every space and every brain cell was lit up as everything started to swim together. She sat up slightly and dumped her purse onto the ground in front of her before she hunched over to dig through it. It took her a moment, but she found her cell phone and instantly dialed Finn's number, praying silently as it rang that he wasn't on a call or sleeping. She stood to her feet as she waited for him to answer, her tears continuing to stream down her cheeks from under her sunglasses. She was sure she looked ridiculous, but she couldn't bring herself to care at the moment. Her knees almost buckled when she heard his voice.

"Rach?" He was breathless as he spoke her name through the receiver.

"Finn," she whimpered. "I..."

"Rach, what is it?" she could hear him swallow hard. "Where are you?"

She reached the doors to the mall that she had just walked through only a few moments before and the sunshine immediately burned into her skin. She swallowed hard herself as she took a moment to just stand in the sun, allowing the tears on her cheeks to dry for a moment.

"I...I tried to go buy my mom a birthday present..." she paused to swallow again, licking her lips to wipe away the tears that had collected there. "And there was a little girl and she looked just like her Finn," her voice broke when she said the words, admitted as much as she could to what she had witnessed. "And I...I can't...Finn." The tears reignited in her eyes and began to fall rapidly down her cheeks once more. "I can't be here, I can't do it..."

"Okay Rach, okay, take a deep breath for me, alright? Let me hear you take a deep breath and calm down..." She hunched over so her free hand was on her knees, her hair falling in a curtain around her face as she fought hard against the sob she so badly wanted to release and took a shuddering, deep breath. All of this, was exactly what she was afraid of. She wasn't ready for any of this. She wasn't ready for reality. Even a month later, it still hurt like it was just yesterday. Everything burned. Everything was still so raw.

"Take a deep breath babe, let me hear you...just like this," he demonstrated through the phone. She slowly stood upright and took a deep shaky breath that was deeper than the first.

"Atta girl," his voice was soothing, and like a balm to her frayed state of mind. She took a few shallower breaths to keep the calm feeling alive. "Are you okay?"

She swallowed before she started to walk towards her car. "I'm okay," she whispered thickly. "I just...I wish I wasn't going home alone."

She heard him clear his throat on the other end of the line and the sound of a voice in the background.

"I know babe. I'll be home soon though, and you know...you can always call..."

"I know," she whispered as she got to her car. "It's not the same Finn."

She heard him sigh. "I know. Listen, Rach I have to go...I'll call you tonight though, alright?"

She leaned against the door of her car and closed her eyes for a moment. She swallowed before she spoke again. "Okay. I'll talk to you later...and hey Finn?"

"Yeah babe?"

"Thanks," she whispered.

"Any time."

Rachel waited until she heard the click of the phone on the other end to signal that Finn was gone. She blew out a breath that she hadn't realized she had been holding while she had finished the conversation with him before closing her eyes for a second. When she collected herself fully she opened the car door and slid in. She just wanted to get home, crawl back into her pajamas and curl up on Savannah's bed. It was the only place she felt safe. It was the only place that everything felt like it would ever be okay.

* * *

Finn carried his duffle bag up the stairs and slumped his shoulders when he came face to face with the door to the apartment. He had been working a 48 hour shift, and his body was screaming from exhaustion. It had been a rough one, with two major fires to put out along with his phone calls with Rachel. Work allowed him to escape, allowed him a chance to breathe outside of the bubble he found himself wrapped inside. But work was just that, a distraction, because as he stood in front of the apartment at the moment he felt all of his resolve and all of his strength leave his body. Because once he stepped inside the door, everything came back to him. Every bit of reality was alive in screaming colour. And so was Rachel. So he took a deep breath and pulled his keys out of his pocket, unsure of what he was going to find on the other side of the door.

The scene he came home to was much the same as the ones he had come home to much over the last three weeks that he had been back at work. The apartment was quiet, but not dark. It looked lived in, but not messy. He dropped his duffle bag down by the door and shrugged off his shoes before he walked more into the small space. A quick glance into the kitchen told him that she hadn't been in there much, but the drying dishes in the sink - two mugs and a small plate - told him that someone had been there in the last few hours, one of their mothers at most. They had been living off of the food their parents and close friends had brought them for the last month, and their parents, especially Rachel's mother stopped by regularly still - especially when he was on shift. Seeing the drying dishes made him feel a little better about how she was doing. Each of their phone calls since her trip to the mall had been much the same, each of them breaking his heart more. Knowing her mother had been with her, even for a little bit as he remembered Rachel mentioning something about her birthday, made him breathe a little easier.

He left the kitchen doorway and headed down the hallway towards the bedrooms. The door to Savannah's room was open almost more than half way and as he got closer, the sound of his own voice caught him off guard. So much so that he picked up his pace and opened the door. He sighed when he found Rachel sitting on Savannah's bed, her quilt over her legs and her laptop in her lap. He leaned against the doorway for a moment when she didn't notice him at first, as he let the familiar sounds coming from the video wash over him, the memories of that day coming flooding back to him.

_Finn heard her giggle before he saw her. He stepped out of the bathroom with his towel around his neck as the song started up for what was probably the millionth time that morning alone. He chuckled when he heard her squeal as he walked down the hallway and came to a stop at the entrance of the living room to find a scene that was not unlike the ones he had found the last few days. The sounds of One Direction's Best Song Ever flowed from the television, but what held his attention more was his toddler dancing in front of the TV while she squealed._

_He stood with a grin on his face as he watched her dance around the living room unsteadily, with a grace that was not unlike her mother's but with the same two left feet of his own. He couldn't help but laugh as he watched her shake her diaper covered bottom to the beat of the song. It was then that he noticed Rachel sitting on the couch with her phone poised to record Savannah, her finger at her lips signalling him to be quiet before she gestured for him to come sit beside her. He tried to be as quiet as he could be so Savannah didn't notice him. He collapsed on the couch beside her as the song started to taper off and Savannah stumbled around to look at them. When she saw Rachel and Finn sitting on the couch behind her she raised herself clumsily on her toes and clapped her hands excitedly at the audience._

_"Gan?" she asked as she landed on the heels of her feet and grinned at them. "Dace gan?" she squealed._

_Both Finn and Rachel laughed as Savannah flung tiny body at them, colliding with Finn's knees as she squealed. "Dace Daddy!" she giggled as she reached for his hand. "Dace!"_

_Finn laughed as Rachel pointed the phone at them as he got up and pressed replay on the DVR before the song started up again._

* * *

"She always had the best dance moves, didn't she?" he smiled when the video came to an end in a fit of giggles from all of them. He uncrossed his arms and moved away from the door frame as Rachel turned her head to look at him. Rachel gave him a weak smile as tears pooled in her eyes.

"She had your left two feet," Rachel chuckled softly. Finn moved towards the bed and sat on the edge of the mattress in the small space beside her. "But she always wanted to be a ballerina..."

"She took after you like that," he murmured as he pressed a kiss against her cheek. "Always wanted to be the center of attention..."

"She was the center of attention," she sighed. "The center of my attention."

"And mine," he conceded. Rachel sniffled and rubbed her nose before she turned her attention back to the computer and pressed the next file in her 'Savannah' folder.

Rachel leaned in to Finn as the video of Savannah's first steps started.

"Once she got going, we could never get her to stop..." he commented as a small smile played on his lips. He chuckled slightly when he watched Savannah toddle towards the camera with a big grin on her face, highlighting the dimples in her cheeks.

"She was always on the go..." Rachel whispered.

There is a wistfulness in her voice that he detected as they sat on Savannah's bed, her giggle filling the air around them.

Over the past month, Finn had thrown himself back into his job. He had returned to work a week after the funeral as a way to take his mind off of the memories that continually surrounded him. Being at home in the apartment reminded him of all the good times they had had as a family. It also reminded him of the bad times, the tense moments that him and Rachel had had during the dissolution of their relationship. But it also reminded him of how they had managed to come back together. His heart hurt every moment of every day. From the moment he opened his eyes, to the moment they closed he relieved every single memory he had of Savannah. He remembered every single detail, every special moment and being at work allowed him for just a moment to put that pain aside and focus on something else. Work allowed him to control the controllable, in a reality where things weren't as under his control.

"Do you remember that first night, how she cried so much and the only way we could get her to settle down was to sing twinkle twinkle little star over and over?" she whispered as she pressed stop on the computer.

"Yeah," he smiled. "I've never been so tired in my entire life...but getting to listen to you sing all night..."

She smiled bashfully as she looked down at the keyboard. He gently pushed her hair back behind her ear as a silence overwhelmed them and they both took everything in.

"You know, I think about her...every single day and every single hour..." he paused as he shifted a bit on her bed, his eyes sweeping the room and taking in the environment that had been all Savannah's. Her toys, her half filled colouring books, everything was just so purely _her_. "...and more than anything in the world I miss her. I miss her laugh and I miss her smile..."

"I miss the way she would put her hands on her hips when she was being serious," Rachel whispered.

"She always reminded me of you when she did that. She would always say 'Daddy, you no listening!" Finn commented.

Rachel sniffled and crinkled her eyes as a few tears came to the corners. "Or how she held her fork...she always wanted to be just like you," her voice slid off with a certain thickness. "Or how she always rubbed her neck when she was in trouble. I thought she was going to give herself a rash when I caught her playing in my makeup that one day..."

"Wanted to be just like me? She wanted to be just like you Rach," he nudged her shoulder. He pulled his phone out of the pocket of his jeans and navigated to facebook to pull up a picture. When he found the one he wanted he turned the screen to her. "Remember this? You sent this to me while I was at work..."

It was a picture of a 9 month old Savannah and Rachel's feet, each of their toenails covered in matching bright pink paint.

"She was obsessed. She wouldn't let me put her socks back on because she just wanted to stare at her toes." She rubbed at her nose with the heel of her hand. "She used to call them 'Pretty toes'."

"That's one of my favourite pictures. She yelled at me once cause I didn't do it the same way as you...got so mad she knocked over the little table Burt made her," he chuckled. "I never got the nail polish out of the carpet in my old apartment..."

"That was our Savannah," Rachel sighed as she closed her eyes. She took a deep breath, although it came out shaky. "I miss her so much," she whispered after a few moments.

Finn wrapped his arm around her shoulder and rubbed her opposite one gently. "Do you think I'll ever stop?" she whispered after a few minutes.

"Stop what?" he asked gently as she opened her eyes and looked up at him.

She swallowed thickly. "Missing her..."

"I don't think that's possible," he answered truthfully. "I don't think we'll ever stop missing her..."

"How can you be so sure?" her voice wobbled.

"Because she'll always live right here." He took her hand and placed it over her heart. "And here," he added as he moved her hand and placed it over his heart. "Doesn't make it hurt any less."

She nodded and swallowed hard once more. "I wish I could be like you," she paused. "But I just...how do you leave every day Finn? How do you get up and go on and not...not fall because I couldn't even go out for lunch with my mom for her birthday...I couldn't even buy her a gift..." her voice wobbled once more.

Finn took a deep breath. "I do it...because I know she would want me to. She wouldn't want me to just...just cry. But it doesn't mean I don't. I remember everything. When I close my eyes I see her face every single night. I remember...how scared I was when I gave her a bath without you or my mom to help. And how funny it was when she pooped in the little bathtub. I remember her smile and her laugh and all I want to do is cry because it hurts. It hurts so incredibly much. But I have to go on and be strong. I know she would want me to be strong." his voice tapered off.

"What do you think she wants me to do?" she whispered as she moved the laptop off her lap and tucked her legs underneath her. She leaned in to Finn more. She studied his face as she wrapped her arm around his.

Finn swallowed hard as he looked down at her. "I think she just wants you, to just never forget her..." Rachel bit her lip in an attempt to keep her emotions at bay as she leaned into his shoulder and closed her eyes.

* * *

Finn stepped out of the bedroom and closed the door behind him. He walked towards the kitchen and flicked the light on so the room came to life. He walked to the fridge and opened it up just as he heard the door to Savannah's room open and close with footsteps following. He grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge before he leaned against the counter as he took a swig of the drink.

"I'm going to take a shower," he heard behind him. He turned to see Rachel standing in the doorway. "Will you order dinner?" she asked softly.

He nodded. "Does Chinese sound okay?"

It was her turn to nod. "With vegetable lo mein?"

He gave her a soft smile. "Of course."

She turned on her heel and headed to the bathroom.

* * *

Rachel closed the bathroom door behind her and took a deep breath before she went to turn on the shower. She wiped at her eyes before she quickly discarded her clothes and got under the hot spray. She took a deep breath trying to cleanse herself of her emotions for a few minutes.

Truth was, she didn't know how much longer she could do this anymore. Part of her emotions, a very small part of her hysteria the last month was due to the fact that she was waiting for Finn to walk away. Tears rose in her eyes as she stood under the spray when she thought about it. It made her lip tremble and her heart ache, but the fact was - Savannah was gone. Her hands shook as she reached for her shampoo, avoiding the bottle of 'No More Tears' shampoo she had yet to have the heart to discard.

And that meant Finn was going to be gone soon too.  
She ran the shampoo through her hair and closed her eyes.

If she was honest with herself, she still loved him. She loved him even more now, than ever before. They were bonded now, even more so than when they were just teen parents fighting against the stigma. Now they were branded with a special kind of similarity. Losing their daughter, losing Savannah - that would forever haunt both of them. It would forever haunt her and she just hoped and prayed she would have Finn at her side for even just a little bit longer so she could lean on him if even just for a little bit more.

She stayed in the shower until the water ran cold and chill bumps rose on her skin. She stepped out of the shower and dressed in the clean yoga pants and t-shirt that she had brought in with her before running a brush through her hair. Rachel wiped the steam from the mirror and stared at herself before she tied her hair back in a messy bun.

* * *

Finn looked up from unpacking the Chinese food when he heard Rachel walk into the kitchen. He gave her a soft smile when he noticed her standing in the threshold of the room, her hands clasped at her waist.

"Did you have a nice shower?" he asked her softly. She nodded. "Why don't you come eat? It's nice and warm since it just got here."

She nodded once more as he gave her a soft smile.

They had decided to order take-out since they were finally out of all of the dinners and dishes that their family and friends had been dropping off ever since they had come home.

She slid into her chair at the table and immediately reached for the wine glass Finn had set out. She arched an eyebrow as she took a quiet sip before he sat down across from her. When he sat down across from her he gave her a gentle smile before he picked up the vegetable fried rice, took some and then passed it to her. As their hands brushed when he passed her the container, he couldn't help but look across at her. Her eyes were exclusively on the container of food, but it didn't stop him from noticing how sad she looked. It was a different sadness from what she had revealed to him in the bedroom, even different from the emotions he had become familiar with over the last few months. He couldn't put his finger on it, but as he looked at her he couldn't help but feel sadness envelope him too. He took a sip of his own wine once she had taken the dish from him before he grabbed some of the lemon chicken he had ordered for himself.

A silence befell them as they both became engrossed in their own meals, until Rachel looked up from her plate and cleared her throat.

"Finn," she whispered once she had put down her fork.

"Yeah babe?" He looked up from his own plate and grabbed his napkin to wipe his mouth. Instantly he noticed her change in behaviour. She seemed more twitchy, almost nervous. He reached across the table and took her hand in his, instantly rubbing his thumb across her knuckles.

"I..." she stammered before she took a deep breath. She looked down at her plate once more before she glanced at their hands and allowed herself to look at him for a brief moment. "We can get a divorce, you know..." she wavered."We don't have to keep doing this..."

Finn's heart sank as soon as the words left her mouth. He never imagined those words would ever come out of her mouth. He didn't want a divorce. He loves her, if he's honest with himself he would admit that he had always loved her. And he had thought that perhaps she loved him too.

"Rachel," he got up from his chair and walked around to kneel beside her. He touched her knee gently as he looked up at her. She was looking down at him with her lip between her teeth and tears in her eyes. She looked scared and he instantly wanted to sooth those feelings for her. He swallowed the lump in his throat that was struggling to bubble out before he spoke, "I love you." He gently reached up and brushed the tears that had fallen from her eyes away with his thumb. His own heart was beating in his chest a million miles a minute. A feeling he hadn't felt since the day they married. One that was not unlike before they broke up.

Rachel bit her lip harder before releasing it to display how much it was trembling. She reached forward to touch his cheek with a shaky hand. "I love you too," she sighed before she swallowed thickly. "I just thought that we'd gotten married because..."

"Because Savannah wanted us too?" She nodded. "At first, yeah. But I've always loved you Rachel and I always will," he paused to straighten out a bit. He placed his other hand on her cheek as well so he held her face gently. "I'm in this forever."

"Do you mean it?"

He nodded. "I never say things I don't mean," he whispered.

She threw her arms around him and sobbed while chucking heartily for the first time in months. "I was hoping you'd say that."

Finn caught her in his arms as she collapsed into him, causing them both to fall back onto the ground. But Rachel didn't feel the fall at all. Finn wrapped his arms around her waist as she settled in his lap. Though the tears were still flowing down her cheeks, she let out another chuckle as his hands braced her back.

"Say it again," she whispered as she moved her face closer to his.

Finn blew a soft breath across her lips before licking his own as she smiled her first real smile in a long time.

"I love you Rachel Berry," he whispered as he too smiled his first genuine smile.

"I love you too," she sighed before he moved his hands up to her face and pulled her into him. The moment their lips touched Rachel melted into Finn. As his tongue slowly traced her lips and sought entrance Rachel's hands roamed up to his hair and used her fingers to run through the small hairs at the back of his neck. When they pulled away, both gasping for breath but dazed from the feeling, Rachel leaned her head onto Finn's chest, right above his heart. She listened to the quick pace of his heart as his fingers threaded themselves through her hair.

"I don't know what I would ever do without you," she whispered as she drew a heart on his chest with her fingertips.

He squeezed his arms around her tighter before leaning down to place a kiss on her head. She looked up at him and puckered her lips. He gently pecked her lips twice before giving her a soft smile.

"You'll never have to find out," he promised before bringing her in for another kiss.

* * *

Well there you have it!


	18. Epilogue

Well! We have finally, and I mean FINALLY arrived at the epilogue. I have to tell you, I had started the epilogue long ago. But when it came to finally finishing it, I hated what I had, hated what it was leading me too and so forth. But what remained was the idea behind the epilogue. I wanted it to be a journey, take you on the 'after years'. Consider the pieces that are about to come are little pieces of their life together. There was so much I wanted to include, so much I wanted to cover but I couldn't fit it all.  
This chapter took forever and I finally hit my stride on it Thursday night going into Friday and then stalled over Saturday. All it took was marathoning glee to put the finishing touches. And I'm so proud of it.

I have to thank all of you for taking this journey with me. I know it's been hard, and I know some of you weren't happy with how it ended but I really hope this resolves that for you. I enjoyed writing this for the most part but I also now feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm going to take a few days (I have an insane week at work coming up, who are we kidding it's Christmas time - the next two months are going to be insane lol) to decompress and than get to outlining my new story. I hope you'll all still be around when I post that one. Its going to be just as great, or so Lauren tells me ;)

I also have to thank Lauren for all of her help not only on this chapter but on the entire story. You rock girl :)

And as always, I do not own Finn, Rachel or anyone who once appeared on glee. They do all belong to RIB. I do however own Savannah, the plot and any original characters. original inspiration came from a news article that came across twitter and the title of the story comes from lyrics in a Kenny Chesney song.

So, without further ado - the epilogue...

* * *

**Sunny Days Epilogue  
****_ "It has been said that time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue, and the pain lessens, but is never gone." - Rose Kennedy._**

**I_ \- _2021**

**_Five Years Later..._**

**__**Rachel felt the burn in her lungs as she ran through the park, her feet hitting the graveled trail to the beat of the music that was pulsing through her ears. It was a warm spring day, the slight breeze prickling at the bare skin of her arms while the sun beat down on her hat covered head. As she ran, she allowed herself to lose herself in the music flowing through her ears and the open air around her.

She had taken up running in the last few years, as a way to really spend time with Finn. In the early days, the early moments as they had contemplated how to pick up the pieces it had been a way for them both to express themselves, express their angers and frustrations at the loss they had experienced together. They had run together every morning they could, and still did when they could coordinate schedules. It had brought them together, strengthened their marriage and continued to do so. Some of their best conversations were on runs. But it was in these moments, when she ran by herself, she really got to enjoy the quiet, get lost in her thoughts and do some of her best thinking. And these days, she didn't get much time to herself to do any of those things. Not that she would change any of it for the world. She had fought so hard to come back from the brink, to be the stronger and healthier self she was now that she didn't want to take any moment she had for granted. Savannah had taught her that.

She breathed deeply as she neared the end of the trail, slowing her run to a slow jog before she came to a complete stop as she tried to slow her heart rate. She took a long pull from her water bottle as she began the trek back to her car. She blew out a long breath as her SUV came into her view. Once she was inside, she took another long sip from her water bottle before putting the now empty bottle into the center console.

When she finally pulled onto their quiet street after a short drive and a stop at Starbucks, she smiled when she pulled into their driveway. She pulled her SUV into the driveway beside Finn's truck and cut the engine. She grabbed what she had bought as a Saturday morning treat and headed for the front door to find her family.

The giggles assaulted her ears the moment she stepped into the modest house that her and Finn had bought three years ago. A smile covered her face as she threw down her keys onto the table they kept beside the door before she jogged up the small set of stairs to follow the happy giggles that were so familiar to her. Rachel rounded the top of the stairs and smiled when she caught sight of what was making such happy sounds.

"What in the world is going on in here?" Rachel smiled as she put down the tray of coffee and small bag of treats on the nearest table. In the middle of her living room was a ball pit, and all three of her boys were inside, covered in the small coloured balls that came with it. She took the few steps to cross the living room quickly, just in time to catch the toddler who jumped up at the sight of her.

"Mama!" 2 year old Grayson squealed as he jumped up, a few coloured balls went flying as he raised his arms to her. "Balls!"  
Rachel leaned down and scooped him up, smothering his little face with kisses as he laughed. Grayson placed both of his chubby hands on her cheeks to push her away.

"Stop!" he squealed as he squirmed in her arms. "Saw turn!"

Rachel laughed before placing one last kiss on his chubby cheek and placing him back down in the ball pit. Grayson immediately grabbed for a ball and picked it up, before throwing it up in the air and giggling madly as it fell back down, narrowly missing Finn's head.

"And where is Saw?" she raised an eyebrow as she looked at Grayson. He giggled once more before flopping back in the balls just as they began to cover him.

"Meeeeeeeee!" she turned her attention to where Finn was sitting in the pit to find Sawyer, or Saw as Grayson called him, nearly buried in the malls that had collected beside Finn. "Mama!" Rachel reached down and scooped the 1 year old up, repeating the same smothering she had just given Grayson. Only Sawyer didn't ask her to stop. He curled his body into hers and rested his head of curly brown hair on her shoulder before he stuck his fingers in his mouth.

"You tired baby?" she whispered as she pushed his hair out of his face. He shook his head as he brushed his face against the fabric of her t-shirt. Rachel chuckled as Finn stood up from the ball pit, much to Grayson's chagrin.

"No Daddy!" he pouted. "Balls."

"Can't Daddy take a break monkey-man?" Finn smiled. "I haven't even got to say hi to Mommy yet," he laughed.

Grayson pouted, but trained his dark brown coloured eyes on his parents and brother. "Saw?"

"I think Sawyer needs a break too," Rachel sighed. "Besides, Mommy brought home a treat for her special guys, why don't you come to the kitchen and see what it is..."

Both Finn and Rachel watched as Grayson and Sawyer's eyes lit up before Grayson took off for the kitchen after he stumbled out of the ball pit. They both laughed before Rachel passed Sawyer to Finn so she could grab the Starbucks from the table and followed her boys into the kitchen.

She stood back for a moment as she watched Finn help Grayson into his booster seat at the table with Sawyer on his hip. She bit her lip as she watched him buckle Grayson expertly while handling Sawyer securely before putting him in his own high chair. He turned around in time to find her starring at him, and his heart melting smile caused her to blush a little bit. Finn chuckled as he pushed Grayson's chair into the table a little more.

Finn crossed his arms over his chest as he looked at her, the grin still in place.  
"We're waiting Mommy," he winked. "Where are our treats?"

Sawyer took that moment to slam his hands against the tray of his high chair. Rachel laughed and placed what she had in her hands on the table.

"Look what I brought!" she smiled as she pulled out a bagel, toasted with cream cheese.

"Bagul!" Grayson cheered as he clapped his hands. Sawyer grinned as he watched Grayson, immediately imitating his big brother. Both boys loved their bagels. Rachel smiled as she broke up the bagel to give each of the boys a few pieces, making sure to make Sawyer's pieces smaller. While she worked Finn grabbed each of them a sippy cup of milk and handed them to each of them just as they dug into their bagels.

"And for Daddy," she smiled as she picked up the coffee she had gotten him. Finn smiled and leaned down to brush his lips against hers before he took the warm coffee from her.

"Hi," he whispered when he pulled away. She handed him the coffee before she reached for her own. "How was your run?"

Rachel took a sip of the liquid before she answered his question. "It was good. Just what I needed," she smiled. He nodded before both of their attention was drawn to the boys at the table.

* * *

Finn listened intently as he tidied up the living room later that evening while Rachel gave the boys a bath. As he packed the balls from the ball pit into the container they belonged in he couldn't help but smile as he listened to her melodious voice coming from down the hall as she sang to the boys. Her voice carried down the hall as she sang silly songs from the preschool disc they were listening to earlier and he grinned even wider as he heard Grayson's garbled voice specifically trying to sing along with her. He finished with the living room just as he heard Rachel telling the boys they were all done, and went to help her out. He made it back to the bathroom in time to find her lifting Sawyer out of the tub.

"Here," he smiled ."Let me help." He grabbed the dark blue hooded towel off the toilet and slipped it over Sawyer's head while Rachel held him up. She gave him a soft smile before reaching for the orange towel for Grayson as he left the room and headed for Sawyer's room.

"Daddeee," Sawyer mumbled as Finn quickly got him dressed for bed.

"Yeah bug?" H e whispered as he picked him up and held him against his chest. Sawyer curled into Finn a bit, resting his head on his shoulder. He played with the collar of Finn's shirt for a moment as Finn brushed his wet hair off his forehead. He started to mumble incoherently against Finn's shoulder. He brushed his lips against his forehead before bringing him over to his crib and placing him down inside. Sawyer immediately rolled over onto his side, curling into his blanket before sticking his thumb in his mouth as he sighed deeply. "Good night bug, Daddy loves you," Finn whispered before slowly leaving the room. He smiled softly when he met Rachel in the hallway.

"He asleep?" they both asked at the same time. Finn chuckled as he stretched his arms above his head.

"Sawyer is," he commented.

"Gray is too," she smiled before leaning up on her toes to press a kiss to his cheek before walking towards Sawyer's room to say good night.

* * *

Finn found Rachel out in the kitchen, sitting on the counter with a glass of wine in her hand. He walked over to where she was sitting on the counter and leaned back so he was resting on his elbows. Rachel lifted the wine glass to her lips as he stared at her. When she was finished taking her sip, she held the glass out to him. Finn took it from her and took a sip before handing it back to her. He pushed himself off of the counter and moved to stand in front of her. She put her glass down beside her on the counter and placed her hands on Finn's shoulders as he came to stand in between her separated legs. She ran her thumbs over his neck as his own hands came to rest on her hips while she looked at him intently.

"I love you," he whispered softly.

She smiled as her thumbs ghosted up to play with his ear lobes and she took her lip between her teeth.

"I love you too babe," she whispered back. He leaned forward and closed the gap between them, their lips meeting in a kiss that was slow to ignite and as the clock ticked by Rachel opened her mouth to allow him in and pulled him closer to her. She whimpered against his lips as Finn's hands made their way from where they had perched on her hips to underneath the pink t-shirt she was wearing. When they pulled away, Finn pulled her off the counter as she squealed in delight.

"Shhhh," he mumbled into the side of her neck as he pushed her up against the wall. "Don't wake the boys."

* * *

**II. 2023**

Rachel stepped out of the bathroom, her robe tied tightly around her waist as she continued to run a towel through her hair. She smiled when she saw Finn reclined on their bed, pajama pants clung to his hips and a white t-shirt covering his torso. She watched him for a moment as he poked at the screen of his iPad, a crease appearing in his forehead for a moment before a smile graced his face. Sometimes she had to pinch herself that things had turned out this way. It had taken a dark period and the worst pain imaginable to bring them here. In the end there was light at the end of the tunnel and that light came in the form of her boys. All three of them.

She hung the towel on the doorknob as she left her post in the doorway, walked over to the bed and crawled in. She didn't hesitate to curl up against Finn, just as his arm moved to pull her closer into his side.

"What are you doing?" she whispered as she leaned over to press a kiss to his cheek. He turned into her and caught her lips in his for a brief moment.

"Oh, nothing. Just checking email," he smiled as he turned the iPad off and placed it on the bedside table. He turned his attention to her as he laid on his side. She turned on her side as well and he reached over and push her hair away from her face. "How was work?"

She yawned and moved to cover her mouth with the back of her hand. He chuckled as he pulled her closer. "That exciting, huh?"

"You don't know the half of it," she laughed tiredly. "What did you and the boys get up to today?" she yawned once more as she snuggled into his chest.

"Well, we were going to go to the park...but then it started raining," Finn chuckled. "Oh, and once it stopped ...we went out to the backyard to let off some steam and Grayson decided he was going to attempt to jump off the top of the swing set. And Sawyer was going to 'catch him'," Finn sighed. "Luckily I got out there with the juice boxes just in time to convince him Saw wasn't his own personal gym mat." Rachel gasped as she tried to hide her smile. Grayson sure kept them on their toes. At only four years old he was as rambunctious as ever and regularly scared both Rachel and Finn.

"What did you do?"

Finn gave her a look. "What do you think I did? I hauled him off the swing set and set him on the porch to give him a talking to before I sent him to time out," he paused to gather his thoughts for a moment.

Rachel gave him a quizzical look as she watched him swallow. "Finn?"

He gave her a weak smile. "Sorry, just...remembering how he looked for a second. I was about to give him a speech about safety and how Sawyer is you know, his little brother, but as he was looking at me with those big brown eyes and rubbing the back of his neck he reminded me..." the words stalled in his mouth for a moment as he raised his hand to rub his nose for a moment. "He reminded me so much of Savannah, Rach," he finished.

She bit her lip as she brought her hand up to touch his cheek, using her thumb to run across the stubble on his cheek. She leaned her forehead into his just then, needing the closeness that it allowed them. She brushed her nose against his as a silence enveloped them. Both of them closed their eyes for a moment as memories invaded both of their minds.

Every time either of them, or any of them really brought up Savannah's name it was as if time stood still. Each time her name was uttered, memories and images of could have and should have been flashed before their very eyes. Every time a milestone passed, or one of the boys did something cute she was remembered. Both of them were confident that Savannah would have loved and adored her little brothers to bits. But Rachel couldn't help but wonder sometimes, that if Savannah had overcome her debilitating illness, if life would have unfolded the same way.

Seven years later and both Rachel and Finn were still quite often plagued with what if.

Which is why they created a small foundation to give back, and support families that were facing the same darkness that had pulled them in. The Jellybean Foundation provided resources and care packages for families and patients dealing with childhood cancers. Through small fundraisers they raised money for research and donated it back to the cancer association in Savannah's name. It didn't mean it was easy, to see families thriving and succeeded thanks to advances or different diagnosis. But from Rachel's perspective, it made her feel good to be doing more than just helping on a nursing level. Both of them felt it was what Savannah would have wanted.

"Do you think she's proud?" Finn murmured as he moved his head to lull towards her shoulder, lingering enough to press a kiss to her neck before he rested his head on her shoulder. Rachel wrapped her arms around Finn's back tighter, using her hands to span across the tense shoulder muscles she found there. She ran her thumb along the soft cotton of his t-shirt as she took a deep breath and tried to form the perfect response. Finn spoke up before the words could even leave her mouth. "Do you think she's proud of us?" he asked again, clarifying the original question even though it didn't need any. His own hands moved down to her hips and pulled her closer, even though it was uncomfortable for his neck. He placed a warm, open mouthed kiss at the junction where her neck met her shoulder. Her own fingers moved to his hair and gently carded through the curly ends of his hair on his neck.

"I think she's so proud," she murmured as he turned his head to look at her. "I think she looks down at us every day, when she's finished going on adventures with her Grandpa Chris and she smiles - because we're living life the way she would want us to," she whispered.

"Together," he added as he pressed a kiss to her cheek.

"Together," she repeated. Rachel twirled the longer strands of his hair around her finger. "And with two of the best little brothers she could have asked for."

He smiled. "You know, when I was stopping Grayson from using Sawyer as a human bouncy castle," he chuckled. "I had a brief thought as I was hauling him down...that the jumping off the swing set thing, would..."

"Totally be something Savannah would have tried?" she half completed, half asked.

"Right?" Finn chuckled. "I could just see her doing that...you know she used to jump off Burt and Mom's coffee table when she would dance?" he laughed as he closed his eyes at the memory. "Do you remember when she first learned to jump?"

"Sawyer jumps just like her," Rachel smiled. "Like a frog..."

Both of them chuckled as images flooded their own minds for a moment. It got quiet again for a moment before Finn spoke up again. "I miss her still. I thought it would lessen over time but it still burns every time I think about her, like it just happened yesterday." He let her go and rolled over onto his back to stare up at the ceiling. Rachel rolled with him and placed her head on his chest and grabbed his left arm, turning it over so the inside of his wrist faced the ceiling. She touched the words that were forever inked on his skin, a mirror image of her own tattoo that was featured on the top of her foot. A permanent memorial to the little girl they had loved and lost.

"I don't think we ever will," she whispered as her fingers traced the words and letters before moving up his hand to lace her fingers with his. She spent another minute tracing his tattoo before she untangled herself from him and softly padded across the room to the bookshelf they kept in the corner. She smiled as she found the bright pink baby book by memory and slowly walked back to the bed. Rachel crawled back into the bed and cuddled up next to Finn before she opened the book and the memories flooded forward.

They were half way through the book when a soft tap came at their door. Both Finn and Rachel looked at each other before Finn carefully got out of bed and padded over to the door. He opened it slowly, and smiled when he found Sawyer standing at the door, his most favourite blanket dragging beside him much like Linus from Charlie Brown.

"Hey Bug, what's wrong?" Finn knelt down more to the little boys height and reached his hand out to brush it through his messy hair.

"I had a bad dweam Daddy," he mumbled as he brought his fist up to his mouth. Finn smiled softly and picked up the little boy as he stood upright. Sawyer immediately cuddled into Finn as he stuck his thumb in his mouth. Finn brought him further into the bedroom and came to sit back on the bed. Sawyer untangled himself from Finn's arms when they were settled on the bed and crawled over to Rachel's lap.

"Hey love bug," she whispered as he settled into her own lap, his head resting on her chest. Finn moved the book from her lap. She bent her head to kiss his messy hair. "So you had a bad dream huh?"

Sawyer nodded his head against her chest. "Monsters," he mumbled.

"You dreamt about monsters?" she asked quietly. He nodded again against her chest. She looked up at Finn with a soft smile. He picked up the book and went to put it back on the shelf so it wouldn't get ruined since he assumed Sawyer was going to be spending the night with them.

"I see it Daddy?" he mumbled against Rachel's chest. He looked up at Rachel as Finn walked back towards the bed and sat back down. "Savannah book?"  
Rachel looked back at Finn as she sat up a little more and he handed her and Sawyer the baby book. Sawyer cuddled into Rachel as she opened the book once more. He was quiet as they flipped through the pages, his soft sleepy giggle telling both Finn and Rachel that the monsters that haunted his dreams were a thing of the past as they watched Savannah's life story unfold. When they came to the pictures at the end of the book that showed Savannah sick, in the hospital, Sawyer grew quiet.

At three and four years old, both Sawyer and Grayson had a simple understanding of what, or rather who Savannah was to them. They had kept the stories and information basic, age appropriate and answered the questions that came up when they did. There were memories, and pictures of her everywhere and as the boys grew old enough to understand the questions began. Both of them liked looking at the baby book, what Grayson had dubbed the 'Savannah book', and the term had just stuck.

"Mama, I sad," he whispered tiredly as he leaned into her chest even more.

"Why are you sad love bug?" she whispered as she played with his hair.

"Cause Savannah sad," he pointed to the picture on the page that was taken on Savannah's last Christmas. She knew the picture well; it had been taken at their old apartment and she was holding Savannah in her lap. It wasn't that she was particularly sad, Christmas had been a good day and time for Savannah, it was just that she was tired. But she was sure if you hadn't been there, it wouldn't be known.

"She's not sad baby," Rachel whispered as she pressed a kiss to his head. "She was just sick."

Sawyer sighed against her chest and put his thumb back in his mouth for a thoughtful minute.

"No want to be sick," he mumbled against his thumb.

Rachel clenched her eyes shut as Finn's hand touched her back comfortingly.

"You won't get sick baby, Savannah was very sick and she needed special medicine that she had to go to the hospital for," her voice trailed off. Sawyer looked up at her with his whiskey coloured eyes and stretched his face to place a sloppy kiss on her cheek.

"Love you Mommy," he whispered before leaning his head back on her chest. "Love you Daddy."

"We love you too Bug," Finn whispered as he pressed a kiss to his head before he reached for the book. Sawyer sighed as he took it from him but didn't fight it.

"I sleep here?" he questioned as he yawned.

"Of course love bug," Rachel whispered as she found her voice. Sawyer smiled tiredly before wiggling down so his head was more on Rachel's pillow and snuggling into her side when she finished adjusting herself.

Finn reached over and turned out the bedside light that they had kept on before laying down and facing Sawyer and Rachel. In the darkness, he met her eyes once his own adjusted.

She stared back at him as she pressed another kiss to Sawyer's head as he fell asleep with no monsters.

"Yeah, I'd say she's proud of us," Finn murmured as he too leaned forward to press a kiss to Sawyer's head before kissing Rachel's cheek and laying down on his own pillow.

* * *

**III.** **2024**

Rachel and Finn walked hand in hand up the pathway as they followed Grayson and Sawyer. Their hands swung in the mild August wind just like the balloons the boys held tightly in their hands as they ran.

"Careful guys," Rachel called softly as they started to get a little further from them.

Finn chuckled as he squeezed her fingers in his, while he balanced the small tray of cupcakes they had bought on the way.

"I just don't want them to trip," she murmured as she squeezed his fingers back.

They continued to walk up the familiar path, one that they often visited as a family, as well as individually. It warmed her heart as she watched the boys run ahead of them. They were at the age where they understood where they were going, what they were doing and so forth. It still caused her to catch her breath every so often, watching the boys during their visits - they just seemed to _understand_. They seemed to just _get_ what a big part of their lives Savannah was and will always continue to be.

Today was special day, a special visit. Today was what would have been Savannah's 13th birthday. What is Savannah's 13th birthday. In her mind she is eternally 4 and a half, so it was extremely hard for Rachel to reconcile, or imagine her sweet and precious little girl to be anything but that. But it isn't hard either, because all she has to do is look at Grayson and Sawyer. Grayson, at 5 years old is a whole six months older than Savannah would ever be, and sometimes when she looks at him, she imagines that Savannah might look a little bit like him with her own special flair.

"We found her first Mommy!" Sawyer exclaimed as he lifted himself on the tips of his toes as a smile spread across his entire face. Both Rachel and Finn laughed as they approached the boys. Rachel reached them first and ran her fingers through Sawyer's messy and curly brown hair as he grinned up at her.

Grayson plopped down on the grass beside her headstone and clutched the purple balloon he had carried all the way there. It was embossed with white 13's all over it, much like Sawyers. "We're here Savannah! Happy Birthday!"

Rachel had to stop for a moment as she watched Sawyer walk over to where Grayson was sitting and sat down next to him with a huff. She felt the lump form in her throat as she watched the boys for a moment, chattering with each other and talking to the headstone as if Savannah was sitting right there with them. She pressed her hand to her chest as she listened to Grayson tell Savannah all about the goal he scored in the soccer game the night before, while Sawyer tried to tell her about his swimming lessons. Each of them just talked like it was second nature, and Rachel supposed it really was. Each of them had been coming here since they were babies and talking with her from the moments they could each speak.

"Come on guys," Sawyer giggled as he waved both Rachel and Finn over. Rachel turned to look at Finn and gave him a small smile before they both crossed the few steps to join their sons.

"And guess what else Savvy?" Grayson smiled as he looked directly at Rachel and Finn before he turned to the headstone and his grin got wider.

"Mommy's having another baby!" Sawyer giggled. "I get to be a big brother Savvy!"

Finn instinctively wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer, his hand coming to rest on her still flat stomach. It was early days, she had just passed the 10 week mark and they had each been dying to tell the boys and Savannah since they had found out a week ago. And they had finally done part of that last night.

They moved closer to the boys and sat down next to them.

"Can we sing happy birthday Mommy?" Sawyer asked. "My tummy would really like to have a cuppycake," he giggled.

Finn reached over and scrubbed his hair before the four of them began to sing happy birthday. When the song was over, the boys released the balloons they were holding that were filled with messages that each of them had written to Savannah for her birthday. Afterwards, Finn passed them the cupcakes as both Grayson and Sawyer started to giggle madly. Both Finn and Rachel laughed as they watched the two of them devour the chocolate covered cake, even more so when Grayson got some of the icing on his nose.

When they were finished, Grayson jumped up and tapped Sawyer on the shoulder.

"Tag, you're it!" he laughed before he ran away in the direction of an open section of the cemetery.

"I'm always it!" Sawyer whined as he scrambled to his feet before he went off chasing Grayson.

"Don't go too far boys!" Rachel called before turning back around and facing Savannah's headstone once more. Finn wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer into him as the boys laughter filled the air around them.

He pressed a kiss to her head as he pulled her into him. She looked up at him and gave him a soft smile before she leaned over and laid her head on his shoulder.

"Hey jellybean," Finn started after another moment of quiet. He used his thumb to rub up and down Rachel's side. "You're 13 today baby girl. And somehow, that blows my mind," he paused. "That also means you've been gone for 9 years and that just doesn't seem real, still. You've had more birthdays in heaven with Grandpa Chris than you did down here and somehow that doesn't seem fair."  
Rachel swallowed hard as she leaned more into Finn. "We miss you so much baby girl. But I so hope that you're okay, that Grandpa Chris is taking care of you and that you're watching out for us," she paused as her hand dropped to her still flat stomach. "I bet you're getting so big and beautiful sweetheart..." she added whistfully.

"Just like your Mama," Finn added with a small smile.

She tried to return it, but the smile didn't quiet reach her eyes. "We miss you sweetheart. Every day. Happy birthday baby girl."

"Happy birthday Savannah. We all love you so much." His voice trailed off before he blew a kiss to the sky just as the squeals of the boys came closer and became louder until they both seemed to swarm the two of them. Grayson wrapped his arms around Rachel's neck while Sawyer launched himself at Finn. They heaved and laughed as they tried to control themselves and their breathing. Rachel gently pulled Grayson into her lap and wrapped her arms around him as she buried her face in his hair. Grayson, for his part didn't pull away like he usually did. Not for a few minutes at least. He pulled away and placed his dirty, sweaty hands on her cheeks while Rachel tried not to grimace.

"Can we play in the sprinkler when we get home Mommy?" he asked with wide eyes.

"The fire tower one?" Sawyer added.

Rachel chuckled as she pressed a kiss to Grayson's cheek before peeling his dirty hands off her own. Finn stood up and secured Sawyer on his shoulders before he lent her a hand to help her up.

"Look Mama, the balloons!" Sawyer squealed as he pointed up into the sky where the purple balloons were mere specks in the sky.

Rachel smiled and tugged on his foot before she tussled Grayson's hair. She took one moment to look up at the sky one final time while Finn began to walk back to the SUV with the boys.

"Happy Birthday Savannah. Love you sweetheart," she whispered as she blew a kiss to the sky before she followed her boys back to the car.

* * *

Finn was exhausted by the time he pulled his truck into the driveway. He'd worked 72 grueling hours down at the station, and to be honest it was one of the worst three days in his entire career. There had been small fire after small fire, culminating with a 4 car accident just out on the highway that resulted in two cars going up in flames. He had never wanted to get home to his family faster than when he heard the screams of the mother who had been in one of the cars. And that had only happened earlier today. So when he dragged his tired and achy body up the small porch and into the house he was more than a little relieved to finally be home. He was immediately enveloped in silence, which was odd, because it was a Saturday and Rachel should have been home with the boys all day today. She usually texted him or called the station to let him know when there was a change of plans. He sighed as he dropped his keys on the door side table before taking a deep breath and dragging his tired legs up another set of stairs. If the house was going to be quiet, well he was going to take a nice long shower to wash off the entire shift.

He walked through to the kitchen to grab a glass of water before he headed for a shower. But the first thing he noticed when he walked into the kitchen was that the drapes that were covering the sliding door were moving slightly in the breeze of the late August afternoon. He let the glass of water go and went to investigate the door. Both him and Rachel were quite obsessive about making sure every door and window was locked when they left the house - so the fact that the sliding door was open caused him to worry. Until he stepped out on the small deck.

"SURPRISE!" Finn nearly jumped out of his skin when he came to stand next to the railing as Grayson and Sawyer scrambled to run up the stairs to get to him. In front of him on the back lawn was their entire family, their friends and anyone from the fire department that could make it.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!" Grayson screeched as he threw himself at Finn. He bent quickly enough to catch the little boy.

Finn chuckled as he lifted both him and Sawyer up once he got up there and went to walk down the stairs. He smiled when he met Rachel at the bottom of the stairs. Both of the boys wiggled down and ran off to play with a few of the kids that were in attendance, happily giggling as they ran away. Rachel grinned as Finn wrapped his arms around her waist and placed a soft kiss on her lips.

"Surprised?" she smiled against his lips when she pulled away.

He nodded before leaning down to place another kiss on her lips. "I am," he chuckled against her lips. "And really in need of a shower..."

Rachel chuckled before she patted his chest. "Go say hi to everyone and then go change, we've got lots of food to eat..." She stood on her tiptoes to press another kiss to his cheek. "And I got a surprise for you later too..."

He groaned when she let him go, before following her towards the crowd of people in the backyard.

* * *

Once he had showered and changed his clothes into something a little more '30th surprise birthday party' acceptable, he returned to the backyard where everyone that meant something to him were gathered. He stood on the small deck and leaned on the railing for a moment, watching the group for a few minutes before he was noticed. He smiled as he watched Grayson and Sawyer running around the backyard with some other children of friends and coworkers. He chuckled to himself as he watched Grayson tackle Sawyer before his attention was drawn to Rachel. Her infectious laugh rang through the yard and above the noises that were being made by the gathered group. He watched her throw her head back and laugh at something Santana said, all the while resting her hand on her invisible bump. A swell of pride ran through him as he watched her for a moment, falling more in love with her as the minutes ticked by.

"Hey Finny D, you going to join us down here or what?" He snapped out of his daze to meet the eyes of his best friend Puck across the way. He chuckled as he brushed his fingers through his hair before jogging down the stairs to immerse himself in the group of people.

Dinner was all of his favourites, steak and baked potatoes with corn on the cob. He pulled at the beer that Rachel had thrust into his hand when he joined the group as he sat at the table with his family.

"Buddy, you're going to make a mess," he laughed as he looked at Sawyer who was picking at his potato with his fingers. "Use your fork."

"But Daddy," he whined. "I don't wanna," he pouted.

"Sawyer Gabriel," Finn chuckled. "Use your fork or no cake. There is cake right Rach?"

Rachel covered her own face with her hand as she looked at Finn. "Of course there's cake, Finn," she laughed.

"We made it Daddy. It's choooooocolate," Grayson giggled from where he was sitting beside his Uncle Blaine. "I licked the spoon."

The whole party laughed at the announcement as Grayson went back to his food with a giggle himself.

Halfway through the meal, Puck stood up with his own beer in his hand.

"So, I can't let Huddy's big 3-0 go by without making a speech. Mainly because I'm told that birthday beats are now a thing of the past..." He sighed as he directed his look to his own wife, Shannon who shook her head.

The crowd chuckled.

"Daddy what are birthday beats?" Grayson asked. "Are they like those yucky vegetables Mommy makes?"

Rachel reached forward and pulled Grayson back into her arms as she hid her laugh in his hair.

Puck chuckled as he tried to keep his beer up in the air. "Something like that buddy. Anyway, Finn. 30 is a big milestone."

"It's old," Sawyer commented."Daddy's older than Mommy."

"Guys, you're killing me," Puck laughed as both boys grinned at him.

"Sorry Uncle Noah," they giggled in unison.

"30 is old. And when you've been friends as long as Finn and I have, 30 is the age we thought we would always be friends until. And we have. But it doesn't end here...of course. We've made it. We've made it through thick and thin and I have to say Finn I've learned the most in the last 25 years from you - most importantly you've taught me what it means to be a father." he paused as he looked directly at Finn and then at Rachel. "I've learned a lot from you, like how to drive standard and change oil and even more importantly about how to be a man. But what you've taught me most about is what it means to be a father, what it means to be there and be present even when things were getting tough and heartbreaking," he paused thoughtfully for a moment as he clenched his hands around his beer, almost as if he was remembering what it was like to be an outsider during that time. Finn reached over across the table and took Rachel's hand in his to run his thumb across her knuckles "I can only hope that I am half the father to Emma and baby Daniel as you were and are to Savannah, Grayson and Sawyer and your newest little guy or girl," he paused as he raised his beer. "So I guess I just have to say thank you, Finn, for making me the man that I was supposed to be instead of the man I was destined to be. You taught me a lot brother. Love you man," he raised his beer again before he took a swig. "Happy birthday brother!"

* * *

**Four Months Later... **

Rachel opened her eyes as she heard the quiet, or not so quiet whispers coming from beyond her bedroom door. She hoisted herself up and propped a pillow behind her achy back as she waited for the inevitable reveal. She smiled when she heard them mumbling about who would get to open the door and tried not to laugh out loud as an argument broke out, until she heard Finn's voice tell them he would open it. She didn't have to wait much longer before the door busted open a minute later and the smiling faces of all of her boys came into view.

"Happy birthday Mommy!" Grayson exclaimed as he launched towards the bed, holding a small bouquet of roses. A less enthusiastic Sawyer followed behind him, holding a card and a small wrapped present.

"What's the matter love bug?" she asked as both boys clamoured to sit on the bed with her.

"You were supposed to be sleepin'," he sighed as he cuddled up next to her.

"Oh I'm sorry," she smiled as she placed a kiss on his messy hair. "I can pretend," she laid her head back against the headboard and closed her eyes.

"No!" he giggled when she started to snore loudly and exaggeratedly. He squealed when she sat up more. "We made breakfast anyways and you can't eat it if you're sleepin'," he giggled. "Show her Daddy!"

Finn stepped forward and placed the tray in her lap, being mindful of her bump when he did so. He leaned forward when he was finished and pressed a kiss to her lips. "Happy birthday baby."

"Daddy, the baby isn't born yet," Grayson sighed. "We have to have Christmas first."

Finn just chuckled before he leaned forward once more and pressed another kiss to her lips before pulling away and slipping into the empty space on the bed beside her.

"Well, this looks delicious," Rachel smiled as she looked at tray in front of her. They had made her toast, cut up fruit, yogurt with granola and a glass of orange juice.

"I poured the orange juice Mommy," Grayson told her proudly.

"I put the granola on the yogurt," Sawyer smiled.

"It's wonderful," she complimented. "Thanks guys."

Finn reached over and plucked a piece of orange out of the bowl. "Don't you want to know what I did?" he winked.

She chuckled as she turned her face up to his and placed her hands on her stomach. "You did this," she laughed quietly so only he could hear.

He chuckled back in response and bent his head to kiss her one more time. "I love you."

"Love you too."

"The baby's going to be another boy. Like me and Saw," Grayson said nonchalantly as he munched on a piece of toast.

Rachel and Finn, like the previous two pregnancies, had made a conscious effort not to find out the sex of the baby they were expecting in late February.

"What makes you say that monkey-man?" Rachel asked as Finn moved the tray from her lap once all the food was gone.

Grayson cuddled up to Rachel's other side and placed his palm on Rachel's stomach, giggling as the baby kicked heartily at his hand. He rested his head on her chest before he looked up at Rachel.

"Savannah told me," he said simply.

Both Finn and Rachel looked at each other as the air in the room seemed to get thicker as the minutes ticked.

Rachel swallowed hard as she pushed Grayson's hair out of his eyes as she looked down at him. "Savannah's gone Grayson," she whispered, her voice thick. She felt Finn put his hand on her shoulder and squeeze.

"I know Mommy," he sighed. "She's in heaven with the angels and Grandpa Chris," he smiled. "But I talk to her sometimes at bedtime. And she told me the baby in Mommy's belly is another brother."

Rachel's lip wavered as she pressed a kiss to his head as Finn's hand squeezed her shoulder as he leaned over and pressed a kiss to her head as well. "Me tooooooo?" Saw smiled as he climbed over Rachel's legs and plopped in Finn's lap.

"Of course you too bug," Finn smiled as he pressed a kiss to his head.

* * *

Rachel let out a slow breath as Finn pulled the SUV into the visitor parking lot of the hospital. Being here, on this side of things, never ceased to flood not only Rachel but Finn as well with memories. Sure, she visited this hospital many times a week as a employee, and she had given birth to both Grayson and Sawyer here and just in a few short weeks they'd be welcoming their new baby here...but this time of year, foundation related visits always bring back the starkest of memories for both of them. Each time they walked up to the cancer ward, with gifts and smiles Rachel could physically feel her heart breaking in her chest and today and this visit was no different.

"Ready?" Finn asked softly as his hand came to rest on her knee.

She turned to look at him and offered a small smile as she placed her hand on top of his.

"Of course," she smiled.

"Let's go give the blankets Daddy!" Grayson squealed from the backseat. "I want to pick who to give the Star Wars one to!"

Rachel smiled once more at Finn before she reached for the handle and moved to get out of the car.

But once they reached the floor, it was Finn's turn to hesitate before they got off the elevator. His hands felt clammy as he held the large Rubbermaid container that they had packed all of the blankets and gifts they were bringing up with them last night. Every time he made this trek, every time the elevator dinged for them to get off on this floor his heart simultaneously always sank and sped up at the same time. Memories flashed before his eyes as the doors opened and Rachel herded the boys off the elevator, Memories of the first days and the last days all blended together and he immediately felt his breath catch in his throat. Years later and it still flooded his mind. Years later and it still felt like it was yesterday.

"Daddy, are you coming?" Sawyer turned around from where he was holding Rachel's hand a few feet in front of him.

Finn blinked his eyes and shook his head a little bit before he readjusted his grip on the container and looked at Sawyer.

"Yeah. Sorry bug, here we go..." Finn took a few steps forward and joined the three of them.

They spent the afternoon going from room to room, delivering the care packages that volunteers (mainly their family and friends) for the Jellybean Foundation had put together care packages for each of the patients and their families. Each package came with a blanket, because throughout their journey with Savannah both Rachel and Finn had recognized how important, how comforting it was for Savannah to have the blanket that Finn had made for her. So that had become the corner stone of their care packages. A long with other necessities and special trinkets that were deemed important.

But it wasn't until they reached the last room, the room that had been Savannah's room for the very end of her cancer journey, that their emotions really got the best of them. The boys seemed to sense, as they did every time, that the room they were coming to was important in the story of their family. And this year, this holiday, the room housed a little girl that was the same age as Savannah was when she passed away. Neither Finn or Rachel missed the significance of this moment. Rachel placed her hand on both of the boys heads before they knocked on the door to deliver the package.

"What's wrong Mommy?" Grayson asked as he looked up at her. "I want to give the last one so we can go home and have hot chocolate! You said!"

Rachel gave him a soft smile. "And we will. Mommy just needs a minute."

"Is the baby kicking? I want to feel!" Sawyer perked up as he skipped over to where she was standing and immediately put his little hands on her belly.

She chuckled as both the boys moved their hands around her belly. The tears rose in her eyes as she looked over at Finn, who was holding the bin that had just the one last gift they had to give.

"Last one," he whispered. "Alright, who's going to knock?"

Both the boys dropped their hands from Rachel's belly and skipped over to the door.

"Come on guys," Grayson smiled.

"Let's go," Rachel smiled as she walked towards them. She held out her hand to Finn. "Coming?"

"Of course," he smiled as he followed her to the door.

* * *

Later that evening, long after they had arrived home and had the hot chocolate "with lots of marshmallows" as Grayson had insisted, Rachel sat out in the living room with her feet resting on the ottoman in front of her and her own cup of tea in her hands. The lights were off and the room was quiet. She could hear the dulcimer sounds of Finn reading the boys a bedtime story, complete with funny voices for all of the characters. The tired giggles of the boys were like a balm to her achy heart. But it was also the imagine in front of her, the art work on the wall that has gotten her attention. On the wall in front of her was a display of all the important moments in their family's story. Clocks and baby pictures depicted the moments that defined the three most important days of their lives, with Savannah's clock also including the time she passed away in a neat silver line. As she stared at the baby pictures of all three of her children, a lump formed in her throat as she lifted the mug of warm tea to her lips. She'd spent a lot of time studying the pictures, searching for similarities that tied them altogether other than their last names. And the resemblances were easy to spot. Grayson and Savannah shared the same coloured eyes, while Sawyer also shared the same curly hair and the prominent nose as his big sister.

Finn walked into the living room just then, quietly walking over to the couch from where he had been standing in the doorway.

"You okay?" he whispered as he sat down beside her. She turned to look at him and gave him a quiet nod before he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. She leaned her head on his shoulder as he moved to press a kiss to her cheek.

"Just you know...another one of those days," she sighed. "Where I wish that she was here with us."

"Me too baby," he whispered."But she's watching over us, you know...giving us the thumbs up even when the going seems rough," he paused as she turned her head up to look at him. He reached over and pushed her hair back from her face. "She's proud of us baby. So proud. And she really is the reason I get to have you guys. All four of you." He grinned as he pressed his hand on her stomach. "But I do get it. I wish she was here too, every day. But I'm thankful for everything loving her and losing her taught me too. Because I feel like because we experienced that, we're better parents for it. We're better people for it. But it doesn't mean we forget or miss her any less. I'll never stop missing her."  
Rachel's lip trembled as she continued to look up at him before his lips descended and pressed a kiss to her lips. "I'm so glad I have you," she whispered when they pulled away briefly. "I love you so much."

He smiled into her lips before he brought her towards him once more. "I love you too. So much."

* * *

**THE END. **


End file.
